Heart’s Desire – Finding Strength and Direction from God

[IndieBlue]

Thank you everyone for your prayers! I mentioned to him that I was going to go and sit in on the meeting anyway...that I wanted to atleast do that since I'd signed up for it. He said "Well, I'm not letting you go alone!" so we'll see

Paulina: God does love you. While I've not had any failed cycles (yet) I do know a lot about patience and not getting the answer you'd hoped for. When we were going through our adoption, we'd get our heart set on a child or sibling set and something wouldn't work out....it was heartbreaking. I just kept saying, well I guess God doesn't want us to adopt. There were road blocks everywhere we turned...more like a corral technique used by God I think...LOL He would round us up and there would only be one way out, HIS WAY! So while I know your heart must be breaking, stand firm in that he wants his children to be HAPPY! He wants to bless us, and he wants you to be a Godly mother who will raise her children for him. What he's taking you through right now is just making you ready for the promise he has for you. Just keep praying for his will, and pray for his peace. Keep posting here too....these ladies are GREAT and uplifting when you're feeling down.

Sonu: May I ask why you are in Bahrain? Do you live there or is your husband stationed there? It's nice to have someone from so far away....I had no idea

Mia: I'm praying for your ET, and for your pain and cramping to subside. I know how scary that must be...so close to ER and ET. I'll pray it's just your body, preparing for your babies and that it quickly vanishes and is replaced by feelings of a BFP!

Kildean23: Prayers for a wonderful ET on Tuesday...and a BFP during your 2ww. I'm so excited for those of you that are going through ET this week....YAY!

Hope: YAY for AF....LOL When I told the nurse the other day that my cycles ran anywhere from 26 days to 33 she said "WOW"....I didn't think I was that abnormal....but then she's young so she's probably still like clockwork LOL So what is your next step?

Nicaliw: 2 months will fly by....really it will Just keep busy! And my youngest has a birthday in December....it's not too bad. We're low key birthday's around here though, and usually have a combined birthday for them all in the summer (pool party...etc) then on his 'real' birthday we go out to eat, have a cake at home and give them a small 'extra' gift . I know that you'll be excited for a BFP, no matter when the baby is born!

Now where is everyone else? Weezie, Princess? And Chelly, Angela and Cathann....updates ladies Did I miss anyone else....???

Well, I'm Praying for you all on this most glorious day. We are God's children and he wants his children to be happy. He loves us for who we are, so just delight in being exactly that! He has brought us together to bring praises to him, and to uplift each other during these trying times. We all share a common goal and have a bond that spans over states and even another country....what a wonderful gift he has given us so that we could find each other and share our journeys.

Lord, please lift these ladies up during these trying times. Keep our hearts and minds open for your blessings. Show us your love and guidance as we all take various steps to becoming parents. Lead us in the right direction and keep us on the right path. Let these journey's bring you glory, let our lives be a witness to those who are lost, and let our bodies be strong during these cycles. Amen

[chriss]

Hello everyone.

Mia, thinking of you today. Hoping that you feel better. Best wishes.
Look forward to hearing from you later today.

Indie, it's a good sign that Dh wants to go with you. Keep moving forward.

Welcome Paulina, keep thinking positively. We are here to support you.

Kildean, thinking of you for Tuesday. You are almost there.

Hi Hope.

Hello sonu. Hope you are well.

We decided to go with IUI this cycle rather than IVF due to not having many follicles this time around. (Want to save IVF money for better follicle response since we've already had 3 ivf's) So we went in today and had the iui procedure. We will be going back tomorrow for double insemination. Re does it that way when sperm count is low. We were disappointed at just how low it was today, the lowest it's ever been. I asked RE if it's worked with such low count before and she said that yes, she's seen it work before. It's a challenge for me to keep positive today. I am really calling on the strength of God to help me to keep my head straight. I am putting my faith in God and I know that when the time is right, He will make it happen. Thinking of you all today. Thanks for being here. Sorry my personals were kinda short today. I want to get on the couch. My love to you. -chriss

[waitingforMia]

Hello Sisters!!!! Thank you for all your prayers today. i was blessed to be able to go to church before the ET today and the message was on having a kingdom focus, and it really pumped me up

There were three embies already at the blast stage, and dh and I chose to transfer 2, though the RE was kinda pressuring me to do three (howevere later he said I made a good choice. Anyway, I wanted to make sure I could carry healthy babies, plus I have back problems... not to mention my vision of b/g twins . So I had two blasts transferred.

I had really bad cramping as soon as I laid down at home. Now there are just random twinges. The RE said I prob had a bit og OHSS and that was the pain and peeing a lot. He said when it is severe then you dont pee. So no bladder infection, PTL (and thanks for your prayers). Dh prayed with me this morning and prayed that God's will be done over our will. SO I am peaceful that we have done our part and it is now in His hands!

Just a quick note to Paulina: You are not alone. I am sure evry woman on this board has gone through a period of grieving and thinking God does not love us. But HE does, b/c His Word is true. 8 years has been a long time to wait for the blessing of children. But at the end oft the day I have to realize that my purpose in life might not be to be a mother, God in His infinite wisdom might have other plans. But that will not take away the fact that He love me enough to send His son to die for my sins. God knows pain. He knows suffering and I take comfort in that. We are here for you, and it is ok to grieve for awhile.

Everyone else I will be back on tomorrow to respond individually. I woke up at 5 this mornign (dang bladder) and used that opportunity to pray for each of you by name. What a blessing you all are to me!

MP

[chriss]

Welcome back sweetie. Thanks for the personalized prayers. You amaze me with your strength. Thank you. -chriss

[Hope644]

Real quick post tonight...

I've been thinking of you all and praying for you daily!

Mia/MP - congratulations on the embies being home, safe and sound! They're completely in God's hands now.

Kildean - just two more days until your little ones are home too!! Glad to hear they are all still growing well!

Chriss - sounds like the IUI is the best thing. Keep the faith, God is a miracle worker, he doesn't need a gazillion sperm to do his business, he only needs one! (And in the case of our Lord and Savior, He didn't even need that! - What an amazing God we have!!!)

Indie - I'm glad you're still going to go to the meeting. It certainly doesn't commit you guys to anything... plus, it may very well be a tool God uses in His plan. Did you talk to DH about his mixed messages? I know my DH sometimes doesn't even realize when he does that... glad to see your PMA up! Thank you for your beautiful prayer!!

Sonu - thank you for your prayers... Hope you are doing well, sweetie!

Paulina - (lovely name!) I know this process (and life in general) can be tough. I've been through two failed cycles myself. It is devistating to want something so badly and have it not come to be. But we do not have disappointment in life because of a lack of love from God... though we might not feel like that is the case. God is always there and He wants to show us love, but we are not always in a place to receive it. He longs to be near us and to have us long for Him so that he can show us His love more abundantly. God loves us so much that instead of keeping His ONLY Son with Him in Heaven, He sent His Son as a sacrificial Lamb to save each of us. I know that I love Him, and I love His children (my brothers and sisters) but I don't know that I personally could give up the only Son I had to suffer so horribly the way that Jesus did. That kind of love is amazing. While He may not give us every want in our lives immediately, until after many years of suffering, or ever - He knows our past, our present and most importantly, He has planned our future, and He has planned a good future for those He calls His own. Trust in Him. I pray that He will draw you near to Him and bring you peace and comfort in these trying times and help you to see His undying love that He feels especially for you.

Nic - It does feel good to have a date, doesn't it!!?? April will be here before we know it!

I guess I didn't give much of an update the other day when I said AF had arrived, I think a few asked "what's next?" - Well, first of all, AF isn't usually this irregular, it was only this way because of the miscarriage & D&C. AF is expected (i guess) btw 4-6 wks after D&C, well, mine came exactly 8 weeks after.

So, now, my next step is BCPs for 3 weeks, near the end of which I'll begin Lupron and get ready to start stimming the next week. If things go as they have in the last 2 rounds, I will be doing ER/ET the week of March 10. I'm looking forward to getting going again, but still a bit cautious. I know that I have my Lord to lean on and He will get me through whatever comes my way - He will never give me more than I can handle (with Him helping me through!!)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! - Phil 4:13

[Hope644]

double post...

[Hope644]

ok, triple post ... got a little trigger happy!

[paulina]

Hi sisters,

thank thank you very much. this morning im little bit okay. yesterday my bro just had twins boy and girl. he lost his 13 day son 1,5 years ago. it was such a great miracle since we don't have 'twins root, no fertility treatment and DR already told that both of them girls. when dr told one was a boy, my brother down on his knee, cried and thanked to God. Everyone there thanked for God. And suddenly my happiness changed, i felt lonely. I saw many miracles but i haven't got one. then came my feeling He didn't love me. also back to reality my brother is a religious person and i am not that religious. I never finish bible and lately i skip monday service a lot.

thank you for welcoming here. i am very happy that i know i have many friends to talk anytime. right now, i don't have any plan about what to do in future. I just want to ease my pain, as MP said may be the purpose in my life might not to be a mother, i just want to be able to accept it.

Good luck to all of you. Talk to you soon. Sorry my mother language is not English, hope you understand

[waitingforMia]

Good Morning Sisters!

Still bedrest for me, though the embies are getting hungry (ha!) and I need to feed them, so I will have to get my lazy butt up and fix something!!

Wow we have an international thread now Love it!!

I will be on later but stomach is growling and i need to take my meds. Hope everyone has a splended day!!! Thanks again for all of your support!!!

MP

[IndieBlue]

Good afternoon ladies I just wanted to drop in and let you all know that I'm still praying for you and your journey's to becoming parents. I spoke to the research coordinator again this morning and she said that the study pays for 1 FET as well, if the 1st ET isn't a positive...how AWESOME is that!!! She said that during the meeting next week I can pick my doctor, then that doctor and nurse will set up a time for me and my husband to come back and get the ball rolling. She said that I may not be pushed off till March since my AF should start on the 20th....won't that be GREAT!!

Praying for a positive outcome! She also said that I'm completely qualified for the trial, the only thing that would keep me from participating is if any of my diagnostic testing should come back way out of range....which I'm praying won't happen

YAY! Here is to a Feb/March cycle.

[nicaliw]

Thats great news Indie!!!! Are they paying for your work-up and all your meds too??? If they do, thats amazing!!!

[Edel]

Hi girls

Its great to see a thread like this it has really helped. Ive had one failed IVF (chemical pregnancy) so far which broke my heart and i have a FET next month. I get so upset and scared all the time but i pray to God to help me through those bad days, today being one of them. Although one this is for sure I'll never loose my faith as its so important to me. My mum has been my angel through this and she gave me this prayer to help me so i thought id pass it on to you girls.

Footprints:
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was
walking along the beach with the LORD. Across
the sky flashed scenes of his life. For each scene,
he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one
belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
He looked back at the footprints in the sand. He
noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints. He also
noticed that it happened at the very lowest and
saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the
LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I
decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the
way. But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life, there is only one set
of footprints; I don't understand why when I
needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you. During
your times of trial and suffering, when you see
only one set of footprints, it was then that I
carried you."

I cried when i read this poem as I felt so alone but now i know that God and the angels are with me always no matter what.

There is also a Palsm in the Bible which holds wonderful comfort, its Palsm 91 titled 'God is our Protector'. After you read it you will feel such a sense of love and protection, i know God will never let anything bad happen to me and for all this struggle to have a family he does have a plan for me. I do feel such a sense of weakness and helplessness sometimes but I do try to surrender and release my worries to God as its in his hands now.

God bless all you girls and you are all in my prayers.

Lv Edel

[IndieBlue]

Nicaliw: My insurance should cover diagnostics but the rep from the office said that this study pays for that so I'm probably not even going to deal with my insurance over it. My RX plan will pay for the scripts, but she was unsure on how that would work. Since the study already gets them at a 'discounted' price and most of the participants are asked to pay 2,000-2,500 for meds. That doesn't seem like such a 'discount' to me....as most RE's offices I've contacted have given me a cost of between 2-3,000 for meds. I'm praying that she'll let my insurance/RX plan file the meds for me....co-pays would be a lot less than that 2,000. But the study is 3,500 and then adding even 2,000 in meds would still be almost 10,000 less than what our local RE charges for one fresh and one frozen cycle. I did a cost breakdown, including mileage/gas/vehicle upkeep for all those miles and even added in a hotel stay for the week that they monitor you daily and it still was TONS less....so I'm praying it all works out.

Edel: Thanks for listing that wonderful poem, I've heard it before but isn't it always such a wonderful sentiment.

Mia: Did you feed your embies Are you feeling better? Why was the doctor pressuring you to transfer all 3? The RE's office that I'll be going to transfers on day 3....so I'm thinking I might go with 3 if I have that many. If they go ahead and wait till a 5 day I might bump that down to 2. Is that bad?

Kildean: Where is your update....did everything go well? I'm praying for you!

Chriss: When do you go back for testing? Is it still a 2ww with IUI? Praying for your little guys to make contact

[cathann]

Hi ladies! I hope everyone is doing well. I've been reading, but not posting because I didn't have anything to report. Well, I had my suppression check this morning. The LPN said that everything looked great and as long as the bloodwork comes back "in line" with what she saw, then we have a green light to start Lupron on Thursday and stims on Sunday!

We are very excited to finally be on our way. Hopefully everything will continue to go well.

Prayers for you all!!!
Cathann

[nicaliw]

Indie....sounds great. Even if your insurance doesn't cover the meds completely, still a fantastic deal. I'll be praying everything continues to unfold just a good as it has so far.

cathann, thats great news too! Another one on the way towards a BFP hoepfully.

MP, how you feeling? When is your test date?

I had an ultrasound to check my lining this morning. Apparently it looked good. The strip was thin and no sign of anything left behind from the miscarriage, so all looks good for our planned FET in April. Thank God.