Christy - When I see a pregnant lady or someone with little kids, I always try to think "well, maybe they also went through hell to have those kids". Somehow, it's so much easier for me when I know people had trouble having their babies. I'm so happy for my friends who are expecting after fertilty struggles but it's so much harder to be happy for those who got pregnant as soon as they started trying and have easy pregnancies and healthy babies. I'm also super jealous of those who are so naive about how hard this can be. I have a friend who also suffers from hyperemesis (while pregnant, I puke 10-20 times a day, can barely keep even plain water down and need IV fluids and meds -- from about 6weeks until the day I deliver) --- and as much as she bitches about the puking (which I totally udnerstand! It sucks ass!), I know she got pregnant by accident a few months before they were planning on trying (so the timing wasn't bad for the 'oops'). UGH. Now she is in the hospital - I just got a text that her water broke (she has been bitching for the last 10 days since her due date). I'm glad her baby is healthy and coming so soon (so her misery can end), but I suffer JUST as much while pregnnat PLUS all the other shit we've been through....
Sonya - I hope so. I just also know that there are people who have to give up the fight and never have kids. I just hope that we can bring home our baby before we run out of energy to keep trying. I also just wish I knew when it would happen. If someone could tell me that I will have a baby on a certain date, I could relax. But there is so much effort that has to go into trying without any promises of success...
AFM - feeling down today. I took a HPT for some ridiculous reason and of course it was negative.
I'm just so depressed that even if we get pregnant from the first FET and the pregnancy goes smoothly, it'lll be at least a year until we have that baby to hold again. I want my baby NOW. I just feel like screaming and yelling....
My MIL went to IKEA today to return the cribs we had bought for the boys. Usually, I don't want to buy big things until the baby is born, but IKEA was having a sale, so I bought 2 little blue cribs when I was 23w4d pregnant... just 2 weeks later, the boys had been born and died. I'm holding onto the clothes and other little things I had bought or inherited, but keeping 2 cribs (especially blue ones!) seemed ridiculous. I know that I don't need them and I don't have any use for them, but it's sad to return them. I was supposed to go with my MIL today, but I canceled last minute. Even though IKEA would have been fun, it was just too depressing.
Hopefully tomorrow will be an easier day.
Today on our boating trip I saw a family from a distance and as we got closer I ask Mich to turn around and go the other way b/c she was obviously expecting and wearing her bikini!!!! AND they had two little girls with them. But we couldn't turn around b/c the water was too shallow and we had to dock. So we got out and he asked if I was ok but truly tried not to let him know this bothered me, b/c I didn't want to ruin dh's trip...As I got out I could see her husband's eyes checking me out and she probably felt self conscious in her itty bitty bikini, but this is me just thinking that, as I was jealous. It made me so sad to see them all together and all I could do was hold my labradors I had closer to me. The only other thing that made me feel better was saying "Thy Father I trust in Thee"....I know it's not easy and sometimes I even find myself in denial when I see someone else pregnant thinking maybe she is carrying this baby for someone else? OR maybe she has gone through the exact treatment we went through? Somewhat I try to reason only because it's the only way I can get through seeing someone else pg. It's hard to understand why things happen the way they do, but I also know we cannot give up on our hopes and dreams, because we are going to fight this! I'm so glad I found you guys, because nobody out there gets that, but you ladies here. Thank you for letting me vent tonight. 
