Do you feel like everyone is getting pregnant except you?

[meg12]

Sassy--I agree with you 100% about the positivity thing. You feel how you want to feel...I'm sorry it's sadness right now, but that is understandable. This is a shitty (can I say that?) shitty process---it can turn into something wonderful, but the in between time is really not fun. I know there's that saying about enjoying the journey, but I don't buy into that at all. I just want to close my eyes and fall asleep and wake up when we get there!!!!! I wish I was there to give you a hug or let you punch me, whichever would make you feel better!!!!

And no, I don't feel like you're going to react any certain way to any comments (supportive or not) that I post. I was just trying to be glib. So don't sweat it. It would take you straight out saying, "Meg, you're annoying and I don't like you." before I would really be offended by anything you post! So there.

[sassynlv]

meg: thanks, (oooo, and i will remember that ). Do you ever feel like all you do is pick me up after i become an emotional blob??? heeheehee (oh, one good thing about my little breakdown was that we figured out "shitty" doesn't get censored! I will tuck that little nugget of knowledge away for an appropriate occasion!)

nictor: awww girl, you are always so supportive. guess that may be 'cause you've been there, done that and got the t-shirt! btw, do you have another us soon?

anyway... either my hormone level is waning, or the cry i had earlier did the trick. Either way, my feet are back underneath me. Apparently, girls, i did not have myself as firmly buckled for the rollercoaster as i thought... so i have tightened the belt, and i am back in the game. Expecting a call from RE in next 3-4 hrs, so will be back on to let you all know my fantastic news! (ok, maybe that positivity was a bit forced ).

Now, as for the important stuff. Been thinking... and i believe that as a nod to Fee's famous blue stilettos (and all the fun we had w/the hygiene topic)... the girl on the revolving table should be wearing bright blue, sparkly stilettos. I am thinking sparkly b/c just think how that would look in the soccer stadium lighting! fab! SO, as a result, and in honor of "Reproducers", i just finished painting my toenails sparkly blue... figured that is as close as i am going to get tomorrow.

[Angie65]

Go girlfriend Sassy! - sparkly toe nails - you are really setting the standards for the rest of us when we have our transfers.

In addition to toe nails - I think I will need a full on pedicure. My feet are a disgrace - I have been living in thongs all summer - now there's another Aussie -ism - this is not a G-string on my feet but what are commonly know as flip-flops in the N hemisphere!

OK - chucking a brown eye - I am too ladylike to explain - just imagine a bus load of footie supporters "waving" to cars out the back window in a non-conventional way.

Volver- well I found it a bit heavy going to be honest - would have appreciated something a bit more light which was a shame as came out of the cinema in a grumpy mood - and poor old DH got a bit of an earful- so much for the nice date.....

Sassy - all the very best today. Keep us posted when you hear from them.
A

[vicky77]

I don't have too much time, but I wanted to wish Sassy the best for tomorrow, you are having the transfer tomorrow right???, the sparkly blue toenails are the best!!!!! , I just couldn't stop laughing when I read your post, I guess that will put you in situation to imagine yourself in the soccer stadium .......well, again, all the best!!!!!!!!!

[FionaA]

Hey Sass

Thought about you a lot last night. I really hope you get good news today. We're here for you whatever happens. As far as the cleaning goes, I'm with Meg, when stressed I head for the couch with chocolates. The house could collapse around me for all I care. I'm pleased to see that you've booked yourself in the hair dresser. I'm all for being vain and superficial in times of crisis. I've left my blue stillettos at home but I have a nice pair of green or pink shoes you can borrow, but It would be a shame not to let your blue sparkly nail polish catch the stadium lights - I think we could bounce a laser show off your toes......

I have to agree with Ang you really have raised the bar on grooming prior to ET. My feet are also a bloody disgrace (also due to rampant summer thong wearing). Now I'm gonna have to do something about the feet if the damn shoes come off...(I'm still debating that one)

Hey to Mom, Vicky and Nictor, great to have you girls here.

Fee

[sassynlv]

Well ladies, it appears i painted my toenails for nothin'. Yep, ET cancelled for tomorrow. Our one little perfect 8 cell didn't grow at all over the last 24 hrs. Our 5, 4 and 3 cells each grew once cell each... not so good for day 4 (oooo, a candidate for understatement of the year ). Guess i haven't been positive enough . As you can imagine, my heart is breaking.... there is still a chance for ET, and i am holding onto that. RE says they may be behind due to the thaw (although that was the excuse he used yest!). he is (like we are, obviously), hoping the 8 cell compacts tomorrow, for a friday ET (but i am not going to bet my emotional health on it!). Still a chance the 6 cells will kick it into high gear to be frozen as blasts... seems like a pretty long shot for me. So yeah, this is pretty much my nightmare... and deja vu. I didn't realize really how hopeful i was re: this cycle until things have turned south.

Holding onto hope, but also preparing myself re: what we will do if this cycle is a bust. Talk about a IWDGPT, Angie! I may be joining you guys down under next month! so, what, you ask, would sassy do on a sucky night like tonight??? Sushi, of course!!! dh is taking me to our favorite sushi bar and i will stuff myself silly with all sorts of raw fish i couldn't eat if i was preg (or on 2ww for that matter), then it will be home where valium will be my friend tonight! (only slept 4 hrs last night due to nervousness!). So, sorry ladies, no "reproducers" trial run tomorrow... maybe friday???

[FionaA]

Oh Sassy I'm so sorry. I don't really know what else to say but obviously to hope that your 6 cells shift gear and start doing what they're supposed to. This is just brutal. Keep us posted if you are up to it. As far as sushi and valium goes, sounds like you have the perfect night planned....Fee

[Angie65]

Sassy - really sorry to hear that but if the clinic is giving you some hope, there is still some hope. Remember they are scientists, not warm and fuzzy people so they will give it to you as it is. Sleep well.

I am just perplexed by the differences in treatment - like for my FET they are 2 day transfers so I didn't have to go through Sassy's agonising wait but then, who's to know that at 2 days they may be transferring duds anyway so then the 2ww is for nothing. whichever way you look at it, it sucks.

Just to let you know, it is a long w/e here in Oz - Australia Day so will be signing off soon until Monday. Will be thinking of you and hope things work out.

Happy Australia Day Fee.

[meg12]

Sassy--That sucks. That sucks big time. I'm so sorry. I have to agree with what Angie said about the doctor not sugar coating things, though. Hope the sushi was good and that you do get some sleep tonight. Know that we're all thinking about you and wishing we could make things right.

[sassynlv]

Thanks girls. I appreciate all of it. Yeah, it sucks. and yeah... my RE does lay it out for me straight... something that i appreciate. So as long as he says there is hope, i am not giving up. Who knows, maybe i have the "comeback kid" over there in the petri dish! At the same time, only prudent to prepare myself as the odds definitely are not in our favor.

the sushi was fab, and i enjoyed every bite! Nice to spend a few hrs w/dh. Valium already ingested, so soon enough off to a drug-induced "happy sleep". For the aussies... Happy Australia Day and have a great wkend. The rest of us will try to hold down the fort while you are gone!

[FionaA]

Sass glad to hear you had a good nite out. Will try to log on over the long weekend and check out how all you guys are going...

Happy Aussie day to you to Angie.

Fee

[nictor]

SASSY...im so sorry to hear that,but for a little while longer have faith that you could be the comeback kid..This whole IVF nightmare is just bloody awful and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy(not that i got many,you understand!!!) I hope the valium worked and you slept well..In times like these i wish i could see you in person,give you a HUGE hug,and have a natter over a cuppa!!! In the awful worst case scenario,and you dont get to ET have you thought about your next step..I know it not much of a consilation,but know we are here for you,and me in particular knows exactly what you're going through,so when you wanna scream cry rant just do it here..

Hope everyone else is well..

Happy Australian Day to our Aussie friends..

Love Nicola..xx

[mom20]

im so sorry sassy keeping my fingers crossed your in my prayers

mom

[vicky77]

Sassy, all I can say is lets hope the other fighters make it to blasts, as long as they are still growing there is always hope, so hang in there!!.
It was funny, b/c I did the same you did about the sushi thing, not yesterday, but when I was angry about my m/c last month, I just had as much sushi and wine as I could to make up for my sadness........, so I hope the sushi night did you good ........let us know about your little ones, will be thinking about you and them......

[sassynlv]

sushi does it every time! . in addition to a few of our favorites, also tried 3 new rolls w/all sorts of interesting stuff in them! I was SO full, it was great!

twiddlin' my thumbs and biting my fingernails... la lala lalala

Just a note... apparently on oprah today there was an episode about women in their 30s, and a segment re: IF. My good friend called me today afterwards, and it made quite an impression on her. She said she had NO idea what i had been going through, and after watching the show called me "brave". so i don't know what was said, etc, but if you can, might want to watch it-- may be good for family or friends to see.

Ciao