hi chris, i'm glad you're switching clinics.. this is just something we can't stop trying til we've exhausted everything.
i related to everything you said (even though i'm on the other side of it now), and i DON"T think you're mean- what you're feeling is just natural about your friend. i hated PG women prior to my recent success...and even now that i'm PG, i still have weird feelings towards those who it happens easily for. i'm just in a different 'camp' in life. i'd feel bitter too about her success, if i was you. AND maybe you shouldn't go vacationing with them...you need to take care of your self even when it is socially unpopular to do so. i don't think any of us should ever apologize for our bitter feelings..they're just part of the package, and when we aren't happy, how on earth can we feel happy for someone else? why torture ourselves spending time with people who highlight our misery just by their existence?
i think i'm blathering now, i just wanted to reach back to you and let you know that i get it. maybe it's not coming across the way i want it to as i'm now 'one of those women' who are PG.
anyways, take care of yourself..thinking lots of you, karen
OCT / NOV / DEC 2008 Buddies
-
karenvancouverisland
- Regular
- Posts: 713
- Joined: Wed May 07, 2008 3:20 am
Chris, I'm just logging on and seeing your news. I'm so sorry too. You have been so patient and dealing with all of the bs that's been thrown your way. I can't believe your friend was so insensitive. I hate to judge since I don't know her, but just seems she could have been a little more compassionate. I don't blame you for switching RE's and glad to hear you've already set up something with the new office for April. It sounds like you're okay with a break for a couple of months and is totally understandable. I hope you find some resolution with your liver issues so that's one less thing on your mind. We're here if you feel up to talking more. Love and hugs to you.
hey ladies its been awhile since i posted but just letting u know i am doing great.....& i posted some new pics on the photobucket account....anyways i g2g i just wanted to stop by quickly....big hugs to u all....& i hope to hear from u soon
Me 29 pcos
Dh 32 ring chromosomes problem
1st IVF 2003 3trans/ bfn
2nd ivf sept 2008 2 trans/bfn
3rd ivf nov 2008 bfp : )
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20718;11/st/20090730/k/7a6e/preg.png[/img]
Dh 32 ring chromosomes problem
1st IVF 2003 3trans/ bfn
2nd ivf sept 2008 2 trans/bfn
3rd ivf nov 2008 bfp : )
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20718;11/st/20090730/k/7a6e/preg.png[/img]
chris - we'll all be keeping you in our hearts and prayers. i'm so sorry this time it didn't work out for you. my advice for you is to take your friend aside and share that though you're very happy for her, it's hard for you to be around her when she's overflowing with joy over her pregnancy. that doesn't mean that you don't have to be around her but if she's that good of a friend i think she'll understand fully what you're dealing with and will probably do her best to be supportive. i had to pull my siter-n-law aside and say i was super happy for her being pregnant and all but i just couldn't deal when people complained about being pregnant around me. she was really great about it and the whole 9 months, she was miserable (i could see it in her face) but she never said a word to me about her misery or her complaints. we talked about the pregnancy and other stuff but not that. tell your friend that you want to share in her joy but you just can't be hearing about it all the time as it reminds you of your struggle. i think she'll understand even if she always has to be the center of attention. she's just being clueless and it may make the next 9 months a lot healthier for you if you clue her in - in the nicest way you can.
here's another idea - if you don't feel comfortable comfronting her like that, make your DH do it. he can pull her aside (acting like he's talking to her in confidence) the next time you all are together... you know he could say something like he's really happy for them but he's worried about you and all that you've been through and he knows that's it's really hard for you to be around someone who is celebrating their pregnancy all the time and when they're talking about it all the time, and that it's super common for women struggling with infertility to feel that way...he could say that as a favor to him and to protect you, he could ask her to try to keep your feelings in mind when you all spend time together going forward. that way, DH gets points for being sensitive to your feelings, protective (that's so sweet) and you don't have to deal with her directly about it.
if that doesn't work, just start burning your burdens in your BBQ! worked for me. you don't have to burn things with the finality like i did but just the immediate ones.
we will pray for peace for you and DH.
hugs,
here's another idea - if you don't feel comfortable comfronting her like that, make your DH do it. he can pull her aside (acting like he's talking to her in confidence) the next time you all are together... you know he could say something like he's really happy for them but he's worried about you and all that you've been through and he knows that's it's really hard for you to be around someone who is celebrating their pregnancy all the time and when they're talking about it all the time, and that it's super common for women struggling with infertility to feel that way...he could say that as a favor to him and to protect you, he could ask her to try to keep your feelings in mind when you all spend time together going forward. that way, DH gets points for being sensitive to your feelings, protective (that's so sweet) and you don't have to deal with her directly about it.
if that doesn't work, just start burning your burdens in your BBQ! worked for me. you don't have to burn things with the finality like i did but just the immediate ones.
we will pray for peace for you and DH.
hugs,
- Pixelgirl
Me 37 DH 37
Male Factor (2% Morphology)
4 IUIs - BFN
IVF cycle started Oct 27
Stims started Nov 17
ER on Nov 26, 3 mature eggs, 2 fertilized
ET on Nov 29, 2 embryos transferred
Beta scheduled for 12/11 - BFN
CLOSURE!
Me 37 DH 37
Male Factor (2% Morphology)
4 IUIs - BFN
IVF cycle started Oct 27
Stims started Nov 17
ER on Nov 26, 3 mature eggs, 2 fertilized
ET on Nov 29, 2 embryos transferred
Beta scheduled for 12/11 - BFN
CLOSURE!
chris - we'll all be keeping you in our hearts and prayers. i'm so sorry this time it didn't work out for you. my advice for you is to take your friend aside and share that though you're very happy for her, it's hard for you to be around her when she's overflowing with joy over her pregnancy. that doesn't mean that you don't have to be around her but if she's that good of a friend i think she'll understand fully what you're dealing with and will probably do her best to be supportive. i had to pull my siter-n-law aside and say i was super happy for her being pregnant and all but i just couldn't deal when people complained about being pregnant around me. she was really great about it and the whole 9 months, she was miserable (i could see it in her face) but she never said a word to me about her misery or her complaints. we talked about the pregnancy and other stuff but not that. tell your friend that you want to share in her joy but you just can't be hearing about it all the time as it reminds you of your struggle. i think she'll understand even if she always has to be the center of attention. she's just being clueless and it may make the next 9 months a lot healthier for you if you clue her in - in the nicest way you can.
here's another idea - if you don't feel comfortable comfronting her like that, make your DH do it. he can pull her aside (acting like he's talking to her in confidence) the next time you all are together... you know he could say something like he's really happy for them but he's worried about you and all that you've been through and he knows that's it's really hard for you to be around someone who is celebrating their pregnancy all the time and when they're talking about it all the time, and that it's super common for women struggling with infertility to feel that way...he could say that as a favor to him and to protect you, he could ask her to try to keep your feelings in mind when you all spend time together going forward. that way, DH gets points for being sensitive to your feelings, protective (that's so sweet) and you don't have to deal with her directly about it.
if that doesn't work, just start burning your burdens in your BBQ! worked for me. you don't have to burn things with the finality like i did but just the immediate ones.
we will pray for peace for you and DH.
hugs,
here's another idea - if you don't feel comfortable comfronting her like that, make your DH do it. he can pull her aside (acting like he's talking to her in confidence) the next time you all are together... you know he could say something like he's really happy for them but he's worried about you and all that you've been through and he knows that's it's really hard for you to be around someone who is celebrating their pregnancy all the time and when they're talking about it all the time, and that it's super common for women struggling with infertility to feel that way...he could say that as a favor to him and to protect you, he could ask her to try to keep your feelings in mind when you all spend time together going forward. that way, DH gets points for being sensitive to your feelings, protective (that's so sweet) and you don't have to deal with her directly about it.
if that doesn't work, just start burning your burdens in your BBQ! worked for me. you don't have to burn things with the finality like i did but just the immediate ones.
we will pray for peace for you and DH.
hugs,
- Pixelgirl
Me 37 DH 37
Male Factor (2% Morphology)
4 IUIs - BFN
IVF cycle started Oct 27
Stims started Nov 17
ER on Nov 26, 3 mature eggs, 2 fertilized
ET on Nov 29, 2 embryos transferred
Beta scheduled for 12/11 - BFN
CLOSURE!
Me 37 DH 37
Male Factor (2% Morphology)
4 IUIs - BFN
IVF cycle started Oct 27
Stims started Nov 17
ER on Nov 26, 3 mature eggs, 2 fertilized
ET on Nov 29, 2 embryos transferred
Beta scheduled for 12/11 - BFN
CLOSURE!
-
wishing_4_blessings
- Member
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 5:13 am
- Location: Atlanta,GA
Hello to all.
Chris I just wanted to log on really quick and tell you how sorry I am to read about your BFN. I was really hoping and praying that it was your time, but I am happy to read that you are switching clinics. Maybe they'll be able to give you better insight about what's going on. About your friend, I don't think you're being mean, those are natural feelings, especially you've been trying for a while and she got pg the first time around. I will still continue to pray that things work out for you and DH. Big hugs to you!
To everyone else, I hope that all is well. Take care.
Chris I just wanted to log on really quick and tell you how sorry I am to read about your BFN. I was really hoping and praying that it was your time, but I am happy to read that you are switching clinics. Maybe they'll be able to give you better insight about what's going on. About your friend, I don't think you're being mean, those are natural feelings, especially you've been trying for a while and she got pg the first time around. I will still continue to pray that things work out for you and DH. Big hugs to you!
To everyone else, I hope that all is well. Take care.
-
to_have_fun08
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2023
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:50 pm
- Location: Illinois
PixelGirl - You are so right. We need to have a meeting of the minds because there is no way I can avoid her for the next 9 months. I might just mention it to her DH. I have been friends with her DH for 17 years and I know he would do anything for me. It isn't that Katie (PG girl) is a bad person, she is really kind and will help you out if you need it. She just isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and she does like to get attention.
Karen - I am so glad that others relate to my situation. I feel like such at Bi*tch. Isn't it so weird that even after being PG you are still resentful of all those that can get PG on their own. I think I would be the same way.
As for as the vacation, I plan the vacation we are going on so there is no way that I am canceling. This vacation is the one week out of the year that I really look for ward too. Actually that is how I got my login to_have_fun. I was thinking about vacation at the time. Plus, a lot of my relatives will be there and I really want to spend some time with them.
NY - I saw one of your post on the SIRM board last night. I was researching DHEA. You are so right that the SIRM RE's do not like DHEA. That is so weird that it seems that some of them won't open up to the idea at all. I really don't think DHEA would be for me. I am looking forward to changing clinics. It seems that SIRM tries to actually find out what is going wrong other then just keep on throwing drugs at you and ending up with the same negative results.
wishing_4_blessings and Wonderence - Thanks so much for the hugs and well wishes.
Kas - You better hurry up and get internet access. We miss you. Hope everything is OK. Plus we all want to see your huge belly pics.
I do still want to follow everyones PG so we need to keep in touch. i will even check over on the PG after treatment for those that post there. I will let ya know how my consultation goes on the 15th.
Chris
Karen - I am so glad that others relate to my situation. I feel like such at Bi*tch. Isn't it so weird that even after being PG you are still resentful of all those that can get PG on their own. I think I would be the same way.
As for as the vacation, I plan the vacation we are going on so there is no way that I am canceling. This vacation is the one week out of the year that I really look for ward too. Actually that is how I got my login to_have_fun. I was thinking about vacation at the time. Plus, a lot of my relatives will be there and I really want to spend some time with them.
NY - I saw one of your post on the SIRM board last night. I was researching DHEA. You are so right that the SIRM RE's do not like DHEA. That is so weird that it seems that some of them won't open up to the idea at all. I really don't think DHEA would be for me. I am looking forward to changing clinics. It seems that SIRM tries to actually find out what is going wrong other then just keep on throwing drugs at you and ending up with the same negative results.
wishing_4_blessings and Wonderence - Thanks so much for the hugs and well wishes.
Kas - You better hurry up and get internet access. We miss you. Hope everything is OK. Plus we all want to see your huge belly pics.
I do still want to follow everyones PG so we need to keep in touch. i will even check over on the PG after treatment for those that post there. I will let ya know how my consultation goes on the 15th.
Chris
Chris 40- DH 41
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
Ladies,
Finally our cable and internet is up and running... I feel like i have missed a lot, i see i have pm's which i will try to reply to asap..
Chris I was so devastated to read about your BFN, i just want to reach out and hug you. I'm so very sorry..... I also love the advice that you got from the other ladies, i think it was spot on and i'm pleased you are now switching clinics. I have only heard good things about SIRM, they seem to be cutting edge, and i think a pair of fresh eyes on this is the way to go.
I have missed all of you and have much to say, but unfortunately my Peri appointment yesterday was not great. I dont like anyone there and dont feel very confident about it all. I had lots of issues i was not given the chance to address and my care is totally different to my last OB/peri. babies are getting huge and doing well, i go for anatomy scan next week, but my cervix is shortening rapidly and i am now below 2cm so i am officially on bedrest, with bathroom privledges. If its any shorter next time i will be in hospital for the rest of the pregnancy
if its needed i will do it...
I'm getting DH to dig up our lead to download photos and will post my belly pic but think i am even bigger now!!! i cant wait to check out all your photos and i will post again tomorrow XX
Finally our cable and internet is up and running... I feel like i have missed a lot, i see i have pm's which i will try to reply to asap..
Chris I was so devastated to read about your BFN, i just want to reach out and hug you. I'm so very sorry..... I also love the advice that you got from the other ladies, i think it was spot on and i'm pleased you are now switching clinics. I have only heard good things about SIRM, they seem to be cutting edge, and i think a pair of fresh eyes on this is the way to go.
I have missed all of you and have much to say, but unfortunately my Peri appointment yesterday was not great. I dont like anyone there and dont feel very confident about it all. I had lots of issues i was not given the chance to address and my care is totally different to my last OB/peri. babies are getting huge and doing well, i go for anatomy scan next week, but my cervix is shortening rapidly and i am now below 2cm so i am officially on bedrest, with bathroom privledges. If its any shorter next time i will be in hospital for the rest of the pregnancy
if its needed i will do it...I'm getting DH to dig up our lead to download photos and will post my belly pic but think i am even bigger now!!! i cant wait to check out all your photos and i will post again tomorrow XX
Hi Ladies-
Still can't resist checking on you and following you on your journey. I had my other tube removed on the 16th and am feeling better now. Ended up being a very involved surgery as I had alot of dense adhesions. So happy to see all you prego ladies progressing along nicely. I have an appointment at SIRM-Long Island this week. Finally feeling at a point where I can hop back on and get moving, although we will prob wait until July to start as I have a bunch going on between now and then.
Chris: I just really wanted to send a heartfelt I am sorry. You pretty much started this board with all your positive attitude and I hate that this has not happened for you. This is such an emotional roller coaster, and since our loss in back in December it is only now that I feel like I can even begin to open my mind to cycling again. Its hard when it doesn't work because we take it as a personal failure, and I don't know about you but I hate to fail. IVF leaves you so vulnerable whether its a BFP or BFN. I wishe you success in the future whatever you decide. It looks like we might both end up at SIRM, prob at the same time if you end up in July. Maybe its fate for us 8 ).
Ladies, I hope you are all doing well & I check on you often even if I don't post. Good luck & be healthy (mentally & physically)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Still can't resist checking on you and following you on your journey. I had my other tube removed on the 16th and am feeling better now. Ended up being a very involved surgery as I had alot of dense adhesions. So happy to see all you prego ladies progressing along nicely. I have an appointment at SIRM-Long Island this week. Finally feeling at a point where I can hop back on and get moving, although we will prob wait until July to start as I have a bunch going on between now and then.
Chris: I just really wanted to send a heartfelt I am sorry. You pretty much started this board with all your positive attitude and I hate that this has not happened for you. This is such an emotional roller coaster, and since our loss in back in December it is only now that I feel like I can even begin to open my mind to cycling again. Its hard when it doesn't work because we take it as a personal failure, and I don't know about you but I hate to fail. IVF leaves you so vulnerable whether its a BFP or BFN. I wishe you success in the future whatever you decide. It looks like we might both end up at SIRM, prob at the same time if you end up in July. Maybe its fate for us 8 ).
Ladies, I hope you are all doing well & I check on you often even if I don't post. Good luck & be healthy (mentally & physically)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
to_have_fun08
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2023
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:50 pm
- Location: Illinois
jandc - It is so good to hear from you. Hopefully we can be cycle buddies in July and that is so cool we will both be at SIRM. Well I can't say for sure right now seeing I haven't had my consult yet. I just know I can't go back to my old RE. Yes, it is very hard to take the BFN and the losses after a BFP. This whole journey is a struggle. You can't take a break and relax until the day your baby is snuggled up in your arms. I wish you the best up luck and keep in touch.
Kas - Is there any other OB/Peri you can go too. Since you have Quads it would be good that you really like your OB/Peri. You will be spending a lot of time with them. Hopefully they will warm up to you. How's the bed rest going? Do you have a lot of good books and movies. Do you have a laptop? I don't know if you are familiar with Netflix but if you have a membership with them you can watch movies online. I just found out this last week and thought it was pretty cool. I am a movie freak. I am praying that all your little ones stay snuggled in tight.
I go for my appointment with my PCP today to review my blood test and see what is next with my liver. I really do believe that taking all those drugs had some effect. Oh and I am finally going to go see and acupuncturist. I really can't afford it but my mind can't take another failed IVF so I am going to do whatever I can to make the next one work.
Chris
Kas - Is there any other OB/Peri you can go too. Since you have Quads it would be good that you really like your OB/Peri. You will be spending a lot of time with them. Hopefully they will warm up to you. How's the bed rest going? Do you have a lot of good books and movies. Do you have a laptop? I don't know if you are familiar with Netflix but if you have a membership with them you can watch movies online. I just found out this last week and thought it was pretty cool. I am a movie freak. I am praying that all your little ones stay snuggled in tight.
I go for my appointment with my PCP today to review my blood test and see what is next with my liver. I really do believe that taking all those drugs had some effect. Oh and I am finally going to go see and acupuncturist. I really can't afford it but my mind can't take another failed IVF so I am going to do whatever I can to make the next one work.
Chris
Chris 40- DH 41
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
Hey guys I am still lurking, but life has been stressful. I will be back soon, I promise. Cate is still doing ok. Two amnios so far and both were clean!
Me: 44 severely reduced reserve
DH: 44 perfect
IVF 1: Feb 08 -BFP twins (lost one at 7 weeks, one at 13 weeks)
IVF 2: June 08 -BFN
IVF 3: September 08 -BFN
IVF 4: November 08 - Katherine Emma born 8/9/2009
DH: 44 perfect
IVF 1: Feb 08 -BFP twins (lost one at 7 weeks, one at 13 weeks)
IVF 2: June 08 -BFN
IVF 3: September 08 -BFN
IVF 4: November 08 - Katherine Emma born 8/9/2009
Kas, can they stick up your cervix till you are ready to deliver!
Good luck with the anatomy scan!
Good luck with the anatomy scan!
Me: 44 severely reduced reserve
DH: 44 perfect
IVF 1: Feb 08 -BFP twins (lost one at 7 weeks, one at 13 weeks)
IVF 2: June 08 -BFN
IVF 3: September 08 -BFN
IVF 4: November 08 - Katherine Emma born 8/9/2009
DH: 44 perfect
IVF 1: Feb 08 -BFP twins (lost one at 7 weeks, one at 13 weeks)
IVF 2: June 08 -BFN
IVF 3: September 08 -BFN
IVF 4: November 08 - Katherine Emma born 8/9/2009
-
to_have_fun08
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2023
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:50 pm
- Location: Illinois
babyhope - How are you doing? SIRM is Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicines. They have clinics in NY, NJ, St. Louis, Las Vegas, Dallas and I think a couple in California. I am changing RE's and going for a consult with the St. Louis clinic on April 15. Ny4thtry also goes to SIRM.
http://www.haveababy.com/
Chris
http://www.haveababy.com/
Chris
My friend Sarah who is going through the same thing as I did a few months back suggested Vegas Baby (sounds a bit like donor eggs, not sure I haven't checked it out myself) She decided to use my RE at FPNC (Fertility Physicians of Northern California) and she was able to hook up with their study group. By participating in the study she gets to cut some costs.
Hey ladies, I have unopened Follistim in my fridge. What are you doing with your extra meds? My doc said I could donate them but it was $1,200 and I really can't afford to just give it away...then again I don't feel comfortable with that until I have a baby in my arms you know? However, it expires in 2010...what are you ladies doing with that?
Hey ladies, I have unopened Follistim in my fridge. What are you doing with your extra meds? My doc said I could donate them but it was $1,200 and I really can't afford to just give it away...then again I don't feel comfortable with that until I have a baby in my arms you know? However, it expires in 2010...what are you ladies doing with that?
Babyhope1
3 Angel Babies
Failed IVF
There is someone in Heaven looking out for me!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/QNg2m8/.png[/img]
3 Angel Babies
Failed IVF
There is someone in Heaven looking out for me!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/QNg2m8/.png[/img]