The Over 40 Crowd

[teachertam]

Love & Chriss: I'm so sorry to hear your bad news. Take care of yourselves.

Socal and Yasmina: Thanks for the advice on "sleeping through the night". Andrew wakes up to be nursed between 1:30 - 2:30 and then I nurse him in the morning. It is getting a little better, as DH and I do not pick him up from the crib every time he wakes up crying. We try to pat him on the back first to see if he will go back to sleep. We are in the process of rearranging our bedrooms so that we can move Andrew into his own room. The problem we have is that our master bedroom is on the 1st floor and Andrew's nursery is on the 2nd floor. I cannot move him upstairs all by himself. Therefore, we are moving our bedroom upstairs to the bedroom right beside his nursery. Hopefully, we can get this move done in the near future. I want to paint the rooms before I change them.

Yasmina: DH and I have been struggling with the same question that you and your DH have had. Do we want a 2nd child? I always wanted two children, but DH already has 2 children now, since he has a 14 year old from his first marriage. We are still in line to adopt from China, but that looks like it will not be before sometime in 2009. By then Andrew will be 2 years old. The new baby will be between 8 months - 18 months old. I sometimes think about trying one more time with my frozen eggs, but I don't think I could handle being pregnant now with my sleep schedule and Andrew to care for. He really is a handful. He wants to see and experience everything. He really is a joy! By the way, Eloise is such a beautiful little girl!!

Hello to everyone else.

Regards,
Tammy

[jen babes]

Hi all

well i got the call today with both Good news and bad news...

BAD news is that our donor has withdrawn...and back up donor is way way behind

Good news is i can use another PROVEN donor with differant blood group but same eye colour and hair colour who is just out of EC
so the choice is
1 start tmt all agin and wait for blood related donor
or 2 go with proven donor and have to tell medics that chiild has differant blood group
asked if the blood cgroup thing would effect me carrying child ( ie reseus neg factor) but this wont be a problem.

so after about a 5 minute debate with our consultnt on the other end of the phone we decided to just go with the flow and use the proven and ready donor xxxxxxxxxxxx Think that sometimes things just happen a certain way for a certain reson and just trust and Faith that it is meant to be . So at this moment we are sortingout flights hotels and dog kennels...difficult as all are fully booked because of school holidays ...

eventually sorted flight tomorrow from edinburgh to Barcelona and fly back monday night. so need to leave here for a 3 hour drive before staying at friends tonight x x
Hotel is becoming a problem as prices are sky high

anyway we will keep trying...will be off the boards until tuesday but will post when on my 2ww when i get back

much love to all

sorry no time for personals

jen B
xxxxxx

[LuAnne41]

I have just a minute but I want to update you ladies. I had a routine visit w/the nurse practioner 1 week ago: urinalysis, b/w, weight, b/p, etc. & reviewed things that are off limits, like sushi, lunch meat, undercooked foods, etc. Yesterday, I had a checkup w/the OB. He did a cervical culture for infections, etc., another urinalysis, weight check , b/p check, and a blood test to check my progesterone level. They will begin to wean me off the PIO shots & prometrium suppositories if the level is sufficient. They will do b/w periodically to check the level as they decrease my dosage. After they have me off the progesterone, they will do the same w/the estrogen. The exciting thing that happened yesterday is DH & I got to hear the babies' heartbeats w/the doppler. Also, when the doctor examined me he said my uterus was measuring about 15 to 16 weeks & that I would need to begin wearing maternity clothes soon. I am only 10 weeks, but I can't fasten any of my pants & have grown quite fond of sweats lately. I am still trying to hide this for at least another 2 - 3 weeks, but it is getting really difficult. I have to admit, it is a joy to have such a problem, but I am still so afraid something will happen to steal this joy away from me.

[chriss]

hi LuAnne, things sound great! You are doing so well! Hearing the heartbeat/s is absolutely amazing. Keep us posted on your progress. I'm stuck in limbo, waiting for next month so that we can try again. We are wondering when it's time to go to DE. Doctor says to keep trying with my own eggs. So we will. I don't remember what you did, did you use DE or your own? Just curious. Before I started this whole quest, I'm not sure how I felt about DE, but now that I've been through all this and I understand things better, I feel very good about DE. DH is beginning to warm up to the idea. We shall see what the future holds. Stay positive and try to enjoy what you are going through. I understand your being cautious, but don't rob yourself of the joy. (Easier said than done, I know.)
Good to hear from you. -chriss

[LuAnne41]

Chriss - I used DE & was able to learn a wealth of information about the donor from the profile provided by the clinic. I considered using my own eggs since it was less expensive & my Day 3 FSH was not high, but decided to just go ahead w/DE as success rates were a lot higher. Besides, I had done IVF w/my own eggs years ago w/mixed success. (2 BFP's - 1 m/c & 1 chemical) Although that was a different partner & we had a severe male factor issue, I was still skeptical about cycling w/my own eggs. Of course, if your insurance pays for IVF w/your own eggs, & your doctor recommends you try again, I would do that first. It's great that you & DH are open to the idea of DE too, as it is always good to have options. Did your doctor give you an idea how many cycles is reasonable to pursue w/your own eggs, or what factors to use to determine if & when it is time to move on to DE? It was helpful if I got a BFN, if I had a Plan "B". Of course I was still sad when I got a BFN, but knowing what I would do next gave me something to hope for, look forward to, get excited about, etc. It helped me a lot.

[chriss]

Hi LuAnne,
thanks for the reply. I think we will try a few more times with my own eggs and move on to DE if that's not working. I am a little upset right now becasue yet another nosey co-worker asked me if I was pregnant in front of three other people. What nerve. These people don't know how upsetting this can be. I am so mad right now. I said no to her and walked away, she kept talking, but I ignored her. I've gained weight over the past year and I look bigger than I used to be. But people should MYOB! UGH! Sorry to vent, but it just happened. Thanks again fo info. -chriss

[children]

Hi Tammy,

Glad to see you finally got time to update us and very happy to know that your wake up less frequently now. Little by little, things will be easier. Similarly, DH and I also moved together with Eloise upstairs the first few nights – our room was next to hers. However, after 3~4 nights, we decided to go back downstairs and leave her alone with a monitor because the full-sized bed in our guest room just does not suit us anymore since the queen-sized mattress does not pass our 75 years old stairway.

About baby number 2, I have not given up the idea, especially knowing that I still have 5 embryos to count on. However, I am sure that I am happy just to have Eloise alone. Anyway, I can’t handle two at the moment because I just heard that my million-dollar grant was not funded - I need to make sure that my lab people and I can survive before I can think about the number 2.

LuAnne,

Thanks for the update. I have a friend got twin boys at 43 through ivf and she had them full-term. During the preg, she traveled twice, each was 16 hours long with several changes of flights! Sounds like your RE and OB monitor you quite nicely which helps. I was always nervous the whole night months with one baby, can imagine how it is for you. Try to relax and enjoy your little ones.

JenB,

I am very excited for you, finally you have gotten to this point. Looking forward to your return and good news.

To all the rest, best of luck!

Yasmina

[summerbaby]

fingers, toes and everything crossed for you, jenB!! best of luck and lots of baby dust! hola espana!

chriss - some people can just be so insensitive with their comments!...at one point, my hairdresser asked me when I was due...I had also gained weight since TTC and then with the 1st IVF--but during the 6 months in between try 1 & 2, I joined a group and lost weight - just for myself and to be in better shape physically and mentally...it was good to get back in control, focus on something else and feel more like myself again...I'm not saying it's what you should do - but it was just something that was good for me...

Big hello to everyone!

xx Amy

[summerbaby]

PS - Luanne! great that things are going so well for you and the babies. big smile on face reading your post. keep up the good work and pma! must be amazing and unbelievable to hear those heartbeats! xx Amy

[Kiwi expat]

GOOD LUCK JEN B!!!

Chriss - know exactly how you feel. My company had a go-carting day on my 2ww. My doc advised that I pass on that (my driving is crazy enough as it is let alone letting loose on a track with my colleagues...!). So all evening I had comments on why I wasn't racing and the never ending "Are you pregnant? questions. Needless to say, they weren't to know. And yes, people will always be insensitive about things they don't understand!

LuAnne - how exciting for you - nearly at the end of the first trimester! The fashion at the moment in the southern hemisphere are those empire line tops and dresses. You know the ones that make you look pregnant even if you are rake thin underneath! Maybe you can wear some of those (with some stretchy maternity jeans underneath) and just blame it on the cut of the top if you don't feel ready to tell anyone yet! Besides, they look really great on!

As for me - going to doc tomorrow for monitoring in prep for cycle next month. I've had an epiphany this week tho about using DE (see my last rant!) so I'll have some ques for him then. Really feel like I am at cross roads on my next step in treatment.

Amy (and others on DHEA) - I've been holding out on one last cycle using my own eggs whilst on DHEA. Have any of you seen any evidence that this works? (Like presence of multiple antrals or follicles?) I need some hope at the moment!

Hi to all - hope you are having great weekends!
Andrea

[Catharine]

Just sneaking in to say 'hey'.

less than 2w b4 follow up appt with RE. Been trying to think positive thoughts

So sorry to read your posts Love and Chriss. My heart goes out to you both.

Regards to DHEA. I think the jury is still out on this but I'm an optimist as well as I totally believe in the placeobo effect. Found this website that may be encouraging. http://www.centerforhumanreprod.com/pre ... aries.html
They published their results as a case study in the journal Fertility and Sterility 2005.
There is some interesting info on the website. I am back to taking DHEA as well as going for ACU tmt and back on the fertility diet trying to prep my body for future tmt.

Hope everyone is doing well PMA to everyone

I will pop in a bit later. Looking forward to seeing more BFPs.

Cheers!
Catharine

[chriss]

Sorry girls, but I must use this forum to vent... I know that you are the only ones who would truly understand! I am a teacher and lots of the teachers at my school are pregnant. Anyway, the rumors are flying all around schoool that I am one of the pregnant girls. Everywhere I go, people stare at my belly first. Very few people know what I am actually going through, those are my closest friends who are sensitive to my feelings. The rest of the idiots are having lots of fun spreading rumors about me. I've gained about 10 lbs during all of this fertility stuff so I must really look pregnant. Anyway, last Friday, a teacher came up to me in front of a few other teachers and said "Are you pregnant?" Really loud! Then today, someone else came up to in the hallway, rubbed my belly and asked me when i would be taking my maternity leave. I was in shock. To top it off, my co-worker (She shares the classroom with me all day) just got back from her maternity leave today and has been talking about pumping breast milk all day. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! And... the whole time last year, she was so insensitive to what I was going through. She complained about her mother in law wanting vanilla cake at the baby shower when she wanted chocolate. Big dilema. She does know everything I am going through. And she keeps shoving it in my face. I just had to share that because I am having a crap day. Yesterday was my "Due-Date" for the miscarriage that I had last spring. So I just don't need this crap. I am trying to keep up the PMA, but sometimes it's so hard. I am being selfish and just writing about myself today, but please know that my heart is with all of you and I thank you for understanding. -chriss

[children]

Chriss,

I am supposed to revise my grant, but it is 4:40 and I worked hard today, I excuse myself to read few post. I am crying reading yours because it reminded me so much of my own experience.

I am a teacher too, but I teach in the labs more than in classroom settings - I interact mainly my graduate students and postdoctors. However, sometimes we will have faculty meetings and once I had met some faculty who claimed she was from a VERY FERTILE family and she had hard time to NOT get pg, and then she went on talking about her two pregnancies FOREVER - that just killed me! I also had refused to go one of the baby showers, although I found that was a mistake later on because this girl apparently had very hard time to get preg also. Since she is 10 yrs younger and I have mistakenly assumed that was an easy one for her.

Anyway, my point is: ignore all the questions and comments as much as you possibly can. I know this is VERY hard. but think about this way, they are innocent, they ask you because they care, not because they want to make fun of you, especially when they have not known what you have been through.

By the way,

- do you know why the mc happened at 8 weeks?
- have you used baby aspirin to thin your blood at that time?
- Factor V Leiden needs to use blood thinning drug to sustain the pregnancy for sure!!!
- you are young and your problems are known, keep trying is the only way to get there.
- - I am not religious, but I do need some kind of spirit support, I found Yoga worked well for me. I strongly recommend "Yoga for Fertility" by Brenda Strong - easily found in Amazon.
- That is what I can think of now, will see how others will respond.

Lastly, we all love you and understand you, keep venting, you are not selfish at all.

Yasmina

[teachertam]

Chriss,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I also gained a few lbs with the fertility treatments.

When my first IVF failed, we got the bad news right before new year's day 2006. DH and I went out to Border's to shop and take our minds off of the BFN. Who should I see at Borders, but my ex-boyfriend and his new wife, who just so happened to be very pregnant! I thought to myself........life is so unfair. He had 3 children and she had 2, not counting the one she was carrying.

Don't give up. You will get your BFP.

Take care of yourself,
Tammy

[Kiwi expat]

Hi Chriss

No need to apologise for the vent on this forum - that is what we are here for! And you 'll feel better for it letting it all out!
I know exactly where you are coming from. Last year I told very few people about my short lived pregnancy - only my boss (had to as I travel for work), and then after the mc, a couple of close colleagues who were wondering why I took so much time off work! In our gossip filled office, rumours were flying around left right and centre and I chose to ignore them and did not even ask the girls I confided in what the others were saying. Just let them think what they wanted was the best policy for me. Needless to say, both colleagues I confided in both had babies last year, one delivered 2 days before my due date if I hadn't mced. (I know that totally sux!) I actually responded surprisingly by throwing myself into their situations and got quite involved in throughout their whole pregnancies.
This year however, is very different. 3 of my very close girlfriends are pregnant. I took it so badly that I broke out in hives with the news! I have realised that I've been slowly distancing myself from this group of lovely girls, but I can't help it at the moment. (There's only so many dinner parties you can handle where the pictures of their latest scans are being passed around the dinner table...)
Yes, it's taking me a long and painful journey, not to get angry with people who get pregnant at the drop of a hat! It's not their fault and they often don't know the situation you're in.

My advice? It's a tough one. Ignore the rumours at work if you can. (Altho, those rubs on the belly must be quite annoying! BTW- why do other people do that when you're pregnant?) Send gifts to baby showers with a polite "sorry I can't make it" note if you feel like it. That way, you aren't being rude, but don't have to face the party. Do something nice for yourself and try and channel your excess energy into something positive like a new gym class or yoga.

If you turned the tables, I'm now also trying to be aware of the good things I have in my life that I may take for granted and be a bit more sensitive about these things to people who don't have them. Such as complaining about my DH to unmarried girlfriends(!!) They must be thinking the exact same thing about us and how insensitive we are to their situation.

Now, I've ranted to much! (There goes my lunch break) Hope this helps and you begin to feel better dear.

Catharine - thanks again for inspiring me on the DHEA. I too, have instigated a bit of a health regime for the next cycle. Couldn't find that full fat yogurt you were telling me about, so have a glass of full cream organic Aussie milk every day! Good luck to you...

Andrea