Anyone else trying for #2...

[Yellow]

Melo_P, I'm so sorry about your hpts. If you were my neighbor, I'd head right over with marshmallows and fuzzy blankets. This is so hard, I know. I guess I used to think that having one little one home with us would make trying for a second one easier. But, now I don't think that's the case. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I always enjoy your posts. For what it's worth, I think you are an insightful and witty person. You can get through this.

Hugs.

[alreadyblessed]

Hi Melo~
I know it's hard, but try to hang on for one more day. A lot of pregnancies start with a very low beta # and then go on to be perfectly fine. There is always that chance that your beta just may not be that high in which case it won't show up on the hpt. Hang on sweetie! I am sending you lots of prayers, a mental warm fuzzy blanket, and some hot chocolate with tons of marshmallows! p.s.~ I know what you mean about the DH's. They are great, but for the most part, it is us, the ladies who are going through this on both a physical and emotional level. Sometimes when the DHs can't handle things, they just shut down on us. That's why these posts are great for all us ladies who have been down the same road and understand how hard it is. Hang in there sweetie!!!

[zoegirl]

Melo - I am sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

I may be out of sight for a while or permanently. I cancelled our IVF attempt because I was unable to withdraw from my anxiety medication. I have stopped it with no problem in the past, so it was quite a surprise when I started puking, panicking and having stomach cramps and INSANE RLS. It is going to be 4-8 weeks before I am completely off the anxiety meds as I will be doing a slow taper. I had to switch back to the toxic RLS meds in order to get thru the taper of the anxiety medications. GLad to deal with fewer symptoms, but very sad and depressed.

I don't think we are going to be able to have another child. The codiene, approved by the fertility doc and the Neuro, did not handle the RLS very well, caused terrible lower GI side effects and I just don't think I could put a baby through the withdrawal of the other medications the neurologist has recommended (vicodin and methadone), even if the fertility doc would agree to let me use them. Who would choose to have a baby on methadone, even if it IS category B? The possible withdrawal for the baby sounds terrible. I think my OB would disapprove also. Plus, my pharmacist and OB would probably think I was an addict just because of taking the methadone.

My secretary very sweetly offered to be a surrogate. However, I think my husband would be horrified at the thought as he does not care for her or her husband at all. Besides, he is not keen on the idea of surrogates anyway, even if it was one of my sisters.

My brain just keeps going in circles. My psychiatrist says things may look different after I have got off the anxiety medication, but I know that this med helps with my RLS and that I'll just need another med in the daytime to cover those symptoms.

I just need to get over it and be happy with what I have and work on making life for the family that I have as good as I can. I hate to disappoint my inlaws, who have been so good to me. WHo knows, I may feel different in a few weeks, but right now I just want to forget all about it. Of course, I probably won't get rid of the fertility meds until they are about to expire, then I'll give them to my clinic - maybe they ahve someone who can use them.

Good luck everyone and baby dust to you.

Zoe

[Melo_P]

Hi All

Thanks for the kind words and virtual fuzzies. The hot chocolate tasted good too!!

Official BFN for me.

Am two days into having the result and AF today has already marched on in. I guess I have been through this a few times now to know that in a few weeks everything I am feeling now will all be behind me - but the interminable struggle involved in thinking about and hoping for another baby won't! I just feel so frustrated this time around. Think I am just plain exhausted with the whole thing. I know you all understand and it is so very very comforting to hear people speaking out themselves all those feelings and frustrations I have inside myself.

Zoe – I really feel for you. There is always so much going on. Try to hang in there and try and take one step at a time. This is all so very very hard, and you have all of those additional challenges too with the other meds that must make this seem impossible.

Before you had your first baby if anything like me - you probably thought it might never happen. I just know how incredible it felt and how I just couldn't get over that huge gulf. Almost 8 years of intolerable trying, total depression, relationship totally on the skids and being on the verge of many many breakdowns - and then in an instant with one phone call - it worked and I was pregnant. Just a 10 second switch! From total hell to incredible relief so quickly. There is always hope. Maybe just say to yourself that it isn't where you can be right now with everything going on. Six months from now could look different for you. I really wish you all the best.

JulesG - Sorry to hear of your result too from the other posts. I hope your hanging in there okay and taking some time to recoup. Let us know what your up to next. It has been good sharing some of this time around with others really in the same boat - because I think the second time does feel different.

Yellow, Already Blessed and Joyanna. Hope you guys all good.

I will check in on threads, but as there is literally nothing I can do now until my follow up on JANUARY 20th (Grrrr! Christmas!!) will probably check in only occasionally. In meantime maybe I'll get myself a puppy! (already blessed your thread made me chuckle!!).

Hugs to you all, and as New Zealand Maori say – "Kia Kaha, Kia Maia!" (Stand strong and be courageous)

Mel

[joyanna]

Hi all

Just a quick pop in.

Melo_P - I am so very sorry to hear your bfn news. I was praying so hard for you. I hope that you are OK. The bfn grief feeling is tough. I will get back to you later on the other thread about the fluid in the tubes, I am in the middle of taking to more doctors to try and understand it all a bit better but the bottom line for me is that my clinic has told me that there is little point in doing more ivf till I get it sorted.

Jules - so sorry to hear your bfn news as well. Hope you are taking some time to recover from it all.

Zoe - I hope that you are well. My heart goes out to you. I find the ivf meds so hard to deal with, I am up and down emotionally - so I cannot imagine how you are coping. I hope that you are ok?

Alreadyblessed - hope all going well with your little bump ....probably getting to be a big bump now?

Yellow - hi to you. When are you thinking of trying again ......did you say next spring?

We had our consultation last week. Basically, I am getting some fluid in my left tube each time I do the ivf estrogen drugs. This fluid seems to disappear once I am finished the meds - it appears and disappears on the scans througout the ivf cycle. The doctor feels that this is a major factor in implantation failure of the FETS and not being able to hold the pregnancy once I get pregnant (ie my miscarriage from the last cycle). They want me to have my left tube removed which seems a little drastic to me (as I had a laproscropy done last october and both tubes were fine) but I have looked into what they are saying ....and it appears that I have little hope of getting pregnant while I am getting this fluid. Also, the fact that the fluid is building up indicates that the tube is not patent and if I got pregnant naturally there is a strong chance that it could be etopic. So I am in the middle of thinking this through at the moment. I have to be honest and say that I feel like throwing the towel in on this ivf lark but my heart is broken thinking that my dd will be an only child.

[zoegirl]

OK, so now I am addicted to message boards! Can't stay away.

Thanks Melo, for your words of encouragement. You are right, it did seem unsurmountable before I had my first baby, but we made it. So who is to say we won't be able to scale the current mountain before us?

Joyanna - I'm sending you vibes of strength while wrestle with your decision to have surgery or not. What a frustrating situation. Any abdominal surgery makes one feel so weak afterwards, too, but does get better wtih time . . . I hope you reach a decison that is comfortable to you. I share your anguish at the idea of your son being an only child. I'm trying to get comfortable with the possibility that this may be the result, but not ready to give up yet. Hang in there! Maybe the surgery is all you need to get things to work properly.

Julesg - hope all is well . . .

I saw my GP today and talked about methadone babies. She didn't seem horrified and said that the medical community is becoming more accepting of the use of methadone for people other than addicts, so folks won't automatically assume I am an addict IF I agreed to take it. She said they do have to monitor those babies more closely but that many are born completely fine.

I'm trying to get a referral to a perinatologist (they won't see you without a referral). I have a call in to my regular OBGYN, asking for a referral. I asked my IVF coordinator for a referral but she was reluctant and thought it would be better if I met with the nurse practitioner at the fertility clinic. Now, I have a lot of respect for nurse practitioners, but I don't think seeing one is the same thing as seeing a perinatologist.

I'm now on a different anxiety med and have started the taper. Also heavily medicated for the RLS so the taper does not aggravate my symptoms. With any luck I'll be off the anxiety med by the first week of Jan when I will likely get another visit from AF.

Good vibes to you all!

[zoegirl]

Ugh. I'm so much wanting everything to work out. The regular OB is giving me a referral to the perinatologist to talk about the risks of methadone, whic is cateogry b. She said they don't even bat an eye when they see pregnant patients on methadone. I would be on a very low dose (5-40 mg -- adicts are on 100-200 mg from what I have read). There is extra monitoring of the baby and of course preparation in case the baby experiences withdrawal, but they would not freak out if I was naturally preggo and on methadone. I should get a call from the perinatologist this week.
If the perinatologist gives me risk numbers that don't scare the !@#$ out of me, and I can convince the RE and the husband, then we will move forward.
The hard part is waiting. But really, it's just a different part of waiting. If we get the go ahead, then we'll be doing a different watiing game . . . will my FSH still be good. . . will the IVF work. . . . and if we got a BFP, we'd be doing a different waiting game . . . will the pregnancy stick . . . will the baby be OK . . . But as Tom Petty said, the waiting is the hardest part . . .

[lauradc]

Hi all-
Thought I'd bump this thread up...I am so sorry to you all who are not having your number twos come along easily...I definitely know how you feel and it is so hard to decide to be done or even to take a break sometimes...We are sort of doing both- we might be done but I'm not totally sure...if only it could all be easier...and I still am so thankful for my ds but we can't help but want a sibling for our first miracle...take care and I'm thinking of you all, Laura

[KESSA]

Hi Ladies, I've been ready for #2 for a while but was taken a back by how long the "system" is taking. Since we have 4 embies on ice and we would be self funding I thought I'd just ring up the clinic a couple of months before I wanted to do a cycle and book, boy was I wrong. I rang the clinic in late August, our FET is Feb/Mar , apparently I had to have an appointment with the consultant first which took 3mths wait, 10mins we were in there being told nothing I didn't already know and being charged £150!!!! then we have the planning appointment in early Jan so that doesn't feel too far away now and the consultant said the next available slot was Feb/Mar. I was really dissappointed that it's taken so long, why did I think it would ever be easy? so now if it was successful we'd be looking at the same EDD as DD which I didn't really want and yes I could postpone but I don't want to risk missing any opportunity.
I have mixed feelings about the treatment, I'm really apprehensive about riding the emotional rollercoaster again, I hate the trying to be positive but not building your hopes up too high and the waiting, oh that drives me insane at every stage, have I responded to the meds?, have the embryos thawed and still dividing?, and the killer that TWW!!!!
I don't know how I'll be with it being our second time round but I kinda feel like I might still be just as devastated if it fails as if it were the first time IYSWIM?
Oh and the other thing in the clinics most recent letter to me they asked me to phone them when my Jan period arrives, ah yea when would that be Jan 2010? I've had like 4 periods this year, there's no guarantees one will decide to show up January, last time I had to take meds to induce a period, another delay I don't need When I have my next appointment I will bring this up.
Anyway here's hoping 2009 will bring lots of BFPs!

[zoegirl]

Oh, that sound so frustrating, Kessa. Here in US, folks talk about socialized healthcare as if it solves all probs w/healthcare . . . but listening to CAN and UK gals, it sound like it just has different probs. I can go right in to the RE thank goodness.

Right now I'm having trouble getting all my specialists to communicate. I saw the perinatologist and he is OK with the medications proposed by my Neurologist, as is the regular OB. However, the RE can't seem to get on board. His office has not reported receiving the perinatologists fax . . . I better check on that. I really want to get started in January. My period was really late this month, and I am NEVER late. very strange. I'm hoping that it isn't sign of things to come. With the high FSH, a voice in my head is saying "perimenopause."

My DH has been really clear that he wants a second child, but this past weekend sounded not so sure. I think he's having trouble adjusting to the toddler stage (DS will be 14 months soon). He doesn't seem to understand that the behavior, while not always fun or pleasant, is normal and natural and that sometimes you do have to follow the toddler around and let them explore. The can't spend all their time on your lap or in the playpen, and they can't be confined to a single room. He's also upset that DS seems to have a strong preference for me right now. He feels very bummed out by this. i keep telling him it is just a stage. I think the solution is not to spend less time with DS, but more!

As for me, I am sure of what I want.