The Over 40 Crowd

[mrscutter]

Hi everyone,
Sorry I haven't been on in a while. I just felt so down I didn't know what to do. Thanks so much for asking about me and checking on me. DH and I have no clue what to do. We used a credit card my ARC which is a group that loans money for infertility but the interest rate is a whopping 24 percent. We are so stretched out with money and this was pushing us even more in debt. We wanted it so badly we went with it. Then when we got the BFN the heartbreak was so much more due to the huge debt we have. As you know I just turned 41 and obviously my chances are really slim. I know that many people got pg with their own eggs, but obviously mine are defective and old. My uterus and lining looked perfect she said and the two eggs even were 8 cell grade A and Grade B 6 cell. So I just cannot understand why it failed. We are supposed to make an appointment for a "failure consultation" whatever that means. I haven't scheduled that yet because we dont have plans of doing it again. We want to really badly, but dont have any money to do it. If I did have the money i would go ahead and do donor egg. DH is totally against it, but I feel like its the only way for him to get his own child. I have been so depressed that we wont have a child together and probably one at all. That is just hard to accept. I had a dream the other night that I had a baby girl that had my green eyes and DH long skinny legs. she was beautiful then i woke up and discovered it was a dream. How cruel for my own body to play such a joke on me. DH doesn't talk about it much because he knows we don't have the money to try again. I start thinking irrational and think lets move to a state that has infertility benefits or l will quit my job and find a new one that has infertility benefits. All of these things are crazy to consider for me, but I think about it anyway.

Catharine,
I hope you and DD are doing well. Are you getting more rest now?

Yasmina, i hope you are feeling better.

Tammy, how are you. Thanks for checking on me. Hang in there.

Tracy, I am so so sorry about losing your baby. omg I can't tell you how much I feel for you. I will say a prayer for you tonight. Many hugs to you.

Everyone else that I didn't mention, I follow your stories and Im glad we can talk to each other. Like I have said before we are here for each other. I so wish that I had money to just give to everyone and that money wouldnt be an issue. I wish we could all just try as many times as we could stand. Wouldn't that be great.

I am finally getting back to normal. For the entire time I was doing the shots up until i got the BFN I didnt have ANY caffenine, no chocolate, no.... you know what. (hard on DH. lol) no exercise. I did absolutely everything right but still got the BFN. So now I am having my chocolate my sweet tea and my .... you know what. ha ha. So I guess I back to myself again. I wish you all the best. I will continue to check in from time to time because I have gotten used to your advice and friendship. Sorry this is so long its been a while.

Rhonda

[Catharine]

Rhonda-have you looked into the CapitalOne fertility financing, it has fixed rate starting at 1.99% http://www.capitalonehealthcarefinance.com/fertility/ Don't be so hard on yourself, it's still early. Continue with your relaxation tmt; I can not remember if you were doing acu. Continue with your healthy eating and if you supplementing with the DHEA. You never know what will happen around the next bend in life. Look on the positive, continue with the positive lifestyle. Also did you sign the electronic fertility petition for your state? it's about the state mandating insurance companies to cover some if not all costs of fertility tmt. If you google it, you will find the page. If I were you I would go ahead and schedule the consult to see what the docs have to say about this failed cycle and what options they can offer. Go in armed with facts and figures and above all questions to help you understand your own case file. Remember much of the medical costs you incur can be written off on your tax return [see irs publication 502]. Please take care of yourself. I'm thinking of you and your DH.

Catharine

[children]

Rhonda,

My clinic in San Antonio also had given me few other options about financing ivf, including Captial One that Catharine has mentioned - I would certainly look into other credit companies which provides better rate than yours now and transfer all your debt to the lowest rate possible. 24% sounds too hi. Agree with Catharine, I would also go ahead to the consultation and see what next step could be. The number of eggs that your first cycle produced was not hi, I agree, but the protocol can be adjusted to see whether you will respond to new protocol better next time.

Another very recent finding is that fresh cycles don't work as well as frozen cycles because the treatment cause some inhibition in embryo implantation - go to look for posts by "ghost" under ivf board here, he discussed about this.

The bottom line is that you are not as old as you think and you had two kids before. There is no reason that you can't be pg naturally in the future. 41 is very young among all of us! Stay positive!

Tammy,

I am sorry that the virus got your little family also! Hope you get over sooner than me! How sweet that you have Daddy to take you to the appointment! Do update about your egg thawing and fertilization and transfer status. Very anxious and hopeful here!

Catharine,

Hope DD lets you sleep some.

I am feeling better than yesterday and I think I can live now. Tomorrow I will have a regular 32 wk check and than every two weeks until 36 weeks. Little by little, I am getting closer!

Take care everyone!

Yasmina

[teachertam]

Yasmina: Thanks for the encouragement. Only one of my four eggs survived the thaw. I'm just hoping for fertilization and that the one egg will make it to transfer. My DH was fine with having only one egg make it, as he was worried about multiples. I just hope my little egg is a fighter and can make it to day 3 transfer on Friday. I went to the Dr. today and got some Amoxicillin. I want to feel better for Friday . I'm trying to remain positive.

Rhonda: Sometimes the exact same protocol can yield different results. My first IVF only resulted in 3 eggs, but my 2nd IVF resulted in 12 eggs.

Hello to Catharine and Tracy.

Regards,
Tammy

[garfieldtracy]

Rhonda - I am sorry about the money issue - but know that there are other lines of credit with lower rates. I had 2 credit cards (not for ivf) that had a 3.99 and 4.99 rate on balance transfers for the life of the transfer. Took a couple of years, but we finally paid them off. There are low interest rates out there - you just have to search for them.

Also, don't worry about how many eggs you get. We only got 4 - but by time of ET 1 was dividing too quickly, but was put back knowing we really only had 3 good ones. Like you we did not have any extra to freeze.

I hope you and DH discuss what you do next, if anything. As long as you are on the same page you two should be OK.

Tracy

[teachertam]

Good morning Ladies: We got the call this morning that our single surviving egg fertilized so now we have 1 beanie. As long as he/she survives, we will transfer it on Friday.

[Catharine]

Tammy- wonderful news. sending lots of babydust, gorw beanie grow.

Hello to everyone else, Rhonda, Yasmina, Tracy and anyone lurking around reading our posts.

So, DD is putting on the wait and slowly looking less like a newborn and more like a chunky monkey [baby], so sad
I love watching her change but with each moment I recognize her growth I grow saddened that I didn't preserve the memories well enough of how little she was. She has already grown out of many of her clothes. I confess some she never got to wear either.

Wishing you all well.
Catharine

[teachertam]

Catharine: Thanks for the well wishes. I was hoping for a higher thaw survival rate, but as DH put, one embie is all you need.

I know what you mean regarding the little baby clothing. I tried to put Andrew's clothing in order by size in this closet, but sometimes I would try things on him and he already outgrown them. Now I buy his clothes ahead and store them in this closet. I get them when they are on the clearance rack and save a bundle that way.

Take care all,
Tammy

[children]

Hi all,

Just got back from ob for 32 wk check and the fetal is alive - good news but I have gained 17 lbs already - bad news (I only gained 15 lb total in the last pg) and I still have 7 and half weeks to go! My calm ob finally thinks that I may need an ultrasound in the next check if I continue to grow to determine whether the baby is too big. Now, he is measured 3 weeks ahead of time!

Tammy,

DH is right, my experience is that more is not better, the ones which survived should be the one that you need. Remember Andrew is the product of one good egg! I transferred 5 or 6 each time to only have one survived. I never had multiple and reduced to one, which meant to me that I only had one good egg each time! Good luck on Friday's transfer!

Catharine,

I felt similarly to you also. I did not even have a chance to record my DD's baby cry which was so unique. I never heard any baby cry like hers, seriously, she did "la la' instead of "ah ah" like most of others. I had opposite problem about cloth, DD did not fit in her newborn cloth produced in the US - she only wore European infants cloth at beginning months, although she quickly went into those. On the other hand, I did not get much chance to dress her either. I regretted very much that I washed everything that I got from our baby shower. We only used less than 30% of the stuff. Hope our second baby will use some of those.

Hello to everyone else here!

Yasmina

[teachertam]

Yasmina:

I'm glad your 32 week check went well. Don't feel bad about gaining 17lbs. I gained 35 lbs with Andrew!! I lost it in 3-4 months afterwards by breastfeeding.

Thanks for the well wishes on Friday. I just hope my little beanie continues to grow and makes it to the transfer on Friday.

Take care all,
Tammy

[teachertam]

Good morning Ladies:

My Embryologist called this morning to tell me that my little bean was still progressing as expected and was a 2 cell embie this morning. He expects it to be 4 or 8 cell at transfer tomorrow.

Tammy

[children]

Tammy,

Sounds good and I am very happy that your embryologist keeps such close contact with you - that means she/he cares! If your little embryo gets the attention, it will survive and thrive. Looking forward to your tomorrow's transfer!

Hi to everyone else!

Yasmina

[garfieldtracy]

Tammy - you go girl (or should I say you go you little embie !!).
Keep us posted.

Lots of baby dust,
Tracy

[teachertam]

Ladies:
Thanks for the well wishes for my little beanie.

Yasmina: Did you "rest" after ET? My RE's nurse told me to rest for 2 days after ET, but I'm not sure what that means. Does it mean that I cannot lift Andrew? He weights 29 lbs by the way! What did you do? I'm wondering if I should just not lift Andrew and rest on the sofa for 2 days, or does it mean bedrest? I can't remember what I did before, but of course that was before I had Andrew. Also, I'm concerned about sleeping arrangements, as he ends up in our bed at some point in the night or morning. He likes to lay his head on my chest to fall asleep.

Take care all,
Tammy

[children]

Hi Tammy,

Embryos are very sticky, once placed at certain position in the uterus, they never move. So, I never see the point of resting, especially bed resting. I move around. I don't drive but that was only because I was not allowed to drive as the dedative drugs they used prior to transfer. I walked, worked (sitting in front of a computer, surfing internet, mostly, not so much of "work") and cooked right afterwards. However, I have to say that I don't remember I lifted Eloise or not, even I did, it could not be long since I don't like carrying her around. She is at daycare most of the day times, I only pick her up and carry her in very short distance. But I am sure I was not paying particular attention to this. My sense is that if Andrew likes to lean on your chest to sleep, that is perfectly fine, you can always ask your RE tomorrow to make sure.

I woke up my DH to ask him whether he remembers more details and he said, you did nothing special! My daily life is very unphysical. I actually think walking and mildly moving around in the house is beneficial as these can help with circulationn which is important for implantation.

Anyway, we really don't know what's working and what's not. We just do whatever our instincts tell us. You do whatever you feel comfortable with, if anything in doubts, ask RE! Oh, don't forget buy at least two whole fresh pineapples and eat 2~3 days after the transfer!

Good luck and fingers toes are all crossed here!

Yasmina