I went through a huge reality check at about 16 weeks... when I really started to feel kicks and bumps... My husband works on the oil pipelines and is gone for... most likely about 5 - 6 months out of the year. I own a very, very busy promotional/embroidery shop with nine employees and my life has been centred around my work, which I've loved (nothing better to do!). It's also helped with him being away (we want to retire early) and to get through the IVF journey/miscarriages.Happy Bunny wrote:
AFM: I had a huge meltdown yesterday... I know how silly this might sound but here's what happened:
The baby had a really, really active day. Literally, she was up from 2am to 8pm with only some short 5-10 minute rest periods. The more she kicked, the more I was aware of her. I started thinking about taking care of her and started feeling really inadequate. The world also seemed really scary... I was thinking about drugs, AIDS, cancer and other horrible things that I was afraid that I could not protect her from. I cried on and off all day.
I'm feeling better today. I've bounced back and she's back to her normal self. I guess we just had a bad day.
Feeling the baby moving and realizing that he will ACTUALLY be here and need me to care for him EVERY MINUTE ... shocked me and freaked me out. I feel I'm going to be torn between a very profitable, enjoyable career, where a LOT of people depend on me, including my two daughter in laws and son for their livelihoods, and our baby, which I will be raising alone for at least some of the early years. I was literally sobbing for a couple of hours. It didn't help that my (much older and career stay at home mom) sister keeps telling me that there's no way I will be able to work once the baby comes. She made me feel that I would be a bad mother if I got a nanny, or that my mothering instincts would be so deep that I will refuse to get childcare and just abandon my business.
The truth is, I'm the boss. I can do what I want, including putting in a small nursery in our new location (opening in September), and hiring a nanny/housekeeper for 6 hours a day so I can still run my business and then come home to a clean house and be a wife and mother the rest of the day. The truth is, I can come and go as I please, and in my heart and mind, the financial success of my business is one of the things that will allow us to retire early and BOTH of us spend all our time with this child.... AND help my older kids keep advancing in life.
It took some time before I was okay. I think the reality of actually having a baby is really something for so many of us who have gotten used to TRYING to have a baby.