JOKES and POSITIVE THOUGHTS

Smita · Post by **Smita** » Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:28 pm

Hey Sand,
Thanks for asking,I'm doing fine..
Isn't your consultation around the corner?
Good Luck..
Indi,
Hope you feel loads better soon
When is Jeni back?

smita

Smita · Post by **Smita** » Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:31 pm

Another one for "fitness" buffs

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap !
____________________________________
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.
____________________________________
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
____________________________________
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
____________________________________
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you?
____________________________________
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
____________________________________
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's
the best feel-good food around!
____________________________________
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
____________________________________
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
____________________________________
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets and remember... "Life should NOT be a journey to
the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways. It should be: -
Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughlyused
up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!"

indiana · Post by **indiana** » Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:52 pm

Hi Smita

That was definatly for me as i gave up smoking 9 wks ago and have put on 2 stone since. I think Jen is back on the 13th, her appointment is on the 14th.
I have missed all her PMA.

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Tue Oct 04, 2005 4:47 pm

Well done on giving up smoking x x

PMA for that and the tmt x x

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Tue Oct 04, 2005 4:48 pm

Sand · Post by **Sand** » Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:07 pm

Hi Smita ... Glad you're feeling okay ...!! Yes, the appointment's next Tues (11th) so v. looking forward to it now ... Get the ball moving a little ..

Sandra x

Jeni Babes · Post by **Jeni Babes** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 6:37 pm

SMITA....You are soooooooooooo funny...thank you for all that input.

How does it feel to be 21wks pregnant....More than half way there!! Are you managing to sleep at night? My friend had terrible problems with ligiment pains around her bump that kept here awake.

How are you doin Indi?

Nicky I like your style....mega huge PMA for Nov.

Sand- great to hear your appointment went well, good luck dec/jan.

To everyone else.....YES YES YES SMITA IS A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW.....But we all have some jokes or funny smilies in our computers....let's keep up the PMA and the LAUGHTER

THANKS
love
jen
xxxx

Jeni Babes · Post by **Jeni Babes** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 7:22 pm

SMITA is soooooooo funny... yep i am re-reading them....

Jen
xxxx

Jeni Babes · Post by **Jeni Babes** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 7:30 pm

I am still laughing!!!

Smita · Post by **Smita** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:03 am

HI Jeni,
Welcome back..
SENDING LOTS AND LOTS OF POSITIVE THOUGHTS YOUR WAY, ALL OF YOU!!

Here's one for today:

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"

smita

eskavon · Post by **eskavon** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:56 pm

LittleP · Post by **LittleP** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:28 pm

I like your style Smita.

LP

Here goes:

NO SPEAKA DE ENGLISH:

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Whos talkin' abou ta sex? I'm a just a tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi'."

Smita · Post by **Smita** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:31 pm

Good one!!

smita

Jeni Babes · Post by **Jeni Babes** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:48 pm

I like the blonde joke little p........

jen
xxx

Jeni Babes · Post by **Jeni Babes** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:50 am

Know you lot have have been posting some good jokes but i received this today from a friend and thought i'd like to share it. Hope you all approve!

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.
"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."
"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied
proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of
education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time,
graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

To me it says something about at the right moment and right time things always will turn out okay. Ce cera cera! what ever will be will be! since i am still waiting on AF i thought maybe there is a reason for it all? Hanging onto the PMA........What do you think?..............

Love
jen
xxx

JOKES and POSITIVE THOUGHTS

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