Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[annashope]

Julia try not to get too scared and lay down as much as you can. I had lots of dark red drops with some clotting and I even thought it was a period. I am told implantation bleeding happens all the way up to 12 weeks. I know its easier said than done but as much as you can try not to worry and lay down with your feet up. Hugs

[Sunshine1576]

Leora, Literally you put the sand with sandwiches! lol I can relate to the sand so much, dh cooked breakfast this morning and I literally had to clean the table first from all the sand, seriously sand is everywhere and when we someday move yes the sand will probably be going with us to our next destination!

Julia, I'll keep praying for you. Remind me when is your next u/s?

Gina, Seriously how frustrating, but glad you didn't want until the last minute to start paperwork.

AFM: We have always played by the rules and feel like we are more then ever being punished right now!
I am so wanting to scream! This coworker who is in her mid 20's but acts like a teenager...She has let her license become suspended because she doesn't have auto insurance, meaning she can't renew her registration....she lost the copy of her license and her name changed since she was married but got divorced. So she has to make a trip to the courthouse to get her birth certificate, but doesn't have to money to drive to her previous home state and did I mention shouldn't because her license is revoked!!! She was worried 2 weeks ago because she thought she had to the first of May to get everything taken care of, but I told her since her birthday falls in May she has until the end of May to figure everything out. I thought maybe that would help give her time for another paycheck to come through. She lives with her boyfriend and they live paycheck to paycheck, which is common for most people dh and I personally know.

So on Friday this coworker asked us if she could go home early and since we weren't busy that day we let her. Well yesterday I heard she called in, this made us very tight for coverage and we did over 11 grand in sales so we were slammed. Today when she came into work she wasn't sure of her work schedule so she came in -when we first opened to find out since she does not have a cell phone to call us. (money is tight for a cell phone). She wasn't scheduled until 1:00 but it was 11 and she said I'll go home and come back at 1. I thought why not ask her to stay to help us with the backroom and besides as I told her gas prices are ridiculously high. She goes I just don't want to be f-------- her today. I said really, I'm not going to pry but this attitude you have had for the last 3 days has got to stop right here at the door! I was so furious, and almost sent her home but thought that would be what she would of wanted so I had her to stay and help out cleaning/organizing our stockroom and toward the midpart of the day she apologized to me. After my lunch I came back with a coke for her and stood and talked to her for a while telling her I haven't told many people here about my husband's job being cut but I know we all have personal stuff going on. She looked up at me and said Christy, "I am pregnant." I felt like someone had punched me so hard for a moment I couldn't breathe...I didn't know what to do but hugged her and we cried together, she was so scared I'm sure, while I didn't know what to do...I was still trying to accept the news. I asked her how her boyfriend responded but she said he's ok but his family is going to spoil this baby and I'm going to let them. I knew I couldn't stay in the stockroom near her long, I needed a distraction to pretend this never happened! Oh lord and I get to work with her tomorrow night. How will I get through this without killing her someone pleaaaaaase save my sanity!

So I called my very best friend, no answer and my middle brother who's my confident to hear everything I emotionally go though and we talked more about IVF and he gave me his advice that I should find a way... I came home to my husband not intending to talk about everything that happened today but burst into tears and we sit down and figure to hell with following the rules we are going to sit down and figure out how we can afford IVF this July. We deserve this and have waited long enough!!! So tomorrow we're moving forward. Leora will you please update me for IVF in July? We will make a way for this to happen over my 36th birthday...Thank you SO much!

[Ninde]

Morning ladies

Julia: Really sorry you are bleeding. I know as anna says - easier said than done but try to lie down and hopefully this bleeding will stop. I'm sending you calming thoughts and I hope you can rest.

Annashope: How is your back

Leora: Its actually my older sister who is in the police with the right wing attitudes. My twin sister's are closer to mine.

Christy: Damn, that must have been an awful situation in work - and being stuck in the smalll room. I'm really sorry, you don't deserve that. Isn't it amazing how we can find the strength to deal with that sort of situation - even when we are feeling so awful? You are one hell of a strong lady. And congratulations on deciding to do IVF in July, that decision took a lot of courage too. I'm wishing you nothing but good things. And we might even be cycling together

Hopethisworks: How are you after the crash?

Maria: How are you doing?

Nicole: How is your training going?

Knylee: Doing ok?

Cyn: Is your test on Wed?

Afm: Really really bad argument with DH over weekend. Well not so much argument as he actually didn't say much but he said he wanted us to try to do like an unmedicated IUI ourselves - while we are waiting for our next cycle - by that I mean what the hospital told us to do in 2004 - use a non-needle syringe to "inseminate". Now whilst I know this is totally not going to work as his sperm are horrendous I said ok. As I've explained here before, he has MS and ejaculation is a terrible problem for him. What upset me terribly though was that he has no intention of doing this the old fashioned way - even the preamble. I think I was literally gobsmacked - so again we are back to wanting the baby but absolutely no contact with me. I'm so sorry ladies if this is the wrong place to say any of this or if its TMI but I can't tell my friends this as I'm literally just too ashamed. I understand that the MS is causing a lot of this - but to feel that unwanted is just killing me. He is a very good man - and I really mean that - but this leaves me feeling humiliated and that our future is terribly empty. I feel just desolate today.

Ninde

[Julia73]

Oh Patricia- that's a horrible feeling. You are a worthy, intelligent, insightful compassionate woman and you don't deserve to feel like you're unwanted. I think its perfectly fine to voice this here. Prayers for you.

Sunshine-I think its wonderful how you handled the Co worker. I applaud you! I don't think I would have been so level headed and graceful! Great news that you're starting ivf in July! My next ultrasound is on the 30th, unless they let me come in for one today.

Annas-thank you and i'm really trying to stay in bed as much as possible.


Afm-i'm still spotting but now its brown grainy stuff, sorry,I know that's gross please forgive me but i'm really beginning to come undone. There's not a lot but its still disconcerting....thank you guys for your prayers.

[leorira11]

Anna - I'm actually going to try to NOT have the POAS craziness this time. It's so tempting, because I've gotten answers as early as 5dp5dt, but if it's a BFN cycle, the days between POAS and waiting for beta KILLLLLL me. So I'm going to hold off on POAS until beta day. (I may eat my words and POAS tomorrow, but I'm going to *try*!)

Gina - that's one of the things I love about living on this side of the world -- vacationing in Europe is so much more awesome than vacationing in the USA! The Netherlands for a weekend? Sounds great!

HopethisworksM - 11dp3dt isn't *too* early for a beta, it's just a bit early. Don't be concerned at all if your beta sounds low (like 30 or whatever) because it'll be really early. Most people have betas done at 14-16dpo and you'll only be 13dpo. But great to get results earlier!

Julia - oh no! Spotting is so scary. I had spotting when I was pregnant with my boys, and it was all fine. I hope everything is good by you. Can you get an u/s to check, just for peace of mind? When is your next scheduled scan?

Christy - UGH. That's so hard. I hate out-of-the-blue pregnancy announcements, especially when they are so unfair and you are so vulnerable! July sounds like a great plan. That's my birthday month too - so hopefully it'll be a good one this year.

Patricia - I'm so sorry. Things right now are super tense between me and my DH too - I haven't brought it up here, because it's so painful for me and I don't really want to talk about it. Do you see a couple's therapist? That might really help. Maybe find someone who is experienced in couples that one partner has MS. I'm sorry you are feeling so desperate and alone today. Big big big hugs coming from here.

Amanda - not sure if you are stalking, but I know you are cycling now and we'd love you to come back!

AFM - same old, same old. Another SnS tomorrow. I'm hoping for news that my ER is soon! I'm so sick of injections and it's only been a week!



Kynlee-FET 2012
Dandme-FET 2012
Chris (to_have_fun08)
Cyn - FET in May
Lauren-March/2012


Antonia (Anton)-IVF 2012
Gina1976-will schedule appt w/RE in several months for 1st IVF
Christy (Sunshine1576)- July 2012
Amy (Jayne321)
Patircia (Ninde)
Nicole (blueeyeddreamer) summer 2012







Leora (leorira11) - started stims April 17th
Amanda1979- stimming




LauraN-PUPO 4-13
HopeThisWorksM-PUPO 4-14, beta 4/25
Globetrotter-PUPO 4-14


*Julia73-PUPO 3-23, 4-26 BFP Beta 542, 4-29 Beta 2343, 4-11 Beta 4102, 4-16 u/s - heartbeat!
*Annashope-BFP 4-11 Beta 35, 4-13 Beta 121, Beta 566 - u/s on 4-20 - 1 perfect gestational sac!


We love you and are always here for you
Greekchick
Cyn22
Patricia (Ninde)



Patricia (Ninde)
Nicole (blueeyeddreamer)

[leorira11]

Julia - we posted the same time. See if you can get an extra u/s today. My clinic would let me come in whenever I had any bleeding/spotting to check on the baby. It'll make you feel a lot better.

[HopeThisWorksM]

Yeah, I thought 11dp2dt was early too but Im guessing the doctor knows what he's doing

If positive I would expect a low number at that point so no worries there.

My only fear is that I just dont feel pregnant. Maybe I am but I dont feel any cramping or anything mch the past 5 days. I do fel tired, but Im always tired Is it normal not to feel almost anything for the first 2 weeks?

-HopeThisWorksM

[Julia73]

Hopethisworks- I felt absolutely nothing like pregnant and you could have knocked me over with a feather when they told me I was pregnant. I think it happens...hugs!

Leora-I will definitely ask for an ultrasound today. This is just really worrying. The worst part is (and it seems to be going around) Dh and I were in the middle of a big fight when the bleeding came back dark red so I immediately felt like I caused this!

[Ninde]

Julia: Thank you for your kind words. If its brown grainy stuff I think thats a good sign - although I know that probably won't help you feel better. Go for the U/S if you can.

Leora: Thanks to you too. We have seen two therapists, both said I needed to adjust my expectations and neither were prepared to look at either (a) the descrepancy between us in terms of sexuality or (b) what this was doing to us as a couple. At the same time I havn't thought of finding a counsellor with MS experience - that might help. It was precisely because our experience with both couples' therapists was pretty poor that I went on to specialise both in couples work and also psychosexual stuff. And the stupid thing about it is that its not that terribly difficult to work on with a couple - there are far harder things - this is actually easier to fix! Even saying it here has lightened it for me.

Ninde

[annashope]

Hope this works it is perfectly normal to feel nothing. I still sometimes feel nothing and at this point I am 5wks 3 days preg. At the time of my beta I had no symptoms at all....not even tired.

Julia I was told brown is old blood and its good and the clumps are from the crinone....are you on that? I have that for a couple of days after every bleed episode. Had another epesode of brown bleed yesterday....not sure why hoping everything is ok.

Our toilet is clogged and nothing gets it unstuck and just looking at it makes me gag...ugh its always something

Ninde sorry about the troubles with DH you are always welcome to vent to us. Infertility has changed mine and dh rel;relationship as well I think its just so hard on everyone. Please don't feel worthless you are a wonderful woman. Also my DH had bad sp....but we managed to get pg with a natural iui after a failed IVF and FET so you never know....trying is always worth it.

[anton]

Hi everyone!




I’ve been thinking about you girls today a lot and thought I have a break to ‘talk’ and catch up with you...

Leora- Yay for stimming again Leora! I wish you this time is going to be THE take home baby time! How exiting to be a junkie again! I miss those days so much! Getting those shots in my tummy was the closest thing to a pregnancy I ever had! I am sure everyone here can relate to the feeling.

Sunshine- I LOVE your attitude towards the whole situation! Who knows, maybe this colleague of yours being pregnant is the best news you could get! I mean, hearing that she is pregnant made you move forward and made you ready to take the risk, any risk in order to have a baby. Maybe her news where exactly what you needed to hear to take the next step! Kudos for you! July is going to be your miracle month! Sorry I forgot, but when is your birthday? I meant to save that birthday’s database you made for all of us and I forgot. Maybe God’s plan was that you get pregnant on you 36 year of age!

Hopethiswork- Hey PUPO girl! I wish you get that BFP this time!


Julia- Hey mama! When is your next u/s? I am not an expert by far but from what I’ve heard all the time on the boards is that seeing blood is a very common thing so try not to think of the worse and focus on your lo growing inside you ...that is exactly what I would do if I were you...yeah right!! But seriously try stay calm and stress free!

Annashope – Hello miracle mama! What a F*** amazing turnout for you my friend! Me getting pregnant naturally is like me going to the moon! I couldn’t be happier for you!!! We hear about miracles everyday but it makes it more real to ‘know’ that person who gets that miracle! I wish you a healthy uneventful pregnancy all the way!!!

Gina- OMG! you still waiting for answers and the green light to move! This is ridiculous! Yes! Your DH should go up to the big guys and ask for some action on the matter! Keep us posted on the outcome and hopefully you get your green light to leave soon! ...Been to Holland 4 yrs ago and had a great time. Also been to Rome/Italy twice and loved it! I wouldn’t mind going again and again! Architecture, food and shopping at its best! I love Italy and the Italians in general! Besides Rome,in Italy I’ve also been to Milan, Napoli and Capri. Capri is absolutely b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l! Even the taxis are convertible! Can’t say the same thing about Napoli though, very, very dirty! I was disguised even my shoes touching the pavement! That much! Filthy dirty!...besides that, the Hotel we stayed was fabulous and VERY clean and other places we’ve been around Napoli where nice. I LOVE travelling! I must have been an air-hostess in my previous life

Cyn – By now you must have seen that strong second line on your Ovulation stick. Right?...so any day now and you will have your biopsy test. Funny thing, I have done 6 fresh IVF’s and 1 FET all negatives and all with textbook perfect embryos and blasts (I had both 3 day and 5 day transfers) and when I asked about having this endo biopsy both my OB and RE told me that is not necessary and that it hasn't been proved that it helps implantation on the following IVF cycle. So far I had a Laparoscopy and an Hysteroscopy (removed a small polyp but other than that my insides where perfect ) and my lining on all the ET days has always been 11-12mm so they told me that they don’t want to mess with my endo since they don’t see any problem with it. And we should mess with that. I've heard from others on the board though that they didn’t have problems with the lining either but did the biopsy anyway and it worked. Even though it hasn’t been proven that it worked because of the biopsy. I don’t know. Maybe since July 2011 (my last IVF) my RE has seen more studies on the biopsy and maybe by the time I go for my 8th IVF he will agree on making me that biopsy. I would love to hear how yours goes! Who knows! Maybe this is exactly what you wanted to have to get that BFP! Good luck!

Lauren319 – Hey girl! How are you! Glad to see you back on the horse! When do you start? I wish you ALL the best!! ((HUGS))

Lydia- Congrats on having a baby girl! That is wonderful! My DH’s dream is to have a baby girl or two! Even though we always talk that we don’t mind the gender as long the baby is healthy, he can’t hide his favourite flavour. I was always into boys since my nephew (also Godson) is the first and only, so far, baby in my close family and from my friends side besides 3 girls the rest 10 kids are boys and so I’ve learned playing with boys mostly. I am more of a tomboy myself and I always play football, Clime Mountains, wrestle and play with guns and swords with the sons of my friends. Even though I take good care of my looks (hair, nails, clothes, shoes etc and I LOVE elegant fashion ) I hate colour pink (when is wore from top to bottom) and flowery apparel etc ...you get what I am I saying! ...If I have baby girl, God’s will, I would definitely do her hair and dress her cute with all sort of colours both in dresses and trousers, leggings, tangerines etc. Hello! there are so many colours and designs besides colour pink But every parent of course does whatever likes. Don’t get me wrong here! I am not judging anyone! One can dress their child as they want. Once you have your baby girl I am sure you will figure things out and go with the flow! Any thought on girl names? I have already picked up mine just in case it doesn't hurt to dream, right?

Ninde – I am glad you had a good session with your therapist. You reminded me of the series “In-treatment” He is a therapist but he also goes to a therapist for his own issues. If you haven’t seen it look for it. I hope you find your peace and I hope you be blessed with a baby in your next IVF attempt. ...just read your latest post, NO WAY on earth you should feel unwanted! You guys just going to a phase. That’s all. You are such a wonderful person and caring and maybe you should care and pay more attention to YOU! When my DH got the mumps back in 2005 as soon as he got the first sperm test he was devastated and wanted to break up with me for he won’t be able to give me a baby. I was very patient with him (still am) and I’ve always been positive (still am) that science is more advanced now than years before and there are ways to make our family. WE will find the way...blah blah blah and we broke up in 2008 for a bit less than a year and I gave him the space and time he needed to deal with the ‘problem’ and bring me into his life on his own time. It was hell for me that period but it was worth it. We have been dating since 2002 and we’ve always talked about getting married and having children. We haven’t got married yet (it feels like we are though) and we have been postponing it ever since we got in the IVF rollercoaster. We focused on the baby making and put the wedding second. So, he called me on my birthday June 11th 2009 and told me he wanted to meet. Until I get to his place, my heart was beating like crazy and I thought it was going to explode! So there he was asking me to be with him forever and go hand in hand to this challenge God has send us. We got engaged. He already booked an appointment with his Urologist for the following day and so our IVF journey has started. July 2009 we had our 1st IVF. And for the next 2 years we have been frequent clients to 2 clinics. 7 IVF’s after and still no baby. But I am optimistic that IT will happen. Hopefully next time, maybe the following, but it will. His Urologist told him that with time his testosterone levels will drop and thus his sex drive. And it did. Sometimes more than others. We are working on it. I will not give up on him. Things are not always ‘pink’ in our house like in all the houses and especially at the houses where infertility knocks the door couples relationship gets tempted, A LOT! There were times that I thought I wasn’t wanted or attractive or good enough for him, but I have grown to learn and understand him. Sometimes we have sex all the time and some others weeks pass. I, we, have learned to accept it and live with it. As long as the love for each other is there then everything is possible. I have read somewhere that touching each other, have contact with each other, the message that is sent to the brain and emotionally, is like having sex. OF COURSE there is nothing like the real thing, but its working! Trust me! Sitting on the couch and having contact with each other, even by just holding hands is A LOT better than not having contact at all! You need not lose the contact with each other, no matter what! Otherwise you will lose each other. Definitely there are times we yell at each other and we have lack of patience but soon we sit and talk and see the logic behind the issue. Ever since we’ve started watching movie series together almost every night, we have came more closer than ever. Seriously! It’s like a ritual at this point. Cuddle on the couch and watch a couple of episodes feel’s like heaven right now We both enjoy it and looking forward to it every night. It is VITAL that each one has its own interests, his own self time so that we can catch our breaths and see the real world and by doing that we appreciate more the time we are together. It’s quality time, our time and we both cherish that...we also cherish the whatever happens on the couch every now and then... I hope and I am sure you will find your selves with your DH and work things out. But in any case DO NOT FEEL UNWANTED! He is lucky to have you honey! Don’t think low of your self! NEVER! And you need to show him that! Life doesn’t end with MS. He needs to understand that. There are always worse situations than ours and people work things out. There is always a way! For everything! The key is to never give up! Tell him that the baby you are going to bring into this world needs to feel that love and care you have for each other so that it grows in love and be happy for his mommy and daddy! My thoughts are with you in this difficult time and I sent you a big cyber ((HUG)) ...sorry if I wrote you too much! I just couldn’t stop writing down my thoughts! And I have plenty on the relationship matter! God bless you honey. I am no therapist my self by far! but sometimes I find that it helps to listen to others stories. I hope I helped you somehow...


Wehavehope – How are you and the twins? Have you thought of names yet?


AFM – Wish me luck girls! I have 2 interviews this week and so things are moving to the right direction. Other than that, I am keeping myself pretty busy. Starting this weekend and I am still going I have painted our wooden fence around the house, painted a big wall next to the pool (Love the Terracotta colour!) and also same colour I painted a 26m wall on one side of the garden, I put fertilizer on my lawn and also put new seeds and covered with good soil to help them grow, I have trimmed my jasmine and bamboo trees and also a bit on the paradise birds (they look like banana trees and are my favourite) The Lavender and Rosemary bushes have grown SO big and I’ve been doing some internet research on how to trim them and also harvest the lavender. Any experts on the board? Christy? DH had a marathon to run yesterday and so I HAD to find something to occupy myself with. What better than gardening and painting around the house! I found this lovely colour that I want to paint the wall behind our bed but it will have to wait until I finish painting outside. Busy bee! that is my name!

Friday night DH and went out on a date and so we went to a Chinese place that we love and we had a nice dinner catching up. On our way home we got a call from my fav cousin and she asked me if she and her DH could come over and so I said yes..even though it was 10pm and a bit late to visit they came and we played pool and had some wine...we won. Saturday DH was at his office writing his book and so I got busy with the painting and garden. I went to a DIY store that had a 20% off on paints and got myself busy. Saturday afternoon we went out for pasta (he eats pasta the night before each running/marathon) and then we went to this Bike Exhibition and saw some cute bikes. DH has this Vespa he bought a few years back and now wants to change it to a bigger one...even though he is not a bike kind of person! He had this big bike when he was studying in Tampa Florida and he had a flash back the past few days. I told him that maybe this is a pre mid life crises thing! He is turning 39 in June and I was teasing him that maybe he wants to look cooler for his female students. Ha ha ha! His job at the University is like 10-15min away from our house and the idea is that obviously would be more economical to go with the bike instead of his car. So, we finally finished season 4 of Breaking Bad. Hmm, what next? Any suggestions?

Speaking of birthdays I am turning 38 in June and I get ‘depression moments’ for not having babies yet 40’s are just around the corner and It scares me the idea of having empty bedrooms in the house by then! Why things have to be SO darn hard for us! Why? Why that mumps virus had to be in the air back in London 2005! If it wasn’t for the mumps infection my DH caught (even thought he had taken the mumps shot when he was a kid. WTF!) we wouldn’t be on the IVF rollercoaster now! That virus caused severe mumps orchitis on both of his orchids (balls looked almost like mellons!) and thus sperm issues (low count and well a little bit of everything low) I can go on and on and complain and feel frustrated about this unfair ‘cup’ of IVF given to us to drink, but I choose not to. I don’t know. Maybe by being frustrated over this brings me negative vibes and it doesn’t let IT happen. I don’t know. God! I am must have given you guys headache by reading my life! But this are my news girls. And until I start my 8th IVF ...soon I hope...I have nothing else to talk about but my daily life. I hope that’s ok with you.

Baby dust and sticky vibes to us all!!

Love
anton

[Sunshine1576]

I cried my eyes out last night and then woke up crying again, I think the only thing that helped me was writing my boss a long note about everything that happened while she's been gone for the last 4 days. I knew I couldn't call her a 6:15a so I wrote her instead and then finally drfted to sleep. Sorry I will be better at personals by Wednesday but know I am thinking of everyone. I also wanted to re-post the birthday list.
With All My Love,
Christy

[Sunshine1576]

May this birthday bring us our rainbow baby, it WILL be the year of many blessings!!!

ROSIE- JANUARY 23
ANNASHOPE- JANUARY 25
KERPUPPLES (Amy)- FEBRUARY 3
ADDY- FEB 7
BLISSFUL (Alisa)- MARCH 1
GINA- MARCH 5
MAMABOO- MARCH 29
BLESSED- APRIL 4
BLUE-EYE-DREAMER- APRIL 28
LAURA- APRIL 28
BLAIR- MAY 8
DOGSRULE- MAY 16
KYNLEE- MAY 23
BONNIE- MAY 29
ANTON (Antonia)- JUNE 11
BABYBLU (Stephanie)- July 3
BODIE (Ilene)- JULY 4
SUNSHINE1576 (Christy)- July 15
SWEETPEA- JULY 17
LEORA- July 31
HOPEISALLIHAVE (ASHLEY)- AUGUST 15
DEFTONESMO- AUGUST 18
MARIA (WeHaveHope) - AUGUST 21
AMANDA- SEPTEMBER 2
KATIEB- SEPTEMBER 9
KLINGER13 (AMANDA)- SEPT 18
JENMINK- OCT 2
JAYNE (Amy)- OCT 5
NINDE (Patricia)- OCT 5
RYPELL- OCT 17
MOOREBABY (Ester)- NOV 2
TESS (Wendy)- NOV 23
LOU71- NOV 28
HAPPYBUNNY (Barbara) DEC 10
JULIA- DEC 13
LYD10- DEC 13
SMOON0021- DEC 15
FELICIA- DEC 22

[to_have_fun08]

Anton ((HUGS)) I hope you get your IVF dream soon. I just saw your ticker of 2yrs 9 months and it just reminded me how long i was doing this crap before baby #1 came about. Have you guys thought about donor sperm?

[Julia73]

The heartbeat is 136, measuring fine. We heard the heartbeat! Everythings good and they couldn't find the bleed which they said is a good thing. There's no blood in the sac or the uterus. Praise God!