Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[little R]

Hey you Octoberoonies

I have been feeling miserable and sorry for myself these pasts days.
AF has hit hard and have spent most of it lying down nursing a pounding headache. This means: no screens, TV or computer, dark room and no food. Some AFs are worse than others.

Anyway...back now to encourage Steph...only a few more days The countdown begins!.
As Lola said, can't believe it has come around so fast. I wish I could FET and not have to go the whole 9 yards, just like you Jen. I guess I will officially be the last on the October list (hihihihihihihi, exactly like last time!)
It looks like you are running on a full tank of WAA, dearest girl! You sound very upbeat and positive.
Excellent that you only have 8 days to wait for results
Sorry, I have no compassion whatsoever for women like your friend, Steph...I admire your restraint. Sorry, I know I shouldn't be so harsh... but honestly: GET A CLUE, woman. It's like my cousin who was bored at the end of her pregnancy...she has NO clue what waiting means.
Sorry, vent over (but whilst writing this I have received another baby picture in my Inbox). I am being attacked by baby pictures and proud parents 24/7.... I ask myself, when will it ever stop?!

Enough about me...Steph, thinking about you heaps. It will happen this time because you DESERVE it. Now it's your turn to have a proud bump and rightfully promote your accomplishment!

Lola, sweetie: great news that you feel up to cycling earlier. Big date that 31st!
You certainly sound chirpy even with a waiting room full of depressed patients Good news on the study front too if it means less stress for you. It sounds like you have heaps on your plate. Give us dates when you can
DH has suggested that we move the IVF up to April; he wants this baby so much too.... not sure what to do... it seems like a lot to face at the moment. I need some time to think about it. I just want my body to react in the best way possible to the treatment...

Jen, girl! Argh...house issues. I am so sorry.... life can dish out some bad ones! I hope you will be experiencing brighter skies very soon... (virtual hugs!)

Walshy...hope all is well downunder!

________________________________

Steph: 30 January: FET
Jen: Feb/March ?
Walshy: Feb?
Lola: 31st January: Dr Appointment
Little R: April/May?



Much love to all of you!

Little R

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hello hotties with the bodies!

Well, this is it my lovelies. Monday is the day! I will be away for the weekend, so will not be checking in. Keep all crossable body parts crossed in hopes that Buffy and Arnie don't go the way of the dinosaurs and survive the big thaw! I have faith in my little powerhouses. They are currently in full lotus, palms together in front of heart and doing three rounds of Om. - The big relax for their journey ahead. For months they have been training- sprints, marathons, weights, yoga and even Tae- Bo whilst listening to Rocky theme song. They are pumped and ready to flex little embie muscles.....

I am also ready. My attitude is pretty relaxed and very WAA. However, it will be a very long 8 days....... You girls better have plenty to say next week so I will be highly entertained and not even think about it!

Little R- hope you are feeling better luv bug!

To the rest of the loopies- have a whoop it up weekend..... I am looking forward to stories of fun, drama and intrigue for Monday....... Lola- back in the bubble turtle dove!

OK, this is it........ wish me luck and babydust whirlwind! I will let you know how it goes!

Feeling very yee-haw,
Steph

[lolajones]

GOOD LUCK STEPH!!!
Kick Ass my friend!

Da da daaaaaa! da da daaaaa! Rocky on the steps!!
Buffy n Arnie. towels around necks, Satin hodded robes embroidered with "Back For Good", out they come into spotlight... The crowd roars!!!! They enter the Syringe Of Destiny........ WOOOSH!!!! Ninja grappling hooks at the ready and tube of EmbieFix (TM). I wish with all my wishing power this works and you smug it up over the rest of us octobers with yo double positivo!!!! PS, I can't get the vision of your embies in hoodies with arms folded to the soundtrack of Hanging Tough out of my head. Muy funny
We will all try and distract you over the 8 day wait. Especially Demetrio who is currently industriously fashioning you a baby pouch out of Cinnamon Grahams whilst sitting in his Fat Hoist.

Little R - if you do it in April, I'll be right there with you! But make sure its what you want. After all the disappointment its always going to be hard starting again, however long you leave it. Plan some treats for yourself! Chant it loud! Treats treats treats!

Jemla - where are you then my sweet? The house thing sounds rubbish but I am here to tell you that YES!! life does get better!!! I think of how low I've been last year (dad leukaemia, me infertile, ivf, ectopic) but still here! And look at you! We are all pretty tough cookies I reckon and can get through anything. 2006 will be a top year for all of us!

Walshy - any news dude?

I have no new news - waiting for appt Tuesday. Man oh man, I officially live in the ghetto! Went to get the papers and a doughnut for breakfast this morning and police everywhere, road blocks etc - there'd been a murder. Some guy got shot at a club. Felt very NYC and SJP for a moment. Usually the biggest news in this part of the city is a branch of Starbucks opening. Hey, went to see Brokeback Mountain in the week, is so good! Very sad but excellent.
Righto, better go and study ( )
Happy Chinese New Year!

Amor

Lolana
xxxx

[lolajones]

Hola Octobers!
I saved us from slipping off the end onto page 2!

Just a quickie - How did it go steph???? How do you feel? Have my fingers crossed for you lovely girl

Where's everyone else? Hope you're all happy n heavy with PMA

love
Lola xxxxxxx

[Jen1d]

Hi guys

Steph - Huge big bucket full of luck and hugs coming your way. Let us know your news as soon as possible.

Was on a training course today and had to do a stress map. Basically between IVF, house hunting, mothers, colleagues and work, i am proud to say that my stress percentage was above average. Time to meditate i think.
Anyway i feel positive and am looking forward to the end of Feb to start the medi. Maybe by May i might have some good news and be de-stressed by then.

Sorry i have just been popping in now and again but have been working lots ---------------- and am far too stressed, no only kidding.

Catch up soon

Love Jen x

[little R]

Octoblerones....

Been thinking about you every day since you "left" us Steph....my fingers have gone numb...the crossing of extremities should not be carried out for over 3 days How are you feeling girl?
I was hoping you were back with some news. Given the time difference, I am thinking that you are still sleeping. Good for you . Rest up, sweetie.....give us some news when you can...

Lola - your big day is today . Sending you lots of PMA and hoping that you get the news you so rightly deserve. Thanks for being there for me in April....trying to set it all up today!
2005 was a terrible year for all of us it seems...(sorry to hear about your Dad - virtual hugs). I'm thinking 2006 has got to get better.

Jen - yes, can quite understand that your stress levels must be off the chart You poor thing (lots of virtual hugs coming your way!) Hang in there. I am hoping end of February comes around quickly for you.

Lots of love to you all....will be checking in later today to see whether Steph and Lola have news

Little R

[Inhale, Exhale]

Sadness Octo-posse.

So far 2006 absolutely sucks and I would like to blow it out of my ass!

Yesterday was unmitigated disaster. We arrived at the clinic at scheduled appt time- doc says- well, you definitely have one, maybe two embies to put back- hoo-RAH! Then he comes back in later.........

Well, bad news. The one didn't survive and the other has only taken in a little fluid. You can either put it in and see if it works, or we can wait a couple of hours see if it continues to expand, if it doesn't you don't put it in, don't have to wait 8 days and will get your money back. ... So we wait the extra hours- STRESS!!!!

We arrive back to the clinic and are escorted to the "purple room"- or as my DH and I have named it "the purple room of death" (this is where we discussed my miscarriage as well). And we know right away that embie number 2 has not survived either.

So, I say to the doc- given the fact that I had crap response from ovary stimulating drugs, low number of eggs (especially for my age of 28 ), a miscarriage due to poor embryo quality and now my embies didn't survive the thaw, .... does this mean my eggs are crap? Of course he gave me the political answer of- well, I don't know. You could walk out of here and get pregnant naturally next month, you never know..... BUT (there is always a but) certainly the eggs we got from the retrieval weren't any good.

All time low! I always assumed it was the endo preventing me from getting pregnant- I never thought I could just have crappy eggs and it is almost impossible for me to have a baby that is genetically mine.

So, in a twist of events.... my sister has offered to consider donating her eggs (after a very intense discussion with her, me and our husbands concerning all aspects of this proposition)....
So I now considering this... but I am afraid it is the guilt talking. I feel guilty that my DH can't have a biological child because of ME and my crappy system and eggs. I think I would rather adopt, but DH has yet to jump on that band wagon. He wants to consider using my sisters eggs. He said something keeps holding him back from adoption... yet I don't think I can go through this anymore without a guarantee attached. If I knew with absolute certainty that I would get pregnant and carry to term with my sisters eggs, I would be all about it.

I know if I told my DH that I want to adopt instead he would and he would love the baby unconditionally, but I almost feel selfish when he wants to keep going with this- Why shouldnt I try everything to give him a biological child?

Of course this is all just discussion and we dont; even know if my sister will definitely go through with it... the doc said to make an appt so we can discuss ALL of our options. My DH is clinging to that, he wants to believe there is a miracle cure and of course the doc will keep pushing us- that is his job. At our next appt I am going to tell him to be brutually honest! I can't live on- well, it could happen bull anymore.

Nough bout me....
Lola- loveliness- how did it go today sunshine?

Will check in with later.......

Hope all the Octopoos are lovely- my sweetests!
I know you know this, but it is so lovely to talk absolutely honestly about my feelings with people who will not judge, but more importantly understand. Thanks to my chiquita bananas I know I will get through this.

Steph

[little R]

Oh Steph, sweetie....not sure what to write.....

I am so sorry....sorry you have to go through this....
I feel physically sick for you....what a twist of events as you rightly say....more questions and considerations to take into account

You're so strong...you really are.
You're so brutally honest with yourself and I believe that that is the best thing.
You've gone through so many emotions and yet you are lucid about the reality of this all.

Steph, dearest, give yourself some more time to think about all your options with your DH. You have just been dealt this and need some time to think it all over.
When is the next Dr's appointment to discuss your options?
(I have one question for the Dr: How can the Dr say that your eggs retrieved weren't any good....you had 8 eggs fertilize....and 4 embryos ended up being blasts)

I honestly believe that whatever YOU chose as a couple will be the right solution for both of you.
You're in such a difficult situation....

Thinking of you heaps, Steph...my buddy...(so many vitual hugs!)

Wishing you patience and strength for the decisions ahead.....and naturally TRUCKS loads of WAA

Love to you,

Little R

[Smita]

Poking nose in,but..
Steph,
Been reading about the stuff you're going thru- I'm so sorry-I hope you get thru this low phase soon..
I dont know how many cycles you've had with your own eggs..one cycle of poor response does not crappy eggs make- nor does a m/c( I totally agree with Little R)- remember, its not just the eggs that cause an m/c..
Eventually you have to decide what you and your dh want to do, but ask your doctor about a different protocol in case you want to go ahead with your own eggs again..
I have always had poor response- 5-7 follies max, in fact was told to keep in my mind the option of donor eggs, but I got here..
Just want you to ask your doctor again about why he feels your eggs aret good enough- I have a feeling that if your eggs weren't good enough, they'd have told you themselves and not waited for you to ask them if they were ok( i hope I didnt muddle you there)

Wishing you lots of luck..

Good luck to all the octobuddies!


smita

[lolajones]

feck feck feck steph
I'm so sorry. You must be gutted.This is so hard.
I, like LR, admire your objectivity and clarity.
See what doc has to say next time. Then have a long think. Wish I could mail over some of my embyros to you and make this better. Apart from the fact you would not want a child with half my genes
When're you seeing the doc next?

This is just a short one - have headache like someone running a dental school for dwarves with clogs in my frontal sinus.
Saw doc - he say I have small (looked like massive german sausage on the screen) hydrosalpinx on right, no sign of Mother Theresa Uterus, but tube isn't actually blocked so... can cycle again and can start as early as end of this month! Decision time.

Jemla good to hear from you - we could well be cycling together again!!!

Little R - more bad TV news please

I am vibing intense radioactive 300% quality PMA to El Stephevey and the octoberries

Love
Loland
xxxxx

[DebraP]

Hi, you October guys speak a different language but I'll do my best....

Steph, I just wanted to add my sympathies to your crappy news today. A failed thaw hits hard. I was much more upset about our failed thaw than a failed FET a few months before. It's so unexpected and all the worse for being on the day. Don't rush into any decisions. Recognise what body blow today was and give yourselves time, as much as you can afford (at 28 be generous).

Good luck deciding what next.

hugs
Debra

[Jen1d]

Oh Steph
I feel devastated for you. Take some time out to consider all your options and spend some time with you DH. You need lots of hugs and reasurance.
Your sister sounds like an angel and so selfless.
A huge hug is being sent to you my fab October Bud. Be strong.

Lola - couldn't think of anything better than to have your support. xxx

Love Jen x

[Walshy]

Hi Steph,
I am so sorry that your Arnie and Buffy didn't survive the defrost. It must be hard for you to wait and count down and then not get the results that you were after. My heart sank reading your post.

I am sending you virtual hugs and a punching bag to relieve some of your anger and disappointment.

I hope your next appt with your Doc gives you some other options. Have you thought about something alternative to help with your eggs? Don't know of anything but I bet if we searced the net there would be something in the form of herbs.

Vent on here all you want you know us Octoberoonies are here for you.

Lola - Where do I send my virtual cheque to i was sure your uterus would be in the sahpe of Mother Theresa damn it i am always so close....Have you deceided when your going to cylce again? I was going to wait unitl May but i don;t know how long I can wait for. My husband wants May but I would do it now. It's funny how things change so quickly.

Ok no news from me at this stage visitors still not gone but i needed to pop on to send my love to Steph.....MWAH

Anyone with good news?

Take care from Walshy

[Jen1d]

Hi gang

Yes Walshy i have some good news, finally.

Called the hospital today and they confirmed we can go ahead with our 2nd cycle at the end of this month. Thats a load off my mind as i thought they were going to make us wait until March.
So am just waiting on my lovely AF to come then 21days from there and we have lift off. Will let you all know the starting date soon.
Better get down the chemist so the Emlas at the ready haha.

Steph - Hope we can speak to you soon. Mega hugs to you.

Walshy - How have you been. I was the same as you, wanted to get started straight away, but i must say it has been good to have a bit of time out before starting again.

Lola - Sorry if you have already said this but do you know the date you will be starting yet?

Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Well AF came today so starting on the 21st!!!!! Of Feb!!! MENTAL!!
Suddenly it seems too soon.
Will have major conflab with dh this evening and decide whether to go straight ahead or not.
I'm pretty excited though.....
When are you starting? When is AF due Jemla?


Stephanwych (thats welsh btw ) are you ok? Stupid question and you're prob not at all ok. I'm thinking of you. A lot. Which hurts my sinuses so please post and let me know how you are before they explode KABOOOOMMMMM!!!!

Walshy I hear ya, things do change very quickly. It was only a week ago I was here saying I wouldn't cycle again until May. I guess you know inside when its right. God, what an awful fatuous Movie of the Week, "Women Who Love Too Much" thing to say. You know what I mean though. Take care of yourself and as for the Mama Theresa bet... I'll let you do a double or quits on my bfp... if you're feeling lucky.....

Little RRRRR - lets go over to Philly and rescue Steph!! We can wear costumes with masks and everything! We can synchronise our watches and smash through into the purple room of doom and snatch her away for a few weeks RnFnR in Florida. We all need some sun (except La Walsh sunning it up in Sydney ) Jemla can be getaway driver in a big black Hummer Dude.

And Debra P can be the Mister Big who masterminds the whole caper!!!
Man we are going to have such a cracking laugh

Debra!!! Glad you're still out there. You are like a distaff God, all seeing all reading and shining your empathy lamp on your October flock!! Dont ever disappear!!! Hope that you're ok and fracture free in the dark tundra . I suppose this makes Norway heaven then? Answers on a postcard...

Right oh ho ho, I'm off to sit in front of the mirror wailing about my bad hair week and face pain until someone (AKA My Husband) notices and gives me some sympathy or bananas and custard - I ask you???? Whats a girl gotta do?
Thankfully have an appointment with ENT specialist tomorrow. Diagnosis? Hey! What if one of my previous embies (know for their lack of a GPS and a great wanderlust) is in there causing this whole thing? You look sceptical but hear me out...
Think about it, you're young, just outta the petri dish, you want to see the world! One wrong turn at Ovarian Junction and suddenly this aint Kansas anymore and you're stuck in Sinus City wondering where it all went wrong and trying to score roll ups off the local hoods. If I listen hard enough do I hear him tapping out SOS on my maxilla whilst smoking a woodbine??
I will update you, have no fear!

LOVE LOVE LOVE and KA vibes to the Octoberrrrrrrsssss

Lolara Faceache

xxxxx