U R not alone with DI

[TansRN]

Polly
Thank you so much for your comment. It meant a lot to me and is such a great source of encouragement and support. I do thank you. We all have our days to support and be supported and today I needed to be supported. Thanks.

[Polly12]

Hi ladies, only a few hours here in New Zealand (and Aussie where Gargy is) till the weekend:) Ya for Friday's!
I hope everyone has had a good week and has kept busy and their minds off "BABYS" where possible - way easier said than done aye.
Ive had a very trying week with my clinic. I want to scream down the phone at them. I am currently waiting to see if we can start our 5 lead up appointments in 3 weeks - when we are away at Easter (we are staying near our clinic - well 2 hours away which is closer than the 6 hours it is were we live) - but of course, no answer. So frustrating would have been nice to have some news for the weekend - either way.

So i hope you all have a great one. Will be thinking of you all!
Take Care.

[Polly12]

Oh my goodness, I totally jinxed myself!!!!!!! The Clinic just phoned and they will see us after Easter - i am sooooooooo excited. They are going to do our last counselling and signing the forms etc before we start IUI - finally we are under way, im so thrilled this is going to be the best weekend ever!

[TansRN]

Polly
So funny that you say that about the weekend....I havent even went to bed yet (Thursday night) and you are already starting your weekend! That is great! I still have to get up tomorrow and go to work...I love it though.

Heres my story...
I got some not so good news today my RE said that he thinks that both tubes may be blocked and that I will need tube opening surgery and it may not even work!!! I can't believe it!!! I bawled all the way home from work because I called the office today (they left me a message while I was on duty) on my way home.. I am so devastated. I can't believe this. So we are looking at doing a tube surgery that may or may not help and/or another IVF. I am quite sad and upset tonight about it.

I just dont get it because a week ago the radiologist said that the tubes were open when he did it. I think I need a second opinion. I made an appt for next Wed at 1030 to talk it over with him and for him to prove to me why he thinks they are blocked. I hate this.

I have a follow up with the RE next wed to talk about setting up an option of my choice and to see what he thinks. This sucks. . If the egg cant get out then what good is it to do IUI? I have never even had any female problems before and no tube/ovary surgery...I feel... I feel just yucky.


Tanya

[Gargy]

Hi Polly,

I'm glad that the clinic got back to you - Easter is so soon!! Brilliant!! Have a fantastic weekend (although it would be 10.30 there now - hope you are still partying!!)

Hi Tanya,

I agree that you need to talk to someone again - there is a big difference between one specialist saying both tubes are blocked and another saying things are ok. I hope you get things sorted out.

Lis,

Love hearing from you - don't ever feel you are butting in. People like you give us hope...


And now for my news...(be warned - BIG VENT!!)

I went and saw my GP yesterday after becoming obnoxious again at work on Tuesday, and then not being able to face going in on Wednesday. He was very good and talked to me for about 1/2 an hour. He believes I have a mild case of clinical depression - reactive due to our fertility issues and the fact that my DH in the last year has been diagnosed with diabetes and a general anxiety disorder.

Work has also changed from being a haven to an additional source of stress. Late last year my brilliant boss moved to become a Deputy. We had an acting head teacher that didn't really understand her role. At one stage we were friends, and I tried to point out what she was doing wrong, but she just didn't get it. She thought she was doing a good job.

I moved to a different staffroom, but unfortunately some of the problems came with me. Before I worked in a staffroom with a family like environment where I felt really creative. I also had a lot of autonomy as I was on my own. Now my job is shared and everything is hard work - mainly because the other person sees the job a lot differently than I do. And another big issue for me is the mental disorders that are becoming more prevalent as kids are becoming better diagnosed.

I went to another specialist today and found out that I do indeed have chronic tonsillitis - it's back again. The good news is that I can get them out during the school holidays. The bad news is that I got a letter from the sheriff's office and I am supposed to have jury duty at the same time. I'm going to try and appeal on medical grounds.

The other issue is that we have a known donor who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I've been trying to give him space to call me, but I now am going to start calling him because he is driving me nuts. We need to go through the final hoops before we can put his sperm on ice for 6 - 12 months. To be fair, he also has some major things going on in his life. But the non contact is still driving me nuts.

I think the GAD was the last straw for me at home. Although, as my GP said, I cannot control when my DH is going to have a dissociative episode (he did this just before Christmas). I can only control myself. He recommended exercise, and getting involved in things that I find fun.

So I had a big think about what I like. I like the dance class that the kids do on sports afternoon - jazz and hip hop - so I might see if they have an adult version. I'm also going to investigate running my own meditation circle again. I gave up due to time restraints and thinking I had to focus on having a baby. Unfortunately this is now on the backburner for a little while at least.

My GP asked if I've thought about changing work, but I told him that with a new Head Teacher and a new Deputy I am hoping things changed for the better. Time will tell next term when they both arrive.

I also thought that this time last year I was going through IUI, and whether this would be affecting me.

Actually I'm glad I have the diagnosis of mild clinical depression - I was scaring myself with the uncontrolled crying, uncontrolled temper and heavy sadness that would not lift. My GP and I have both agreed that there is no need for tablets at this stage.

So that's what's been going on for me...

[TansRN]

Gargy
Wow it sounds like you have been through a lot. I know how it feels to be depressed. It sounds like you and your GP have a lot of things that you can try to change that. I hate working with stupid people at work. It is so frustrating. I go nuts when that happens and because we spend a lot of time at work we are most used to these people causing us trouble. You do have a lot on your plate and I do to...what I have had to do was to start saying no and not doing things that although I would think that they are fun it is just too much. It has helped with the stress level to a great extent. We are supposed to be having a boy scout meeting ( I volunteered to be a leader!!!) this AM but I just can't do it because we have alot of other plans today and now we are all happier!!!!

I just want to be happy and things are going well at this point with regards to life itself however with all of the IF stuff that can weigh a person down. I am so sorry that your SD is not contacting you. That must be causing some anxiety. I know that I would feel it. I think that it is a good idea to talk to him. See what is going on and make plans and all of that. I hope that you have a nice weekend.

Hello Polly
Thanks for the note I have already made an appointment with a new RE in a different state so I can see what he says and my consult is on Friday with him. I will have to let you know what is going on with that.

[Gargy]

Thanks Tanya - I'm really trying hard to work through all this but it's getting more and more difficult. I'm glad I found this place because I really feel people listen here. Thanks for responding back to me.

I get what you mean about doing too much - but at the moment I feel I have withdrawn little from life...so I'll try and do things with balance.

I'm glad you're going to someone to sort out what's going on. Good luck on Friday.

[Polly12]

I love this site - you girls are like friends who have a real common bond! I often say to my Mum or a close girlfriend (i have a friend who is going through such and such and share a little something you girls have shared with me that is uplifting and encouraging.)

What a roller coaster for everyone at the moment.

Tanya, Man i had tears in my eyes reading your post. As if you don't have enough on yoru plate without this whole tube thing! Life can be so unfair at times aye. I just can't believe you have to deal with this. Good on you for following it all up. I guess if you can have faith in yourself as you have been pregnant before and you can get there again:)
I hope your appointment goes well. Try to be very kind to yourself and just take care. Thinking of you so much.
Also just remember we now live in an age of amazing technology and there will be something they can do for you to have a wee baby. I know about loosing hope and then finding a ray of light.

[Polly12]

Gargy,
Your poor love, my heart just really goes out to you. It sounds like things are just really getting on top of you big time and you seem quite overwhelmed. I know its no consolation but i have totally been there. Hence im now on my meds which make my life so much better, i just couldnt' cope at work at all!

You have been through so much. Just a thought can you make small changes at work like less hours or working a bit from home???? Just trying to think of something for you, im slowing get organised at cutting back my hours a wee bit, employing someone to take some of my hours, organising working from home etc if i get lucky and get pregnant:) Also to help when im a bit stressed out as work is very full on. Also im just being real honest with my boss and telling him point blank if he is stressing me out and reminding him that im going through heaps in my personal life and can't deal with his issues - it helps a bit

Ya for your appt to get your tonsills out! I never looked back when mine were gone - they are such a pain when they cause reocurring sickness aye. That is great news. When is your school Holis? After Easter? Hope you get of Jury Service! There is always something aye.

Im sorry to hear you KD hasn't been in touch. I can't begin to imagine how frustrating that is for you. That is the hard thing about this whole donor thing - the loss of control of our own situations. I think you just have to be as honest with him as possible as he won't for a second understand how every minute of this journey can be torture for a woman wanting a baby - tell him you appreciate his need to have time for him but you need him and you need him soon! Its like me constantly ringing our clinic - i feel such a nusience but i think i need to keep the contact up so i can in some small way feel a bit of control over my situation.

I think your idea for exercise and a dance class is a great one. Good for you. Why not indulge in a passion since you dont' have to worry about being a Mum at the moment (thats what i think about when im packing to go tramping or something that wouldnt' do if i had a child now).
I put quite a few things in the back burner when i decided to have a child as of course i just assumed that it would happen straight away - its amazing how hard it is to start those things up as it seems they are a bit lost with my lost dream.

Just a note from my personal opinion - im so glad i gave the anti depressants a go, i can not explain what a god send they have been- they have changed my life and i can now function as a normal, happy person - i still have highs and lows but it has really made things so much more manageable.

Thinking of you heaps:) Take Care of you:)

[Polly12]

Just a note, im sorry that in my posts i often have spelling mistakes - im a hopeless speller and its embarrasing and just wanted to mention it.


Also just share a wee story, ive been in touch with a woman here in NZ who has had Donor IUI, sucessful first time at the same clinic i am going through. Anyway - the clinic kept on telling her that since here HCG levels were not rising that she would Misscarrying - and this went on for 6 weeks. 6 weeks of tears and heartbreak -they even booked her in for a D&C - however she had a gut instant and she had misscarried before and felt it wasn't the same. She declinded the D&C and at 7 weeks had a scan and did so until they found a really strong heart beat - she now has a lovely wee 1 year old girl.

So i guess, it does go to show womans intuition and all that is important and all you ladies are so right to get second opinions etc for thing and to go on gut instant. As a result she is not happy to use the clinic again and is trying to find a KD as Gargy has done.

Another thing is they refused her public funding as she is overweight - what a blow to a woman aye. Wanting a child is bad enough without being told you are fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!

man im hoping my experience with them is a bit better than this.

[Gargy]

Hi Polly,

Both you and Tanya have made me feel a whole lot better!! I love coming to this site too!!

It's funny, once I got a diagnosis of what was going on - ie the mild reactive depression - I started being able to manage my moods a lot better. I was so scared by the uncontrolled hysteria and anger - particularly at work. Now I know what's going on it's not so bad. I will take the drugs if I need to - DH is on a mild dose of Zoloft and it has worked wonders for him - but I don't think I need it at this stage. I will also be seeing my psychologist in May, so I'll see what he says.

I'm out of my school for the next three days as I'm marking a state test. We went through the training today and it wasn't too bad. It's based on grammar and sentence structure. I can actually remember when I went through this 3 years ago and I sat there horrified because it felt that they were speaking in another language!! However some of it must have sunk in because I feel more confident this time around.

Hope everyone's having a great day!

Carmel

[TansRN]

Just a quick note before I go to school and then work....I just started nights so I am really really tired! I am so exhausted! I can't wait to be on a schedule and feel better. I was working days and this is a huge adjustment. Anyhow....I talk to my doc tomorrow about the tube issues and then I have a phone consultation on Friday with the new clinic to see what is going on and what the new guy thinks.

Gargy
Glad to hear from you....Have fun being out of school for a few days..you smarty pants!!! Anyhow see how it goes and talk to your doc in May and if you need it you need it. My DH is doing well on Zoloft. He has really changed. Its great!


Polly
That is OK about the spelling. We all understand where we are all coming from and we are not perfect! No biggie! Anyhow that is an amazing story about the woman with the d/c and she felt it wasnt a m/c!!!! The weight issue would really suck as well. We already know in our heart that we are a little more curvy than we would like to be! Not to mention someone else telling us up front!

talk to you guys later.

[Polly12]

Hi Gargy ( Feels weird calling you Carmel now:)

Im so glad you are feeling better. This is my last chance to post for a few days as im off tramping with a girlfriend for 4 days:) Cant' wait to get out bush away from it all.

Awesome you have your appt with your psychologist coming up and you are feeling back on top of things (well a bit anyway) makes me happy to hear that.

Hope you enjoy your days out of school and its a good change from the usual day-to-day routine for you.
Heres to the up and up.

have you had any thoughts on chasing up your KD?

[Polly12]

Hi Tanya,
Just thinking, things must be warming up in your part of the world and its certainly cooling down over here......

I hope everything goes well with your chat with the doctor and your appt on Friday (which is our Saturday) will be thinking of you and look forward to hearing how you get on. Be strong and remember you are an amazing woman who can deal with things and get through them and even if you have a hurdle - you and your hubby will work through it together!

I got confirmationt this morning - that if we are willing to pay there is no reason we can not do our first IUI in May! Im so excited. I turn 26 on 26th of May so what a birthday present - to finally get things underway. ya for finally having some progress. Im being very realistic though about the low percentage 15% of getting pregnant, just to be moving forward is positive though.

Have a great rest of your week/weekend.
Catch up with you girls next week.

[TansRN]

Anyhow I just wanted to let you all know that the radiologist did indeed say that the tubes were patent. The report states that the contrast flowed freely bilaterally. So when I got to my appointment yesterday I asked what he thought and why and he said it just "didn't look right" as far as what he would like to see. He said that I have the option to do a Laproscopy to see what is going on. He said he would not do an IUI right now because we do not know what is going on for sure with the tubes. He said they may be fine and open but he just can't say that from the x-ray. So I asked him what the purpose was to pay $5000 for the surgery that may or may not show anything and if it does he may or may not be able to clear the tubes and even if he does the IUI may or may not work!!!!! That is way too much on the risky side for me and a lot of moola. I asked him about doing IVF and he agreed that given the risks it is probably the better choice. Due to DH's heart condition and all and the quality of the sperm (if he can aspirate anymore) he recommends that we use donor. So for now that is the plan. I talked cost with his and he is capping all bloodwork and U/S at $1000 and giving me the medication for free! Their office was involved with a study and the company gave them the meds. I will be starting the Lupron next AF!!!! This is so crazy. I am excited to have a plan at least and I feel better about talking to him and seeing what he thinks. It worked out good and I am glad that I will be staying. They really bent over backwards to accomodate me. Very cool. Just an update


I will do personals later...I hope that you are all well....I am on my way to work. Talk with you later.