cycle buddies - Jo, Caz and Sharon

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:01 am

Hi Lorraine, Caz, Sharon and Gem (welcome Gem!!) It's quite plain that we are all going slowly demented. The thing I'm going to keep in mind is Caz's friend who was PG but had AF symptoms x 10 !!! Somehow it doesn't matter how many times I hear this though - I just CANNOT connect AF symptoms with being pg even though I know of quite a few people who have proved this to be quite possible!! My brains are just scrambled now - roll on friday. Have got to go and see a client today so have to be sensible, when really I just want to scream and cry and roll around on the floor wailing!! Still got AF pains which come and go. To be honest though, I just want to know now, one way or the other - I want to be free from this "limbo" of not knowing. When our last cycle failed, amongst the huge disappointment was a strong feeling of relief that the pressure was off for a while. With regard to my AF not starting before the 2ww had gone by, I quite expect the same thing this time. It only seemed to start sort of 24 hours after I stopped the cyclogest and it was the worst period of my life which I think is the case for most people. I would prefer to get to test day, even if it turns out negative in the end - at least you have that few seconds excitement, wondering, AND you get to use that cool little pink pippette thingy (dont know if you've been given the same test as me?)!! Only 2 full days to go to test day (a few more for you Gem I know) - come on, we can do it !!! Look forward to hearing from you all soon - Jo. XXXX

kateg · Post by **kateg** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 10:00 am

Just a note to all you girls who should be testing on Friday - A MASSIVE GOODLUCK - I'm hopefully have FET tomorrow, really nervous as thinking my little embie won't survive thawing process (I've only got one frostie) So fingers crossed I'll be starting my 2ww as you lot are testing. Gem, I'll be overlapping with you a week won't I, so we can drive each other crazy (that is if my frostie thaws ok) and if it doesn't you can drive me crazy, I've been there twice before on the 2ww so I know what its like. GOODLUCK TO ALL.

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 10:19 am

Hi Kate .... and the best of luck right back at ya!! Hope your little frostie is OK and implants where he/she should! The 2ww IS a nightmare - there's no other way to describe it !! Lots of Love - Jo.XX

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 10:38 am

Just wanted to say HANG IN THERE - i still get AFish pains and I am now 11 weeks. Jo - this is your time - I have decided - had this feeling on you all along and need to sort out my baby welcome outfit soon I guess - presuming I am invited! Gem - it's a nightmare this waiting - Kate good luck with the FET - think positive for the thaw Love Tracey xxxxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 11:04 am

ooh I love it when these people keep popping up with their stories of their AF pains but they were STILL pregnant and some even VERY pregnant and STILL getting pains - yipeeeee..... it's what's keeping me going at the mo! Hope you'll have lost your "baby belly" by the time you need to attend my baby welcome party Trace! Little Norbert doesnt want any of his aunties floating around in paunch-disguising chiffon!! Keep going everybody!! love, Jo. XX

caz · Post by **caz** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 5:37 pm

Trac and kate - thanks so much for your thoughts. Jo - I can only reiterate what you say - I just want the waiting to be over. I keep going over and over in my mind what it'll be like hearing the result....and then telling Dh and my parents. AWFUL AWFUL I accept that the few days after will be awful and then I just have to hope that time (and a holiday) will help. Am so worried that if we did it again they might not find enough sperm to even make an embryo - I think we were just so lucky to get this far this time This 2ww stuff really does mess with your head doesnt it.... OK symptom update: p pains subsided masses of spots and generally look AWFUL (huge bags under eyes, grey skin, lank hair). I think explained by combo of AF coming, projesterone and mainly stress Slightly odd groin pain and the odd jab in the side (altho i may be dreaming that last bit !) Sore boobs altho not sure they are a big as they were. gotta be a bad sign. Gosh I'm positive Symptom update anyone else?! It is SO weird having no idea whats going on with your body..... Days feeling dragging now day 10 tomorrow - I guess thats when it strats to get into REAL knicker checking territory. Have convinced myself AF will come Day 10-12 Sorry - sound really moany - feeling v sorry for myself. I realise that I'm not the only one going through this tho. Can someone say something positive now please?! Thinking of you all Cazx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 6:27 pm

Written 07.07.03 - 21.30hrs Hello you three, I cannot believe this – of all the weeks for my telephone line to get a fault!!!! I am unable to dial out and I can’t get access to the net – and more importantly our thread!!!! I am writing this now and plan to send it from my DH’s office tomorrow. Engineer coming Wednesday – please God let it be easily fixed – Jo you warned me this site was addictive – I’m not prepared to go cold turkey!!!!!! Oh this is horrible I sooooooo want to know how you all are. I am happy to say that I have been calm for 4 days now, a quiet peace seems to be descended for now and I feel as though I’m just ready to know – whatever the outcome. BET THAT DOESN’T LAST!!!!!! I had my haircut today - not sure about the shoulder length – looks a bit “in between” to me but I’ll get used to it. I had a new colour – a shiny kind of “conker” colour – bit red in some lights – but it’s only semi permanent and does look REALLY healthy – slightly perturbing that it’s similar to the coat of Dad’s dog – but there you go!!!!! So what are you all doing to keep relaxed??? Before I began this cycle – I started having Reiki – for relaxation and counselling – just for support really, mostly as we feel this is definitely our last attempt. I’ve never had any kind of counselling before and was a bit wary – but it feels “ok” now. I don’t really talk about anything different than what we discuss here – but we have been sort of making plans for the future – no matter what. Serious thinking stuff!!! (Reminds me of “careers advice” at school and when I was asked “so Lorraine what are you going to do with the rest of your life” - I didn’t know what to say then and I still don’t now!!!!) Only trouble is the counselling kinds of “stirs” everything up – so I just know it will probably spoil my newly acquired nice calm demeanour and I’ll end up a blubbing wreck again!!! (Apparently there really is no gain without pain!!!! Mmmmmmm????) I really hope you are all doing ok – keep up the spirits girls – hope you are keeping occupied, but that work is not driving you tooooooo mad. Thinking of you all the time – will hopefully be able to “see” you later and send this post. Lots of Love Lorraine. xxxxxxxx Written 08.07.03 – 18.46hrs Oh dear this is killing me!!! I’m gonna burst if I don’t catch up with you soon……………… and that’s after just 30 hours!!!!! Hope you are all still alright – no more nasty AF symptoms. Will go to DH’s office tonight and post these messages. Saw my counsellor today (that phrase really un-nerves me!) and managed to maintain much of my new calm self – a minor miracle in my book! Been wondering what frame of mind you are all – especially you Caz without DH. I am sending you all some of my calm vibes – hopefully it’s contagious! This is it girls we are almost there – we just have to believe in this “IVF magic” for a little bit longer – and hopefully we will ALL get the good news we so wish for. We are going to be ok – no matter what the results – we just have to hold onto that thought over these next few days. Ooooooooooo Fingers, toes and eyes crossed for us all!!! Sending lots of positive thoughts to you all. Lorraine Xxxxxxx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 6:29 pm

Written 07.07.03 - 21.30hrs Hello you three, I cannot believe this – of all the weeks for my telephone line to get a fault!!!! I am unable to dial out and I can’t get access to the net – and more importantly our thread!!!! I am writing this now and plan to send it from my DH’s office tomorrow. Engineer coming Wednesday – please God let it be easily fixed – Jo you warned me this site was addictive – I’m not prepared to go cold turkey!!!!!! Oh this is horrible I sooooooo want to know how you all are. I am happy to say that I have been calm for 4 days now, a quiet peace seems to be descended for now and I feel as though I’m just ready to know – whatever the outcome. BET THAT DOESN’T LAST!!!!!! I had my haircut today - not sure about the shoulder length – looks a bit “in between” to me but I’ll get used to it. I had a new colour – a shiny kind of “conker” colour – bit red in some lights – but it’s only semi permanent and does look REALLY healthy – slightly perturbing that it’s similar to the coat of Dad’s dog – but there you go!!!!! So what are you all doing to keep relaxed??? Before I began this cycle – I started having Reiki – for relaxation and counselling – just for support really, mostly as we feel this is definitely our last attempt. I’ve never had any kind of counselling before and was a bit wary – but it feels “ok” now. I don’t really talk about anything different than what we discuss here – but we have been sort of making plans for the future – no matter what. Serious thinking stuff!!! (Reminds me of “careers advice” at school and when I was asked “so Lorraine what are you going to do with the rest of your life” - I didn’t know what to say then and I still don’t now!!!!) Only trouble is the counselling kinds of “stirs” everything up – so I just know it will probably spoil my newly acquired nice calm demeanour and I’ll end up a blubbing wreck again!!! (Apparently there really is no gain without pain!!!! Mmmmmmm????) I really hope you are all doing ok – keep up the spirits girls – hope you are keeping occupied, but that work is not driving you tooooooo mad. Thinking of you all the time – will hopefully be able to “see” you later and send this post. Lots of Love Lorraine. xxxxxxxx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 6:32 pm

Written 08.07.03 – 18.46hrs Oh dear this is killing me!!! I’m gonna burst if I don’t catch up with you soon……………… and that’s after just 30 hours!!!!! Hope you are all still alright – no more nasty AF symptoms. Will go to DH’s office tonight and post these messages. Saw my counsellor today (that phrase really un-nerves me!) and managed to maintain much of my new calm self – a minor miracle in my book! Been wondering what frame of mind you are all – especially you Caz without DH. I am sending you all some of my calm vibes – hopefully it’s contagious! This is it girls we are almost there – we just have to believe in this “IVF magic” for a little bit longer – and hopefully we will ALL get the good news we so wish for. We are going to be ok – no matter what the results – we just have to hold onto that thought over these next few days. Ooooooooooo Fingers, toes and eyes crossed for us all!!! Sending lots of positive thoughts to you all. Lorraine Xxxxxxx OMG HAVE MANAGED TO GET CONNECTED!!! WILL TRY ANOTHER REPLY..........

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:35 pm

Just like the proverbial bus........if you wait long enough......3 come along together!!!! Well I had a connection for just a few brief moments – but I did get to catch up with you all – thank god. Am now writing this BEFORE I try connecting again – as it would seem I couldn’t type fast enough before the darn thing crashes again. Girls you are all doing SO well. Yes the constant knicker checking is a tad freaky – but remember we are all behaving normally under very extreme circumstances. I think we all deserve a pat on the back! Like you I really want this wait over and yet I can’t even bear to even think about the logistics of Friday. I don’t even have a pgt kit yet! My poor mum got a flea in the ear just for asking when I was going to do the test – only because she probably won’t go to work until she hears news. Poor mum – it REALLY is so difficult for our families too, isn’t it? Girls how good were all those lovely posts? Kate –a HUGE good luck to you for tomorrow. Thank you so much for your kind words and positive thoughts. Let us know how you get on. Gem – isn’t this 2ww just mental torture. Please keep in touch with us – we all need as much moral support as we can lay our hands on! So hopefully we can support on another. Tracey – such wise words – your sensible advice and PMA was just the kick in the pants we needed!!! Thank you so much. Many Many congratulations to you – lets hope we see you on the “other side” Well we are almost there now………. Keep up the good work……….. here’s hoping for blessings on us all. Lorraine xxxxxxx Oh dear just realised I managed to send the last 2 messages TWICE - and now here I am again - sorry for all the mayhem - I going away for a lie down now!!!!!

caz · Post by **caz** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:50 pm

Lorraine - you are a stra - you are being so strong and giving us all these excellent words of supprt. You ARE star Now please get back on line and keep chatting to us!! Day 10 tomorrow, getting into quite scary territory?? AS YOU SAY THO KEEP THE FAITH!! Good luck all - everything crossed Cazxx ps been thinking..... A QUESTION for you Lorraine ......didnt you have et on the 27th?? If I've got that right then tomorrow is day 12....I've been told I can go in for a BLOOD PG test from day 12. (urine only works from day 14). Just thought you MIGHT want to know in case its something you hadnt been told. On the other hand you might want to wait and do it at home - theres ALOT to be said for that.. I also may have my facts mixed up.....sorry if I'm talking rubbish, just ignore it if so!! Take care Cazxx Does this make ANY sense at all?!

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 6:56 am

Morning Girls,Well my strategy worked, not to worry about something until it was necessary, so I was very calm all last week. BUT NOW!! Today I was tearful on the way to work and I have a dull ache low down so AF is on it's way. The anxiety is rising rapidly coupled with hourly knicker checking. There is just this "dread" hanging over me and sorry but I can't be positive anymore. My only saving grace is that at least one of us should get a positive, if we don't it would be just awful. My meager 10% chance puts the odds higher for you girls so I hope it works. Lorraine - hope your connection is sorted out it must be awful having the lifeline severed. Caz - how are you doing girl. Hope it's not been too bad without DH, not long now. Jo - have you still got AF pains? I'm going to find it really hard to concentrate today. Sxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 8:39 am

Hi everybody - I was going to be all bright and breezy and cheerful and say PMA PMA PMA loads of times on the assumption that if I say it enough, it will be true BUT to be honest I feel pretty much the same as all of you. One thing that is true though is that I just want this to be over and will handle a bad result OK if I have to but will, whatever happens, feel TRUE relief - it's a good thing the 2ww isnt any longer, that's all I can say!! Symptoms wise, still have AF pains - these tend to come & go but a dull ache right in the base of my stomach - usual for me before AF so I'm a bit concerned but remember Tracey saying she STILL gets the odd AF type pain and she's REALLY pregnant!! Not a frantic knicker-checker myself - just have a sneaky glance when the opportunity arises. With my experience last time I'm not really expecting my AF to start (although I know it could) but still wouldn't think I was pg! Let's just go over this again - YOU CAN HAVE AF SYMPTOMS AND BE PREGNANT!!! Every time you feel what you think to be an AF pain just chant this to yourselves 3 times. The only good thing about today is that there's only 2 days to go until we're put out of our miseries!! I'm at work and busy but finding it hard to concentrate - spent too much time yesterday going over old messages on here, looking for people who were pg but had af pains to try and comfort myself - how sad is that!!! That's one of the things that's so gross about it failing - not only do you have the disappointment but on top of it is all the work you've fallen behind on and the disgruntled clients to whom you have not perhaps been as attentive as you might have been, plus all the ironing you havent done, etc etc. You REALLY do feel sorry for yourself (with good reason!!) for a while!! Anyway - let's keep it all crossed for each other & keep going. Not long now. Lots of Love - Jo. XXXXXX

SallyP · Post by **SallyP** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 9:26 am

Dear Girls, Just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world for your tests. The 2ww is the worst part of the whole cycle, and you've all been so brave! As a bit of an old hand at ivf/icsi, I hope my experience helps. My first IVF/ICSI cycle failed. But after a couple of weeks, once the drugs have left your system, you get through it, you cope, your life becomes once again normal until you decide to try again that is! But if it doesn't work, you WILL get through it - remember that you have been strong enough to try to overcome whatever fertility problems have led you to ivf, so you are strong enough to deal with the outcome. And if you get a neg, then you've just got to think that for whatever reason, it wasn't right at the time. Easy to say, difficult to believe, I know. My second ivf/icsi worked, and I will be 10 weeks pg on Sat - but during my 2ww I felt EXACTLY like all of you. One day, I had no symptoms at all, the next I felt exactly like AF was imminent (af pains, sore boobs, depressed). One day I felt really positive, able to say positive affirmations like I believed them, and the next I would be heartbroken, thinking it hadn't worked because I had AF pain or a new spot! Don't forget that you have been through the mill both emotionally and physically, and you are still pumping yourselves with really powerful hormones which are going to affect you mentally and physically, so be gentle with yourselves, and try to remember that everything is now out of your hands - whatever happens is up to the Universe, so easy to say I know - but for the next 2 days try not to stress too much. When I did my test, I was so convinced it hadn't worked that I had a couple of glasses of champagne and a fag while waiting for the result, as I just couldn't take it any more! So everything you're feeling is completely normal. I hope and pray you will ALL be over the other side next week!!! Love Sally xxxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 9:49 am

Sally, thank you so much. This is exactly what I need to hear at the moment. It's horrible if it fails and I personally was not myself again for about 2/3 days (probably the drugs) but after that I just accepted it, cos there's not much choice after all!! You're right, before long you start looking to your next move. I do hope with all my heart of course that it's positive and hope its the same for my June buddies. Statistics would of course be against it working for all of us so there are going to be some sad people come friday, but I think we'll just help each other as much as we can and deal with whatever comes. Best of Luck with your pregnancy - it's so nice when people from the other side pop back to check on us hopefuls - support from girls who've made it in spite of the setbacks is really the best!! Lots of Love - JO.XXXX

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