Makin' "something" out of Nothin' :-)

[Sunshine1576]

DH got to speak to our RE today. He said unfortunately with us, we would only have a 5-7% chance of success with an IUI. Said even though DH sperm analysis came back normal,I have a mild case of endometrious (which this is NEW news to me). He said our RE would be willing to discount the 2nd procedure to 7,500, but I had my mind made up already to try the IUI and now it's sounds hopeless. I'm more mad because I've never been diagnosed with endometrious. Could he just be trying to find something wrong with us? I drove home so upset, because I'm feeling how could I have not known this?

11yrs of marriage, and I cannot give DH the biological child he wants so badly. Whats harder to chew is he will not agree to let us adopt a child that's homeless, who is out in the cold tonight hungry, that more than anything needs loving parents as we would be! This all around makes me want to pack up my bags and move to Atlanta, GA to be near my mom where I could start a brand new life. I love my dh with all my heart, but he deserves better! Yes someone who can give him a biological child and I cannot promise him that and sadly it would take thousands more before he even realizes this. I'm sorry that I am throwing a tandrum tonight, but hopefully my thought of leaving him will pass. Will see by the end of the week how this is going, but right now I cannot think straight, I'm in the state of denial more than anything.

[Sunshine1576]

DH told me tonight I could quit my job and drive 3.5 hours to another clinic if I wanted to, but he knows I'm too independent and one income would never work for us. I want this as badly as he does, but I also feel what if? What if there is something out there we haven't tapped into. I like looking at all the options, while he seems set on IVF. He asks me if money wasn't the issue, would I think differently about IVF. I just feel with the amount we are spending, it should come with guarantees. My doctor tells me nothing in life is guaranteed, but all we do know that IF this didn't work on so many others, IVF wouldn't be recommended.

In the mist of all this, fertility treatment does gives us hope that something good will come out of all this... With all the sacrifices that we make of every step that we take, we will find ourselves getting closer and closer to our dreams becoming reality. We must remind ourselves quite often..."Anything worth having in life, is not meant to be easy."

[kynlee]

Sunshine- I know its hard to stay positive, but remember we have God to make miracles We are just as deserving as anyone else to have a biological child so keep your Dreams, it will happen for us... I know with the cost we should have a guarantee but we know that wont happen... Dont think about leaving DH because as much as he wants a child he needs you not someone else... He would never be happy with someone else just to give him a child you are his sweetheart Things will work themselves out... All I can say is pray, pray helps and God does answer prayers... I dont know why we cant be like most women and just make a baby but God has different plans for all of us.... My Mom always said " Father I trust in thee" that is my new moto now, I have to put all my trust in him cause that is my only hope... I will say a prayer for you We all have upsetting days, you will get over the hump... Your a strong girl, think of a Rainbow cause one day soon we will both be holding a baby in our arms

[Sunshine1576]

We all go through emotional meltdowns, but the power of prayer will keep us going and strong. Tonight I cried as I was cleaning the kitchen, thinking is this the way it's always going to be. Is there ever going to be a change? My friend at work told me I should also start looking into adoption, so by the end of the year if nothing happens we would have a good chance of having a baby one way or the other. I'm little by little talking my dh into this where he sees nothing wrong with inquiring about adoption. At least he will look into it, and give it some thought. That's really all I ask of him right now anyway. I know God has a plan for us, it's already laid out we just have to believe that He will take care of us and will never give us something we cannot handle. Maybe that explains why we had the miscarriage early on? But the truth is I will never give up on life, never give up on this dream and most of all never give up on the one man who has stood by me through everything.

[Sunshine1576]

Sometimes I feel so lost in the mist of everything...My RE called me tonight trying to find out why I wanted my Obgyn to do the laproscopic surgery. I told him it was out of convenience since we would have travel 3 hrs to get to my RE, when I have my obgyn only 15 minutes away. He told me that if something major was found while doing the laproscopic surgery he could determine the "best plan of action." We tried to get the surgery sceduled for 1/21, but it looks like someone at work has already requested that day off. I'm trying to get something in before Feb. Thinking it needs to be on a Friday.... But right now I'm just frustrated, wish the work schedule could be more flexible.

[Sunshine1576]

My question tonight is...Do doctors offices really care about their patients? Last night I thought it was nice that my RE went out of his way to call me at home...He was trying to find out why I wanted to schedule the surgery with my Obgyn? I told it was out of convenience and everything, but also told him I would need the surgery to be on a Thurs or Friday. We thought we had a date picked out, only until then I find out my co-worker had requested that day already with boss approval and she is not flexible. SOoo to make a long story short, my doctor told me their "schedule coordinater" will be calling me Friday morning. Well by 10:20 I had not heard from her, so I called and she is with a patient. I tell them that I will be away from 11-12 for lunch and asked to call me on my cell. The other person says well I don't know if she will be available by then. I said ok after 12 please call me at the branch.... Well at 12:57 I get a call from the clinic down in Pensacola and at the same time I have a client, so naturally I asked can I call you back in a couple of minutes. She tells me the clinic closes at 12 and she will have to call me on Monday to schedule everything then. I like this is NOT acceptable!!! So I call the clinic up here in Panama City and the receptionist apologizes and says she is going to send an email out right away to Dr. Ripps. I was so furious, I felt this was NOT good customer service and they really need to be a little more accomodating. Everyone at work told me the truth is Doctors really don't care about customer service. With no competition they really can get away with it, but it makes me livid because this is important to me. I'm thinking maybe I should stick with my obgyn after experiencing this today. Maybe let my obgyn then send over the images and move on!

[kynlee]

Sunshine- Sorry that your DR isn't accomodating to you.. Maybe your OBGYN can refer you to a new DR...Don't let them frustrate you people sometimes have no hearts...You would think with them seeing this everyday they could be compassionate towards us... I have to say My Dr office is very caring and I couldnt ask for a better RE but sometimes I want to go some where else just cause it didn't work but I am keeping my faith in this office... I will say a prayer everything works out for you... My DH also does not want to do adoption, believe me if I had my choice I would LOVE to be pregnant but if it doesnt work then I need to have a back up plan.. My next plan is to do donor eggs if this next cycle doesn't work... Do you know if DE are expensive???? I am keeping our fingers crossed for great cycles for the both of us this time around Remember God has plans for all of us, if we trust and believe in him he will provide Huge Hugs!!!

[Sunshine1576]

Kynlee,
You're right sometimes when things don't happen the way we thought they should, we want to bail and change doctors. I think at some point throughout the IVF journey, maybe we all tend to think that way. We sometimes lose trust and competence in the RE, yet sometimes it's beyond their control too. The question really is how resillient are we really and how much are we willing to tolerate? We know this is our dream, goals are set but sometimes we must reevaluate them and try something else. Deep down we know it's a learning curve and each time we try something it's going to put us one step closer! Maybe the meds will be altered and more follicles will grow to retreive more eggs? Maybe the eggs need to be tested before IVF transfer? DHEA is definately something worth exploring, then maybe we might look into egg donors. Unsure how much an egg donor would cost, but we do know we still have so many options out there and that in itself does give us lots of hope! ((((HUGS))))

[kynlee]

Sunshine- I am on the countdown to when i will begin 19 days and I will be sticking myself with needles, Its so scary but i know I can get through it I did the first time and this is going to work I just need to stay positive... I am seeing so many people get pregnant that it gives me so much hope... I think this time It will be easier for me since I can go on here and chat after each shot the first round I was kinda on my own I didnt find this forum till after I was already started...It helped me through my FET's.. Now I feel like I get so much info from on here and I have you all to help me through it

[Sunshine1576]

Kynlee,
Yea only 19 days left until the real fun begins! I can relate to what you're saying, it will be easier this time around since you have so many of us cheering you on and I there with you every step of the way! Plus you now know what to expect, and being more experienced, it's going to be a breeze! It does seem like many people are pregnant around us, it's crazy looking back when we first joined the board last Fall and now it seems that over half of those ladies are on another board now, but we will soon be there too! Plus there is no telling how exactly long most of them had already been trying to conceive. We know God has the perfect plan for us! It's already layed out, we just have to trust HIm, that this plan is going to fall perfectly right into place! Well tonight to get my little mind off of this for a little while, I went shopping! Bought a new black dress 30% off for a wedding, some cute earrings and went over to my favorite shop "New York & Co. a found a great pair of loungewear pants just for 9.99. It was the great night to get out, especially after a stressful workday, Sometimes we have to take advantage of that!

[Sunshine1576]

Finally feel like we have a plan set in place. Last weekend, dh gave me one more chance to change my mind and try IVF in February, but I reassured him the surgery is our next step! It's set for Friday, March 4th which seems like eternity, but it's the earliest my RE could get me in. Until then, I better stay preoccupied so we don't drive anyone around me absolutely insane.

[kynlee]

Sunshine- Shopping is the best thing to get your mind off the stress I love to shop, I went shopping tonight to get last minute accesories for my outfit for my sisters wedding... She is having a 80's prom wedding, Im so excited it should be so much fun.... March will be here before you know it and I will be right here cheering you on for whatever you decide IVF or IUI... Our prayers will be heard...

[Sunshine1576]

Kynlee, an 80's Theme Wedding sounds like fun! Right now I'm seeing flashbacks of Debbie Gibson and Cyndi Lauper maybe with big puffy dresses! I'm trying to fight off a cold tonight with some Vick's cold/flu med and my head feels like a watermelon. It was a rough week at work and now my body literally feels like collapsing. So far done absolutely nada but watch movies all weekend, but wanted to tell you all that I really thought Cyrus with Marissa Tomei was a great flix!

Boss told me yesterday that since I was requesting off Friday 2/18 over a holiday weekend, (and to be fair to everyone else) that I would need to go ahead and schedule my 2nd week of vacation/time off ALL together before he will approve 2/18 for the wedding. I'm thinking it's crazy since I have no idea when my second full week of vacation will exactly be,all depending on what happens...We may need that time off later on for an IVF and it's tough to plan that far in advance. So dh and I were talking tonight and thinking maybe I could just go ahead, work that Friday, then fly up to Atlanta on Saturday and meet him at the airport. Oh, this ought to be very interesting...Sometimes this is why we really need to go in business for ourselves!

[Sunshine1576]

All quiet on a western front...but not much is happening right now. I try to stay busy, but several girls at work keep asking for updates and when I tell them 6 weeks till surgery, they are like why such a long wait? It's wishful thinking that I could just get pregnant naturally and just cancel the surgery, but on a positive note we are saving funds and realistically sometimes you just need a little break. Deep down I've been obsessed as one only knows! Thankfully that wedding is coming up and it will preoccupy me for a little while...Sometimes distractions are good. The other day at Target as I was checking out, I saw on the cover of a magazine, Nicole Kidman and her new baby. I thought here is another actress who struggled with fertility and you know surrogancy is certainly an option that we might even look into down the road. But isn't it amazing how many others out there are going through exactly the same experience?

[kynlee]

Sunshine- Sorry I been MIA for a few days been busy with my sisters wedding the weather down here has been crazy with snow... I cant believe your boss wont give you the 18t off without you picking your other week for vacation.. My work is like that too cause of how we close the books but someone should care... If they had issues like us they would take the time off they need its just not fair.... 11 more days for me, i am so nervous and scared but so excited I am going nuts over here and I havent started yet just cant wait to be pregnant Have you watched the movie coyote ugly??? I am trying to think of the first song she sang to try out at the bar??? My sisters wedding each table is singing a song lol I am horrible but it will be fun...