Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[kerpupples]

toniaa - We won't be using donor sperm. DH's counts are too low for IUI but good enough for IVF.

WeHaveHope - I took Percocet when my m/c was induced (granted I was further along) and the pain was still much worse than the contractions I had prior to my C-section. Hope it's over soon!

[LYD10]

hi ladies - i think i am going to be joining this board next week.

i just had my 5th cycle - 3rd cycle trying for baby #2 (as you can see from my signature) and while my first beta came in at 66, my 2nd one is 50. i am really bummed. its looking like a chemical . i'll be back on monday just to make sure - but its not looking good. oh man - looks like i'll be doing another cycle in november - as opposed to findsing out my babies sex right about then. it sucks!!!!

[WeHaveHope]

Lyd10-I am so sorry. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make this any better. I haven't given up hope yet and you should not give just yet. Others on this board have seen Betas fluctuate ad have had healthy pregnancies. So don't throw in the towel just yet. I am glad thought to hear that if in fact this is a chemical you are not ready to give up and you be moving on to the next cycle in November. These situations are always difficult and heartbreaking because we don't understand why one cycle works and anotherone doesn't. And we will never know. But don't loose faith, you wl get that BFP if it isn't now it will happen soon. Know that we all love you and are here for you. I will keep you in my thoughts an prayers. Sending you a BIG hug.

[leorira11]

LYD - I'm so so sorry. That's so awful

AFM - I'll just be browsing for the next few weeks. RE appt on Sept 6 - until then, I don't have anything interesting going on.

My biggest hope is to start BCP after our appt on Sept 6 and file my insurance paperwork. It'll take about 3 weeks for the paperwork to file, then I'll stop the BCP to get AF and hopefully start our cycle. One wrinkle is that I live in Israel and my clinic is closed for the holidays in October (the same way some clinics won't have people cycling around Christmas time in the USA). We might be able to do a FET, because that requires so many fewer clinic visits. Fingers crossed! (The worst news I could get is that they want me to wait 6 months or a year because of my C-section - Oct 19th will be 3 months post C-section, so I'm hoping they have a 3-month rule, not more than that....)

[WeHaveHope]

Hope everyone is doing well. I went for my appointment for my b/w today. Beta was 203. It's very sad that only 1 1/2 weeks ago I was praying for my Beta to double and here I am today praying that it falls like a rock. It's the hand I've been dealt and I have to make the best of it. I have to say that my RE is the best. He always finds time for me even when I don't have an appointment with him. As my blood was being drawn today he came by to ask me how I was feeling. Of course, I was feeling like crap but the fact that he found some time in his busy day to ask me made me feel a little better. I am still bleeding alot. I've had blood clots today the size of small golf balls, sorry for TMI. But my RE says that despite the pain and discomfort that at this point this is what we want to happen. He said that the more I bleed the faster the Hcg levels will go down. I officially started on BCP tonight. I feel the same as others on this board in that it is ironic that I am on BCP when I am trying to get pregnant. But that's IVF for you. At this point I am praying that by next week my Hcg level will be zero but I'm not so sure. We will just have to wait and see. I may have to be on BCP a little longer then the usual for an FET cycle just waiting for the levels to fall. But at least we were able to grab onto this cycle and take contol of it with the BCP instead of having to wait for another period to begin BCP. That happened to me with my 1st FET cycle after my cancelled fresh cycle and I was extremely disappointed. We wait and wait for these IVF cycles and any delay is always so disappointing.

I want everyone to know that I am praying for each and everyone of you and that you are always in my thoughts. Sending you all my love.

[Kiminsh]

We - you are so right about the waiting... Everything seems like hurry up and wait!! I have my appt with my RE on Tuesday and if everything is a go, we will have to wait yet another month because AF is just now leaving! Time is the one thing that is not on my side, as I am 39. I have been doing a lot of thinking today...not always a good thing. We want to give IVF another shot, but I we pay out of pocket for everything, so that is an added stress. Thousands of dollars again for the chance that we may have a child... Sometimes I wonder if we should just give up our dream of having a child that is part of both of us and pursue adoption instead. I don't know....too much thinking today!! I am a teacher and I go back to work on Monday. I am kinda glad as it will be good to keep my mind busy with other things.

I hope all of you will have a nice weekend.

Kim

[Tamera]

Hi Kim, I know exactly how you feel. We made the decision to try IVF after looking and comparing the cost to international adoption. The cost of adoption was going to run us about $30,000 and like with IVF comes with its own stresses and uncertainties. We are completely out of pocket except that our insurance will cover a portion of the meds. I have actually taken a part time job just for this reason, that hopefully I will not (fingers crossed) be returning to after I take a leave of absence in November. I get stressed when I think about how much money we are going to spend in November and for it to possibly not work, so I try and just keep positive that it will but I know with some many factors in play, mainly my age, I will be 42 in October, that it might not.

LYD10, i'm so sorry, I can't imagine how you are feeling. I am praying the fall is a positive time for each of the ladies on here. I am so thankful to have found this thread.

[WeHaveHope]

Kim & Tamera-I echo your feelings. I am going to be 37 in about 2 weeks and my DH is 48 and I thought I would have had a my second child by now. Especialy with my son about to turn 13 and my step children being 15 and my step son 18 about to start college at the end of this month. It seems like my DH and I have been trying forever to have a little miracle who is a little piece of me and a little piece of him. I can definantely tell you that when I signed on to do IVF, actualy IUI first I never imagined how difficult it would realy be. Maybe I was just all caught up in the idea and excitement of the possibilities that I realy wasn't paying attention to the details. This journey has truly been difficult. If someone would have told me that I would be sitting here today with no baby after a failed IUI, a cancelled IVF cycle, a failed FETbcycle, and a miscarriage I would have said they were lying but that's exactly how IVF is. I also did not even consider going into 2012 still trying but if the Fall doesn't work, which I pray it does then we have commited to try again in 2012. How things change. DH and I were adement initially that we did not want to cryo and that we were only going to give it one shot. Well that changed after the cancelled cycle because we ended up with 10 blasts to freeze. So then we said we were only putting one back due to concerns of having multiples. Well that changed too after the disappointing BFN we got. Then we said, ok we will put back two and were actualy looking forward to the possibility of twins and then the MC. So much changes with IVF. So much changes even within your own self with everything one has to endure with IVF. It's definantly given me a different outlook and it's made me stronger. But it's also given me so much more respect and admiration for everyone who has to travel this road. I pray we all have our dreams fulfilled. This has and continues to be such a difficult journey but I couldn't ask for a more wonderful group of people to make this journey with then you guys. Sending much love and wishing you all a nice and relaxing weekend.

[fruit]

LYD- im so sorry u r going through this, don't know what to say, i know it is very hard and heartbreaking...((HUGS))

all the ladies, sorry for not doing personals, i have a lot of work to finish since i was on vacation during my previous cycle, but i promise i will catch up with each one and do personals later soon, meanwhile, u're all in my prayers and may the fall cycle be the one for us!!!

[LYD10]

thank you so much, ladies, for your warm wishes! yes, i feel really sad inside. and all day i am thinking about my 3 past cycles and what we can do differently going forward. i am a bit sad about my ectopic - it was a viable pregnancy just in the wrong spot!
luckily my team (obgyn and embryologyst) are very accessible. my embryologyst answers emails and she is really giving us special attention. anyway, i already swapped emails with her and the plan is to retrieve in 2nd half of october after my DH would have been on suppliments for 10 weeks. i feel stupid for him not having been on suppliments the previous egg retrieval - i dont know for some reason i just didnt think they worked. but i think they do - so we are on them now. so we will retrieve in october and we will freeze all. i think i am one of those people the FET works better for. so we will do a FET transfer right after - probably November.

we are also going to transfer more at a time - assuming we have more good embryos to transfer. a lot of my embryos end up slow and that's not good i guess.

sorry for no personals - i am just so sad still.

Leora - i cant believe we will be cycling together again - i thought for sure we would be with our babies by now.

[WeHaveHope]

Lyd10-there is absolutely nothing to appologize for. You have every right to feel the way you do. I am praying that the Fall brings us all a little miracle or two... Keeping you in my prayers. Sending you a BIG HUG.

[leorira11]

LYD - I know. I'm so sorry. I thought we'd have babies by now too... maybe in a year from now....

AFM - met up with some friends today. 2 are due in November, 1 in October and 1 in September. It's so crazy that they are all still going to have their babies and I'm not... weird.

Less than 4 weeks until my RE appt! I'm trying to get excited about another cycle... but I just can't. I don't know how I'll find the strength to keep doing this - but I don't know how to stop. I'm so jealous of people who take a break. We've been TTC non-stop for 3+years (2+years of non-stop IVF or being pregnant). I wish we could take a break, but we want our baby in our arms as soon as possible....

[LYD10]

LYD - I know. I'm so sorry. I thought we'd have babies by now too... maybe in a year from now....

AFM - met up with some friends today. 2 are due in November, 1 in October and 1 in September. It's so crazy that they are all still going to have their babies and I'm not... weird.

Less than 4 weeks until my RE appt! I'm trying to get excited about another cycle... but I just can't. I don't know how I'll find the strength to keep doing this - but I don't know how to stop. I'm so jealous of people who take a break. We've been TTC non-stop for 3+years (2+years of non-stop IVF or being pregnant). I wish we could take a break, but we want our baby in our arms as soon as possible....

i am not one of those people that can take a break, either. the absence of action kills me. i dont even remember what the absence of hormones feels like. i am just hoping that all that extra estrogen and progesterone for several years doesnt increase the risk of cancer. for some reason i am wondering about that. i should ask my doc if there are any stats on repeat ivfers like us. i dont think so - i am just being a hypocondriac.

[LYD10]

just waiting for my repeat beta on monday. in the meantime i still have cramps and fairly strong ones, too. i am totally puzzled by that. this is day five of cramps - on and off. if the pregnancy is no good then why doesnt the bleeding just start? granted i am on PIO and that stuff is bullet proof for me. i've never bled on PIO. still - its kind of weird.

well anyway - i'll know tomorrow lunch time if my beta went down some more and they'll have me stop al the meds or, by some miracle, it went up. i just want to be out of limbo already. i've heard of women with weird betas and then there is usually no heartbeat and the baby is measuring way behind - and they never end up making it out of 1st trimester. anyway, i'll know tomorrow lunch time. i am just puzzled that's all.

this is so weird - because this is what - my 5th cycle - and no two cycles are ever alike. everytime something is different. my 1st cycle i didnt feel anything and it was a bfn.
my 2nd cycle i felt lots of twinges and it was a bfp. so after that i thought you for sure need twinges to get a bfp.
turns out maybe just my transfer was rough that time and it was my uterus healing instead.
my 3rd cycle i felt some twinges but it was an ectopic.
my 4th cycle i felt lots of twinges - just like my 2nd successful one - i was so confident i would get a bfp, that when the doc called and told me it was a negative i almost fell out of my chair with surprise. i almost went in for another beta to make sure they didnt mix up my name with someone. instead i just did an hpt at home to confirm and it confirmed a negative.
my 5th cycle - this one - i didnt feel anything either. i guess it was a really smooth transfer - no twinges, nothing. this time i was going to be prepared for the phone call so i poased. i got my faint hpts. they were faint so i didnt expect a high beta but was pleased with 66. my DS was an 80 - so i thought 66 is doable. i never thought the 2nd one would go down to 50. was not prepared for that. since i got my DS on cycle #2 i was not exposed to all the ways IVF can go wrong. boy - i was so innocent then . i remember the doc called my husband because i was too scared to take the call. and then my husband called me and said we are pregnant. and we were very happy. when a few days later i went in for my 2nd beta and the doc said it was 200 or something - i didnt even know how lucky i was that it went up the appropriate amount. at the time i was like - well that's what it supposed to do - go up. i didnt even know all the ways it could go wrong - ectopic, chemical. the only scare i had during my first pregancy was bleeding in week 5/6. i started bleeding and for sure i thought i was losing the baby. i had cramps too. i didnt know about SH that time and that bleeding is common in ivf. and my doc also wanted to make sure i followed strict bedrest for 1 week so he put a scare in me by saying this is a threatened miscarriage and i needed to take 1 week off work. which i did and the bleed continued to get smaller and during one of the u/s to check up on the bleed the tech so a heartbeat and that''s how we came to see the heartbeat. no big anticipation, no big drama. just - there it is. man, its nice to be oblivious.
so i am very curious to see what this cycle holds for me. so far every one of them has been different. is this going to be my "chemical" cycle or is this going to be my "beta rollercoaster" cycle. i dont know. i guess i'll live through it and find out
OMG i wrote a novel here. its kind of nice to get it in writing like this - i should save it somewhere for me to read 10 years from now.

[WeHaveHope]

Lyd & Leorira-I know what you ladies mean. This will be try #5 if you count the fresh cycle in which I went through the retrieval but had to do an FET due to OHSS. I don't necessarily want to stop. DH an I have talked about it and we have pretty specific plans in that we will keep trying back to back until we bring home a baby or we run out of FET tries. Realistically, that gives us this next FET in October and two more after that. And at that point it will definantley be the end of the journey for us. I am turning 37 in a week and a half and my DH is 48 already. I never imagined we would still be trying at this point in our lives but I dont want to be much older than this and still be trying. At that point I will make peace with it and know in my heart I gave it all I could. I too have analyzed every cycle and they are all different. I do plan to do a few things a little different this time but who knows if any of it will make any difference. I need to stop analyzing the past and focus on the future. I pray that this next one will be it. Lyd, I know watt you mean about the rollercoaster. Last week I just got to a point where I went from praying that by the miracle of God it would go up just a little to praying tha I would receive resolution one way or another. And I did. It was of course not the resolution I wanted but it was a resolution afterall. So back on the ride again. Hoping and praying for a good ending. I am prayingfor you. I am praying that you receive the peace you need in your heart. I know all too well how difficult it is to be in limbo and idont wish that on anyone. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted. Sending you alot of love.