The Over 40 Crowd

[Katie12563]

Hello everyone!

Diane, I read your post and I really can feel your hope and frustration.I wish you all the best. You and I are the same age. I feel a "42 sisterhood"
with you. I haven't tried donor eggs yet but it may come to that or embryo adoption. Just remember that your little one may still come to you after all these bumps in the road. As long as you and DH still want to try, don't stop. Your baby/babies will be one of the lucky ones...born to parents that fought have to have him or her.
Love & hugs to you. I

[debbieed]

Hello All,
What an amount of things to decide there are on this thread.

Debra - you can only do what is best for you. Just remember that whatever you decide will be the right thing.

This is definately going to be our last attempt. If this doesn't work then we're going to look into adoption - although that is no easy ride.

I'm feeling pretty pessimistic today. On Tuesday at my scan the Dr said that I only have 6 follicles growing and that 3 of them looked VERY small. She also talked about them not going ahead if I don't have many follicles and just doing IUI. Needless to say it didn't do much to keep me positive!!
Still, at this stage I've never had many follicles and it's always turned out ok. I'm just hoping that the Dr was just being cautious Have my next scan tomorrow so maybe better news then.
Trying to stay positive - but without much success.

Take Care all

Love
Debbie

[DebraP]

thanks Debbie. Good luck tomorrow, let us know what the scan shows, fingers crossed all 6 are a fair size and a couple more days of meds gives them a boost...+ any latecomers.

Debra.

[Sand]

Hi Debra ... I haven't been reading this thread, as there are 100s on the go at the moment and I can't keep up !!!

You've asked the million dollar question there. You know, it's really funny because all the time I've been talking about moving to a fresh clinic, it's never crossed my mind that we'd do a FET next. I've just kinda assumed that we'll go for another fresh cycle. Don't really know why, other than maybe thinking that St Ms have already b*ggered up the frosties.

My gut reaction is that if you are even contemplating a fresh cycle, that means the spark's there, you've got the energy to go through with it - and that's the course of action you should take. As you say you may then be left with frosties, and therefore a dilema if the fresh cycle hasn't worked. However, with no disrespect to you 40 something ladies, time isn't on our side, and I think whatever we can do to hedge our bets can only be a good thing. We know that a fresh cycle has a higher positive success rate. We know that your frosties won't deteriorate in the freezer if they are needed at a later stage. If the worst came to the absolute worst, there would then possibly be the option of FET cycling again maybe in the Spring - whereas if you used your frosties first, it may prove more difficult in a subsequent cycle to produce / fertilise etc ... I'm babbling now ..

I know you have been through so much treatment, and have had so much heartache - and it's a question of how much more you can take / how much more energy you have to give .... but, as I said at the start .. I can feel the twinkle in your eye, and I think you have it in you

(Saying all of that - the decision is of course yours !!)

Sandra xx

[wantarugrat]

But unfortunately our eggs don't know this... Just wanted to add my "2 bits" to this thread. I am 41 and will be receiving my 1st IVF next week from an anonymous egg donor in the US (I reside in Canada and it is illegal to have a donor unless it is a personal acquaintance and no payment exchanged
My DH and I have had four unsuccessful IUI's and one year of TTC (in the over 40 crowd it becomes dog years and I estimate it is more like 10 years of TTC now!).
Time is ticking rapidly and we did some major soul searching and both decided that an egg donor would be the right decision for us, for a few reasons. First, I am carrying my DH's child and can control/experience the pregnancy, second, my chances of success are now 43 - 47% as opposed to 3 - 7% with my own hard boiled eggs and lastly, we have the opportunity of "revisiting the well" with frozen embies should we be unsuccessful - or want a sibling later on.
FYI: my donor is a 26 year old college student who has already gone through the donor process once before (with success to the recipient) and is paid $4K for her troubles. We do not know her name nor what she looks like although we received an extensive 15 page profile to give us a very good indication of the type of gal she is and to match her features to my own. Pictures are exchanged with the clinic to do the match.

I realize donor eggs are a very personal decision and not for everyone, as is this entire TTC process. This is just my story... Hope my experience, thus far, helps some of you. Keep your fingers crossed as we cross the border this Sunday to receive the eggs of a young chick who can empathize with the "more mature" hens!

Best Wishes to you All!
Wanda

[debbieed]

Hello All,
Unfortunatley todays scan showed that I only have 3 reasonable sized follicles. I have to go back for another scan on Monday but they are still debating whether to just do IUI instead of IVF. Personally I'd rather go through with the IVF and although this means that we may not get as far as having any embies to put back we would at least know. With IUI I'd just be left wondering for the dreaded 2ww. I am really disappointed about this cycle. It is our last and I was holding out so much hope but now I really feel as if this is not going to work for us. Feeling very down about it all.
Hope all of you are holding out more hope.

Take care all.

Love
Debbie

[DebraP]

Debbie, I'm sorry you're feeling so down about today's scan.

Whilst your 3 probably won't allow for frosties, you should get a decent IVF go out of them. Will the decison be made for you, even if you'd prefer one of the options? You've still got another 3 days before the next scan, which might yield something more but if not, 3 follies is a heap better than none.

I know it's hard but you'll have to focus positively on those 3, think of them growing and each containing a mature egg. It's a bit out of our hands but positive visualisation can't hurt. It's also the last weekend before you have EC/ET so try to enjoy it, relax, go for a nice walk if possible and prepare for the final push.

hugs
Debra

[randa2006]

Debbie,
I know finding only 3 can be discouraging, but as Debra has mentioned things can (and usually do) change within the last 2-3 days. On my first go back in Feb, they only counted 7 follies at my scan prior to the HCG shot (this was my 2nd scan).... then 35 hours later and at EC, I had 12!!! The docs weren't even surprised by this as it is usually the way it goes.
I hope this helps. And remember, I'm even older than you.

Best of luck to you! I agree that IVF is your best shot, no matter how many you get.

Debra,
I feel the same way Sandra does about your decision. GO FOR IT! Of course, from my point of view, you're still a youngster. I also understand that keeping to your original plan of no more than 3 attempts is hard to let go of (if it comes to that). We will soon be facing the same thing.

Sometimes when faced with a very difficult decision, I try to pull back to the 30,000 foot view to get a clearer perspective. Questions like: "How will I view this decision 10 or 20 years from now" are helpful too.
My heart goes out to you on this tough choice.

[randa2006]

Wanda,
Welcome to the board! Thanks for your input. I enjoyed reading your perspective about all of this (you write well). We will look at the donor egg option if our remaining attempts fail. I am much more open to the idea than my dh. You seem very accepting of it and I was wondering how your dh feels? Did he have a hard time getting over the hump from your eggs to donor eggs? I am trying to get dh to be more open to this now rather than waiting until it's at the door. Any tips would be appreciated.

[wantarugrat]

Hi Randa,
In answer to your question on whether my DH was receptive to the idea of a donor egg - he is the one who brought the subject up last winter - completely out of the blue while we were shopping (double surprise because he hates to shop - maybe he was delerious from looking at too many shoes?). In any event, I pounced on the suggestion and put the ball into play immediately the next day. My clinic in Canada provided several U.S. clinics that have a reputable donor program and after careful research, we selected one in New York. I have been able to work in tandem with the Canadian clinic having my ultrasounds, blook word etc. and having the results provided to the U.S. All concerned have been more than accomodating to us.

The way I figure it, we were reviewing the adoption option and that would mean no geneaology for either of us. This way, I know that our angel waiting in heaven, should she/he float down to us, will have some blood lines to my DH. I have absolutely no misgivings about receiving a donor egg and consider it an honor and a blessing that science may allow me to finally realize a dream, that at 41, I had reluctantly put to rest.

Now my next hurdle, and you can provide your own opinion on this if you wish (and any other of you gentle readers out there), is whether we will go with either a two or three embryo transfer with the option to excercise selective reduction should all three take. I would welcome twins with full and open arms but would consider triplets an unsuccessful IVF treatment (high rates of miscarriage, defects, etc). Thoughts, comments?

Thank you to everyone out there for lending support and guidance to us all.

Wanda

[Katie12563]

Hey There Ladies... Sand, Randarandolph....

Welcome Watarugrat: yes I loved reading your story and it helps to hear about other experiences. Thank you for sharing. I hope this donor will give you lots of healthy eggs...26 and previously successful...great choice!!
There is also a Donor Buddies thread on the general board if you would also like to join us there too.

Debbie: Whatever you decide (IVF or IUI) if the egg/eggs are healthy and you have good prog. level...you may get a wonderful August gift.
I know how easy it is to get depressed...boy do I know...I'm hoping good things for you.

[CarolineP]

Debbie

IVF is a miracle of medical science but it is also loaded with luck and fate. You cannot 2nd guess any of the IVF process, try not too worry and remain positive.

I always struggled to get follies and the stats got worse as we entered each new cycle. My last treatment I got 4 follies (not great size from the scans), 3 eggs collected, 2 fertilised and 1 implanted.

Remember it only takes one to make a baby - so think positive and I wish you the very best of luck with your next scan on Monday.

CarolineP

[JaneR]

Hi Everyone,

Welcome to this site Wanda and sharing your story with us.

Debbie, I'm sorry abut you scan but things could be different by Monday. My last cycle i had 6 follicles on day 8 two growing well and 4 smallish ones 11mm which is fine really for then. I then had another scan on day 9 and they were still the same so they insisted on going for the 2 big ones byt the time EC came around I had 4, if they had waited a few more days as they are doing with you I would have had more. So see what Monday brings. And as Caroline said it only takes one.

Debra, follow your gut feeling for the next cycle you know it will be right.

Randa, hope you and DH have sorted everything out and you are no longer fiting.

Well I've got my FSH results and they are slightly raised 10.2 so don't know what we do do next. Received a copy of the letter from the COnsultant and it was as harsh as he spoke to us, he talked about letting us have more go but no chance of success and stopping all treatment in the near future so with him saying this I don't know if they will let us go again. Spoke to DH last night about donor eggs and he said no straight out so this may be the end of the road for us. Not sure how I feel at the moment, its all too hard to take in.

I'll stick around until I know what happens next, my nurse is on holiday for the next week and then I'll speak to her and see what she and my normal consultant say.

Best of luck to everyone, Debbie I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

Love,

Jane

[DianeC]

Hi Wanda

You have a similar story to us. We attempted three IVF cycles using my own eggs and finally decided that if we were going to have a child it would not be with my eggs. Amazingly, our clinic in Australia at the time, thought that we still had a chance , at about 5%, to have our own child. Better at least than trying naturally in which we had no illusions, we would probably not succeed.

I guess I thought at the time that the odds were agaisnt us and that we were perhaps wasting precious time and all the while the time clock ticking away....... We did some research both in America and in Europe and our reseach concluded that America would suit our needs better and give us the better odds. Egg donation is available in Australia but the waiting list is a few years long so at my age, that pretty well ruled it out. The other way we could have gone was to use a known donor but we decided that way was fraught with potential hassle and I did not feel comfortable with the idea.

As yet we have not been successful, but we know deep in our hearts that this way is the only way for us. It is not an easy decision for a couple to make but at the end of the day my husband and I really wanted a child to raise together and this way we know that at least one of us has a biological connection and my bond will be through carrying and birthing the child.

I wish you well in your dreams and hope you have success.

Cheers Di

[meandmine]

Hello girls,

I posted a few days ago under FES, re-acquianting myself with some of the girls I chatted with back in Feb when I started my last IVF cycle. (Hi again to Little P, Randa, DebP, Sand and everyone else on this special site). We had a good egg collection back in April but unfortunately a -ive result and 2 embies in deep freeze. Hadn't imagined we'd consider the FET option because it really did seem like the last attempt back in April. But having put everything to bed for a few months, went along for our follow-up consultation last Tuesday with the intention of closing our file but having discussed our last cycle (I had an FSH of 4.9 and was told I was functioning as a 28 year old!!!(WOW, YIPPPEEE) and DH's sperm count had actually increased (although there has never been a problem in that department - typical!) we were on board again. I guess the problem is that of implantation. Who knows we may very well have been getting to the fertilisation stage every time for the past 14 years but failing to implant (as may well be the case for most of us, who knows?). So, we have 2 FE's but both at only 2 cell stage. Naturally our better embies were implanted in April. So providing they survive the defrosting process, we'll try again. It's such a long shot now but there it is that little glimmer of hope, beckoning and tempting us back. I guess I'm just a girl who can't say no!!!

Anyway, look forward to chatting to you all over the coming weeks.

Love to you all
Sharon x