I'm having a bit of a depressing day.
Last week the lady across the street had a baby shower. I wasn't invited. One of the women I used to workout with (who recently moved from the neighborhood) was invited. She stopped by my house after the shower to say "hi". At any rate, DH thought it was very rude that they didn't invite me. My friend told me the women in the neighborhood thought better of it because they didn't want to make me feel bad about the whole baby issue. Perhaps they meant well but I think it would have been better to send an invitation and give me the option to decline.
Today, another lady on my street is having a baby shower (I thought the lady across the street was the only one without children other than me on my street but apparently there was one more). Again, I wasn't invited....although I didn't really expect to be since I don't know her very well. The lady I was friends with (who moved and doesn't even live here anymore) was invited to this one as well and stopped over before going to the party (that's how I knew about it).
Anyway, I'm really feeling like the outcast. I can't say I enjoy hanging around any of these women because they all have children and, when they get together, that's all they tend to talk about. And, I guess they probably feel odd around me because I don't have children. It's just that I can't believe that I have not met one person around my age since we moved here that doesn't have kids....(well, I did but now they are both expecting next month)! When I lived in NY, I knew plenty of people in their 30's who didn't have children. It's a whole different story around here.
Anyway, guess I'll stop sitting here feeling sorry for myself and go out shopping or something.
Staci
July cycle buddies
Staci,
Hi. I really related to your post about all your neighbors having baby showers and you being the only person your age without kids. I'm 37 and live in the San Francisco Bay Area (apparently a hotbed of human breeding).
I had a job last year where 12 women worked there and 8 of them were pregnant. My friend was like "you should just quit". I did! Enjoying life much more now, but can't hide from pregnant women forever
Some days are better than others.
alicia
Hi. I really related to your post about all your neighbors having baby showers and you being the only person your age without kids. I'm 37 and live in the San Francisco Bay Area (apparently a hotbed of human breeding).
I had a job last year where 12 women worked there and 8 of them were pregnant. My friend was like "you should just quit". I did! Enjoying life much more now, but can't hide from pregnant women forever
Some days are better than others.alicia
TTC 2.5 years - Me 38 no tubes; DH 32
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
Staci
I feel for you - it's so awful - you feel such a lepor! I have not had this to the same extent thank goodness so am not in quite the same place but did have it at work and was excluded so as not to hurt my feelings when excluding me hurt more as to me just shoved it in my face (infertile lady with no baby!) Then when I got pg they all flocked round - these weren't true friend so I basically told them to shove off - not so rude but did not want them. Then when he died some I condidered friends could not face it and almost cross the street to avoid me......
Your time will come and in the meantime it is so hard because all around you there are people with babies and families. If you are up to it why dont' you single out the "best" of the bunch and have a one to one coffee or something with them and explain things on your terms - clearly you don't mention ivf unless you want to but just explain that you like babies etc and would like not to be excluded where possible. If they are not worth bothering with then sod it. You sound like a lovely person to me and anyone worth their salt who knows you would love to have you as a friend - their loss!
Love
Tracey
xxx
I feel for you - it's so awful - you feel such a lepor! I have not had this to the same extent thank goodness so am not in quite the same place but did have it at work and was excluded so as not to hurt my feelings when excluding me hurt more as to me just shoved it in my face (infertile lady with no baby!) Then when I got pg they all flocked round - these weren't true friend so I basically told them to shove off - not so rude but did not want them. Then when he died some I condidered friends could not face it and almost cross the street to avoid me......
Your time will come and in the meantime it is so hard because all around you there are people with babies and families. If you are up to it why dont' you single out the "best" of the bunch and have a one to one coffee or something with them and explain things on your terms - clearly you don't mention ivf unless you want to but just explain that you like babies etc and would like not to be excluded where possible. If they are not worth bothering with then sod it. You sound like a lovely person to me and anyone worth their salt who knows you would love to have you as a friend - their loss!
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Hi Staci
Oh poor you Thankfully we in the UK don't have baby showers as a matter of course. Some do but I have never been to one and I am actually glad its not a British tradition for the very reason of your upset. I am sorry that they have not included you in the showers and it seems a very callous thing to do in my opinion. You are after all a human being with feelings and these women involved are really nasty for leaving you out.
I am afraid that while we are all going through treatment we get a beacon on our heads telling everyone to steer clear - frenzied woman with no kids alert!!! Keep away
Ignore these women Staci and when you are PG (see, positive thoughts) and you have a baby shower you can not invite them but make sure they know you are having one and stick to fingers up at them!
Take care honey
Love Dagny xkx
Oh poor you
Thankfully we in the UK don't have baby showers as a matter of course. Some do but I have never been to one and I am actually glad its not a British tradition for the very reason of your upset. I am sorry that they have not included you in the showers and it seems a very callous thing to do in my opinion. You are after all a human being with feelings and these women involved are really nasty for leaving you out. I am afraid that while we are all going through treatment we get a beacon on our heads telling everyone to steer clear - frenzied woman with no kids alert!!! Keep away
Ignore these women Staci and when you are PG (see, positive thoughts) and you have a baby shower you can not invite them but make sure they know you are having one and stick to fingers up at them!
Take care honey
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
Thanks to all of you. I am feeling better about things. I know it's something that you all deal with as well so you're the only ones who understand how this sort of thing feels. Realistically, I know there are plenty of others out there like me. I guess the neighborhood we live in is probably not the best under the circumstances. Ironically, we moved here because it was a family neighborhood. At the time, we had no reason to think we wouldn't be having a family. Anyway, we will soon enough (trying to muster up a bit of PMA)!
Tracey, actually I think everyone in the neighborhood knows about our infertility troubles and my attempt at IVF (it's one of those places where if one person finds out, everyone knows) as DH told one or two people back when I was undergoing the IVF. They don't know the reason why we had to do it so I'm sure they probably assume it is something to do with me....although I can't say I care if they believe that since it hardly matters. They seemed very sympathetic and all but, really, it seems like the end result is that everyone just tries to avoid me. I guess they assume I am one of those bitter people that hates them because they have children or are pregnant.....whatever! The really odd thing is I had just spoken to the lady across the street (the one who had the first baby shower I wasn't invited to) several days before her shower which, at the time, I didn't know about. I saw her doing gardening outside and went over and said hello, asked how she was doing and even told her to let me know if she needed anything in the coming weeks. She asked about our efforts with the IVF (another reason why I know it is common knowledge) and I told her that it didn't work but that I was really feeling okay about things and that we'd probably make another attempt. Anyway, I certainly didn't give her any reason to think I was upset about things or bothered that she was pregnant. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't be wasting my time trying to figure other people out.
A little positive news: we had been holding off on getting a dog even though we really wanted one due to not knowing how things would go with our treatment (figured taking care of a dog and a baby might be too much initially). A few weeks ago, we decided to just go ahead with it and have been seaching for a collie puppy. We haven't had any luck finding one yet but I've made contact with a few breeders so will, hopefully, have one sometime in the Fall. I'm really excited....although I am worried about how my 2 cats are going to take it!
Staci
Tracey, actually I think everyone in the neighborhood knows about our infertility troubles and my attempt at IVF (it's one of those places where if one person finds out, everyone knows) as DH told one or two people back when I was undergoing the IVF. They don't know the reason why we had to do it so I'm sure they probably assume it is something to do with me....although I can't say I care if they believe that since it hardly matters. They seemed very sympathetic and all but, really, it seems like the end result is that everyone just tries to avoid me. I guess they assume I am one of those bitter people that hates them because they have children or are pregnant.....whatever! The really odd thing is I had just spoken to the lady across the street (the one who had the first baby shower I wasn't invited to) several days before her shower which, at the time, I didn't know about. I saw her doing gardening outside and went over and said hello, asked how she was doing and even told her to let me know if she needed anything in the coming weeks. She asked about our efforts with the IVF (another reason why I know it is common knowledge) and I told her that it didn't work but that I was really feeling okay about things and that we'd probably make another attempt. Anyway, I certainly didn't give her any reason to think I was upset about things or bothered that she was pregnant. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't be wasting my time trying to figure other people out.
A little positive news: we had been holding off on getting a dog even though we really wanted one due to not knowing how things would go with our treatment (figured taking care of a dog and a baby might be too much initially). A few weeks ago, we decided to just go ahead with it and have been seaching for a collie puppy. We haven't had any luck finding one yet but I've made contact with a few breeders so will, hopefully, have one sometime in the Fall. I'm really excited....although I am worried about how my 2 cats are going to take it!
Staci
Staci
A dog - now this is music to my ears - this means your next tmt will work! I have decided! I got a dog - a weimarner puppy after Oliver died and spent the 2ww picking up doggy poos and wiping up piddle and up and down like a yo you and playing tuggy games and bingo...........
She has been wonderful and taken my mind off stuff and gets you in practice for baby poo!
What a wonderful idea - fabulous and if the neighbourhood can't hack your IVF then sod them - I mean honestly if you come across with the strength to deal with it so should they.
Happy weekend
Love
Tracey
xxx
A dog - now this is music to my ears - this means your next tmt will work! I have decided! I got a dog - a weimarner puppy after Oliver died and spent the 2ww picking up doggy poos and wiping up piddle and up and down like a yo you and playing tuggy games and bingo...........
She has been wonderful and taken my mind off stuff and gets you in practice for baby poo!
What a wonderful idea - fabulous and if the neighbourhood can't hack your IVF then sod them - I mean honestly if you come across with the strength to deal with it so should they.
Happy weekend
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Hope it goes ok.Hi Kitty
Good luck for your 1st jab tonight. You will be fine.
Love Dagny xkx
Good luck for your 1st jab tonight. You will be fine.
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
ooo hiya kitty
well ya never know we may pass each other sometime soon at kings
im due to start sniffing tomorrw am awaiting af i just know its gonna be late this time flippin typical.
Good luck with yout first jab tonight im sure u will be fine
I keep getting this thought pass through my head that for some reason i cant do this i keep thinking if my af dont arrive and i miss this cycle and i have to wait till the end of the year or something im gonna say no i cant handle it no more iv suffered way to mush stress.
I have had a very strange week this week its the dreams im having at night they are so bizzare one night i dreamed i was pregnant and i had this lovly fat belly but i knew really that even tho i looked pregnant i wasnt then last night i kept dreaming all my teeth were falling out lol some very strange dreams indeed think all this is def playing on my mind.
iv lost over a stone in weight in the last year due to stress its the best kind of diet i know i now weigh in at 8.5 stone im a little shortie so am only about half a stone less than what i should be
anyway i gone on again kitty would be great if we saw each other at kings over the next month or so wishing you lots of luck and remember PMA
Dagny i said it on your post to hun but all the best for tomorrow thinking of you all the way hun xxxx
Lots of Love Ang xxxx
well ya never know we may pass each other sometime soon at kings
im due to start sniffing tomorrw am awaiting af i just know its gonna be late this time flippin typical.
Good luck with yout first jab tonight im sure u will be fine
I keep getting this thought pass through my head that for some reason i cant do this i keep thinking if my af dont arrive and i miss this cycle and i have to wait till the end of the year or something im gonna say no i cant handle it no more iv suffered way to mush stress.
I have had a very strange week this week its the dreams im having at night they are so bizzare one night i dreamed i was pregnant and i had this lovly fat belly but i knew really that even tho i looked pregnant i wasnt then last night i kept dreaming all my teeth were falling out lol some very strange dreams indeed think all this is def playing on my mind.
iv lost over a stone in weight in the last year due to stress its the best kind of diet i know i now weigh in at 8.5 stone im a little shortie so am only about half a stone less than what i should be
anyway i gone on again kitty would be great if we saw each other at kings over the next month or so wishing you lots of luck and remember PMA
Dagny i said it on your post to hun but all the best for tomorrow thinking of you all the way hun xxxx
Lots of Love Ang xxxx
Our dream came true after 5 yrs ttc we know have 8month old twin boys Adam and Kieran and our gorgeous 9 yr old daughter.
Hang in there miracles really do happen
Hang in there miracles really do happen
Hiya ladies
Quick update for you - went to hospital for day 10 scan yesterday. Things moving along (albeit) S.L.O.W.L.Y ...............so am back in again on Tuesday for another scan - if nature hasn't taken it's course by then I shall probably have to abandon the natural FET and start the sniffer on day 21 for the medicated FET.
On the upside, I talked to my consutlant re: my NK cells - he is not worried about them but he gave me the option to go on the steroids so I will start them day before ET and stay on them at least 2 weeks until test.
Hope you are all well,
Love
Nickie
Quick update for you - went to hospital for day 10 scan yesterday. Things moving along (albeit) S.L.O.W.L.Y ...............so am back in again on Tuesday for another scan - if nature hasn't taken it's course by then I shall probably have to abandon the natural FET and start the sniffer on day 21 for the medicated FET.
On the upside, I talked to my consutlant re: my NK cells - he is not worried about them but he gave me the option to go on the steroids so I will start them day before ET and stay on them at least 2 weeks until test.
Hope you are all well,
Love
Nickie
1st Cycle ICSI - Cancelled before E/R due to poor response
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
Hi Girls
Just wanted to bring you up to date omg my af did come on time i started sniffing this morning ahhhhhhhhhhh im really doing this
nickie thats good news you doc isnt worried im sure everything will be just fine
mmmm im not sure if im excited or flippin terrified ah well iv started now so have to finish
lol love ya all loads PMA PMA PMA
love Ang xxxxxx
Just wanted to bring you up to date omg my af did come on time i started sniffing this morning ahhhhhhhhhhh im really doing this
nickie thats good news you doc isnt worried im sure everything will be just fine
mmmm im not sure if im excited or flippin terrified ah well iv started now so have to finish
lol love ya all loads PMA PMA PMA
love Ang xxxxxx
Our dream came true after 5 yrs ttc we know have 8month old twin boys Adam and Kieran and our gorgeous 9 yr old daughter.
Hang in there miracles really do happen
Hang in there miracles really do happen
Tracey,
DH and I love weimaraners! That was actually our first choice when we started to think about getting a dog last year but we had to quickly discard that idea since they apparently do not get on well with cats. I am a bit squeamish about the cleaning up poo bit (especially having to do so outside if it goes on someone else's lawn) but am hoping one gets used to it....and, as you said, it will be good practice! We are actually driving a few hours this morning to go talk to a breeder who is expecting a litter at the end of the summer. Are you worried that taking care of your dog and the twins will be too much or do you think it will not be such a big deal? Some people suggested I wait but I figure it is better to get the puppy now and, if I do have a baby, at least it will be trained by that time. Plus, I'm just so sick of putting every aspect of my life on hold indefinitely.
Ang,
Glad to see you are on your way! I know the feeling of being scared to get started and the constant thinking about backing out. I remember feeling better once I actually got going in the sense that I felt like there wasn't any turning back. It took away the stress I was feeling about whether or not to go through with it. Just take things day by day.
Nickie,
When you say things are moving along slowly, do you mean with measuring the thickness of your lining? I'm not sure what they measure during a natural FET so was just curious.
Dagny,
I'm thinking of you today and hope you are doing ok!
Staci
DH and I love weimaraners! That was actually our first choice when we started to think about getting a dog last year but we had to quickly discard that idea since they apparently do not get on well with cats. I am a bit squeamish about the cleaning up poo bit (especially having to do so outside if it goes on someone else's lawn) but am hoping one gets used to it....and, as you said, it will be good practice! We are actually driving a few hours this morning to go talk to a breeder who is expecting a litter at the end of the summer. Are you worried that taking care of your dog and the twins will be too much or do you think it will not be such a big deal? Some people suggested I wait but I figure it is better to get the puppy now and, if I do have a baby, at least it will be trained by that time. Plus, I'm just so sick of putting every aspect of my life on hold indefinitely.
Ang,
Glad to see you are on your way! I know the feeling of being scared to get started and the constant thinking about backing out. I remember feeling better once I actually got going in the sense that I felt like there wasn't any turning back. It took away the stress I was feeling about whether or not to go through with it. Just take things day by day.
Nickie,
When you say things are moving along slowly, do you mean with measuring the thickness of your lining? I'm not sure what they measure during a natural FET so was just curious.
Dagny,
I'm thinking of you today and hope you are doing ok!
Staci
Hiya Staci
Totally agree with you regarding your comment about having to put life on hold indefinitely - DP and I are both fed up
and can't wait to get this sorted one way or the other.
In the natural FET what they measure is the womb lining and also the leading follicle size - the environment has to be condusive to put the embryos back in and so therefore my body has to be ready for the embryos. My folli size was 10 and the womb lining not that thick - however it was still only day 10 so I am back on day 14 for another scan. I'm used to things plodding along quite slowly now so not really surprised.
How are you getting on ????
Big hugs
Nickie
Totally agree with you regarding your comment about having to put life on hold indefinitely - DP and I are both fed up
and can't wait to get this sorted one way or the other. In the natural FET what they measure is the womb lining and also the leading follicle size - the environment has to be condusive to put the embryos back in and so therefore my body has to be ready for the embryos. My folli size was 10 and the womb lining not that thick - however it was still only day 10 so I am back on day 14 for another scan. I'm used to things plodding along quite slowly now so not really surprised.
How are you getting on ????
Big hugs
Nickie
1st Cycle ICSI - Cancelled before E/R due to poor response
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
Hi Nickie,
Doing ok. Just a week and a day until I start downregging.
I really think my clinic probably could have done a natural FET for me. I pretty reliably ovulate somewhere between Day 19 and 21 of my cycle so they just would have had to start measuring later in the cycle than normal. I think that the medication just makes it much easier for them as far as scheduling. I guess I'll just have to live with it though. I'm one of those people who really hates taking medications. With this whole IVF ordeal I've taken way more than I have in my whole life!
Anyway, I hope things go well for you on Wed!
Staci
Doing ok. Just a week and a day until I start downregging.
I really think my clinic probably could have done a natural FET for me. I pretty reliably ovulate somewhere between Day 19 and 21 of my cycle so they just would have had to start measuring later in the cycle than normal. I think that the medication just makes it much easier for them as far as scheduling. I guess I'll just have to live with it though. I'm one of those people who really hates taking medications. With this whole IVF ordeal I've taken way more than I have in my whole life!
Anyway, I hope things go well for you on Wed!
Staci
HI Staci - just had to say the baby shower thing sounds tortorous as Dagny says we dont have them over here - THANKS GOODNESS ! - what a nightmare!! Its all sounds a bit stepford wives doesn't it?? I think you are behaving so well - I would be alot less grown up and start walking around the neighbourhood in my PJs or my knickers on my head or something - you may as well give them something REALLY good to talk about!!!! 
Perhaps you should consider it?!!!!
enough jesting, I TOTALLY know how hard it is - all my friends are having or have had babies and I felt so so left out. BUT Your time will come I PROMISE YOU. Your situation is so much more likely to work than mine ever was - so its just a question of time for you and when it does happen it will feel all the greater for it. Keep your chin up - I think a puppy is a TOP idea. Good luck with round 2! Cant remember , are you doing FET?
Cazxx
Perhaps you should consider it?!!!!enough jesting, I TOTALLY know how hard it is - all my friends are having or have had babies and I felt so so left out. BUT Your time will come I PROMISE YOU. Your situation is so much more likely to work than mine ever was - so its just a question of time for you and when it does happen it will feel all the greater for it. Keep your chin up - I think a puppy is a TOP idea. Good luck with round 2! Cant remember , are you doing FET?
Cazxx