FEB / MARCH 2011 Cycle Buddies!! can't wait!

[elcope]

Hi everyone - long time, no talk...

The 2WW was killing me, so I tried to stay away from the boards, to keep my mind off everything.

But, Thursday, I broke down and POAS and it came back negative. I was in such a foul mood all day - even though I knew it could be wrong...but I couldn't help it.

Today, I went in for my beta test, trying to stay optimistic. Got the call at 1pm on the dot that that too, was negative.

So, my fertility journey ends here. Not only am I emotionally and physically drained - but financially, it's just not in the cards. What makes me mad the most, is how my nurse kept talking about "next time". Finally I told her to stop saying that - and maybe she needs to be a little more cognizant of their not being a next time for some people. I'm really starting to feel like these fertility clinics are only in it for the money - seriously! Cause if I had a dollar for every time one of them said "next time" just in the past 2 weeks, I'd actually have enough money to pay for another round of IVF.

I know I'm just upset right now - but maybe they should always plan for the worst, right up front - and not assume that we're all in it for round after round. For instance, my doctor brushed over both rescue ICSI and OHSS during our final meeting, saying I wouldn't need to worry about either of those issues - and therefore, didn't explain either of them. And wouldn't you know, I had to worry about BOTH of them. They believe that had they known none of my 22 eggs retrieved were not going to fertilize w/i 24 hours, they would've performed rescue ICSI immediately after my ER - which would have probably had a higher success rate than only 3 of them fertilizing a day later (told me "it might be too late, but we're going to try"). Only 3 of 22 eggs, because they waited too long. Why couldn't they have just done the rescue ICSI on say, 5 of the eggs, right off the bat? My insurance would've covered it, without question - and it's not like I didn't have a lot to work with.

I guess I could go on and on about the what-if's. But to hear so many times that certain "issues" only happen to say 2% of women - and then to find out, I fall within that percentage, it's just frustrating. They say I'm the only case in the past 2 years at my facility that didn't have any eggs fertilize in the first 24 hours - and that this occurs in roughly only 1-2 women in the US, each year. Awesome. So glad I could contribute to that statistic. Then the same w/OHSS - only 2% of women get that...and wouldn't you know it? I know, I should really try to stop being such an over-achiever.

Next steps? I guess we'll be looking into adoption. Not even sure the first place to begin with that...if anyone has any recommendations, I'm all ears. But for right now, I just want to wallow...

Anyhow. I wish the rest of you the best of luck, wherever you are in the journey. I'm sorry to be such a debbie-downer...but for once, I just wanted either that damn stick or the blood test, to come back positive. But you know what they say, everything happens for a reason...and I guess I need to think that my body is trying to tell me something (especially with all the rare statistics I seem to be having).

Good luck and best wishes, everyone!

- Erin

[BlissfulCS]

Erin- I sent you a PM. So sorry for what you are going through. Wow! What a message. You said so well what many of us have felt or begun to feel as we go through this life challenge. Best of luck with whatever ultimately comes next.

Bliss (Alisa)

[BlissfulCS]

Hey SD- thanks again for the encouragement. Working on my pee plan for today. I am going to have Ramen noodles for lunch (very high sodium) and then POAS sometime late this afternoon.

I definitely have great support career wise. First, DH is in real estate which gives him a great deal of flexibility I don't have. Secondly...get this...I live right next door to my inlaws! Like literally right next door. We are very blessed to live on a gorgeous inland lake in northern Michigan in a family home we purchased from them. The lots are really close together. When we moved in nearly 6 years ago when we got married we bought a ton of fully grown trees to give us a little privacy, because I could literally see right into their kitchen from my own! Living next to your inlaws has its advantages and disadvantages, but it is sure a BIG advantage when it comes to grand babies! I am not really too worried about having support once we have babies, I am more concerned about it while we are in the process of trying.

I still haven't decided whether I am going to say yes to the program tomorrow. I can't imagine after this last cycle waiting until November to do another fresh cycle and letting my eggs age another 8 months, but as I was thinking about it last night it occurred to me that I could go through the cycle and just go straight to freeze and not transfer until November. That might work...I think it also might be good for me to take a little time off. This one was pretty rough...on me and on DH.

Of course its not over yet. It sorta stinks that I have to think pessimistically today in order to plan around and the decision tomorrow, but I do!

[blairwh58]

elcope- I am soooo sorry that you are going through this right now. Just know that someway somehow you will end up with a baby. Wishing you the best of luck in the future with whatever path you decide to go down.

bliss- I know seeing a negative is disappointing but I know you are still going to end with your BFP!!! Since you transferred morulas the hcg will take longer to build up in your system. Just keep your head up and know that you will see your BFP soon. Maybe KY can win today and start the positive streak!! My fingers are crossed for you. Hoping for a great beta tomorrow!!

AFM- no AF yet....dance a little harder. Ive had some cramps off and on but not sure if its coming sooner or later. Trying not to focus on it since I know it wont help things. Just keep dancing for me.

[to_have_fun08]

Blissful - I have all my fingers, toes, ears, whatever crossed for you on your beta tomorrow.

[BlissfulCS]

Well... At least Kentucky won.

HPT #2 was a BFN. Hoping for a miracle tomorrow...

[MamaBoo]

Oh Blissful, I'm still holding out hope for you. I tested at 3am the day of my beta. Maybe you just tested at the wrong time, hopefully.

[BlissfulCS]

Oh Blissful, I'm still holding out hope for you. I tested at 3am the day of my beta. Maybe you just tested at the wrong time, hopefully.

Thanks mamaboo- but I gotta tell you, this was the most concentrated urine anyone has ever seen. I am STILL thirsty.

You never know...

[Pumpkin11]

This will be a long post I have some catching up to do………
Hello all! Hope everyone is doing great and had a nice and relaxing weekend. I tried to relax and not do much this weekend. I got back home yesterday from my trip. I started my shots on Friday night, so far so good. Tomorrow is my 2nd bw/us appointment, I’m excited and anxious at the same time. Hopefully all is going well and we are progressing nicely.

Blair – that’s a great idea for the banner. I’m thinking I’ll change mine after my transfer. Any sign of your monthly friend?

Crissy - I am so happy for you! I am glad that you being pregnant had settled in your mind and you are excited and making the most of every moment. I hope you rested this weekend and are feeling great. A 12.000 beta is HUGE! Are you having and additional symptoms yet?

Mamaboo – hopefully you rested this weekend and were able to get the fall out of your mind aside from the bruises as a reminder try to avoid thinking about it. I don’t think that the fall will have any negative effect on the baby on the contrary maybe it helped them to stick! :0) remember positive thoughts because your babies are already inside you.

Wehavehope – I’m glad the call to the nurse gave you some peace of mind. Never feel guilty or embarrassed to ask them, that is what they are there for. Us going into this with clear pictures and no doubts is a must. I believe that being relaxed, aware and confident will help us all be able to control our anxiety and allow for us to reach our goals easier.

Trying4second – Congrats! How nerve wrecking? I find that whenever a DR does my ultrasounds I am tenser because they have a blank expression and I can’t tell whether it's good or bad news. I’m sure you are feeling ecstatic. Seeing the heartbeat makes it SO real. Enjoy every minute of it, you deserve it!

Cindylou – hope you had a great appointment and you saw a positive change in your E2. I do encourage you to ask all the questions and demand answers. The nurses know that we are committed physically, emotionally and financial to these procedures. They have an obligation to us as a patient and that is to inform and prepare us. Don’t hesitate and ask, ask, ask. Please let me know how things are progressing.

Bliss and Becca – don’t lose hope. Remember that you could have late implantation and be low for urine detection. Please stay positive although I know it’s easier said than done. If it helps, on one of my IUI cycles that I got pregnant I had a negative up until the day before my beta, I had a positive beta of 16. We are here for you to vent. What you’re feeling is normal and we all joined this forum for support. Stay positive!!!!!!!

Bliss- absolutely you will be blessed and you will have your baby. DO NOT GIVE UP! I say cross that bridge when you get there. In the event that you need to plan for the next cycle I’d explain the situation to the RE and see how soon he can start the next cycle with some answers and options from the RE you will be able to make your decisions. However, I WOULD NOT lose hope. Stay positive and BELIEVE you will have a baby and a healthy one.

Eclope – I am so sorry! I know exactly how you feel, I was in your shoes in 2006. I felt hopeless and like something was wrong with me. I gave up on the whole idea. It got to the point that I resented and regretted ever staying with the RE and submitting myself to so much emotionally, physically and financially. I cannot lie though, the desire in me to have a child never died. As much as I tried to hide it or try to avoid it the desire was still there. So here we are 5 years later and I’m back on the rollercoaster with positivity and optimism. If you are feeling the same don’t give up and research all your options. I have several friends that have adopted multiple children as babies and are very happy. We are here for you. Please write to us and we will provide you with an ear to listen, advice or just support, whatever you need to get thru this. I strongly encourage you to do some research and seek your options. It is obvious to me that your desire and longing for a child are there and you deserve to be blessed with a child.

Have a good night girls!
XOXO

[becca5m]

thank you everyone for the positive thoughts.

blissful keep your chin up. praying for you.

Kept myself busy this weekend and staying positive. Boobs are very sore the past couple of days. Beta is tomorrow. Crossing my fingers.

[Pumpkin11]

Good morning! I just got out of my appointment. From what the u/s showed everything is progressing well. I have about 10 7's on each ovary. The nurse today was another non-talkative one All she told me was stay hydrated because your ovaries are active and can get OHSS? I did tell her that when she called I wanted to know what me actual e2 values were. I am not going to worry about the nurses anymore. The most important person is the dr and the embryologist as long as they are in tune with my plan and are on the same page, I shouldn't worry. I hope you all have a great day I'll let you know how the #'s are when I get the call.

Biss and becca - praying for you both stay positive and stay strong!

[WeHaveHope]

Bliss and Becca,
I am praying for both of you today.

[cindylou]

Hi ladies, it looks like a heavy few days...

Bliss - hold out hope. i'm thinking of you!

Becca - good luck on your beta today too!

blair - still waiting for AF?

pumpkin - glad to hear your appt today went well - congrats on all those follies!

tohavefun - I'm def a late bloomer and hoping to catch up. thanks for your words of encouragement!

I went in on Sunday and my E2 = 398, six follies have grown to 11-12mm, and the lining = 10.2...I have just begun to feel some activity in my ovaries, which i hope means this slow responder is heating up. As far as which cycle day I'm on, do I count from AF, the day I started Lupron, or from the day I started stims (Follistem)? I go back in tomorrow and am praying for vast improvement.

I'm thinking of you all and wishing everyone peace and strength.

[blairwh58]

cindylou- Im glad things are starting to heat up and go your way. Hopefully when you go back tomorrow you receive even better news. Your cycle day starts with day 1 of AF so looking at your sig you would be on cycle day 10. Retrievals are usually on or around cycle day 19!!

pumpkin- Sounds like things are looking good with you! Make sure you stay super hydrated to prevent the OHSS...as we have seen horror stories from others on here. Good luck and keep us posted. I think its smart not to worry about the nurses and office staff....as long as the big guys know what they are doing its gonna work for you this time!

becca/bliss- Any word yet?? We are all anxiously awaiting the results and have our fingers crossed for good news.

AFM- Still no sign of AF so I guess everyone needs to keep dancing. Ive still had cramps off and on but no spotting yet. Really really hoping she comes today so I can get an appt tomorrow and get things going! The more this gets pushed back the more chance that our vacation is either delayed or cancelled. Just hoping things still work out!

[margi26]

Blissful and Becca: I am crashing to say that you are both in my thoughts and prayers today. Praying for BFPs for both of you!!!