Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[lolajones]

My Lovely ladies!!
Jemla - you know I know exactly what your feeling. This is so incredibly hard and so unfair. There are no words that we haven't said a million times before. But however bad you, me, we feel today - day by day things will get a little better. This will work at some point!! I'm so angry - why can't it be as easy as it is for everyone else??? I'm so sorry Jen. Wish we could go out and get wasted and throw stones at women with prams As for that london clinic.... the stats are rubbish. There is a clinic in the States that my doc talks about with a massive success rate for blasts - if youre going to do something drastic, go there. I'll come with - team outing!
Jen do something nice today - and make sure it includes a large glass o lovely.

Little R - don't despair! I think what you're feeling is entirely appropriate - lets look at the facts, you want a baby and have done for years, your first ivf ended in disappointment, us octos have had nothing but bad news with our second tries, you're injecting ladymones and no-one around you has the first clue what you're going through. You want a baby and ivf can help you achieve that, you could stop the dereg if you really don't feel up to it but trying this again will always be difficult, when is the right time to be brave enough to put yourself through all this and make yourself vulnerable to possible heartbreaking disappointment? If I were you I'd go to a counsellor and talk it out. If you decide to stop this cycle - thats fine - there is no wrong thing to do lovely. And remember, you're young! There is time!

So, the life raft is taking a battering! When you decide to try again Jemla, I'm going to start a third time lucky thread because we will be!!!

Steph n Walsh - bring your buckets! We need to bail out the boat!!

Octobuds!!! We will prevail!!!!!
PMA!! KAA!!!

I'll check in later

love love love
lola
xxxx

[Jen1d]

Lola - Go for that 3rd time lucky thread, i will be there.
I need something positive to look forward to as i can't begin to think it won't work---ever.

Whats the clinic in the States called? I keep thinking if they were so great we would all be running to get to them.

Stoning the prams seems a bit violent but i'm all for it today and it made me laugh, not much of that going on round here. Thanks

Love Jen x

[little R]

Wow.... I turned towards baking to help me with my mood I am feeling a little better and DH will be happy as heart-shaped chocolate cake is just around the corner. I feel so guilty about my wicked emotional outburst yesterday....how embarrassing

THANK YOU for being there... really needed someone to just reach out and say something nice to me aside from the ever-supportive DH. How pathetic is that Thank you girls...I think that I am going to chalk this all up to the hormones and see whether I can't get this show back on track I am waiting for AF...due today actually, but given yesterday night may have frightened her off Well that would be a first
Yes, the advice is sound Lola...have tried...no decent counsellors here in Dubai. The clinic can't even recommend any....they don't even have one..can you imagine. It's as if it were taboo.... I actually went to one when I arrived here and she turned out to be Saudian so I didn't feel too comfortable. There's a huge cultural difference, that's for sure. Interesting about the stats in the UK and the US... we are actually going to have blastocysts transferred this time (if we are lucky enough to get to that stage) and the doctor said the success rate heightens with a Day 5 transfer. We will see... there are so many hurdles to get past before the ET...I am thinking one day at a time... first things first...wicked witch of and AF
Not sure about travelling to have IVF...I went home to Switzerland to do my 3 IUIs and frankly... well it wasn't great to be commuting back and forth and there is nothing better than home for your well-being. I think I was too stressed out by the travelling and living elsewhere for it to have worked...

Thinking about you Jen.... yes, go do something fun today ... DH must be around? What are your plans for Easter Sunday?

Lola...so the in-laws treating you well... all fed up (no word play!) and satisfied

Take care...will check in later ...love the chatting with your girls...

Once again THANK YOU....I am picking up the bucket Lola love
(brief encounter with sanity!)

Little R

[little R]

Not into pram lapidation....would prefer something more Machiavelian such as letting the air out of the pram tires and make the all-too-proud mothers that blinked and got pregnant, do something for a change
Sorry that was a touch wicked

Much love,

Little R

[lolajones]

Pram sabotage - it surely is the hobby of choice for my ladies! Also "Mothercare" urban guerrilla warfare - run in wearing skinny jeans, eating unpasteurised cheese and drinking vodka, poking pregnant women in the nipples

I'm still at in laws, me n dh attempted Romantic Walk in Park but it heaved down so now rain damaged n rusty. I am avoiding studying - have decided that the exam is failable so pppfffttt.

Ok I'm off for a healing cuppa and to think up more games for our marauding posse of fertility challenged sistas - Woop woop!

Amor, lola
xxxx

[little R]

Well it seems like the grey cloud has lifted and I am feeling much much better...wonder if this has anything to do with Grey's being on tonight Only kidding!

How are you feeling Jen? Did you do something special and exciting with DH yesterday? I'm pretty much around most of the time if you want to chat. I am here if you need me.

Lola, so how was the cuppa? You feeling better? Any news ideas for pram sabotage?

Hey Steph and Walshy...what's going on with you ?

Much love,

Little R

[Jen1d]

Hi gang

Well my day yesterday consisted of crying and searching the internet for ways to get our baby.
Today i was reduced to tears again when i rang the hospital to tell them the results of the test and all they said was sorry. Then when i asked to see the doctor they said i would be put on the waiting list and it takes about 8 weeks. This is what happened last time. DON'T THINK SO. I told her i was well unhappy and given i have forked out £3000 i should be able to see the doctor for 20 minutes. Cheeky cow said "ye, you and the other 50% are waiting too". She's lucky i wasn't there in person or she would have be KO (i'm not usually violent, unlike Miss Lola ). She gave me an appointment for 4 weeks and i have to have a scan then too as i have a cyst on my left ovary. My DH is furious and is heading for the phone when he comes home from work, haha hope he sorts her out.

So today i was going to do some cleaning but can't get motivated and i'm due on a late shift at work. I desperately want to stay off but will only get depressed staying around the house. It's going to be so tough. People don't know what to say to you and they keep apologising, which makes things worse. Will have to try and put a face on and hold back the tears. It's worse becase i work with kids, always have done.

I have found it so hard this time and the only way i can keep going is to think it will work the 3rd time.

Thanks for listening as usual. I am thinking of you all but its so hard at the moment to stop my head thinking about where our Pebbles and BamBam have gone.

Love Jen x

[Inhale, Exhale]

Ma Ladies.....

First off.... to my Jens- sorry luvah bean for the BFN.... pooh-pooh on that! Hugs to ma bugs!

Secondly... Lola.. you dirty-dirty. Oh how you make me smile... stellar plan for pregnant lady harassment... Vaughn would be proud of his deep undercover gal.

Now.... My girls, My girls.. oh how we have all hit that crapster bump in the road.. We are trapped in black tunnel of doom with no light in site. Me thinks we are all ready to throw in the towel- not even clean, white, crisp towel... but gray towel that used to be white and had been abused and used and is no longer sparkily clean...

Let me fill you in on conversation I had with DH. I FINALLY work up the nerve to have the "maybe we should just not have kids" talk with him. Keep in mind that my DH has been saying all along that he doesn't have a pressing need to have kids and I have been the one desperate for them, so I knew that I was risking it all when I said I would be willing to consider not having any... so I have been thinking about it alot lately.. after BFP, miscarriage, failed FET and cancelled cycle.. I have the craps of this living for something that might not happen.. so I say it.. I have "the talk"... and you know what he says..... he says - I don't know, I don;t see us never having kids.. can you believe it!!!! All this time...
Here's what happened.. we went to BF daughters 1st b-day party. I did OK considering all the kiddos and preggers around.. But when we got home and went to bed it kind of hit me how easy it is for all of them and hard it is for me and am I really ready to go through this again and is it worth it for a big question mark...
Well, DH saw all of our friends with their kids and I think the reality of the situation has finally reached up and kicked him in the nads... he wants kids, he wants to be like all the other daddys at the party chasing their kids around..
So I said let's have a plan- let's go thru this next cycle, see how many blasts and embies we get and whatever we get we will try with, then we are done... he didn't even want to agree to that.. he wants to keep trying indefinitely.. I said how about adoption.. he said he didn't know about that..
It has officially happened in our household.. we are on separate pages of the book of life! I am just going to go for this cycle, get excited about it (try anywho's) and hope it works.. atleast I have that now.. I really want it to work. Now that my DH has decided he wants to keep pursuing this until it does... Before I was just kind of like- whatever. Now I am vested. Make any sense??

Lola, Jen, Little R and Walshy- thank the sweet lord we have each other and we understand completely how each other feels...
Isn't it funny how excited we all were with our first cycles.. now we are BLAH, UGH, SPLAT......

Surfin the Octobuds WaveLength,
Steph

[little R]

So much to read...just got back from a sweaty walk in the park (park=a patch of burnt grass and a couple of palm trees )behind our tower building. Summer is here and it's getting hot and humid...yuck

Jen... I don't know what to say. I can't imagine having to work with kids... that's so hard. I understand about the waterworks...it's best to let it out..I wish you heaps of strength going to work this evening. That nurse is a cow I agree and hope your DH will give her a good ticking off this evening Stay focussed on the third try if it helps you through the day. Forget the cleaning... unimportant at this point
Sending you the sun, Jen love.

Lola, what are you up to? Hey... have you finally done it and gone out to pester the mummies at Mothercare Please call us in for backup if necessary. I am always willing to lend you a hand with the deflating on pram tires

Steph: when reading through your message, if I understand this correctly, you are quite positive about this next cycle....and no longer in your "whatever" state of mind. You really want it to work.... well, that's great. I think that that is a good thing... I certainly still have my moments of doubt and would love to acquire blind conviction that this time it will work.
Bravo on holding your head high during the Bday party... I don't know how your girls do it... I would be reduced to tears.
So sorry that you are no longer on the same page with your DH... I know what you mean though. My DH and I are totally on the same page at the moment because I basically "signed up" for 3 IVFs.... but I did mention (given that there are no guarantees) what if by IVF 3 we still don't have any children. Then what happens? He answered, I can't see that happening... I see us with children. He's SO convinced that this time around it will work... I get frustrated because it's not that obvious. I do wonder where that leaves us if by IVF 3 we still don't have our little one. I wonder whether he will agree to stop trying.... I realise that we are not there yet, but it does worry me. My DH has always wanted children... he has been wanting them since we first met back in 1999....I put it off because I wanted to work and just focus on that... then we tried and it didn't happen.. and I have neither, no work and no baby..... Life is weird...
On a lighter note....what about Grey's last night? A re-run?

YES, agreed Steph.... thank goodness for the Octofriends...

Okay, I have got to start blurting out my affirmations... AF due today....but not happening yet.

MUCH love to you all...sending you some of the heat...

Little R

[lolajones]

Hail Octos

I see a chink of sunlight through the tent of not too pucker!
Jen - you will get your baby, the third time lucky bug (steph - will next time be your third time proper? you can join the third time lucky life raft!) is sitting in your hoodie. Crying is therapeutic! Sorry you have to go to work but y'know it will distract you. Power to you!! KA Jemla o the jungle!

Little R - af ahoy! You are on your way - no pressure but you carry the octo flame of hope in your petite hands, there will of course always be room for you on the 3rdtime Lucky Life-raft but am hoping you won't need it....

Ma Steph, pram tipping compadre! The Talk - very brave. Y'know, you're just on diff pages today, it'll change, these things are fluid in my experience. When are you going to start your next cycle then??? I reckon that us octobudolas have now officially been through enough and karma will finally stop smokin the weed and realise that we deserve a bit of buenos noticias!!!

Walsheroo - donde esta man? you have a lot of posts to catch up on my streaker pal - whats happening with your cycle? because not to labour the point but ITS ON YOU!!!!

Well, lots of serious talking going on. I too just had un talk. I had a bit (what again?) of a breakdown this morning, you know when kids laugh really hard then cry? yip. I think it is extreme stress about the upcoming Thing That Shall Not Be Named... And I think we're grieving for our little Ken or Barbie that took a fatal wrong turn back in October. Anyhoo. Went out for lunch with BF, bfdh n dh and gained a bit of perspective. And a sh*t load of weight probably, I have buddha belly to die for. So me n the dh had a long chat on way home. have decided that
a) I will keep trying ivf until I am 40 or I die of ovarian exhaustion/buserelin poisoning/short person genocide come the tall pesons revolution, whichever comes first
b) We will not rule out adoption
c) We will get on with our lives as normal in meantime
d) I will learn to say no when asked "would you like to see the dessert menu"
Bueno. Will try and get appointment with the doc after TTSNBN and decide way forward for my 12 little injuns back at Freezer HQ.

Things would be a darn sight rosier if it wasn't for the you know what looming like an energy sapping zeppelin.

OK then my brave little Soldiers of Ovary, me n my jelly belly are off to yes you've guessed it. Raise the flag, boys, nerd is in da house


Love in a Void, Lola
xxxxxxxxxx

[little R]

Hey my Octochicks....

It's sunny, windy, hot and humid here in Dubai and it's only 9am (the disk is not yet broken )

Well, I am feeling in higher spirits and more hopeful
After a good night's rest, everything seems less dramatic and is back in perspective. Maybe because I have been reading a really funny book by Lucy Kellaway (FT journo) called "Martin Lukes: Who Moved My Blackberry?". It's hilarious. A must-read. Actually...would you believe me if I told you I skipped Grey's (obviously recorded it) to go to bed and continue my reading ? Well, it's the truth.

Still no AF.... hmmm....it's the waiting game...

So the third-time lucky rafters....any pieces of advice for the novice I am?
If I get lucky this round (I am trying to be open-minded and practise my PMA and self-conviction), I promise to keep visiting you and will participate in your thread (if you allow me to). I don't want to be one of the Octofriends who flies from the nest... I love and cherish the nest.

So buddy Steph...yeah... when are you going to cycle then?

Jen dear, hope that work wasn't too difficult and you're coping with it all. Did your DH come home and whip the NN (nasty nurse) into shape? Any news on that front as I know you are hoping to start your next cycle ASAP? Thinking of you ...and hope your tears are drying...(virtual hugs to you!)

Lola you lovable nerd, we will not mention the unmentionable or speak about the unspeakable. Gosh, I think it's totally normal to experience a break-down, I mean you have a GREAT deal on your plate (no, I am not referring to your choice of menu at the restaurant!) Well it was certainly a productive agenda with the DH Good for you!
I have been trying to come up with my BFP/BFN to do lists.... I have decided that if a BFN comes my way I will be travelling. As I should be taking advantage and rejoicing in all those things that I wouldn't be able to do if it's a BFP, right?

Walshy has gone AWOL...getting slightly worried about you sista. What's going on? Where are you in your cycle?

Much love to you Octochicks... will be back later today to see whether any of you are around...

Little R

[little R]

No longer worried about Walshy going AWOL...I wasn't paying attention... my abandonment issues kicked in ....
I have read through Walshy's last post....she will be back around 23 April...
Poor thing...she will have lots of reading to do

Let's hope she has good news about her cycle...

Thinking about you none-the-less Walshy girl...

Little R

[Inhale, Exhale]

Top of the Mornin!

It is very beautiful day here in PA. it is clear blue skies with a high to be 70 degrees- perfecto if you ask me! Makes me giddy and wishin I were in the outdoors today- but alas, cubicle land for me today- buh humbug.

Hmmm, have an announcement to make Bunnies! There is a new show called What About Brian. It started with a sneak preview on Sunday (instead of Grey's) and the new time slot last night. It is very entertaining, but the announcement is that there is an infertile couple on the show! It is funny and real at the same time. They had the "I don't want to make a baby in a cup, I want to make love to my wife" talk last night... Been there, done that. The infertility doc they have on there is a trip... he told the DH to shower his wife with sperm.... he, he, he. They also showed the DH takin his first trip to the spanky room for a deposit... I guess they don't live close enough to the center to have the naughty "fun" at home. Wait- let me grab the plastic cup- very sexy! Anywhos-in-whats-it, as we never see infertility portrayed on a real level, I thought y'all would be interested... not sure if you can watch or not?

In other news, my overdramatic friend who insisited she had endo and would never be able to get pregnant and would have to do IVF and her mother told her she would carry the baby for her and her fiances family was being very supportive... well, she had her surgery and surprise, surprise.... she doesn't have endo and her GYN told her to back back to her gastro specialist!!!! URGH!! So, as my other friend is telling me this, I start laughing at the irony- laughing because I was the one who told her she was being overdramatic and laughing because all of my friends thought I was being the school bully when I told her this.... and of course I am the b*tch again because I was laughing and saying I told you so. But oh well- they can't possibly understand why I am laughing.. but I know my girls from the hood do, so it's all good! That's why we would turn to stone without each other to talk about how insane the rest of the world is!

So ladies....

Lola Luey...
Havin an interesting read? I bet it is something exciting like the rate that a hair follicle grows... No Likey that picture. I see you in the stacks with Demetrio (who is back from his training at CIA headquarters). The two of you are being very naughty, naughty... When is that bloody test anyhow? .. About the talk... glad that you and DH have agreed to agree.. my DH and I have agreed to not discuss it unless absolutely necessary- which is how my husband operates anyhow- biproduct of his childhood being raised by traveling carnival people ... just kidding, his parents didn't travel... tee, he, he.

Little's- I think I will have to check out that book if it was good enough to skip Grey's- momentarily only. I could use a little tickle laugh. Although feeling very evenflow today... rollin with the homeys and all that. About my cycle... well luvah bean.. I am getting bloodwork every Friday until I get my next Auntie Flow visit.. if this cycle is "normal" then I am greenlighted to begin. In my estimation I believe I ovulated yesterday.. so in a another ten or so days I should get my period and on my way to being the golden goose ready to lay the golden eggs. Unless, my body is boycotting like last cycle and my period is 18 days MIA again... Heres hopin for not freezing in time!

Jen- Did DH open a can of whoop *ss on the wicked witch of the clinic? I can't believe that you get thrown back on a waiting list- what a crock I say! Once you are in, you should be in like Flynn... Crapster!

Walshy- missin you whilst away...

Moonin the Crazies,
Steph

[lolajones]

Don't even - this mornings subject is Carcinogenesis...luckily I have sneaked in this weeks Grazzia Mag and Star or News or whatever its called - Chantelle n Preston to wed. The bloody test is next Monday - Round One. Its ok (in grand scheme not to own positivity ) to fail that one. However the importante loomer muy serioso is in June - RUN AWAY!!! Deep breathes, cool wet grass, lar. di. dah.
It also sunny here in London but windy. People are running around in summer clothes - PMA dudes as it is chilly. Hmmm, check out the blue toes in the sandals....
I like your dh's stealth mode on ivf discussions - will adopt it stat. As for your overdramatic friend........... sigh. If you need me to do an "action" just beam the lola sign into night sky.

R peqenita - glad you are feeling more positive. As part of my ongoing yawn studies I will purchase that book in my lunch break. That means that when I subsequently fail the exam it will be your fault. I hope thats ok?
Hope your af comes soon so we can start the countdown to glory

Jemla - how was work loverbean? Are you feeling more positive? If you cycle in 3 months...we could once again be cycle buddies!! I hope you don't think of me as a bad omen Paddle harder on 3TL life-raft!!)

Walsher - we await your return with pants aloft.

I need new clothes. Had not bought anything for a while in retarded belief that I would be shopping for prego clothes As a reward for studying all day will go to the shops - library is just off Oxford Street so it would be pretty rude and selfish not to... Oh Selfridges........I hear your sweet low call, beckoning me to the Marc Jacobs (out of my league) Concession...
Obey the call!!!

Will check in later dudelles

Love, Lola
xxxx

[little R]

Hey buddies... thanks for sharing Steph... not sure that we will be lucky enough to see your new show in my neck of the woods....infertility is slightly taboo in this part of the world (wonder why) and any sperm showering or deposit making would definitely end up on the cutting floor
Your friend... well...no comment My grandmother wouldn't be very proud of me, she imparted some of her wisdom to me at an early age: If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, don't say anything. Well, I am not very good with that advice....
.... a good clobbering of the overdramatic insensitive twit would do her good.
On another note, I actually know 2 people who got pregnant and had endo not sure about the severity... one via IUI and the other naturally (albeit after 8 years)....but anyway...
Cool...so you're soon beginning again then... well, we will be at it at the same time... I called the clinic today and they said that my AF shouldn't be late.... hmm...the weird thing, I have the symptoms but not the flow The irony, Steph... just want it to turn up so I can start this rollercoaster

I have nearly finished reading the Lucy Kellaway book.... gosh, Lola, the pressure... I say go for it, but don't blame me if you don't enjoy it ... it's light reading, non mentally-taxing, and really helped me to just stop thinking about all the cr*p going on inside my head! It's worth the purchase, just for that. Tell me what you think of it...
Good luck with the unspeakable...have noted it down in my mind... Monday 24th right? Wishing you heaps of stamina to get through the books and brain-cramming
Share with us if you buy something snazzy.... I thought you went out recently and bought a little black number You deserve to splurge

Jen, love... how are you doing today? Thinking about you...

Sunny kisses to you Octochicks...

Little R