April/May Buddies??

[LauraLou]

Did any of you have bleeding after your mock transfer? I noticed a small amount of reddish brown discharge Wednesday and yesteday I had some dark brown, almost black discharge with mucus. I'm on day 19 in my cycle so I was very surprised.

My mock transfer was Monday so maybe it's from that. I didn't have bleeding with my first mock transfer but he spent more time messing around down there this time. Hopefully it's nothing serious.

Em, I completely understand your anger/frustration with your coworker. I often feel the same way. We had a patient this week who had a fetal demise at 31 wks due to cocaine abuse. All of us here desperately want a child and can't have one, but this woman gets pregnant and then kills her baby with crack. Life is so unfair! Luckily I didn't have to take care of her. I would have had a hard time being a compassionate caring nurse to her.

I just paid for the drugs for my next IVF cycle. It is getting close!

I'm off for 3 days, hopefully I can make myself clean my disaster of a house!

Best wishes!

[jackoa21]

Hello..
Carolyn you never have to feel bad about not postign as much.. We know you are here and you check in.. You have loads going on right now.. Congratulations on the weight loss. I need to focus on getting in better health drinking water etc.. I think you are right like Veronika that you staying so busy before the op is probably great.. Less to think about.. I am sure it will go well. Will you be able to post..As I am assuming you will be on bed rest?

Em I am glad Af showed up timely.. When you are done with her can you send her my way? So you will be starting very soon.. To answer your question about other people and how there good fortune effects us.. I personally feel that we are happy for others we are just sad for us.. I dont think that is wrong I think its honest.. I wish for everyone happiness but I would be lying if I did not admit I want it to be me.. try not to be so hard on yourself.. You can always vent to us that is what we are here for

Laura you are getting so close.. I bet you are getting excited.. I had a little spotting after my transfer but it went away.. 3 days off work you should be shopping (not cleaning house)

Dania thinking of you.. I hope you are resting with your feet up

Veronika how are you...Busy busy busy?

For me just wating and wating..I dont think the trying natrually thing will happen.. Af is not here and she does not look like she is even close to arriving so I guess I will have to just wait for my BFP until Sept..

Laides I just wanted to say that I am praying for all of us "Dear GOD please let this work for all of us soon " I say this prayer a lot so hopefully my message is getting through

love and hugs
Jackie

[CarolynB]

Hi Ladies

We went to a lovely wedding yesterday. Eldest daughter of a guy that I used to work for. The church service was beautiful. My dh and I are not very religious and are of different faiths. However, I said a prayer that I will get a BFP and a little prayer for all of you that you all get what you all so deserve. Thanks for praying for us Jackie. If we all do it then hopefully he will help us all out!!!! And I agree with you - SOONER rather than LATER!!!!! Anyway - Dh and I had a great time together at the wedding even though we did not know that many people - lots of dancing!!!

My work party on Friday was so cool. About 150 people. It was outside and it was such a warm evening. My boss made a lovely speach and so did the Cheif Exec and they gave me champagne and flowers and a white gold necklace from Tiffanys with pink sappphires. It is stunning. I was quite overwhelmed. They are doing a book for me and there are still people to sign it so I don't have yet but everyone assures me that I will be in floods of tears when I read it - and they don't even know what a rollercoaster I am on!!!!! Have told some people now that I am having an op on Monday as everyone keeps asking what I will do on my first day off. Have left most of the details aside although sure that most people can guess that it has something to do with ladies stuff down there!!!!!

I have been really enjoying my last few days at work - I think that it has something to do with feeling like we did a really good job on the results and knowing that I am leaving from a really good place - and all this relates to a 'normal' person rather than being an ivf/infertile person that I became when I was doing all the tests and then the cycle. And that I will have sometime for me and to give the ivf stuff the best shot when I am not working. Not sure if that makes any sense at all???

4 late nights so I am feeling the pace. Managed to limit alcohol intake to about 5 glasses of champagne and a glass of wine. It would have been much more before I started all this lark so feel quite pleased with myself. Plan to go back to not drinking at all again now. I was amazed how rough I felt after just a couple of glasses!!!

Started to think about the op really today as had some more time on my hands. I am really scared but also know that I just have to get on with it. Handing over to the new guy at work this week so hoping that will pass quickly as I now just want to leave. Shopping with my niece next Saturday and then on Sunday I can just pack & get ready to go in.

Jackie - Think that I will be able to post whilst I recover. Not from hospital - where they expect to keep me for about 4 nights. But when I get home, we are high tech and have wireless so can take my lap top up to the bedroom and still talk to you all They have told me no driving for at least 4 weeks and to expect it to be quite rough for the first couple of weeks. Are you going to check out the advice from my acu guy re-2ww with your guy? Can acu guy help at all with getting your AF back??? Might be worth asking - September not so far away now.

Em - thinking of you today as sure that you get going on the drugs today

Laura - I am with Jackie - you should be enjoying some retail therapy!!!!

Veronika - hope that you are fully recovered - what news?

Dania - do drop in and let us know how your little one is doing

I worked out that if my AF is not too effected by surgery and the op works and I recover ok (lots of ifs) then we might be able to try around the start of Sept..............may be it could be a good month for all of us!!!??? Finger crossed................

Lovely and sunny in London today. Going to sit in garden and will no doubt fall asleep!

Hope that you are all doing PMA.

Love Carolyn xxxx

[Xrayem]

HI guys,

Wow, Carolyn! You must be so well-respected at your work....Tiffany's!! Well done you on all your hard work and weight loss. And on staying off the grog (very aussie - means drink!). I can't beleive your op is next week....I hope you can sleep in between now and then!

Lauralou - What a horrible patient to care for! Isn't it a shame we can't give them a peice of our minds? I'm glad someone else nursed her...it would have been incredibly difficult for you. We had this horrrible story of a mother in sydney who overdosed in the kitchen and died, leaving her baby in a highchair alone. The baby died as well and neither were found for weeks. Some people shouldn't be able to reproduce!

Jackie - you can have AF! She was a right terror! It was the most painful I have had for a while....could that be a good sign for things to come?????? Thank you for praying for us....I do too, when I think of it.

Veronika and Dania, I hope you guys are well....

The Clomid is making me feel awful. I feel like I have a hangover! I rang the clinic this morning to tell them AF had come (they were closed when I rang friday) and she has booked me for a follie scan and bloods next monday. I also asked if we could have an appointment time to see the doc as we still haven't discussed me wanting to do IVF next month. She said that the only appointment was the 28th Aug. AF will be due around the 26th Aug making that way too late to start straight away.

She said she will try and juggle things to get me in earlier so I don't miss the cycle but I'm not olding my breath. She said that they have so many doing IVF at the moment and they are really busy. It made me feel like I don't count as I have only done IUI's. I know its the Clomid talking.

Well I have to get dinner on...

Em

[jackoa21]

Carolyn I am with Em you must be over the moon with the gifts from your work. They sound lovely..I love Tiffany's. When I was little and my mom and I would take the train over to New York I thought that was one of the most beautiful stores.....
I think what you said about taking time for you and this IVF thing and getting as healtly as possible complelty makes sense. You are leaving work as you said at the best time and you are making time for you. I have to belive that this will be the time for you. I am also like you and not overaly religous but I have to say those little chats with God and putting in the little prayers can only help right
I can imagine you are nervous about the op but I belive it will go well. Just think this step you are taking is going to start you off on your BFP jouryney. You are right September will be a great month for all of us.
Yes I am going to my acc guy tonight and I was going to ask him what he thought about the 2ww thing he also has said he has been focusing on getting my AF but I am thinking tonight I may ask him if we should add in some herbs too... At this point he could say "jump up and down on one foot and chirp like a bird" and I would probably just be crazy enough to do it..

Em
I am so sorry AF is being so rough on you this time but yes I agree this will be a good sign as you wont have another one for 9+ months... I am going to think positivly for you that NO you wont be able to do another cycle straight away because this will be your BFP cycle.. I think things all happen for a reason and this is your reason. You will already be preggers

For me not much again just going to accupuncuture and this coming weekend DH and I are taking a mini vacation. We are going to Canada (some lake in Winnepeg) my DH's has a friend with a lake house so it will be a nice weekend of good food and lots of wine.. This will be the first big outing where I will be having some drinks and not smoking so I hope to do well. DH and his friends do not smoke so that will be good (no temptation) I have a dumb dumb question.. You cant go without AF and get preggers right.. No AF than no ovulation. I guess I was just trying to hold on to something....


Laura,Dania and Veronika how are you lovely laides.. Laura I hope you did loads of shopping and no cleaning

[CarolynB]

Jackie - Thanks for all your kind words. What I understand is that the front stage of our period can alter in length but there is never anymore than 14 days after ovulation that AF arrives (can be shorter). My understanding is that no AF either means that you are either pregnant (???!!!!) or else that you have not ovulated or you are in the 14 day post-ovulation and prior to AF.

Hope that acu goes well. Let us know if he has any more info???

Your next weekend away sounds great. Be strong and try to stay away from the ciggies - you are doing so well. I am sure that it will really heplp your chances. Enjoy the relaxation and the time with your freinds

Em - I slept really badly last night. Think that I was worrying about my handover week to the new guys. 1 day down which was fine. Only 4 to go. Plus was thinking about the op next Monday. Am shattered today so sure that I'll sleep better this evening.

Sorry that you are having a rough time on the drugs. I am really really hoping that this is going to be the one for you. Third time lucky hun. Then you will not need to worry about ivf appointments at all......................

You'll be in for your bloods and scan next Monday when I am in for my op. Cannot believe that in a weeks time that it will be done. Guess that my biggest concern is that he does the op but cannot join my tubes together so I go through all the aggravation and it does not do any good. So much for my PMA!!!!????

Anyway - going to get ready for bed now.

Veronika - let us know how you are? Laura and Dania - thinking of you.

Take good care. Em - hope that you are feeling a little better and the drugs are not too bad for you.
Love Carolyn xxxxxx

[LauraLou]

I took your advice and did some retail therapy this weekend. Our new bedroom furniture should be arriving in 4-6 weeks! I got a canopy bed which I've always wanted, and a huge dresser with special drawers for jewelry. It's a really dark cherry, it almost looks black, with silver knobs. Very snazzy!

I'm working tonight, Tues and Wed nights and have to go to a class on Friday, so it's going to be a busy week.

Carolyn, I hope your surgery goes well on Monday. It's going to be hard for us not hearing from you for 4 days after. You must promise to run to the computer as soon as you get home, or even better make DH give us an update.

Best wishes!

[veronika]

Dear ladies,

I am so sorry for just staying away that long. I have thought of you all daily, but I am just drowning in work, I even forget to eat. It's not good, after all I am trying to be healthy and happy and balanced...but right now it just won't work.
I haven't yet read what all was happening during the last days, but I will catch up soon, I promise.
Carolyn, I hope your party at work was wonderful!

I am quite well. The surgery, the stiches and all seem to be very far away already. On Friday I had my review appointment and was told that my tubes had been perfectly free. No unblocking to do. There was a bit of endometriosis, but somewhere in the uterus. I asked whether the endo could have been the reason for not getting pregnant: might have been, might also not have been. Oh, I had wished for another answer!

I guess for now there is no necessity to go back to IVF. We have decided to do IUI in about 2-3 months. I feel that this is better than waiting too long - after all, the tubes had been free all along, it is not very probale that too much has changed fertility-wise just because a little bit of endo was removed...

So in the end I am a bit confused. The most important to me will be to finally start the accu. I still haven't because I feel I am too stressed. But I hope that in 2 weeks or so I'll have finished my PhD (yeahh) and then I can start to concentrate on BECOMING PREGNANT.

That's all the news from me. Now I'll go and read your news. Sending you my love and hoping you are all doing very well,

Veronika

[Xrayem]

Hi veronika, thats good news about your tubes! Its good that you are not waiting too long before trying the IUI....sometimes there can be a little "muck" in the tubes which prevents the egg from travelling down and when they squirt the dye through (during the lap) it can clear them out. I have been told that there is a high occurance of women falling pregnant after laproscopies. And I really hope that this will be the case for you too!

I'm very tired so I'll end this here and catch up with everyone else later....
hugs em

[CarolynB]

Hi Girls

Laura - glad that you stopped the housework & went shopping. The bed and chest sound really lovely. So sweet of you to say that you'll miss me when I am in the hospital. Have thought of getting my dh to post when I am in hospital next week but just worried that he'll read all the other stuff that I have posted I will think about it.............otherwise as you say I'll have to get on the computer as soon as I get home - if dh let's me!!!!!

Em - sounds like the drugs are making you pretty tired. You are clocking the days down through the tmt now which is great. Hope that you managed to get a good nights sleep

Veronika - great to hear from you - we were just getting concerned. Sounds like you have recovered from the lap really well. It is good news that your tubes are not blocked. At least now they know that is not the issue and may be as Em says the lap will have given things a good clean up. My party was fab - thanks for asking. I am sorry that you are having to work so hard but it is not long now until you have completed your PhD - what an achievement - well done you. If you could squeeze in the time for acu then I would sure that it would be a big help. It can specifically de-stress people. Hopefully you will be able to start in a couple of weeks. I am sure that he will be able to help support your trying to conceive naturally too

Jackie - hope that things are going well & that you had a good acu session

Dania - any updates on the little one for us from our cheerleader?

So 2 days of handover down. Just 3 days to go for me. It is going ok but hard giving my job to a new guy!!!! Keep telling myself that it is what I want and is what I have wanted for the last year. I can then focus on getting pregnant and giving it my very best shot. Op will be done in 6 days. I am counting down on both dates. I just so hope that my surgeon is going to be able to connect the tubes back together for me.......I'll deal with any pain if he can do that for me.

Off to bed as quite shattered.
Love to you all.
Carolyn xxxx

[jackoa21]

Carolyn
We will have all the PMA you need.. I truly belive your doc has a pretty good feeling that he will be able to join your tubes. He sounds like a great doc and truly belive he would not put you through any of this if he thought he could not make it work.. Again we will have the PMA for you…I bet you are getting excited/nervous for this week to be over…You desereve the time off to just take care of you and let DH take care of you . I am with Laura though have hubby come on and give us an update on how you are doing. We will miss you.

Laura
Good for you with the shopping that bedroom set sound amazing.. DH and I went out last year and bought something that sounds really similar.. I love it.. He laughs at me and says if we ever move it will take 5 movers to just move the bedroom set (because it is so heavy) but I love it…Work sounds similar for you as it does for me.. I say we all need to just get all this out of our systems now (work work work) because soon we wont be able to push so hard…PMA PMA PMA….

Veronika
I am glad you are feeling better (stiches,healing etc) I agree with Em go for the IUI now. You know that your tubes are ok and the little bit of endo was cleared out so full steam ahead for a BFP for you. I know its frustrating and we want answers as to why but maybe your LAP will have just given you that boost to give your BFP. Congrats on your PhD you must WAY TO GO.. Very impressive

Em
How are you feeling? I know the meds can get the best of us.. I hope you are feeling ok. Not too long for you now too you are posting your BFP.. I am so excited that we are all in this together.. I wil be a bit behind but I get to have all of you to support and to have you support me…

For me I am working today and tomorrow and off Friday and Monday and this whole weekend I will be away from the computer.. No computers at the lake house so it will be nice to just sit and relax but I will miss all of you… Still no AF but the acc guy told me that with everything and the PCOS it may be that I wont get it until I cycle again.. I guess that gives me the whole month of Aug to pretend like I am preggers and for the acc guy to work on getting me as healty as possible for my next (and FINAL successful) IVF…

Love and Hugs to all…
Jackie

[jackoa21]

Hello girls...
me again.. I am popping in to say I am off to Canada for 3 days (back on Tuesday)

Em I hope the meds are treating you ok..

Carolyn I will be thinking of you and I can not wait to read your post of how well things went with the opp...

Veronika I am sure you are crazy busy with school etc.. try not to work too hard..

Laura you are probably off buying all new bedding to go with your lovely new bed

For me I am still waiting on AF.. The only thing that is making me really upset is I just spent the last hour and a half trying on clothes.. I got really bloated after my IVF and after the loss my belly went down.. Well I so bloated in my hips and belly that my pants dont want to fit.. I know I am not preggers so what the heck.. I feel like AF is just hanging out not showing up but brining all these horrible side effects.. I pray it comes soon or else I need to go on a serious diet...

Dania thinking of you and your little one..

love and hugs talk to you ladies soon

[Xrayem]

Hi Guys,

Just popping in to wish Carolyn lots of luck for the op tomorrow! I hope they can do an amazing job and you'll have a BFP before the rest of us! You deserve it. Take it easy after the op.. and although we will be waiting anxiously to hear how you've got on, don't rush back to us until you are up to it! I'll be praying for you tonight.

Nothing much more to report. I had a sneaky-peek yesterday to see how many follies I have (it was only day 8, so I should have known better) I could only see one biggier one and it was only 11mm. I have increased my Clomid dose and last time I had 4, so I'm dissappointed. I know that I have to wait to see what the "official" scan shows tomorrow.

Hope you are all well, will pop on tomorrow and let you know how my scan goes.

Em

[CarolynB]

Em - thank you for popping in to wish me well. Keep saying those prayers for me please. Bad girl taking a look - I'd never do that (yeh right!!!!). Really hope that your scan goes well and that some of the others catch up now that you are on the higher dose of the drugs

I am with you and really hope that they can do a good job of re-connecting me. I don't care how much it hurts and how long I need to recover, I just want them to be able to cut out the blocks and put me back together on both sides if at all possible..............is that too much to ask???

Fingers crossed for your scan and sending you the folly fairy.

Jackie - hope that you are having a lovely time in Canada. I hope that AF arrives. Are you sure that there is no chance that you could be pregnant?

Veronika - hope that the last part of your study is not too shocking - almost there and what an achievement

Laura - Hope that you are having a good weekend

Dania - you must let us know how you are keeping when you have a moment

So I am done at work. Everyone was so kind and quite a few tears were shed. We had a dinner on Thursday but for like 10 of us hosting by my boss which was lovely. There they gave me the book which everyone had written it. They made me read out a couple of the posts/notes which were so funny but would not let me read the rest as they said I would be in floods of tears. Read in taxi home and the cab driver said as I got out that must be a really sad book you are reading as sure enough I was in floods of tears. It is amazing. I am so touched & most of them don't know that I am dealing with the infertilty/ivf thing at all. Like the idea that they wrote the things without even knowing that stuff as it makes me realise that I can still be a 'normal' person too. Have had flowers, pressies, smellies and champagne. But it is the book that means the world to me. It has been signed by the big wigs (chairman, CEO, CFO, the Non-Exec Directors), all my team and people right across the company. There are over 100 messages that they have collected. My dh was completely chocked when he read it as well. After the book, I struggled to keep my emotions in check on Friday as I just kept seeing everyone and thinking of what they had written about me. So handover complete. Walking out the building after more than 11 years was pretty moving as well. Onto the next chapter..........and I do have the option to return if things don't work out.............

Out shopping with my niece today so I keep busy. Starting to worry now about Monday. It has been good that I have had such an intense last 2 weeks at work and 4 weeks of hard work before that on the results otherwise the last 6 weeks would have driven me insane.

Started packing a few things to take with me on Monday and will finish that tomorrow. Sure that I'll check in tomorrow.

Thanks for all your support. I know that you'll be thinking of me.

Have a lovely weekend.
Love Carolyn xxxx

[CarolynB]

So Ladies

Tomorrow is the day. OMG - OMG!! Just want to get it over and done with now. Slept pretty well last night which is good as worried that my tonight I will not be able to sleep at all.

Had my niece and nephew here so that has been a good distraction. Dh says that I seem a little tired, emotional and distracted which is no doubt some mix of leaving my job, starting my sabbatical and with the op tomorrow.

Very few people know what I am having done so expecting that my only visitor will be my poor dh. My parents are on holiday and are back in the country Wednesday. Sure that they'll call me today and then dh will call them after I am through the op tomorrow. They may come here when they get back but land into Birmingham so will see how I am doing.

Anyway I shall think of you all lots. I know that you'll be cheering me on.

Take good care. I'll post as soon as I can.
Love Carolyn xxxx