feeling blue !!

[alisonb]

Hi All,

Dont Post at all lately, but still read ur messages everyday bit of an addict maybe thats wrong with me, might need a break !!

TS, Prob just need a kick in the arse eh dont i ??

Feeling really blue lately, nobody else understands n spent all last night crying n the cloudy mist has descended upon me n i dont know wot 2 do 2 pull myself out, Maybe its becos i keep thinking wot could have been if i hadnt had my neg in Oct my baby would be here now, and my friend has just had a girl, which i am pleased about , a bloke in the office has just announced his wife is expecting so cos im the only woman here all rest of blokes keep saying "oh you'll be broody shortly" n "not long b4 you'll be off on maternity n leaving us" ARRRRGGGGHHHH if #**#ing ONLY !!
Then this morning wot comes in the post for HR manager a package from Storks.com for employees who have had babys a present catalogue !!! NO wot next !!!!!!!

Sorry 2 go on n moan but dont know wot 2 do next n who 2 talk 2 who understands my hubby is very good but cos he cant make it all better feels helpless so then i feel crap 4 saying anything to him !!
Well just booked 2mora off work cos otherwise im gonna end up losing it !!

Maybe i'll feel better when i know i can start ivf again !! Out of money at the min for another go so thats prob contributed 2 me being a major stresshead at the min !!

Well thanks 4 listening, my Splean is vented now !!

TS, I have assumed the position 4 a good kick in the arse hahaha !!

Well i suppose i better o some work now as im skiving 2mora !!

Alisonb,
Major Stesshead

[DeeDee]

Alison

Hi I am new to the site and am stimming during my first IVF cycle.

Sorry to hear you sound so down, I have real empathy with you, I also work in HR so hear about all the mums to be going off on maternity leave. Just recently there has been a real spat of pregnancy, 1 colleague in HR, and 4 others, and low and behold yesterday someone who has been trying for ages, then gave up announced she is. Whilst I am pleased for all of them, the green eyed monster comes out and I have all sorts of mean and nasty thoughts, which I then decide is why I can;t get pg - karma and all that!!!!

It is really tough when all around you everyone else seems to have exactly what you want and so difficult to stay positive and focused, but that is what you must do. When I get like that (and trust me I do often) I try to think of all the things you can do when you don't have children, it doesn't make the pain go away but it does put a different perspecitve on things. I have realised that over the last 5 years since we have been ttc my whole life has been focused on this one thing, which in reality I have no real control over, by focusing on something you actually have control over it really does help, it gives you something else to think about first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

Sorry to rabbit on, and I hope it helps, try to keep positive

DeeDee

[alisonb]

Thanks for the reply Deedee

All the best in your forthcoming n hopefully sucessful tmt xx +++++

I am usually very positive n focussed but have been ttc now for 10yrs n have been through the green eyed monster loads of times b4 n im usually ok but this time i dont seem 2 b able 2 cope 4 some reason !!
I should and am very grateful that i have an 11yr old son called Andrew who is my world i concieved him naturally then we wanted a sibling 4 him n thats when the problems started i had an ectopic then they said the other tube was damaged etc then ivf etc then 2 unsucessful Fets !!
So then i think im extremely blessed so i shouldnt feel this way but i do !!

Thanks for your kind thoughts i will try 2 sort my head out n start supporting other people, i wish u well n all the June buddys all the best n ++++++ wishes,

Alisonb,


YAYYYYYYYYY DAY OFF !!!!!!!!!!!

[Bronagh]

allison,

Have you thought about giving the cousellling a go every clinic has to offer it and I think sometimes everything just roles around our heads and needs to get out. The other thing I've found useful is keeping a diary and just writing all that stuff in there it sort of helps you sort it all.


Bron

[Tracey S]

Alison

Here I am - can give you a kicking but not going to unless you really want one. First of all Andrew is your world but you still want another - I am not in the same position as you so can't say but would imagine it must be hard having had a baby and then to want to repeat it - most of us just come from the desperate to have one in the first place!!! It does not make it any easier for you so stop beating yourself up about it. I had the very same feelings and as more attempts went by and were negative or went from bad to worse then so did I at times.
The best thing is accept that what you are feeling is valid - I am sure you will go on to have a successful tmt but all seems so far away and impossible to reach - it will be better when you feel you are once more doing somethign about it - ie back on more tmt. As for all these pg people - I know = I was surrounded by them at work, my brother and his wife etc etc - everywhere I turned - even hated the sight of FAT MEN as they looked pg!!!
Accept you will have times like this just try not to make it all the time ok and try and talk to DH - he won't understand but helps if they know what is going on in our heads sometimes! He will then understand what you are feeling even if he is not in the same place. Try and have a break - start focusing on making yourself mentally strong and physically well for the next tmt and try and have some laughs - this will happen for you ok it's just it's all a bit much right now.
I am around if you need a chat
Love
Tracey
xxx

[alisonb]

Thanks for all your support girls,
Feeling a lot more positive and happier now had a lovely day off with my Dh and son and recharged 2day !! apart from having 2 start work at 7.30am so i can finish @4pm to go and watch the match. YAYYY come on England !!!!!! Im the only woman where i work so i have to take an interest.
Thanks Tracey, you seemed to sum it all up in a nutshell, im not very good at expressing my feelings in words very well (as u can tell haha), but you did make me laugh at the fat men comment
I wish you n Dh all the best for the arrival of your little girls, enjoy them the time does seem 2 pass so quick i cant believe Andrew is going 2 be 12 this year,
Thankyou for your support now and on previous treatments You are going to be a Wonderful Mum x
Thanks DeeDee, Good Luck i will be keeping an eye on your tmt n looking out for your BFP ++ !!
Bronagh, Sorry to hear of your recent -tive and here u are being supportive 2 me, I thankyou for your advice and i will give the diary i go but counselling will go on hold for now as im more chirpy n my old self again now, I wish you well in your next tmt and i hope you get your much deserved Positive !!

Well really must go and do some work 2day seeing as i wasnt here yesterday, hahaha mabbee !!

Alisonb xx