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Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby DandMe » Mon Mar 28, 2011 2:44 am

I managed to get two boys to adulthood so maybe I can help a little...

I personally avoid 'cute' clothing that isn't comfy... jeans, frills, elastic waistbands are really not that comfortable for little teeny bodies. Summer babies will most likely be most comfortable in light sleepers or diaper tees with possibly light socks. I like the sleepers with the optional footsies - a warm night can be a lot more comfortable with bare feet.

I bought extra large muslin receiving blankets. They are natural, very soft and super lightweight. Great for swaddling, a light blanket or a million other uses.

Use the soother only if you have to... Many moms and babies learn to use them way too often and they can be difficult to break. It becomes a habit. I know many, many ppl use them, but our entire family has never used them very much if at all and all babies were great and happy without them.

I think 'natural'. If it wasn't available 100 - 1000 years ago it's most likely just an accessory and not needed for a healthy happy baby. Don't get caught up in 'gadgets' unless they really make a 'natural' need that much easier.

Personally not really that caught up in the perfect nursery.... most babies will sleep in mom's room for 3-4 months and hardly ever use the nursery. They are closer to you, you can hear if something is wrong, and you can check on them easily plus nurse whenever needed without trekking through the house. We're getting a small bedside basinet that can be brought into the living room if we want baby boy near while going about our day.

Be prepared for milk. I was shocked that my boobs leaked all day. You most likely can't sleep without a bra and nursing pads. LOL Sex will be very different - wear a bra or be prepared for 'puddles'. Oh, and the milk can squirt up to 4-5 feet if you aren't prepared. That was freaky.....

Mostly... just do what feels right, and not what everyone is telling you. Although I will say.... experienced moms/grandmothers sometimes do have the BEST advice on how to do some things... and it's better to give honest interest in what they have to say before dismissing them. After all, if your baby is happier as a result, you'll be happier. Don't think that 'old ways' are always 'bad ways'.
Sonya, 40 - DS, 24 DS, 22
David, 45
unexplained
2008 BFP, 2010 IVF & FET MC
2010 IVF #2 - BFP
14dpo 138
16dpo 351
Perfect pregnancy/Delivery July 2011
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby riogirl71 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:36 pm

SD- completely 100% agree with the Target shoes, best thing and so much cheaper than the other brand.

Dandme - I second your advice on pacifiers, our son didn't even use one until he was 6 mos and would do fine without with no drama, I saw babies in daycare lose their minds when they lost their paci for a minute. Where we live is always cold, even for the summer so we never used the short onesies but we are having summer babies here and it will be different in other areas. Crazy that our town so far south of you can be colder in the summer!

Co-sleeping is not for everyone and it must be done safely. We chose to co-sleep and it made my c-section recovery much easier and bfeeding at night much faster (including dream feeding) without fulling waking him up. I highly recommend a book by Dr Sears "Nightime Parenting" again not for everyone but it worked great for us and I got more sleep!
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby Happy Bunny » Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:11 pm

I read that use of a pacifier reduces the risk of SIDS; it is only for this reason that we've decided to use one after Brooke is 1 month old.
Barbara
Me: 38 2X Ectopic; DH: 38 MF
IVF #1 ET 10/11/10 BFP Brooke Marie
IVF #2 ET 11/11/11 BFP Travis James

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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby babyluv3 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 7:16 pm

Oh I second DandMe about sex and milk!!! lol, nothing sexier than leaking milk. I suggest feeding the baby or pumping right beforehand (or wearing a bra). I was shocked at how painful sex the first time was because I had a c/s. I totally thought I wouldn't hurt that much since I didn't use anything down there to deliver, but how wrong I was! Use KY the first couple of times.

Whoever said just be a good mom not a perfect one hit it right on the head! You absolutely, 100% CANNOT be prepared for mommy guilt!

It's OK if your baby cries!! Don't let him go on for hours, but sometimes they just need to learn to soothe themselves. They will survive, trust me. I've had many times when the twins were crying to be held and I was tending to my older two. They can't always have my full attention. They have not been scarred for life, it has not hurt our bonding...they HAVE learned to entertain themselves when they need to! Not that they don't cry, and not that I don't hold them and shower them with attention...but not all the time. You need breaks. If you want to take a shower and baby just wants to be held, well, put the baby in a safe place (crib, bouncy seat, etc) and take a shower! I usually bring my girls into the bathroom with me just for a change of scenery. They love it.

Another thing about crying. If the baby just will not stop and you can't handle the noise WALK AWAY! It is FAR easier to shake a baby than you might realize. The crying is annoying, and when they don't stop it can be downright maddening! I know a little girl who just died 10 months after her father shook her. Her family has been through hell over the past year. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just walk away.

If you find you are not being an effective parent because of lack of sleep...turn the monitor off. My husband had to force my hand on this when we moved the girls upstairs at 1 month, but he was right and it worked. I fed them, changed them, put them down and set my alarm for their next feeding. Monitor off. If they were awake, I would feed. If they were asleep, I would turn the sound on and go back to sleep until they woke up. That way I was always able to get some rest in and I didn't have to listen to every tiny noise they made (or cry because they didn't want to sleep...they had to learn). After a few days they learned to go right back to sleep after eating.

As others have said, you need to go with your gut. YOU are the mom and YOU will know your baby better than anyone. Sometimes the "experts" give bad advice. We live in a culture where everything tends to revolve around the child, not the family as a unit. In the end, it only ends up hurting everyone if you can't balance it out. Every book you read will tell you something different. Take it all with a grain of salt (except things you KNOW you shouldn't do) and figure out what works for you.
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby riogirl71 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:00 pm

I agree with babyluv 100% that if you lose your mind you need to walk away and leave baby safe or with DH.

The other thing I wanted to mention is about what Sonya said about moms and grandmothers. I agree that moms and grandmothers have a lot of wisdom but I also think that above all you need to follow your instincts as a mom, what you believe in and know that you are doing the best you can. Also not all moms and grandmothers have the best advice because in their days there were no car seats, and you let kids play with lead toys so there is a lot of new studies that they are not aware of. For example, my mother wanted to give honey to my 5 month old ( a big no no until they are over 1 yr), told me that SIDS did not happen after 5 months and that he could sleep in her fluffy bed with all the pillows and blankets (nonono) and wanted to give him raw egg whites at 5 mos old. So trust your instincts. And Sonya, I mean no disrespect by this, I would love to have a mom and grandmother that I could count on for advice, but they are all not made the same and I just don't want some fine women here second guessing their every move if they have a know it all mom like mine!
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby DandMe » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:33 am

riogirl71 wrote:I agree with babyluv 100% that if you lose your mind you need to walk away and leave baby safe or with DH.

The other thing I wanted to mention is about what Sonya said about moms and grandmothers. I agree that moms and grandmothers have a lot of wisdom but I also think that above all you need to follow your instincts as a mom, what you believe in and know that you are doing the best you can. Also not all moms and grandmothers have the best advice because in their days there were no car seats, and you let kids play with lead toys so there is a lot of new studies that they are not aware of. For example, my mother wanted to give honey to my 5 month old ( a big no no until they are over 1 yr), told me that SIDS did not happen after 5 months and that he could sleep in her fluffy bed with all the pillows and blankets (nonono) and wanted to give him raw egg whites at 5 mos old. So trust your instincts. And Sonya, I mean no disrespect by this, I would love to have a mom and grandmother that I could count on for advice, but they are all not made the same and I just don't want some fine women here second guessing their every move if they have a know it all mom like mine!


LOL! Rio you're totally right about some advice... just because it comes from an 'older' person does not mean it's safe... I'd never, ever give a child raw egg whites even if they were much older... and would not do the fluffy pillow thingy - never heard of honey but I trust you've read up on it.

I guess what I meant was... for instance... my SIL was a BY THE BOOK mom... and refused to take any advice whatsoever from ANYONE. Well she was nursing her 7.5 month old and that's all he was getting... because she had read that breastmilk was enough. She left the baby with my mom for an hour and mom was having lunch. I swear to gawd this is true... anyhow... mom was eating soup.. the baby was in her lap.... she had no intention of feeding the baby.. but he literally grabbed and pulled at the spoon, and when she let him just taste the broth he went nuts... He was sickly and underweight, and just literally HUNGRY. Mom could NOT resist and fed him some of the broth which he literally fought to get into his mouth. She totally confessed to my SIL who was really mad until she agreed to see how he responded... a couple hours later she offered him some pablum and he just about choked he tried to eat so fast. Poor baby was SUPER hungry. :( She actually apologized to mom and said she needed to listen to her baby and people with some experience over her doctor and her books. Now my SIL is a grandmother and offers TONS of 'old fashioned' advice! LOL!!!

Nothing is more important than common sense and some of your own instinct/research... but don't forget that sometimes the wise old women know tricks of the trade that they are happy to pass on and are not only super safe, but WORK miracles.
Sonya, 40 - DS, 24 DS, 22
David, 45
unexplained
2008 BFP, 2010 IVF & FET MC
2010 IVF #2 - BFP
14dpo 138
16dpo 351
Perfect pregnancy/Delivery July 2011
FET #2 June 2012
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby karenvancouverisland » Tue Mar 29, 2011 5:54 am

ditto on all that sonya and rio!! definately listen to your gut ladies... and your baby!

and btw, to explain the honey (none for 1st year) there's a form of infant botulism that can come from any form of honey (even pasturized) that anyone above 1 year is immune to- but under 1 year NOT!!

this is a very neat conversation, i've enjoyed reading what everyone's had to say :)
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby hackneyfl » Tue Mar 29, 2011 2:53 pm

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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby Happy Bunny » Tue Mar 29, 2011 2:55 pm

I have a question for moms regarding use of the changing table...

When you are changing a baby, is it more convenient to stand:

A)
At the base of the baby's feet, with the baby's head furthest away from you.

or

B) At the baby's side, with the baby's body perpendicular to yours.

Thanks!
Barbara
Me: 38 2X Ectopic; DH: 38 MF
IVF #1 ET 10/11/10 BFP Brooke Marie
IVF #2 ET 11/11/11 BFP Travis James

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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby riogirl71 » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:07 pm

I am so glad this post is growing I love reading it all!

Happy Bunny - I found that standing at the baby's side on a changing table was easier and make sure to get one of those contoured pads they really help when they are squiggly and I always buckled my little one and kept one hand on him at all times, you would be surprised at how wiggly and how they can fall if you turn around for 2 secs to get something, so keep everything at hand!

hackney - thanks or the list!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby Happy Bunny » Tue Mar 29, 2011 6:02 pm

If you'd like some assistance or inspection of your installed car seat, USA moms can find an inspector here:

http://www.nhtsa.gov/cps/cpsfitting/Index.cfm

We're going.
Barbara
Me: 38 2X Ectopic; DH: 38 MF
IVF #1 ET 10/11/10 BFP Brooke Marie
IVF #2 ET 11/11/11 BFP Travis James

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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby MamaBoo » Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:23 am

Also, when changing a boy, there are these little things that look like clown hats to go over their little winkies so if they pee, it doesn't go all over. (I forget what they're called.) However, laying a wipe over his winkie works just as good. However, it's not as cute. :lol:
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby karenvancouverisland » Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:34 am

happy bunny,, you want to be at the baby's side so that he/she doesn't pee on you!!! ps. don't forget to anchor it to the wall for the later months
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby kerribell » Thu Mar 31, 2011 9:24 pm

If your baby is continually getting diaper rash, consider changing to a chlorine free diaper.

When my son started wearing size 3 diapers, he started getting diaper rash. We tried different ointments and even two scripts from the dr. Finally she said try going to a chlorine free diaper because she had another mother that swore by them. I tried 3 different brands, but the one I liked the most was the seventh generation brand. They are a brown color and have no cartoon characters on them. They also are not quite as absorbant as say pampers, but I found if I moved him up to the next size earlier, it was better. Since I changed diapers, he has not had another rash. I could only find them at BRU and Kroger, but since have found them online at wal-mart (free shipping) and amazon. They also make training pants (pull-ups). I think the reason he didn't get a rash before is because I always used the pampers sensitive, and they don't make those past a size 2 at least not when he was wearing them (he is three now).
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Re: Best advice for moms - please add to list!!!!

Postby gina55 » Fri Apr 01, 2011 6:10 pm

Mamaboo: I believe you're talking about the pee pee - tee pee. Very cute but they're $10-$12 for 4 of them. We purchased a cheap package of 6 washcloths from Target for $2 and they worked great. We will definitely be using more this time with the twins.
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