cycle buddies - Jo, Caz and Sharon

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:13 am

Just wanted to nip in and say my thoughts are with all of you - some (Jo ) I know better than others but I am hoping you all make it. Having been there 4 times myself I can honestly say that whilst I am soooooo happy to be pg I have not forgotten quite how awful the 2ww was/is. You are all totally normal and are not having any signs that we have not all analysed ourselves. There is no way of knowing if you are pg or not with these signs. Day 12 was my worst day on the last go - I had the AF pains and was sending messages from work thinking all over - the back pain kicked in an afish way - different from before and I felt very AFish. Ran to the loo every 5 mins and kept drinking water so I could go to the loo with more reason! The next day was not so bad or the day after then had the 2 blood spots and bingo PG! Just try and keep as calm as possible - it won't change a result I know - it is too late for that but PMA thoughts are always better. You are all doing just fine. Hope you don't mind but will just send this once! Love Tracey xxx

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 11:37 am

Thanks Sally & Tracey for popping over from the other side - Really desperate to join you and you really do give us hope by sharing your experiences. This is definately my worst day. The most evil thing about this wait is that you want to hang on to the hope and have PMA but you also think that if you cling onto it too much you will fall harder when it doesn't happen. So I'm convincing myself it's not going to happen to try and come to terms with it now. That's why you desperately want it over with even if bad news so that you can get over the disappointment, drink that bottle of wine and then plan for the next go. Sxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 1:08 pm

Too right Sharon, especially the bottle of wine bit - feel like some desparate old wino but I'm gagging for a large glass of gorgeous, fragrant, dark, fruity red wine - Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I think that I too am convinced it will be the same story as last time, cos my symptoms are all the same. I dont want to delude myself, I'd prefer to be realistic. Feel quite calm now actually - I just wish it was thursday afternoon instead of wednesday! Jo.xxxxx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 1:19 pm

Oh Thank the Lord for that - a nice man has just switched back on my life support! I was so excited I could have kissed him! I think he was glad to get out of the "nutters" house as he nearly ran out of here! Where to begin! Caz thanks for the advice about the blood test - didn't know - but asked my clinic - and they "don't offer it" Not sure what that means when you pay for every single bloomin thing seperately anyway. I couldn't persue the conversation as I could feel my blood beginning to boil - so just left it at that. I am so sorry that everyone is feeling the strain today - this hideous wait is almost over - and whilst I know we are all terrified of what is to come - I feel sure that we can overcome ANYTHING - if we can cope with the effects and burdens of infertilty and IVF/ICSI - thus far we can do anything. As for all the AF symptoms - I know if I had any I would be freaking out - but just remember they may mean NOTHING, they mean you are PREGNANT!! So as much as is humanely possible try to ignore them and remain hopeful and calm - until told otherwise! Thank you so much to Sally and Tracey for your lovely boost to the thread - Let's hope at least some of us get to join you on the fun side!! Sharon - you sound just like I felt last week - sometimes it is so very very hard to find just one ounce of fighting spirit. But remember no matter what you feel - you have a right to express those feelings - even when they change by the second thanks to all these hormones.I personally don't believe that PMA can actually make a difference to the outcome (although I do think it makes the process more bearable)- I figure that's down to the science and fortune herself. I hope that for all of us our time will come. Jo forget work - and that bloomin ironing - treat yourself to something nice - I managed to but THREE bottles of perfume yesterday - was incapable of making a decision AND I WAS WITHOUT MY CYCLE BUDDIES - so figured - what the hell and bought all 3!! As for me - well I remain strangely quiet - I think I used up a lot of energy last week - I came crashing down after the first weekend and really fell apart for about 4 days - David seemed to restore some serenity after a nice weekend together and it appears to have lasted - so far. But I know it's all just simmering away underneath - am tetchy with the people I love - which I hate, and my concentration is shot - couldn't even be bothered with my new Heat magazine today - so I am terrified there will be some hideous backlash at some point. Best warn DH!! Thinking of you all Hugs all round. Lorraine xxxxxxxxxx

debb · Post by **debb** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 3:53 pm

Hi all the cyclists! Been reading the thread and really feel what you have been going through! You are so brave! I would have been a quivering wreck by now!Wanted to say ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD to you all.I truly hope you all have the success you deserve! Lots of Love Debbie

caz · Post by **caz** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 4:30 pm

First thankyou guys for checking up on us - so so sweet. Really nice to know theres a bit of extra support out there! Been reading the messages at work (didnt do any proper work, really not sure why I bothered going in!) but cant log in to reply from there Your messages and reassuring stories are a HUGE help!! OK.....I did something REALLY REALLY stupid today...yep, you guessed it, I peed on a stick. WHAT AN IDIOT. Of course it was -ve - really really clearly -ve!! I kind of knew it would be but I feel as if seeing a -ve before friday will prepare me for it a bit more. Anyway, told my Mum to get a very good bottle of wine in the fridge for friday night which I intend to guzzle!! Dh not back til saturday am..... Just like you guys - I really want this to be over now, I am just so so SO tired. Hey Lorraine didnt you say you got your af on day 10 last time?? Well you've gone over that this time - thats surely pretty good, no?! Sorry if I wound you up about the blood test - should have kept my gob shut!! Sharon I completely agree with you about the PMA thing - I try to do it too, but I'm a bit half hearted because part of me thinks I'm just tempting fate Jo - I too keep thinking about the stats thing, a girl I work with is now (as I guess you know) 10 weeks pg and I think well it CANT happen to both of us when the success rate is what, 25% Good this thread is SO long now - what a saga. Quite tempted to print it out and keep it!! Except I dont have a printer! O - did I mention that I've gone COMPLETELY mad?? So so preoccupied, that today I went to work and the girl I sit next started laughing uncontrallably at my outfit!! I thought I looked pretty damn good, but thinking about it....maybe not,....I'd put on Brown strippy trousers, a spotty orange shirt and leopard skin loafers. Too many patterns or WHAT!!?? 1 full day to go girls, assuming no afs before hand. O one other thing...think my boobs are shrinking, bad sign me thinks. Love to you all cazx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 5:25 pm

Oh Caz I've only just got off the phone talking to my mum - saying how an early pgt is a complete no no! I really do know how you feel - I have never allowed myself to imagine this work in some vague attempt to "prepare" myself for the worst. But I did that in the last 2 cycles as well and it really did NOTHING to help - I was still devastated - so whilst I am still doing the same thing (err why!) - I figure what will be, will be - we CAN cope with it - but we can't prepare for it. I know by now there is no consoling you - and whilst I don't want to give you false hope you know that you must still hang on in there as until your pgt/AF's arrival - you really are NONE THE WISER. Try to take some comfort in all those lovely messages from those girls who got a positive despite their symptoms/thinking otherwise. I really feel for you, I think this is so much worse for you without DH - but you have already shown great strength, courage and conviction to get this far - you CAN conquer this. Try to keep the faith - and remember no matter what the result you will have the love of your mum and a good bottle of wine on Friday and the most welcome glorious hug from DH on Saturday. We are with you. Lorraine xxxxxxx PS I found you can "Copy" messages/threads and "Paste" them in a "word" document to save for later. It has been useful when I wanted to keep advice or info for later. [Edited by Lorraine on 09-Jul-03 18:29]

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 6:12 pm

Caz Flail yourself with birch twigs - take those stripy trousers off first though! MMMM - testing - naughty naughty. It means nothing - shell did one and it was negative - when she did it on the right day it was positive so don't worry. Lorraine - well done with the attitude - pair of gold encrusted singing knickers for you. STATS - don't work that way with the 25 % - you know that really don't you - there is no reason that all of you won't get pg - a batch somewhere else might all have negatives - we had a black monday on my 3rd attempt and none of us got PG so there - stats aren't selective like that - these are national ones! SO THERE. Fingers crossed and sincerely hope none of you will be drinking your wine - if I can't ...... Love Tracey xxxx

caz · Post by **caz** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 6:14 pm

thanks babe. Thats such a nice message I'm OK - altho am missing dh - alot - lots of people rallying round so feel OK. The pg test was a stupid thing to do and I totally take your point that nothing can really prepare you. Going to go and watch some crappy TV now I think!! take care Cazxx

TJ · Post by TJ » Wed Jul 09, 2003 8:32 pm

Just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world for Friday.... I've been reading your threads over the last couple of weeks (hooked) and sometimes I have cried and sometimes I have laughed, it brought a lot of memories back for me after 2 failed attempts and due to start again mid August. I have my fingers crossed for you all on Friday. love and best wishes TJ x

caz · Post by **caz** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 5:35 am

Guys - sorry to let you guys down. I've got my period. COMPLETELY knocked sideways.Not really sure what to do. Very upset. Not a massive bleed but there everytime I wipe (sorry!). New stuff not old looking blood. Sorry for details. Lost sense of tact. I knew I was pg but............. Thinking of you all. Hang on in there girls.

Dawn Blake · Post by **Dawn Blake** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:08 am

Caz Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase don't give up hope totally, I KNOW how you feel, the sight of RED always symbolises the worst, but I was reading a PG Mag last night all about early bleeding and bright red blood is implantation and browny is or deep red which you notice on knicks or toilet paper can continue all through pg and is due to the hormonal changes. If anyone is interested the magazine was Pregnancy and Birth (August 2003) I know I shouldn't be buying these, but can never resist! Just try and wait until tomorrow to do the actual test and then you will finally know the outcome once and for all. Lots of massive ((((((((hugs))))))))) to you and ++++++++++ vibes, it's not over yet! Thinking of you D x

Dawn Blake · Post by **Dawn Blake** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:08 am

Caz Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase don't give up hope totally, I KNOW how you feel, the sight of RED always symbolises the worst, but I was reading a PG Mag last night all about early bleeding and bright red blood is implantation and browny is or deep red which you notice on knicks or toilet paper can continue all through pg and is due to the hormonal changes. If anyone is interested the magazine was Pregnancy and Birth (August 2003) I know I shouldn't be buying these, but can never resist! Just try and wait until tomorrow to do the actual test and then you will finally know the outcome once and for all. Lots of massive ((((((((hugs))))))))) to you and ++++++++++ vibes, it's not over yet! Thinking of you D x

caz · Post by **caz** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:14 am

sorry that should read, I knew I WASNT pg! More now , def period.

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:59 am

Oh Caz, Shit! I just had a little cry in support. Sorry darling. I know how you feel. But like Dawn said, still test tomorrow, you never know. It will at least confirm it totally and then you can get on with downing that bottle of wine without any guilt whatsoever! I know you won't believe it but in a few days you really will be coping with it and looking to the future. Don't give up it will happen, you have to give it a few goes to play the odds properly. Thinking of you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MASSIVE CUDDLE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Sxxx

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