The 30-40 Group

[I-1-2-b-a-mum]

Hi Jan, I’m a little annoyed at Tom for the way he attacked Brooke Shields. I mean what the hell does a man, who (up until now) has hand picked his children, know about dealing with postpartum depression. Anyway, not sure when they’re due I’m just convinced it’s before “Brangelina's” baby. Great news about going away in April...your friend losing 56lbs...WOW! Well, that will be your true motivation in itself, don't worry we'll be here, cheering you on.

Jan I forgot to ask you about your husband, is he still oblivious to the situation at hand? Reading your post re: his “maybe it’s something we ate” comment, made me laugh. He sounds like a sweetie and I’m sure he’s just trying to avoid that crushing feeling of disappointment, in case of -ve. Right now, I’d probably swap your hubby’s attitude for mine. My dh is a complete worry wart....Example: My RE only gives local anesthetic for EC, so when we were in the waiting room just before our turn, the young girl ahead of us was screaming at the top of her voice “God, it hurts! It hurts! I can feel it!!!” So when it was my turn I decided to put myself in a meditative state, just before closing my eyes I looked at my husband who was looking at the RE arrange her utensils and I swear, he looked like he was going to pass out! He later told me that she had a thick steel needle, about 1 foot long about to do the job, but I never saw it and took my mind out of the room.

He is adorable though, so won’t be getting rid of him, just yet

[jan33]

Ha! My DH likely would have passed out!

Yep, he's a sweetie...I won't be trading him either. You're right...he's just scared I'm going to lose my mind. See, I've been pretty Ok through all of this, up until last time. I was DEVASTATED! Couldn't stop crying...that night after I started, I just came home from work and went to bed...never felt like that before. And the next day, same thing. We went for breakfast, did some grocery shopping, and I just barely made it back to the car and I broke down, cried all the way home. It was so weird...I just think my hormones, hopes...everything was out of whack.
So this time we're just trying to avoid the subject. We're waiting until test day and then we'll see. My preg friend at work is the only one that I've really chatted with. She knows what we go through, so she's trying not to ask too much...she wants to know how things are going, but doesn't want to ask in case it's bad news...she's so great. She's been having wicked morning sickness, and so when I told her the other day that I wasn't feeling well, she says "Good, I hope you keep feeling sick every morning!"

Only a great friend would wish morning sickness on an infertile couple!

BTW...you know that Brooke Shields is preg again, right? Good for her...I'm sure she'll enjoy this one even more, now that she knows about her PPD...

[I-1-2-b-a-mum]

Didn't see your last post before sending mine. Yes, I am taking 81mg of Aspirin daily. My doctor said it thins the blood, which improves the flow to the uterus.

I have to assume he knows what he's doing. However, I did call my doctor yesterday evening and insisted on an extra dose of my daily prometrium because of the spotting. I was originally prescribed just 400 mg of pessaries daily. If my period starts, then the prometrium won't make an inch of difference but as I said to my doc, I’m 1 week away from the test, how do they know that the level of prometrium they’ve prescribed is sufficient, when they have not checked my progesterone level during the luteal phase (no, I'm not doctor but yes, I can read.... and all the medical documents I've managed to get my hands on, states for pessaries, it is best to administer 600mg daily). And I pointed out that when I was stimming they checked my blood every other day, to ensure I had the correct dosage of FSH and LH, so why not do the same now whilst I'm on prometrium. Anyway, I guess to get me off his back he prescribed me an extra dose of Prometrium and Estradiol. I started taking them last night. I no longer have blood red discharge just a tiny bit of brown but I’m convinced that awful cow AF, will be visiting none-the-less, but at least I gave it my best shot……I know, I know “It’s not over until…..”

[Lydia]

Hope u don’t mind me jumping in – I12bamum saw what u wrote on EC and wondered how long did it take - was it painful? Mine's next week - local anest - I'm terrified!

[Tracii]

Hi Girls - I am back from feeling sorry for myself ....now have a more relaxed attitude and have realized that this cycle may be canceled due to poor (or better said NO) response. We shall see what Saturday brings. I discussed with DH and we decided if there were less then 5 follies, we would cancel the cycle anyway...but who know what will happen...taking it one day at a time. I called my acu doc yesterday (she is my angel) and she reassured me the upped dosage should do something.

I-1-2-b-a-mum - I am taking aspirin as well. Once my ovaries kick in..I hope the aspirin helps the growth. I also go to acupuncture to bring more blood to uterus and assist with egg quality.

Jan33 - IVF is such a rollercoaster...you have no idea when the emotions are going to strike. After my 1.IVF and the negative..I was ok for about a week and then all these emotions came charging and I broke down and cried. I promised DH I wouldn't cry this time...easier said then done....but I will need a bottle of wine! Brooke Shields is also pregnant naturally this time!! Great news for your friend...56lbs...this is fantastic!!

sml - I am sorry it was not your time. I hope you enjoyed the wine last night Keep up hope, your BFP will come I have been doing detox diets since last July. I have done 7 day, 10 day and 1 day water fasts. It takes a lot of discipline-but the results are great!! Your body feels super, super good, hair and skin are glowing. I have been going to acu since last April...she is awesome and associated with my clinic. Unfortunately the thin lining is due to low hormones (probably FSH)..so once we get the meds right we should be ok. (fingers crossed)

Happy 'hump' day

[sml]

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to say thank you all so much for the wonderful words of support -- I just read them all and I can't say enough how much they have really, really helped.

Have a feeling all of this will hit me in waves. Am doing okay this morning. Had a glass of champagne last night at dinner and then DH and I saw a totally mindless movie (Casanova). Silly and entertaining, yes -- Oscar-worthy, no. (Still, worth it to see adorable Heath Ledger and also to see Sienna Miller looking less-than-glam -- who knew hair color could make such a difference?). It was really good to see something that made us laugh.

DH and I talked a bit about our next steps (follow up with dr. is not until March 10). DH has been wonderfully supportive and positive about through the whole process (and I had to laugh, Jan and I12bamum, when you guys talked about your hubbies and needles -- mine nearly fainted when the nurse showed him how to do an injection. He was brave though and did every single one for me!). I think he is doing alright, but it's sometimes hard to tell (ah, men!).

In the meantime, I will just take it one day at a time, more or less. And will be eager to hear how all of you girls are doing!

I2bamum -- so glad to hear that you are being pro-active and taking charge of your treatment. You go!

Jan -- I've read about the aspirin but my doc did not prescribe. Good luck w/ first day of WW (today, yes?) Your pal is so inspiring!

Pam -- Another day down on the 2ww -- hope all is going well and that you are finding wonderful ways to distract yourself.

Traci -- fingers crossed for you. Would love to chat about detox at some point. Have done two week liver detox prescribed by Zita West that left me feeling fabulous so am looking forward to doing that again.

Lisa, hope EC went well and that there are loads of little embs waiting for you! Good luck with ET tomorrow.

That's it for now -- off to go catch up on some work. But have also scheduled a facial later that will hopefully be the indulgent thing I need to get me through the day. Chat with you all again soon.

sml xo

[jan33]

So, WW started today...oh so much fun to jump on a set of scales and have your weight recorded...yay. Oh well, at least my day was busy enough I didn't even think about test day coming up on Monday.

Today I'm kinda worried, though. Been feeling OK, sort of nauseous in the morning on the way to work (likely just in my head), but started feeling a bit crampy today...nothing really bad, just slight. And now my boobs are getting sore...they usually do just before AF arrives...so I'm holding my breath. I think AF is actually due around Sunday (hard to tell 'cause it came early last month)..test day Monday. You know, it really sucks how you think you know your body, then you go through something like this and you really have no idea what's going on with it. I mean, I've been tracking my cycles, my body changes, my soreness, blah, blah...for years...you'd think I'd be able to tell without a doubt what was going on with my body!

Anyhow, a DH story for you...on the way home from IUI last week (long drive) I asked him what he'd name a boy if we had one...he just gave funny names, didn't say much really...wasn't really engaged.

So last night, I'm in bed early, reading, DH is on the sofa watching TV. All the sudden, he's standing at the door of the room looking at me, and all he says is "Garrett". I say "what?" and he says "A boy...I like Garrett".

And that's why I love him....thought I would share.

[I-1-2-b-a-mum]

Lydia – Sorry it took so long to respond I was busy working yesterday. Being very honest, my EC wasn’t a day at the beach but while meditating, the sensation felt more like pressure rather than pain (If that makes any sense). Good luck for next week, what day is your EC?

Tracii – Great to hear you’re feeling better. Just curious, what’s your protocol?? I see you’re using Purgeon as FSH. I used 225 Gonal F for 10 days, with 75 UI of Luveris. I’m sure the increase to 225 will yield better results….Just know we’re rooting for you

Sml- I was so happy to see your post, knowing you're doing so well is a bonus. Re: Sienna Miller, it’s incredible what blond hair can do for some people. Did you know that Jessica Simpson was quoted as saying she would never go back to her natural brunette because no one would ever know she was alive…..Unbelieveable! Your poor hubby, it must be pretty hard on IVF men because they go through the same emotions we do but feel they shouldn’t express it, give him lots of hugs from us. Btw, How was your facial?

Jan – How was your 1st day of WW? I think Garrett’s a nice name. It reminds me of that actor/singer I had a crush on as a teenager, I think his name was “Leif Garrett” do you remember him? Probably not. Gosh I’m really showing my age. Better shut up.


Well ladies, hoping you can give me your opinion on something ….Yesterday, was contacted by the company I work for regarding my next project, which btw, forced me to put down my magazine (not before noticing an article on Britney Spears who is supposedly having another baby with that Kevin Federline….What is she thinking?????). Well, my work normally has me spending some of the year sailing the Caribbean and some of the year sailing Alaska, I know, it’s a hard life! Actually, it’s less glamourous than it sounds, I am a Program Manager, which means I’m working more than I’m playing. I’ve just been advised that I’ll be handling a large project alone, which entails me having to fly to Japan in 2 months, then sail from Japan to Russia, then to Alaska and then back to Vancouver. I have no intention of over-exerting myself whether I’m pregnant or not (Doc said it’s okay to do if pregnant), however, wondering whether I should let the company know about IVF because if preggers, every little twinge will mean something and I’ll probably rush off to the nearest doc, abandonning project mid flow and if not preggers, I’m probably going to collapse in tears for no apparent reason to the discomfort of my clients. Don’t really want to put the company in the “know” but feeling like I should….What would you do?

[jan33]

Well...that's a very good question.

It's actually interesting b/c I just had something similar happen to me. A job came up w/i my company that I was interested in applying for...more responsibility, more money, etc. But I also know what I'm going through, so wasn't sure if it was fair or not to apply, knowing that I may end up on MAT leave in 9mths. Its a managerial position, where someone would likely have to cover me...come in learn the job, etc...after they had just taught it to me 9 mths ago... Then, I also wondered, that if I do apply, do I tell them what I'm going through...?

So, I went to my friend (who incidentally is an HR consultant) and told her I had a 'morality' question. Told her the situation. She says...no, you don't need to tell them...that's your business, and yes, you should apply, because you don't know what the future holds...and you need to take care of YOU.

So, I actually did apply (haven't heard back yet).

Although your situation is a bit different, I think you should keep it personal...then, if the situation arises that you do have to leave mid-project or something like that, you can bring them in the loop then.

You know, I think our problem as women is that we don't worry enough about ourselves...we always worry about what others think. This time, I'm in it for ME!

And on that note, AF hit with a vengeance this morning! Really not much sign that it was coming until yesterday, which is very weird for me...I usually have PMS for at least 4 or 5 days...this time nothing. I haven't taken the time to think about it today..just keeping crazy busy at work. Will hit me tonight...it's so unfair...I can't believe I have to go through this all over again...the emotional part is completely draining me.

Anyhow, hope everyone is doing well...must get back to work before I fall into my pit of despair.

[I-1-2-b-a-mum]

Jan, babe after seeing your post, can’t tell you how gutted I was! You’re my test day twin! This is incredibly unfair on all us women. Thinking about it makes me so mad. Let’s face it, any other medical procedure would never have made it to the outside market with a 30% success rate. They (meaning medical industry and worldwide governments) need to throw more money and expertise at this to ensure a much better success rate. My heart goes out to you and hubby but you must keep in mind that the fat lady hasn’t sung yet. There have been cases where bleeding occurs at the time of expected period and pregnancy still happens. So PLEASE wait for your test date.

Like you, I’ve had no signs of pregnancy except my first bout of nausea yesterday but think it had more to do with me inhaling 4lbs of KFC, than an imminent offspring. I usually get ravenous during the visit of AF but she’s not here yet and the spotting has stopped (thanks to extra dose of Prometrium). I’m sure AF’s fuming that her visit has been delayed, albeit by a few days but I refuse to allow her to deprive me of my full 2 weeks of torture.

Your situation and mine, got me thinking about her (AF) and I remembered as a kid, one of my Sunday School Teachers telling me that AF was Eve’s additional punishment from God for enticing Adam with the Apple and thought, “Well, what additional punishment did Adam get for being so gullible and easily lead???” Then recently I remembered watching my husband trying to fix the dishwasher, knowing full well he didn’t know what on earth he was doing but also knowing he would never admit it…… At moments like this, I think of AF and thank god for small mercies

BTW, thanks for the advice re: work

[sml]

Oh Jan!

I'm so very sorry to hear about AF. Ugh. I know you said it hasn't hit you fully yet and please know that we are all here when it does. It really did not hit me fully when I wrote in on Tuesday and the last few days have really been that proverbial roller coaster.

This whole process is emotionally so exhausting, everything from the anticipation to the things we have to put our bodies through (and have to inject into our bodies -- like any guy would willingly agree to all the ungraceful things we have to do!), and then the waiting, and waiting. I'm glad to see your determination, however, and that you'll be going through this again -- I hope after you've given yourself a little time to recover.

I don't know exactly how or why I'm giving advice on this as I'm in the midst of it right now myself but every day (hour?) has its ups and downs and I can see how time will heal and make one feel strong again (not fully there yet, but almost!).

I'm so proud of you for having started WW. That is really amazing and I applaud your efforts and will be cheering you on from the cyber-side-lines. I hope you'll be able to focus on that and it will help you in the coming days.

Sending lots and lots of hugs to you and DH. Oh and btw, the facial and some glasses of wine last night really helped!

sml

[smokeroni]

Jan - I am so sorry to hear that AF showed her ugly face. Please take some time out to heal.

Hi to everyone else.

Pam

[sml]

Wow ladies, what a week it has been!

I12bamum -- I saw your post just after I had posted mine to Jan. I completely agree with you about the need for more funding and research into these procedures (especially around success rates and safety!).

I also read your and Jan's earlier exchange about work. I've been dealing with really related concerns regarding my job as well. Jan's advice is spot on -- she is so right, we women are often so concerned at how others are going to respond that we usually don't put ourselves first! So no, I don't think it's anyone's business but your own that you're doing IVF -- your work absolutely does not need to know.

That said, if there is a need to cycle again -- which I am in NO WAY suggesting there should be and am sending you extra PMA's just in case -- but for those of us who do need to cycle again and have to consider jobs where travel is involved, it may be necessary to consider how travel could affect one's ability to have treatment done.

For example I have two international conferences coming up in April and May -- right smack around the time I would be starting another IVF cycle. It's not something I'm quite ready to think about yet but I know I will need to cancel one of them -- or the cycle -- and I'm not willing to compromise the cycle (trying again to put ME first over the job.)

All of this is to say, no need to tell your job about ANY of this unless or until there is immediate need (travel would compromise cycle or, much happier news, you are preggers!). Why did no one prepare us for the crazy stressful decisions we would have to face as successful thirty something "career" women who also want to be moms? There are so few role models out there for us -- though my mom had a very successful and high powered career, she also had no trouble conceiving (and get this -- at my age, 36). And as much as I love reading about Julia and Brooke, their careers are oh, slightly different, from mine!

Hmmm...how did all this turn into a rant? Enough. The calming effects of yesterday's soothing facial must be wearing off...!

sml x

[I-1-2-b-a-mum]

Sml – thanks for your response and couldn’t agree more on the “why didn’t someone prepare us for the stress of the new-age woman” You realize though, that means we will need to be role models for the next generation, so we’ve got to get it right Re: Advice about work, thanks so much. I agree with both you and Jan. You’re both spot on! Great advice.

Re: Work/travel issue, I know exactly what you mean. I am flying to Osaka (Japan) on April 28th which would be the start date of my FET cycle (if it comes to that) but will have to push it back to the following month because of work. My RE/Dr chastised me for working. I asked him if that was his coy way of offering to pay for the $8000 treatment for which he has charged me, if yes, I’d be more than willingly to stay at home. He seemed a little embarrassed and changed the subject. I thought “Ummmm, didn’t think you would”. Am getting a tad fed up of feeling the need to apologize for having a successful career and now wanting a child. Come on Doc, would it make you more sympathetic to me if I were an infertile housewife??? Probably……but your pockets wouldn’t be half as full, if it wasn’t for me and my kind. So get off my back! Anyway, I guess my hormones are up in the air today, as there goes the “rant” rampage and it's taking anyone/thing down in it's path.

Thanks for the PMA. Don’t worry about your comments re: my necessity for a new cycle. I fully understood what you meant. If there’s one thing my life long challenges have taught me, it is to be a Realistic Optimist or an Optimistic Realist

[jan33]

Ok, so, work's over and I'm home now....no crying--yet.

You guys are the best....I thought about you all day long and really couldn't wait to get home to touch base. I'm actually doing OK...and I think it's because I have all of you and this outlet...it means the world to me, really.

Honestly, this time, I'm more mad than anything ...you know I said the exact same thing to DH last night about funding. He's really private about things, especially since the infertility is on his side. But if we weren't trying to keep this so private, I'd be on my soapbox big time. You know, it really pisses me off that I have to use my life savings (just a term...really don't have any life savings, so VISA is getting a workout) to try to have a family and be a mum, but yet the gov't will continue to support people who have children, and don't take care of them...? Trust me...I have them in my family...I know all about it. AND...they know NOTHING about male factor infertility...but they can put men on the moon, cure all kinds of diseases, do heart transplants on newborns...I just don't get it... did I miss the part where infertile couples are supposed to be made of money????

ahem...sorry...ranting....

I12b--I'm still praying for you...all the way baby! Take the torch and go with it test buddy...! Here's to more (non KFC-induced)morning sickness!


Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is it... the cramps were horrendous. Forget Eve...I'm pretty sure I was paying for every woman's sins since Eve today...thank you Advil.

So, let's just say it's a good thing I started WW yesterday --otherwise I would have made an appointment with Dr Haagen Daas this evening!

All the best to everyone...