need a friend

JULES K · Post by **JULES K** » Tue Jul 15, 2003 3:05 pm

Hi everyone, this is only the second time I have posted a message. I found out at the end of last week that our first attempt at ICSI had failed. I am feeling really down at the moment, I feel as if I have had a miscarriage as I have read that once the embies have been transferred you are technically pregnant, it's then just a case of whether they implant or not, so I feel as if I have lost my two little babies. I knew nine days into my 2WW that the treatment hadn't worked as I was bleeding very heavily. Some days I think I am OK then I am in floods of tears for no reason. I am crying now typing this message. Sorry to sound so miserable but it's how I feel. I am now debating whether to start another course in October (but then what if it doesn't work and it will be getting on for Xmas which will be even more depressing) or I don't know whether to wait until January 04 and start then. I have taken great comfort from reading other messages on this board. I would love to hear from anyone who just feels like talking. PS Anyone else having treatment at the Liverpool Womens hospital? Lots of love and best wishes to everyone having treatment Julie.

kathryn · Post by **kathryn** » Tue Jul 15, 2003 3:37 pm

hello julie, so sorry you are feeling so down. Its such a tough time we put ourselves through, but you will start to feel better and more positive soon and ready to start again. But dont be too hard on yourself as this is a bereavement, and you are allowed to feel sad. these tough times make us much stronger in the long run, and I like to think this experience will make us the best mummys ever when we get there. I look back on my 1st attempt as an experiment, a learning process. I didnt think that at the time, but I look back and I can prepare myself a little better for this time. Its still hard as you dont want to get your hopes up but you dont want to be really negative either. youll make many friends on here, there are lots of people who understand just how you feel. Dont feel youre alone. feel free to email if you wish, I wish I could say something that would make you feel a little better. take care julie wishing you all the best kathryn x

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Tue Jul 15, 2003 3:39 pm

Dear Julie, So sorry to hear that your cycle didn't work. Take time to get over the grief - it is like losing your babies and you need to grieve for them properly. Have you tried counselling? You may find it helps. It may not seem likely at the moment, but it will get easier over time. Don't rush in to another cycle too quickly, just make sure you're over this one first as you need to be in peak physical and mental fitness to go through IVF. We had 4 cycles before I got pregnant and both me and my hubby found it tougher each time - probably because you know how you'll feel if it doesn't work. However, we managed it in the end and so will you. Don't give up. Try and have a nice holiday - take some time out to pamper yourselves and good luck in whatever you decide to do next, Alison xx

sharon · Post by **sharon** » Tue Jul 15, 2003 5:38 pm

Hi Julie, You poor thing, I know how you are feeling we have had 3 failed ICSIs. When You get a negative result you feel like you cant go on and that it is never going to work - but it does, you only have to read some of the other messages. We have just started our 4th attempt - my way of coping is to just carry on as soon as I can (well as long as our bank account will let us!)But everyone is different, others find it better to wait. This site is great, you can come on here to moan, ask quesions or to just read what everyone else is going through. keep in touch sharon G XXXXXXXX

Kagga · Post by **Kagga** » Tue Jul 15, 2003 6:02 pm

Hi Julie I'm so sorry that this cycle didn't work out for you . I've been lurking at this site for a few weeks and can see that everyone is very friendly and helpful with plenty of good advice . This must be such a hard time for you so please look after yourself . This is my first posting here but I'm about to start treatment at the Liverpool Womens if you would like to keep in touch . Take care , Love Karen x

LORRAINE G · Post by **LORRAINE G** » Tue Jul 15, 2003 6:13 pm

Hi Julie So sorry that things did not work out for you this time round. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and wishing you well in your future attempt(s). Sometimes it does take a while for success to come knocking at your door. She (or he!) will be worth the wait! Keep smiling... LOL Lorraine G

GB · Post by GB » Thu Jul 17, 2003 10:29 am

Hey Jules.. So sorry to hear your news. I've had 3 negative IVF treatments, so I know where you're coming from. Believe me, there is light at the end of the tunnel...we just have have to plodd on and try again! So just hang in there and you'll get there eventually. Take care and lots of love Gila

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 11:12 am

Julie so sorry for you being down. Like the others I have been there - 3 times - first time had an ectopic and then 2 more failures and bingo 4th time lucky. Take time to grieve - just because they are embryos does not mean we have not just lost "babies" and it is hard because where do they go - that is what I thought. In a way it became easier - weird - still a massive loss but easier to "manage" - take time out - enjoy being together look forward to another go - it will happen. I decided to see IVF as a treament that would work one day just not sure when if that makes sense. good luck Love Tracey

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 11:29 am

Hi Jules - so sorry your first attempt didn't work. Same happened to us on our first ICSI - for some reason I expected it to work I don't know why. BUT...... our second one DID WORK so it does happen. I felt that the second attempt wasn't as scary too, cos we'd been through it all before - we both felt a bit more relaxed. After our failure we had a short break away from home which really helped. Once you've had a bit of "normal" time you'll both feel much better and be gearing up for your next go, I promise. The drugs make you feel lousy I found so once these have worn off I'm sure you'll start to rally. Just take your own time and be there for each other. You've both been through a lot, but you've been through it together. Lots of Love, Jo.XXXXXXXXXXX

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 12:14 pm

I am so very sorry to hear your sad news Jules. It is such a crushing blow when you realise that after all you have been through - it's negative. It is especially shocking on your first attempt - as the intesity of your loss is something you will never have experienced before. Sadly, too many of the women on this board have felt as you do now - some of us are trying to work through it right now - and we are all here for you. The way you feel is entirely normal - you are grieving - and only the love and comfort of those around you, time, and the need to retry can make you feel more positive again. For now let the horrible drugs and their effects wear off - it makes all the difference believe me - and then the future will become clearer. Wishing you and your family all the very best at this really sad and difficult time. Lorraine XXXXXXX

caz · Post by **caz** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 3:41 pm

Hi there I can only repeat what everyone else has already said. I had 1 st failed ICSI last week. Have never felt pain like it. (emotional) The only thing I can say is that you are not alone. It does seem to work on further goes (not all the time but alot of the time). Keep coming on here and =chatting to us lot. Always someone who'll help you out. May I ask - what is the problem you have - I guess its male factor as you're doing ICSI?? Often with male factor its quite hard to talk about it in the real world as blokes arent necessarily as open as we are. We have male factor and I know I have to be VERY selctive about who I tell about our problems. Even my best friends dont know that its dh. they all assume its me!! ANYWAY _ point is - its SO good to be able to talk openly and honestly about ANYTHING on here- feel free!! Take care - the pain WILL get better. Treat yourself a bit...no...ALOT Cazx

JULES K · Post by **JULES K** » Thu Jul 17, 2003 11:59 pm

Just a short message to say a big thank you to everyone who has taken the time and trouble posting replies to my message. It is really comforting to receive such kind words and good wishes from others who know what you are going through. In reply to Caz's question, both dh and myself have fertility problems - I suffer from PCOS and do not ovulate regularly, dh has poor sperm count & low motility caused by the medication he has to take. Once again thank you for all your kind thoughts. love Julie xx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Fri Jul 18, 2003 4:16 pm

Hi Julie, Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing. I notice you posted at 1am this morning - couldn't you sleep? It is such an emotional rollercoaster isn't it? A friend of mine sent me a lovely card today and and a little book of quotations and I thought I would share my favourite with you....... Our greatest glory is not in ever failing, but in rising every time we fall. Confucious. It's not that I believe we failed anything but I just like to think our glory lies in the recovery we make. Anyway enough sentiment. I just wanted to say I was still thinking of you. Lorraine xxxxx

GB · Post by GB » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:14 pm

Hi Julie Just wanted to say that I'm with you in your pain and frustration. I was there not so long ago with a negative after the 3rd IVF attempt. Just let yourself recover from the shock and disappointment of it all...and then gear yourself up for another go! My advise to you would be to get going again asap...ie. in October..so that you'll feel like you're doing something towards your goal....and maybe by Christmas you might have some good news to tell your family and friends... So here's wishing you all the best... Know that I'm thinking of you! Take care Love Gila x-x-x

diane30 · Post by **diane30** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 2:04 pm

hi sorry you tmt did not work this month but just to let you no me and my friend were both at liverpool womens she had icsi it worked first time i had iui it worked 3rd time, so dont loose hope lots of love diane

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