Panicking

debb · Post by **debb** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 8:39 pm

Hi everyone, Panic stricken here! 1st IVF abandoned a few weeks ago due to no response to the stims. Was Ok but now am having panic attacks which I have never had before. I am scared and cannot stop crying. I am due to go on Holiday on Thursday and do not want to go. I am shaking and feel like I have nothing to live for. I am sure there will be no response next time either. I don't know what to do, I feel like I am going insane. Sorry for this Debbie W

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 9:11 pm

Ok Debbie - just breathe. You are not going insane, what you are feeling is normal, I know you feel at your wits end right now - but you are upset at the past events and scared for the future. You need to let the tears flow and off load all that is on your mind. The panic attacks are just a symptom of your anxiety, talk to those close to you, and learn some simple breathing techniques to help when you feel an episode coming on. Is your GP/clinic helpful? Our clinic offers counselling sessions to clients even after the cycle is over - it may be helpful to go and see someone before you go on holiday. I know you probably don't feel like going away, some days I can't even be bothered to leave the house(!) but I think it really will help. The different pace and some down time with DH will be medicine in itself. I have experienced 3 -ve IVF's but never experienced an abandoned cycle - something that seems so very cruel, and my heart goes out to you. Has your consultant said something to make you think that your are likely not to stimulate again? I do think the first cycle is often the steepest learning curve - for every one - you and the clinic, despite the cycle being abandoned - much will have been learnt from this cycle - something that will better prepare the clinic next time. So unless you are told to do so - don't give up hope yet. I know you are scared but a woman strong enough to try to overcome fertility problems can overcome anything - even panic attacks. Remember just take one breath at a time, one day at a time - you will get there. Best wishes Lorraine XXXXXX

debb · Post by **debb** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 9:53 pm

Thanks Lorraine Your words of support are lovely. I can can hardly breathe at the mo and am so poorly with it all. The clinic have never said my bloodwork is poor, it is OK but why did I not get any eggs? They have not recommended anything else just another go next month. Many Thanks for the much needed support Debbie Leeds

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 6:49 am

Hi Debb, I just wanted to echo what Lorraine said. I think there's a lot of people here who had their first go abandoned due to poor response and then went on to be pg on a later cycle. I am on my 3rd ICSI and my first one I didn't produce any follicles at all, the clinic just said they would use stronger drugs next time, I think they just start you off on a low dose to find out if you're OK with it and then try different things till they get a result. Hang in there, there's always someone to talk to on the site who has gone through the same as you are feeling Lots of love Kat xx

kathryn · Post by **kathryn** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 8:09 am

hi debb, just wanted to say Im sorry your 1st tmt was abandoned. I think you really could do with seeing your clinics counsellor or at least your gp. I dont know whether they will be able to perscribe you anything to help calm you down, but its worth finding out. It would be a shame to miss out on your holiday. Ive suffered from depression and panic attacks since I was 11. But I have now learnt to cope with it. I promise, you will feel much better again. your tmt was only a few weeks ago, so its still raw for you. feel free to email me if youd like, I hope you feel better soon debb, lots of love kathryn x

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 8:20 am

Debbie, I'm so sorry to hear you've been poorly and I know that this thing is sometimes just too much to bear. I had feelings of having nothing to live for when our ICSI failed - you can't believe it's you having such feelings can you? I know I've told you this before but we had our first cycle abandoned due to lack of response and I just want to help you to stay calm if I can. The clinics are afraid of people over-responding to the drugs as to over respond can be very dangerous - there was a girl on this site several months ago who over-responded and had to spend over a week in hospital and was severely ill. The experience frightened her and her husband off the whole idea of IVF. This is why they start on lower doses. It was really disappointing to say the least when they just pulled the plug, but with the higher dose I did respond better, and I'm sure you will too. As you've said, your clinic have not said anything about a particular problem - this is just the way they do it, creep & go, cos they're just too scared to go steaming in with drugs, which you can understand!! Debbie - please please go on your holiday, it will help you immensely. There's no overestimating how hard this is but I know you can do it. There's loads of us thinking about you and willing you to feel better so come on - can't wait to hear you've started your treatment again!! Have a great holiday - lots of love, Jo. XXXXXX

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 8:56 am

hi deb so sorry you are feeling so bad. you have received some wise words from woman that have been through the same thing. when a tmt goes wrong it is so hard. I had icsi last year tmt went fine but still no pg,the second tmt was stopped as had poor response.This was so hard you have all the build up but not even a chance of getting pg. I found these were some of the hardest moments but felt must go on.Went on to the third go and drugs increased and had a good eggs collection even had some to freeze. So each tmt is so different and the clinic would not say have another go if it is not going to work. At the clinic i'm with you always have a follow up so you can talk through what happened with the tmt and to see were it can be improved.I'm of to the clinic today to see about starting again. please think about how lovley your holiday could be, as your hb will also need a break before you start again. hope i have not gone on to much and you feel better soon from july ann p.s we are all here if you need to talk...

bertie · Post by **bertie** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 11:56 am

Hiya Deb Dont know if you remember but our 1st attempt was also abandoned and we are also at Leeds. We are now having our 2nd attempt (injecting with Buserelin and going for scan 2mrw and lesson in injecting Menogon.) It is hard but believe me when I say go on holiday. We had 2 weeks away last month and the break was just what we needed. We had some real quality time with each other and our dogs. I feel a bit weird this time round - I think I am trying not to get my hopes up as much. We never saw a counsellor at Leeds but I have to admit that sometimes I think I would like to talk to one. This site is a godsend to me though. Even if I dont post on it, sometimes if I read other postings it gives me what I need (if you get what I mean.) Hope this helps. Have a lovely holiday. Luv Bertie xx

GB · Post by GB » Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:10 pm

Hey Debs Go on and enjoy your holiday!!! You deserve a good break! Take care. Love Gila x-x-x

jackiey · Post by **jackiey** » Wed Jul 23, 2003 8:19 am

Hi Debb How are you feeling? Just wanted to let you know we had our 1st iui tmt abandoned due to me producing too many follies, we too were devestated, you try and prepare yourself for not getting a positive result but having tmt abandoned never occured to me, i got carried away with the whole thing i worked out all my scan dates my insemination date and even my test date, so when we went for our day 8 scan to be told it didn't look good, i was in a right mess, i then had to try and explain what was happening to family which was difficult cos i didn't even understand it myself and i think dp's family thought that was why i couldn't get pregnant naturally and i started to feel like it was all my fault. We had our 2nd go last month and even though we got a negative we managed to get furhter than the 1st time, we never got our hopes up during the tmt, we were on the same dosage as the time before, we were on the lowest dosage anyway for iui, but the second time we produced the right amount, i think it could be our bodies just getting used to the drugs. i know you won't think it at the moment but it does get easier with time and being able to come on this site and share all your worries with the girls knowing there is someone here for you who knows what you are going through helps me more than anything else. I hope you feel you can go on your holiday and if you do relax, have a few drinks and when you come back you'll feel so much better and hopefully you will be ready to get back on the rollercoaster. Take care Love Jackie

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Wed Jul 23, 2003 12:00 pm

Debbi I am so sorry things aren't working out as you wished but you must hang in there. This time last year I had to be withrawn from a cycle because I had a bad reaction to Buserelin, I was gutted. Then I had the next cycle cancelled through poor response, I had been injecting for 8 weeks and nothing!!! I was devastated. Then I was diagnosed with having MS (it wasn't a good year) my 3rd cycle started as the second had, I had poor response to the drugs but at last my levels did start to reduce and after 10 weeks I finally had ET. Unfortunately the cycle didn't work but at least I felt some achievement that I'd been through the process. The next month I was totally gobsmacked to discover I'd fallen PG naturally and am now 36 weeks. I tell you all this only to illustrate how you never know what's around the corner. Even through the MS diagnosis all I could think about was still getting pg. We never thought that natural conception was a possibility for us if we were going to go full term ...I'd had 2 miscarriages in previous years but here we are!!! Go on holiday, eat drink and relax. Spend time with your partner/DH and come back refreshed and in a better position to decide what you want to do next. I'm sending loads of positive vibes your way LOL Terri xxxxx

nicolam · Post by **nicolam** » Wed Jul 23, 2003 12:40 pm

Hi there Deb Hope you're over the initial shock and that the panic feeling is subsiding. The IVF process is like a game of snakes and ladders - there are so many possibilities when you can land on a snake and end up back at square one, but every game is different. On our first cycle, we got smoothly through to egg collection and got 22 eggs (and gave 11 away as part of egg share). Being the first try we were so positive and excited, but got the call from the embryologist to say that none of our 11 eggs fertilised! (But that 10 out of 11 of the ones I donated did fertilise with the other sperm...) It showed that there was a problem with DH's sperm getting through the shell which seems to fairly rare. (He has a normal count and everything, so for 7 years we thought it was me). So we tried ICSIs next and did thankfully get to embryo stage, but unfortunately didn't result in pg. I'm now in the 2ww of our first frozen embryo transfer with three inside, so I'm praying that we've up'd the chances slightly. And as for Terri's story, it just shows how unpredictable it all is, so please don't give up hope yet. Nicola x

debb · Post by **debb** » Wed Jul 23, 2003 7:11 pm

Many Thanks to all of you who replied. I do not know what I would do without this place. I feel a bit less anxious today and will try and relax whilst away! Again Cheers Debbie

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