The Over 40 Crowd

erjumper · Post by **erjumper** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 2:39 pm

Ladies,
Once again I am just eternally grateful for all of your caring and informative remarks/stories. After lying in bed for literally 2 and a half days just crying and having panic attacks one after the other, i've poked my head out once again. I've been so torn on what to do that I feel sick all the time and feel like my entire life is falling out from under me. This is my 3rd marriage. Yes, THIRD. The first time I was just 18 and that's what you were expected to do after graduating high school where I lived. We were married 10 years. He's a great person and we're still friends but we grew in TOTALLY different directions and nothing in common any longer. The 2nd was a complete mistake. He was a co-worker who befriended me during my divorce when he saw how much I was coming away with. (assets) Long story short...he became abusive in so many ways, was secretive, lied, and ultimately after I threatened to divorce him if he didn't get help he trumped me by emptying our house and all it's contents including pots and pans, dog, and non-perishable food while I was at work. He filed bankruptcy and wrote me off as a creditor after he had rung up 30,000 in education debt on our credit cards. I recoverred nothing and started again from scratch. So I guess i'm just scared shitless that something like that could happen again. That DH could be anything less than COMPLETELY honest with me....as I truly am with him.....invokes panic in me. So, off to a marriage counselor with hubby in agreement. Much wise advise i've received here and I just love you all for it. Sorry to take so long and run on and on and for being selfish right now.....I am wishing all well with continuing rising Betas, new BFP's after fast passing 2ww's, abundant EC's with healthy fertilization and transfer and for Debra.....grieve. There's just no other words.
Love and appreciate you all, thanks for being here,
Lisa

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 3:27 pm

Lisa

you are not selfish, we are all here fr you when you need us, that's what this group is all about

hugs and courage to you

love Jules

lara · Post by **lara** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 10:25 am

Tammy good luck at 12, can't wait to hear how it goes x

Anna good luck with your scan, let us know how that cyst is doing.

Randa fab to hear from you, sounds like you've been doing a lot of soul-searching, all good stuff. Very interested to hear about the ovarian cancer scare facts from your DH. I've always secretly been terrified of that. one friend died of cancer aged 38 and another got cervical cancer and just managed to survive so cancer floats about my consciousness, plus my stepfather died on Wednesday - also of cancer. Poor old Mum. It's good to know your DH has researched the IVF-cancer link and found it nothing to worry about. I know Ruth Picardy and others put their cancer down to IVF drugs - but there was no proof.

Bev good to see you're getting excited about your trip.

Debra, thinking of you.

I actually haven't done a test but I know I'm pg, but I don't want to get too into the idea so I'm blanking it - sounds very weird I know and my clinic actually phoned yesterday and started hassling me to do a test, so I will to keep them happy!

Anyway back to the grindstone of work, and then call my mum see if she wants me to go up there for the weekend - funeral's not til Wednesday.

Later,

Lara x

robyn · Post by **robyn** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 10:51 am

Well, I just got back from my scan and it seems as though with all these high doses of meds I am only producing 3 follies. It seems to be only slightly better than last time. I also started with a much higher FSH.

Tammy 12? WELL DONE. I pray for you!

Lara, Excellent news on your BFP.

Now more of us should be blessed. I really need PMA.
This post helps me cause last time I told a bunch of people than had to deal with the BFN and tell them when they all asked.
This time I didn't tell, well only two close friends. But i feel like my body is letting me down. anyway enough of my rambling.
my next scan is Mon and i'm looking at EC possibly Wed Thurs or Fri. At least my husband will still be here cause on the 24th he has to travel.

If it doesn't work this time I may try in the states next. Anyone have exp in the NY area?

All The Best
Robyn

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:17 am

Tammy, big day today, best of luck with EC.

Robyn, my last cycle showed low response with only 3 follies right up until EC when more appeared, good luck. Lisa has had tmt in NY so she might have an opinion on clinics there. Have you considered other European clinics? I assume IM (Barcelona) and ISIDA (Kiev) do far more than the DE programmes we talk about on here?

Lisa, we're here for when you want to sound off or just pound the keyboard with frustration. My mum has been married 3 times, she too feels embarrassed but we tell her it merely says that she's an optimist and is prepared to commit, unlike many.

Lara, test and have confirmation. We all know how not to get excited, tragic though that is. Sorry to hear your step-father died. Mine is the best thing to ever happen to my mum, I pray he outlives her (he's a lot younger but in so-so health condition so who knows).

My scan revealed what we already knew. The sac has shrunk from 9mm to 6mm today. The good news is I won't need a D&C as the Dr. thinks the m/c will happen naturally in the next 2 weeks, if not sooner. We discussed a medicated FET asap. DF and I want this all to finish but can't leave the frozen to perish. Looks like May/June as I'll need a natural AF inbetween. The 2 frozen embryos are of good-enough-to-freeze quality but one is only just so, he told us to expect to get perhaps only one through the thaw, if we get that. Great, we can start preparing ourselves for our next failure. I have organised a quarterly girls' night out tomorrow. Of the 7, 2 are heavily pg with No.2, I am about to m/c, one had an edd of mid-March but terminated at 22weeks in Nov after her scan showed Downs and heart problems, one has just failed her 2nd ivf, one was sectioned/hospitalsed with PND after the birth of her son 5yrs ago. The 7th has been off work for 5m with depression. Wahoo, what a night we're going to have!!!

Happy Friday people,
Debra.

robyn · Post by **robyn** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:20 am

UH Oh Just got a call from the lab and the sample my DH gave them earlier is not suitable for IVF. I can't understand how the sperm counts and quality can change so much. They are now reccommending ICSI. I know nothing about that and I feel like they just keep finding ways to charge more and more.

Jo1962 · Post by **Jo1962** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:39 am

Gosh, I never knew that either! I assumed DH's sperms would be more or less constant, unless he was ill or something. Your DH hasn't had a fever or been in the hot tub or sauna too long or anything has he?

Jo1962 · Post by **Jo1962** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:40 am

I know what you mean about the charging too...

how can a few vials of drugs be SO expensive? The drug companies really do have us over a barrel don't they...

Jo1962 · Post by **Jo1962** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:54 am

Dear Debra...

I am glad you are not having a D&C - I opted to go home and let it happen 'naturally' too and luckily it did a few days later. Not nice ... my heart goes out to you. It really, really does. Take good care, hon. Hope you and friends manage to laugh tonight.

We have one more try at IVF, when next AF starts. If that is not successful we will then call it a day too. Not what I want, but as DH says, I have to face facts. TBH If I won the lottery, I'd keep on going til my ovaries stopped responding, but I haven't won the lottery, and our pot is almost empty... DH very stressed about me, about finances and our future. I think it might be making him ill...

When I go to the shopping mall I see so many (to be blunt) careless slappers swearing at their kids and knocking ciggie ash on their hopeless little heads and I try not to feel bitter. But I do. I avoid the baby stuff aisles in boots and the supermarket, I just feel so empty and sad. I have a very old friend (known her since we were 5) who has had 4 abortions and 3 kids by various diff dads and is on her own again and quite a hopeless mum (always following her passion first instead of thinking of the kids) ... I have started avoiding her phonecalls as I have started feeling very angry towards her and then feel so guilty.

Whoever said that life was fair ...

robyn · Post by **robyn** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:08 pm

No DH has not been ill or in any hottubs, at least not that i'm aware. It was explained that it would take 3 months for sperm quakity to rise if it is only temp. I never thought of this as a worry but now it seems just another obstacle to overcome.
Debra i'm so sorry to hear the news. It must horrible to just wait! It is good to go out with friends and keep busy. lots of hugs.
Tammy hope EC went well!
As far as other clinics in Europe i never really gave it much thought. I don't think i would consider DE. at least not yet.
Good w/e to everyone.
Robyn

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:43 pm

Robyn. I've not expressed what I meant. There are clinics in Europe that have had success with people on here and so I wondered if you'd considered them before the US? Most of the people went there for DE but they're regular IVF clinics.

Debra.

teachertam · Post by **teachertam** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 8:16 pm

Hello Ladies:

I am still a bit groggy from the anesthesia.

Lara: Sorry to hear about your stepfather.

I had 12 eggs collected today during EC. My doctor was pleased, as were DH and I. My doctor said that he was hoping for 8 eggs. We decided to be very aggressive with this cycle. We are having 8 eggs fertilized and 4 eggs frozen. My doctor will not freeze embryos, so we will be transferring back all embryos that make it to day 5 blastocyst stage. We are hoping to have 4 or 5 embies to transfer back on Wednesday, 3/22.

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm still a bit groggy.

Take care,
Tammy

lara · Post by **lara** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 8:20 pm

Debra, what a drag, I'm sorry. But as you'd said, you'd prepared yourself for the worst, which was brave. I'm glad you're not having a D&C, I've had a few and they're not good. I had to give a hollow laugh when I read the guest list for your girls' night out. Fun fun fun. I tell you though, my friends are just as motley a crew when it comes to fertility, children and health. It's not an easy thing. A woman dies every minute in child birth. That's cheering, isn't it?
Well, you're right I should do the test, although, nothing would happen until 7 week scan. Anyway, I haven't had time today and DP's away and feel like waiting for him to get back from Liv. Another excuse... I just don't feel very pg, I've got this feeling I'm gonna be following in your footsteps.

Robyn this last cycle DP's sperm were not up to their usual standard, 16mil instead of 20mil per whatever it is, and the lab crew discussed the possibility of ICSI, then advised us to go ahead because after washing they were all going the right way, or something. But I trusted them, and I would have done ICSI if they'd recommended it. DP was very exhausted and tired and run down, and that's why his sperm count was down. It really does vary for men because they make them fresh all the time. You have to stuff them with vitamins and fresh food and send them to bed early. Yeah, right!
I would have done IVF in America if I could have afforded it there. The results are much higher than in the UK. ISIDA in Ukraine wouldn't take me on with my own eggs - but I am older than you (44) so they're worth a try as Debra suggested.

Jo I understand how you feel about people taking their children for granted, it's really painful to see when it's something one wants so much for oneself, and would treasure. But that's human nature I guess. We take water for granted and splash it all over the place when thousands upon thousands of children in Africa would trade their very souls for a drink. You don't appreciate what you got, til you ain't got it.

Tammy, Gail, hope everything's okay.

Lara

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 8:43 pm

Tammy, 12 eggs is a phenomenal number, well done. I hope the 8 do really well and give you lots of choice for ET. I guess it's a little odd, sitting here in very restrictive Norway, to think of having so many transferred back. The UK is discussing only allowing one embie to be put back! Can I ask what's behind your Dr's refusal to freeze embies? I assume it can't be religion, it's the wrong field for personal ethics surely? Does he believe there are better success odds this way? No matter, I hope you feel better tomorrow and I'll be watching for your news.

Jo and Lara, thanks for your comments. I'm dreading it starting but the Dr did say today it wouldn't be markedly more than a heavy period. Mine are usually pretty light and mostly pain free so I suspect I'm in for a shock.

Debra.

gailbunny · Post by **gailbunny** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 10:41 pm

Well done Tammy 12 eggs. Hope they are a great sucess for you. Your very brave to have as many as you can put back. Why wont doc freeze embryo.

Robyn I only had 3 follies and was on a very high dose. We managed three eggs at EC. So dont give up hope PMA PMA. Soz to here of Sperm test though. DP had to have his test done a month before start of meds.

Debra think I would have opted to let things happen naturally too, hope mc happens quickly and doesn't cause too much disruption.

Lara hope your BFP continues to be strong PMA.

Jo Anna hope all goes well

Gail

The Over 40 Crowd

Advertisements