Pheonixes Rising

[Julie2039]

Hi All

Just a quick check in to catch up. Hope your weekends are going well. No time for personals I am afraid. DH's birthday today and we are going for a drive out and having a meal somewhere.

MLG and Lola - sending HUGE amounts of baby dust to you both and have everything crossed for you. Can't believe we will have TWO BFP in the next few weeks!!!!!!! and GAIL, you won't be far behind them girl. Hope AF comes quick and everything goes to plan for you. PMA to all. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx




Hi to everyone else, will post personals tomorrow.

Bye for now
Julie xxx

[NickiMark]

Ive still got my cold, feel like ****!!!

[gailp]

Lets hope its all out the way by the time you go away. Its not fair is it.

[NickiMark]

I sure as hell hope its gone by the time we travel, I always seem to be ill on hols, either that or AF comes on!!! Arghhhh!!!

Not really feeling much better, will get an early night to night, got work tomorrow, cant take time off so just better get on with it huh????

Oh well, parhaps i'll feel better soon.......

I am cross with dh, for bring this virus to this house, btw he's better!!!!

[luby]

Hi Girlies

I'm back, although didn't end up going to my mums in France (long story) I have been staying at my sisters since Thursday, came back home last night. Things haven't been going too good for me at home so I just needed a break. I just wanted to get away, even though my sis only lives 20 mins away, it was nice. The thing is though, I've just come back to it all. I've been feeling very unhappy for a while now, my boyf just says it's because of everything i've been through in last year, yes it is probably a big part of it, but I really have to question how I feel about my relationship, I just don't feel the same, I'm sure I'm in-love anymore. My boyf says if we do IVF and we get a Positive, then it will make things different, I will feel different, but I'm not so sure.? Yes I will be so happy about the pos, but will I feel better towards my relationship, I don't think so...!

I want a baby more than anything in the world and will do anything, but is it fare to stay with someone just because you want their baby, I feel thats the only reason I'm staying with him, and thats not fare on anyone is it.? I don'y believe this is just a phase I'm going through because we've been together 5 years and I know how I feel, I have fallen out of love.

The thing is, If I knew I had all the time in the world to have children, it would be a different matter, but I don't, I have been told I am going through early menopause, therefore I might not have the use of my own eggs for long, and I really want my own baby, sorry if that sounds insensative to those who have to use egg donor or sperm donor.

I just don't know what to do, do I stay and be unhappy but a chance I get my baby, or do I leave and maybe never get the chance to have my own baby and look at Egg donor when the time comes. Or do I go through with it and be a single mum, I know I could do it. Aaarrggghhhhhh I really don't know. I have been crying all weekend, i feel very sad for feeling this way, but I can't help it, I've felt like this for a while now and its just getting worse.

Sorry for posting about personal matters but family seem to tell you what they think you want to hear, but you ladies don't know me personally so maybe you can give m your view on this. I hope you don't think I'm being a *****, I can't help how I feel, believe me I've tried and tried to find that love but I can't, I love him but I'm not in-love him anymore. Can you ever get that back....???????????????

I'll probably regreat posting this, but I'm doing it anyway, I really hope you don't think any less of me.......???????????????

Lucy

[Danie454]

Hello Lucy,

I read your post and I felt like I was snooping in a diary or something.
I would like to add my 2 cents if you don’t mind. You sound like you are really looking for something.

Being that I don’t know you personally I have to ask you if you think its possibly the emotions and the stress from everything making you feel this way.

I have been married for 8 years now and we have our in and outs or ups and downs however you want to call them. But it always comes back to normal at some point.

You have to step out of the situation emotionally and really take a good look at it. Does he make you feel loved and happy? Can you imagine yourself growing old together? Then it’s possible that the stress is getting to you and your feeling this way because of your fertility situation.

But if the thought of growing old with him makes you sick. And you picture someone else’s face when you’re seeing with someone in the future then your probably not just being emotional.

As far as having a baby goes. It sounds like he is very supportive and loving. Perhaps he would want to be a donor either way!

What ever your decision I hope you find peace and happiness because life is to short to be unhappy!

Danielle

[MLG]

Feeling a bit down today, PMA is deflating.
Tomorrow am going for more bloods. If e2 levels are stabilizing then will be having trigger shot and ET will probably be on Thursday. I’m feeling scared, don’t want to go through all this (especially EC and ET) again for no reason. I know this is not true but am afraid of another BFN. To make things worse I have HUGE amounts of work to do tomorrow and only half a day to do it in! Will probably only leave work at 10 pm!
Well, have to look at the positive side: I’ll be on holiday (alone ) the next day, and for 1,5 weeks. Have to believe it’ll be a BFP

xxxxx

[lolajones]

MLG

try and stay positive my love!
If Thursday is your ET is the same day as me!!
Enjoy your rest and keep believin' young dude!!

Sending you express delivery Super 5 Star PMA

Lola
xxx

[Julie2039]

Hi Lucy

How you feeling this morning hun? Danielle is right, you need to detach yourself emotionally to get a clearer picture on things. The testing question, taking the baby out of the equation, is how would you feel without him. The saying "you can't live with them/can't live without them" can be so true.

In a previous relationship I was the same, loved him but not in love and then I turned to really disliking him and left but I knew the reasons. Is it not possible that all you are going through is affecting your judgement?

Without going too deep into my life when we received the news about being infertile it brought us closer then ever before until we disagreed over certain aspects of treatment and then it nearly drove us apart. My DH took close to 14 months to decide to proceed and I was ready. I have never said this to him but god did I resent him for that. I never let him know how I felt, I had to support him and to this day he doesn't know what went thro my mind. It affected our marriage quite severly at the time, for me, and looking back on it I feel like I was a total *****. He needed time, more time than I ever imagined, and I just didn't understand. We are now stronger than ever before.

What I am trying to say is that our infertility and desperation for a child has some kind of affect on all our relationships, even only for a short time. Men are deep/don't talk - are you questining whether he wants it as much as you etc?

I know from what you say the ultimate is the baby and it is possible if you picture yourself holding your child and coping alone that it will push him out of the picture and you will feel that you don't need him when you do.

On the otherhand if you know for certain and are only staying for your chance to have your own natural child only you can decide. It sounds from what you say that you have spoken to your Boyf about your feelings. Have you asked him what it will be like and how he will feel if you stay, get BFP and it doesn't work out?

When you get a BFP it could make all the difference to you both but you need to try adn resolve it so you are fit and ready for your next treatment....Good luck x

[Julie2039]

MLG - How are you this morning? Full of the joys of spring I hope and looking forward to your rest from work!! Good luck with your appointment today and roll on Thursday. Get your work out of the way this afternoon hun, get your feet up tonight and dream of that BFP coming your way. I can feel it. You and Lola are the first two girls this year and you are goin to set a precedent for the rest of us.

Sending you MAMMOTH amounts of baby dust and PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Julie2039]

Morning ladies!

Hope you all had a good weekend. I had a quietish one. DH birthday was nice, we had nice meal out and then some friends called later. Work is a total drag at the moment. Up in the air. One minute we are being taken over, then next minute we're not, we are either moving offices or closing down fullstop. I know my boss is appying for new jobs but I am not supposed to know that so cannot discuss anything with him so I am totally uncertain about my future here and I love my job

Lola - Good luck Thursday!!! How ya feelin? Hope you are positive positive postive!!!

Nikki - Hi! How's your cold? Hope you are feeling better and you have a luvvverrrllll anniversay and enjoy Dublin.

Gail - Congrats on new job!!! Know what they say, new job, new baby!!!! Any signs of AF?

Jen - How are you, not the same without you on here. Hope your life isn't too hectic. Have a fantabulous holiday and enjoy the rest.

Rachel - Great news re consultant!! Roll on April

Kate/Macca/Bobs - Hows you doin?

Lis - Where are you babe? Hope you are ok . Any decision on Rome? x

[gailp]

Lucy I have pm’d you.

MLG sending you lots of PMA, hope ET is Thursday, then the dreaded 2ww.

Julie your work problems seem to be dragging on, hope its sorted out soon. It must seem worse where you love your job, fingers crossed it all settles down for you soon. I was thinking new job, new baby to, especially as it looks as if im due to start my new job when I think ET might be. At least I will have other things to think about on the 2ww. AF not arrived yet, not due until tomorrow and I can often be up to 2 weeks late, however judging by the horrendous stomach pains I am having at the moment I hope it will be sooner rather than later.

How are you feeling Nicki ?

Hows the house hunting going Jen

Lola how are you feeling, only a couple of days until ET.

[MLG]

Hiya Flame Buddies

Feeling better today! Even though most of my news is not that great:
- Work - was so tired today, after all I've been through at work and tmt, that I decided (and got approval) to finish tomorrow morning. That way I leave for hols and the rest of tmt feeling better.
- Tmt – my e2 levels are still rising, so EC will not be Thursday. Have more bloods tomorrow, if it has levelled out then maybe EC on Friday (and ET on Sunday or Monday). At least one more day! Besides, since levels are more-or-less the same as last time, am afraid of having OHSS again. As long as it’s not worse than last time, I can take it!

Thanks Lola, Gail and Julie for your PMA. It worked!

Julie – Must be complicated it being so unsure at work, especially since you enjoy it. Hope all goes well.

Gail – New Job = New baby sounds good! Wishing it for you. How you feeling?

Lucy – Don’t know what to say hun. Danielle’s advice sounds good, think what it’ll be like without DP and what the far future will be with him. This is such an emotional rollercoaster that it’s easy to get derailed. Hope you come to a conclusion soon.

Lola – Love, ET on Thursday! Cryobabes almost coming to Mama! Wonderful! It’s your cycle!!!!! (Mine too I hope) BFP for us!

Hi Nicki, Feeling better?

Jen – Hope you’re OK? How is work? And house- hunting?

Hi to everyone else. Have a good week, and don’t forget – PMA!!!!!

xxxxx


16th March – Lucy going to visit mum in France
20th March--Lola scan for ET date
23rd March--NICKI going to Dublin, for wedding Anniv.
22nd-31st March - MLG - Holidays for EC and ET
24th March-3rd April--JEN-- Skiing hols 8 days in France.

3rd April-LISA--Mamma Mia
6th April--LISA--Nursing consultation
15th-22nd April--JULIE- Holidays in Wales.
17th April--Jen's DF away working.
24th April-- Lola exam
April--LUCY- starting tmt.

17th May--JEN-- Ani
26thMay-- NICKI on hols in Ireland
May--JEN---starts tmt.
May--LISA- going to see Little Britain.

July--LISA--starting tmt.
July--JULIE-- starting 1st ICSI tmt.
8th Aug--LISA--wedding ani
8th Sept--NICKI--seeing Robbie in concert!
9th Sept--JULIE & PENNY-- seeing our Robbie in concert!
2nd Oct-- NICKI--31st birthday!!!
25th Oct - MLG - 3rd Wedding Anniv.
26/27 Oct - JULIE - Healthfarm!!
2 Dec - JULIE - Mamma Mia

[luby]

Sorry about my last email, I read it back and know it was a bit deep for a general forum, I'm not sure what to do or even to think at min, but I know this isn't the place for this so I apologise, thanks for the advice though, I know you can't tell someone what they should do in situations like this, they have to figure it out for them selves.

Danille - I will PM you today.!

MLG - Glad your feeling better today, great that your finishing tomorrow, wow EC on Thurs or Fri, can't believe how quick this had come round. Keep up the PMA you'll be fine.

Gail and Julie - I will also PM you Hun's, thanks.

Well I hope everyone is Ok.

Lucy

[Kate21]

Hi Girls,

Been on a bit of a downer at the moment - asking the usual questions in my head of 'what if I never get pregnant?... and generally feeling quite negative. I really don't know what to think at the moment, all I do know is I just want to get pregnant (don't we all?!!!).

Anyway, I'm awaiting a phone call from my clinic to tell me when we can start our next FET. Hopefully April which will coincide nicely with my easter hols.

Lucy - how you doing? Can't really offer any other advice than what you have been given. All I will say is that you have to go with your gut feeling, infertility takes its toll on all of us in different ways but if you really don't love someone then the relationship really isn't going to work. Would it be fair on DP to stay with him and have his baby only then to turn around 6mths/1 year or more later and tell him you don't love him and that you can't stay together? Good luck!

Nicki - hows the cold?!

MLG - good luck for friday and your EC

Lola - good luck for thursday, hope it all goes well.

Hi to everyone I missed!

Kate