Baby Blues

[Sher8]

I cannot believe I am writing this after having such wonderful luck with IVF. Those who do not know me, I had a baby girl, Siena, just seven weeks ago.

I just read the post natal depression posting and am not sure I have anything too extreme, but I will say that I am terribly bored and need social interaction. My days seem to drag at times and I am even considering looking for part-time work. I just cannot explain the feelings I am having. They are not suicidal, but just completely drained. Siena is such a good baby and sleeps well. She is pretty easy once she got through some digestive system/gassy problems. Still happens sometimes. Things seem to be going smooth, but I feel that I am missing something. Maybe it is the gray weather or time of year? I just want to confirm that this feeling is normal. Sometimes I just want to cry, especially in the later afternoon when I am missing my husband.

Having both sets of parents out of town does not seem to help much, but I joined a local MOMS Club and think the support there will be helpful.

Does or has anyone felt this way and if you have, does it get better? I am hoping things get better in the warmer weather and when Siena begins to interact a bit more.

Your comments are appreciated.

Thanks,
Sher8

[Jackie S]

Hello Sher

I am Jackie and I started the Post NAtal Depression thread. My experiences are a bit different from yours but I feel the isolation and overwelmed.

To try and help you I must say that Joshua as been interacting for quite a while now and it is amazing. He is such a happy baby and people say that I must be doing something right. That time will be here for you very soon too.

I haven't had the courage to join a mum and toddler group yet, but I have asked my friends little girl who is 12 if she wants to come round and play with Joshua after school once a week. -Little steps.

I have only been apart from Joshua for about 10 hours altogether. I was so desperate yesterday and I feel so guilty I Love being a mum, I love Joshua more than I could ever of thought I could be capable but I wish he would sleep during the day so I could have 5 minutes break.

You need to do what is right for you and Sienna, maybe a couple of afternoons a week working is what you both need. Its easy to say but hard to take in but you ARE still a person, and individual and she would rather have a few hours away from you if you were happy. (Maybe I should try and take my own advice...)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is you are not a bad person, PND is very common in assisted conception. I think I found that we had gone through so much to have our baby that I couldn't really believe it would happen, even when I was pregnant. Then when he was here and the initial joy had settled down and we got into day-to-day things I realised I was scared of him. I feel like I have let him down in some way.

Try talking to your husband hopefully he will encourage you, maybe by giving you an evening out with your friends while he stays at home with the baby. My friend works 3 evenings a week for 4 hours at a time and her husband looks after their son. He is so close to his dad and not at all affected by it, in fact he is so confident. Maybe this could be an option in the future?

Hope you start to feel better really soon. Take care, I am here to chat to if you need to.

Jackie

[Susie]

I've PM'd you hun

[k]

Hi Sher

Im sorry to hear you are feeling down. Ive 2 friends who both suffered from PND. One was my best friend and she suffered in silence for a while. (She never discussed it with me and I cant believe she managed to keep it from me. I feel awful when I think about it now that I didnt even realise). I think its more common than we think and its just not talked about. Hopefully things are changing now, especially with some celebrites now coming out and talking about how they have suffered from it.
I do know what you mean about the days appearing to drag sometimes and it doesnt help when the weather is bad, because you are more likely to stay in and feel isolated. I do find meeting up with other mums helps me as well. Its good to talk to others who are going through the same experiences. I dont think you can apreciate what a life changing event having a baby is until after its born. Even though its the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, I do sometimes feel overwhelmed, especially with knowing that I am responsible for her and worry about if I am a good enough mother for her.
Take care of yourself.
Love kim

[Kim]

Dear Sher8

I felt exactly the same as you for about the first 8 weeks after Thomas was born. The boredom and loneliness really got me down. As Thomas started doing more ( especially when he started really smiling ) things started getting easier. I then started baby massage classes when Thomas was 12 weeks old and it was great meeting other mums - me and Thomas both really enjoyed the classes.
I still had my low days ( usually when I didn't get out of the house ) but now I'm back at work Mondays and Tuesdays ( I went back when Thomas was 8 months old ) I feel much more complete as a person. I also appreciate Thomas and the time we spend together a lot more after being away from him for a couple of days a week.
I think because we've been through IVF and succeeded when so many others have failed it makes us feel guilty if we don't feel completely fulfilled by being with our babies 24 hours a day.
It does get easier and once you start getting out and about and talking to other mums you'll feel so much better.

Take care

Kim xxx

[Sher8]

Thank you for all your feedback! I did contact my doctor and will be getting this checked out. It is reassuring to know that others have been and gotten through this. I feel guilty and did tell DH about it. It was just too hard to hide. I cry a couple times a day right now. The good news is that summer is around the corner and the weather will be warming up. I believe that I need to get out of the house more and that will be medicine in itself.

I agree, IVF can make this baby very special to us and I might be feeling some of that also.

I will be in touch with any updates, but it looks like my husband's parents may be coming in from out of town to help me through whatever this is. . .

Sher8