I am really looking for some words of advice and comfort tonight. As some of you will know we got a BFN on Sunday after our second round of IUI. I thought I was dealing with it really well and haven't cryed at all this time around. The only problem is that today I feel absolutley crap and have been really taking it out on DH. I feel like a mega mega dose of the worse PMT possible. Nothing is right and I keep flying off the handle for no reason. I feel almost like I need to either throw lots of things around or like on the floor and have a childish screaming tantrum. I don't know if this is the delayed grieve over the treatment or whether it is a side effect of the meds that I have been taking. All day I have known that I am being a mega ***** but can't help myself. I tried to explain to DH, but he doesn't seem to understand so I was hoping that you would be able to help.
Has anyone else felt like this and is it normal? I just feel so down and can't seem to understand why we have to keep going through this in order to have a family. DH keeps saying if it is meant to be it will work and if not we have each other. Having been infertile for 10 years and then offered this chance I think I really want it to work and can't understand why it won't as I think we would make excellant parents.
And now the tears have started. Maybe I was just trying to be too brave when I should have just given into the tears on Sunday instead of bottling it up.
Thank you so much to all of you for being here and reading my rants.
I'm so sorry about your BFN. When my treatment failed last year I was absolutley devastated. It took quite a few months to be back to my normal self which shocked me but I guess everyone is different and handling things in different ways. I think it's a mixture of grief and the side effects from the drugs. I sometimes think we don't realise what we are putting our bodies through. As for DH I'm sure deep down he does understand and is also upset. My Dh used to get upset at seeing how heartbroken I was. I also felt guilty as there are so many brave ladies on here that have gone through IVF time and time again and have had the heartbreak of m/c's but still pick themselves up and carry on.
If you want to cry, rant and rave or smash things up then do it. After what you have been through you deserve to. Try not to bottle it up. If DH is still having probs with it all get him to read some of these posts that may help. Don't be too hard on him for one he's a man and they express themselves in totally different ways to us. Give him a big hug.
This is my second go and I'm finding it hard to be positive but I think it's a defence thing. Take sometime for yourself and go and get some pampering.
Sending you a big hug
Take care hon
Clairxx
Me -31
DH - 35
1st Attempt IVF Aug/Sept 05= BFN
Next cycle with ICSI, hopefully April 2006 = BFN
Hydrosalphinx being removed in November. ICSI next year. Last chance saloon!
Angela, I am with u honey.... Your post is familar to me, I felt like that on failed iui no2 and no3, it hurts like crazy. and dh says the same, stuff too, if it's meant to happen it will and iff not we are still strong!!!!
I totally understand, hugs to you.
But I do know if u let it bog u down too much you come obsessed with it and then it'll never happen, thats why we took time out to chill before trying iui no4.....
As u know IUI No4 is in June, this will be the last try before IVF......
Angela, I am sending you big cyber hugs ok x xx
TTC 6yrs......Have jumped off the rollercoaster for now, too many BFN's and too much heartache, to keep going....Moving on to fulfil other dreams!!!
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