Grrrr!! Boss from hell!!

[Corinna]

Morning girlies!!

I just wanted to have a rant!! If I don't then I'm likely to say something to my boss that I'll really regret!

I have been at my current job only 6 months. I previously worked for a competitor compnay for 2 years but was unhappy. I got "poached" by the compnay I work for now and they offered me a job with them! Although I was really keen, I knew I was going to have to be totally upfront with them about the IVf thing and told them at my interview what my intentions were, giving them the opportunity to back out of hiring me. They said that it wasn't a problem. I have also saved enough holidays this year for when I need days off, etc. (We're starting treatment in July).

I spoke to my boss earlier to tell him that I am going to the docs tomorrow to organise my referel to the clinic. He suddently said that "he wasn't happy with it" and that "he has invested in me!". He also said that "he hopes its not going to involve any time off work".

I'm so upset and mad!! I never hid anything from them at any point. If I'd have known it was going to be a problem, I'd have stayed at my old job!! They assured me at the time that it wasn't. Now I've got the stress of IVF AND the stress of my boss not being happy with me and moaning everytime I have to go to the clinic, etc.

I'm so mad!! I even suggested to DH that we should delay treatment but he doesn't think we should (I REALLY don't want to either ). He said that I was honest with them, so they'll just have to live with it.

What do I do???

[chellejaya]

Don't you dare delay treatement!!!

Sorry Corinna to hear you are not getting the support from your boss, that you thought you would receive.

Have you asked him why he was ok with this initially and not now? Is there any chance you can get your old job back? You poor thing.

I am unsure of the laws for pre-pregnancy although once you are pregnant, your company have to allow you time off for any appointments.

If you have saved up holiday for treatment then you sound to me as if you are being very fair. Your boss sounds like a pig.

I wouldn't let it go and certainly do not let him bully you into delaying.

Good Luck

Chellejaya xxx

[Macca8]

Corinna,

What an ass he is. I was the manager of a medium sized company until last September. My bosses weren't great with my IVF situation and I was honest with them. I worked for them for 5 years.
I always had my bloods and scans done at 0700-0730 so I wasn't late for work. The thing was they wouldn't have known if I hadn't been so bloody honest because my bosses were based in London anyway. But you're probably like me, you wanted to go into this with all the cards on the table and the least amount of stress possible.
In the end I decided to take a career break for 1 year. I probably won't go back to them either.

If I were you, I would just lie now. Tell them you're not doing it until after Christmas, tell you have to save up for it first or something like that and then call in sick, dentist appt, doctors appt, whatever when you need to be out. Tell your clinic you need your scans early and they'll accomodate I'm sure. The job is not worth it and they won't do anything about it anyway. Stick to your plans and do what's best for you and hubby and when you get pregnant (and you will), give them the 2 fingers.

Lisa XX

[Eminde]

Corinna

Whatever you do, don't delay treatment; no job is worth that. Poor you having to go through this. Is there anyone in HR you could talk to explaining the situation? Your boss has no right to act like this, I believe. I also used to be worried about taking time off work and had all my scans at 07:00. After last ET was back straightaway in the office. So you maybe you won't need to take that much time off anyway. Lisa's idea is great - do it anyway but don't let them know. Unforeseen things can happen though. I got OHSS in Feb and had to have 2 weeks off work. I worried like anything but at the end of the day you getting pregnant is the most important thing.

Good luck!!

Eminde xx

[CarolynB]

Hi Corinna

He is being such as arse. Firstly they poached you. Secondly you very honestly told them the truth about what you are going through. And thirdly - everyone I work with has time of for dr, dentist etc etc including no doubt your boss.

You must carry on with your treatment - it is so much more important than your job & some daft boss.

I have been trying to do bloods/scans at 7am so I miss less time but it is not always possible. If I get asked too many questions then I just tell my boss it is ladies issues and he runs away from me

I know that it is tough but try not to let work stress you out too much.

He'll be paying you for maternity leave before too long!

Take care.
carolyn xx

[angelamw]

Hi Corina

Sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your boss. It is always a dilema whether to tell the truth or just make up excuses for time off work. I work for a very old fashioned private members club with Dh. The committee that run the club are so old fashioned they would have a dicky fit if they new what I was doing. So far DH has been able to cover for me and most of my appointments have been for before work.

What is most important is that you stick to the treatment. If you delay it for work you will always ask yourself what if? and the job isn't worth that.

Hope you get on alright
angela

[Claire]

Hi Corina,

Your boss is a pig - DO NOT delay tmt because of him.
I agree with Lisa, don't say anything else now, just ring in sick, go to the dentist etc when you need time off. You've been so honest with them and it's made no difference, so stuff 'em.
It really bugs me this kind of stuff.
I wish companies would wake up and realise that fertility tmt is medical and is as important as anything else to the people involved. They'd think you wanted time off to do something nice! They've no idea.
I'm one of the lucky ones because my boss couldn't have been more understanding. And because of that I try extra hard to sort things around work.
Good luck Corina, hope it all works out for you.
x

[jan33]

Hi Corrina,

Another vote your boss gets from me for "Pig of the Year"! Unreal. I agree with the girls previous...just tell them dentist, doctor, etc if you need time off work. At the end of the day, it's NONE of their business...AT ALL! It was nice of you to let them know up front, but I guess they don't value honesty and integrity in their employees.

I agree with you seeking HR assistance...here in Canada, the way your boss is treating you is pretty near to harassment for us. My boss would NEVER get away with that (although she would never be like that anyhow).

DO NOT DELAY treatment! It's not worth it...and I agree ....once you get preggers, it's the two finger salute for him!

Take care,

Jan

[Mel_P]

OMIGOD! I just read your post and felt LIVID!

I cannot believe what a total pig a*se of the year your boss is. Delay treatment? Dont be completely crazy. Suck up all that energy of yours and take that p**** boss of yours to a complaints authority.

I cant even believe that you had taken all the extra trusting steps in advance told them at the interview and are saving up your ANNUAL leave days off. (hey, I would triple check your contract. No sick or special leave days in there for health? Coz you should be using those.)

SECONDLY since when did fertile woman have to go to their bosses and tell them they were planning on conceiving. It is NOT FAIR and your p***k boss is totally victimising you. Does he go to his boss and tell them is going to have sex with his wife and there might be kids as a result? NO.

This is YOUR private affair. You have done them a huge favour already by being open with them. What a betrayal of your trust.

You have EVERY right to be(come) a mother, and to not be victimised or punished in your career by arse hole employers.

Corinna, you are a strong person, and the infertility you have gone through has made you a stronger and more determined person. Stick it to him where it hurts!

You dont need this stress, there are things that are important in life, and dont let that rat worm of a human being bring you down about this.


M

[Corinna]

Thanks everyone. Your replies mean a lot!

Nothing has been mentioned by my boss since the last time we spoke. I've started drinking my 2 litres of water a day to get me as healthy as possible for the treatment. My boss said the other day "on detox are you? Whats all that about?" (knowing full well why!!). I didn't say anything.. It wasn't worth a response in my book.

As far as I am concerned, I've told him what I'm doing and I'm not telling him anymore. I will try and get scans and appointments out of work hours (cos I'd do that anyway..), but I intend to rest and take it easy during my 2ww (if I get that far.. ).

He is a complete tit, so the 2 finger salute it is if/when I get pregnant!! Can't wait!!

Thanks everyone!!