Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[Walshy]

FAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK is all I can manage to say about Ms Lola Beans results............

Lola I am sorry that you didn't get the BFP that you and everyone of us were hoping for.......

I was sure you would be the first of us to get the BFP....I hoped up early for work to check the site to see the results......

Take time to heal my friend and I am sure good things will come to those who wait..

We are all hear for you and are sending mountain loads of love your way....

Walshy

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hello Bight Beams of Light.... girlies so bright I gotta where shades....

Well my Luv'ahs, tis this season to travel back to winter! Woke up this mornin to a snow covering... doesn't the big weatherman in the sky know that it is April 5th? How is the Easter Bunny supposed to come in this chilly breeze? Have to admit, it did look rather beautiful... tear for mother earth.

Am having new lease on life! Didn't get a chance to fill you in on mad yoga weekend. Beryl is very cool.. kinda weird to have a famous yogi telling me that my downward facing dog looks great, but so friggin cool!! Aywho's... we were talking about yoga philosophy and yoga sutra stuff. And Beryl brought up the point about people who live for the "if only's"- you know these people- if only I had a new house I would be happy, if only I had a new job I would be happy, if only I could lose 15 pounds I would be happy, and.......... if only I had a baby I would be happy... (sound familiar??) NOT that I am comparing a new house to a baby... but you know what I am saying. It all comes down to living in the present moment. At this moment that I have right now- look at all I do have and appreciate the place I am in. Be happy now. Why not? New mission for me!! Total attitude makeover. Present moment acceptance and appreciation. La, la, la.... fiddle-dee-dee.

Lola Cola- How's silver lining today? Bigger? Smaller? Hopin the positives continue for my friend, but don't hold back if you need to yell, kick and scream. We know how this game plays. up, down... round, round. Demetrio is on standby for punching bag duty if needed. And remember if you need a smile... she's a laday, oh, oh, oh.. she's a laday....

Little R- hello my sunshine hoarding friend! Hm, stealing it away again- you are stingy with the rays! Anything new and exciting in your land of luvin? I know what you mean about the killer wait during the week between episodes of Grey's (especially that hot to trot vet has come into town!) .. I actually look forward to Sunday nights now!

Walshy- Hey Ho!! Have no fear about DH's lack of interest in Grey's- my husband would never watch something like that either.. too much like a soap for him, he thinks it will effect his masculinity!

Jen's- waiting sailing by?? As Lola said- due to the disaster that my failed FET was and her negative result--- you have to get a positive!! It is a definite now... Odds are backin you up on this one sweetie-pie huney buns.

On my way for yummy highly charged caffienated steamy hot beverage..

rollin with the homeys,
Steph

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

Steph - I'm not happy you are teasing me about having coffee, hope your not going to Starbucks?

Lola - How are you feeling my love. It's great your trying to stay positive but don't be too brave, we all need a good cry at times and you know where we are when you need one. Huge hugs are flying down to you.

Little R and Walshy - Any news from the sunshine girls of the Buds. I'm jealous, its so cold here. I want some sun, send me a few rays, please.

Well our friend rang last night to say they had their little girl last night. This is the friend who showed me round their nursery and hadn't planned this pregnancy, it was an accident,aaarrrhhhhh .
Anyway i am really pleased for them, but don't know how i will cope if we don't get good news in 11 days. It will be so hard to visit them.

Have been trying to stay positive and visualise Pebbles and Bambam growing down under. The wait seems to be going on forever and we are not even half way there yet. I wish they could tell me the news now instead of all this crap waiting.

The good news is that we are going away tomorrow until Sunday to Gleneagles Hotel. Its so luxurious and i'm going to relax, eat nice healthy food and get pampered.

Does anyone know if its ok to have massages or if i should avoid certain ones just now?

Love as always

Jen x

[lolajones]

hey lovely ladies

Its a beautiful day here in London - sunny but cold and clear.
Y'know Steph you are right. I feel like my life is on hold, me n dh have been waiting and all prepared to start a family for 3 years and subconsciously put loads of stuff on hold. It sort of happens by stealth.
Getting this bfn was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders - is wierd. I'm sort of sad I'm not pregnant but am relieved to have my body back and not worry about whats going on, next appointment, next hurdle etc. I do want children and I still have the why me anger to call on at will but I want to move on a bit and do other stuff too.
Is early days but will probably wait a good few months before starting again.
I'm going to take up Yoga again (sans anal breathing ) and go back to pilates and start walking to work. heh heh, this all smacks of new years resolution rubbish....
So Jemla on sexy weekend away - NO SEX! Zita decrees!!! Have a fantastic time being pampered and gets loads of rest!! You have to prepare for your bfp celebrations!

Steph live for the moment should be our super duo catchphrase! I have decided I want a sort of cat woman outfilt - is ok? Thanks for reminding me of Shes a Ladeh! Its now this weeks theme tune!

My lovely little R thank you for all your kindness, you are a true friend! The presentation went ok - tough crowd but did manage to get a few laughs and only swore once (and not even a class A word) so SCORE!

And Missie La Walsheroo Fark n erse indeedo, cheedos. We'll all get there. Some of us will just take longer You, on the other hand will be up the duff next cycle - its a given, sweetcheeks.

Righto m'lasses, am off to take charge of things
Seize the Day!!!

Love, Lola
xxxxx

[Inhale, Exhale]

Lola Nutter!!!!
You are reading my mind... either that or Demmy is slipping you my secrets!!

I was just thinking this morning how relieved I am for another month to have my body to do as I want... yoga, step, margarita's- all the important stuff Then you mirror my thoughts out loud.

I am to the point that I am looking forward for this next cycle to be over so I can move on with life again. I tell you a secret ... I was actually thinking I hope we don't have any frozens this time so this next cycle can be my last... terrible huh! I guess I am to the end of the line, the final straw, hanging on by a thread.. I want my life back! I want to be the person I was before I started this process- my friends have started to tell me lately that they are worried about me- they don't see the fire in me anymore, they miss the Steph I used to be... I miss the Steph I used to be!!
And my biggest confession of all.... I have actually been thinking lately that I may not even want kids.. I am not sure if this is defense mechanism kickin in or if that is truly how I feel..... you gals know how it goes. Ups, downs, rounds...

Anywho's-in-what's it - until my next cycle I will be happy with having my body for me. Enjoying life the way it is at this moment, not worrying about the next.

Slowly becoming new age hippy, happy-go-lucky,
signed with new hippy name,
Rainbow
aka- Steph

[little R]

Hey sweet Octofriends....

Well it's another hot day here in Dubai...and it's just going to get hotter and hotter now...I have to say it is a bit of a bore It would be refreshing to have some rain from time to time Perhaps you can start sending me some?

Well, you have all been pretty prolific I see over the last few days...

To be honest, I am still reeling from Lola's news... I can't believe it.

I apologize in advance as I don't have much time today to post as DH is preparing to go to Australia, NZL, Switzerland and back to Dubai.... so he may be gone for nearly 2 weeks
BUT
I will have plenty of time with my Octofriends if you will keep me company

My news....I am awaiting Sunday as I start downregging.... but I have completely mixed feelings I mean I am happy, but tired even before going through the emotional rollercoaster. Is this normal? I am scared too.... scared of taking another whipping
Did you feel like this Jen and Lola?

In fact, I can relate to you both, Steph and Lola.... my life has been on hiatus for over 4 years in preparation of that sublime "BFP" moment....it seems I have sacrificed a lot over the years: work, friends and my personality/sanity. I know what you are talking about....
Moving to Dubai 2 years ago was the worst part.... I really lost my identity and have become "wife of DH"...which was not my childhood dream. I quit my good job to move here and basically "baby-making" has become my full time career...and hasn't yielded any results. With DH's profession, I sometimes even have to travel with him so we can "try"....

I do want kids...I really honestly believe that because I just feel so empty and am not sure what else would actually fill that void. However, I have spent so much time thinking of conception as the ultimate goal that I am not sure whether I haven't overlooked the whole idea of kids ...hmm... I haven't really given the "after conception" period any thought. It's all a bit daunting. What if I am a terrible parent...

Sometimes I would really like to say "the hell with it", I want my life back.. I want my pre-conception years back. I feel like I have been in limbo for such a long time.
After discussion with DH before starting IVF, we reached the agreement that I would start working again in 2007 after 3 IVFs...
I can't even begin to think of the scenario what if I don't have kids... but on the other hand, I would get my life back on track again.

Anyway....enough with my ramblings....in response to your comment Steph, I am clearly not living in the now, but in anticipation of a brighter future. Gosh, how sad is that? I also need an attitude make-over...so if you have any pointers. I am a taker

I am really happy to see that Steph and Lola are embracing their baby-making challenged state. You're my heroes.....I can't imagine your strength. Whilst DH is gone (as I have heaps of time) I will be making my BFN list of To Dos... so like Lola will not be crushed by the news if it happens, but happy to start something new.... and have something valuable and tangible to cling onto!

Jen, darling... well, well, well....you lucky girl... you deserve to be pampered! Great idea for your little mini-break. Think about and enjoy the NOW (I'm hopeless at the carpe diem stuff )...don't worry about your friend and her nursery. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. When is your exact test date? I need to write it down in Outlook.

Walshy... hope you're doing well lass....what have you got aranged for the weekend?

Wish I had friends like you here with me in Dubai.....this thread should not just be about our baby-making challenged state (as that is not what defines us!)...but about sharing in general...wherever we are in our cycles... I would so like to keep you as "friends" no matter what our status is....

Truck loads of kisses and sunshine for you all

Little R

[little R]

Off to beddy byes soon....but wanted to send you all heaps of virtual hugs.....

I probably won't be online to post tomorrow...got quite a full day...but it won't mean that you are not all in my thoughts...

Take care,

Love,

Little R

[Inhale, Exhale]

hmmmmm, haaahhhhh, hooooooooo....
Today is a day, is a day, is a day.

Whats happenin hot stuffs?

I am thinkin that work isn't calling my name today. I might pretend to works this AM and take off in the afternoon. Sound good to yas? My gram's 80th b-day party is this weekend. Big shindig, party like it's 1999- people in from all over the US- Florida, Montana, Ohio, Alaska.... I was up visiting until midnight last night and have to rise bright and early for work at 5a. First I had to go for my weekly vampire bite bloodwork, then I got stuck for a half hour behind a car accident and then it started to rain as I walking the 6 blocks into my building.... ugh. Time for bed again I say... But instead I think I will take off and go shopping! Good for a girls soul!

Seems as we are all sick of the frozen in time bit, which is why I have decided to live my life... NOW!!! Not when i get a BFP..... Cowgirl UP Tubers! We will live in the moment with margaritas (or red wine, didn't forget that about my lulu Lola) in hand!

Little R- give DH lovely see ya in a few weeks send off! I secretly wish my DH was off on a trip. I could use a little me time.

Lola- hmmm, abandoing us for the books heh? Don't even think it. Even super nerd bookworms need a mini break. Check in and chat me up! oooohhh, I likey when you do that.

Walshy- vanishing act again.... need my fill please.

Jens- nothin to say except I am totally jealous of you right now. I want to be whisked away for rubdowns and mudbaths... let us know how it goes.

whistling while I work,
Steph

[Inhale, Exhale]

To my fabulous Little R & Grey's Anatomy fans......

Best news EVER!!!!
It seems they have signed McSteamy up for 13 episodes next season!!! Yaa-friggin-HOOOOO!!!!
Wow, McDreamy, the vet (aka Chris O'Donnell but all grown up and better) and now McSteamy is coming back... can it get any better than that??
The only way it could get better is if they picked up all the pieces of oh so cutey bomb guy and glued him back together....

This is a girls wet dream come true I tell ya!

Oh the joys of smut tv.

Avoiding work like a mad cat,
Steph

[Walshy]

Hideeehooooo

Well Af has arrived....Yippee for me and as she has been absent for nearly 4 months it's going be a gooden... The irony is I went to a local womens day yesturday for work and guess who reared her head AF and it is quite amusing as my friend who i was there with got hers at the same time it must have been something in the air to many womens hormones or something....If only they were giving away free tampons...

But atleast now I have some dates. I start on tablets today to start bulding up the lining ready for the little frosties. Which sort of seems werid considering I am still getting rid of the last lining... I have my first scan on the 24th which will then mean they will go back in soon after that as the lining should be fairly thick by then. I don't have to take any other drugs due my non existence ovulation so they don't have to supress that. So that will make me less of a mad women....

It's another perfect day here in Sydney sunny blue skies and not too hot thank god Autumn is here (sorry for those of you where it is snowing). So I am off to read the paper at the Coogee with a nice coffee and muffin.....yum My DH is busily making hte bed waiting for me.. Might take my time so he can clean some more
We are also going to look at houses today as we are sick of living a unit...

I like your idea Steph and Little R of not just consuming our little posts with TTC but with what else is happening in our lives....I brought some books of Amazon called Sweet Grapes - How to stop being infertile and start living again it is OK. I also brought Laughin'fertility - A bundle of Observations for the Baby-Making Challenged which had some funny things in it like wether to paint you toe nails or not etc alot of the stuff we had discussed on here actually.

Ms Lolabean how are you going. No tears you are so strong.....I think we get better at the let downs each time as so that way our heart deosn't get as broken (if that is possible). Sending you big hugs....


Rainbow (aka Steph) - take up the next month as your time and drink stretch breath through your anus and be merry.


Jen - How are Pebbles and Bambam. I am sure they are well nestled. I hope you are taking it easy and thinking positively I am sending you some nice sunrays to brighten up your day..



Little R - We will your company while your DH is jetsetting abot the place. Just hink of us as your extened family without the dramas that family can sometimes bring....



Must be something in the air toady because i feel great besides my uterus things are looking good....OK ladies have a great weekend and I'll post again soon...............Walshy
Also I think I have spent enough time on the computer with those little add ons....I only just found them and think they are cute.....

[little R]

Hey there Octoblerones....

First up...CONGRATS Walshy on great arrival
For once we can rejoice in the arrival of the awful beast
SO it sounds like everything is planned out smoothly for you....so you are going for your scan on 24th? I guess we will be sort of cycling around the same time then (if all goes well my end!)

Second up.... thinking of you Lola girl..hoping you are having some weekend fun...just like your sister-in-crime, Steph

Last but not least... so are you living it up Jen?.... you lucky lucky lucky girl Need your test date when you return from fabulosos weekend with DH

So nothing much new happening in Dubai...although after an excruciatingly humid day... it rained about 10 raindrops.... so it was quite thrilling. Water from the sky...how is it possible we think

I am prepping my buttock for tomorrow's lethal injection and let the downregging begin.
Gosh...it's probably the most expensive injection I have ever come across.....so it better be worth it
I have decided to get up early and get it over with.... so will enjoy a quiet day in with my friends: computer, tv and book I know, I know, I lead a thrilling life. I am trying to put together a To Do list of funny and positive things to get me through this month. Any ideas? Apart from fab weekends in expensive hotels? Anything else that should be on the agenda?

STEPH---- Thank YOU for the info....brilliant news... McSteamy.... yummy, yummy, yummy.... they are so right to bring him back... although I am still enamoured with McDreamy...he's my hero (but then again I am still on Season 1). Monday night is soon here (that is when Grey's is broadcast) and you are nearing the season finale.... LUCKY you!
I am addicted to Grey's...it's terrible.

Hugs, kisses & heaps of PMA to you all...enjoy your weekend!

Little R

[lolajones]

hola chicas

Sorry I've been a bit incognito - work MUY busy.
This is just a quick one - I'm off out - will post prop tomorrow

GOOD LUCK LITTLE R with your injection numero UNO!!
This will be your cycle, I know it!
I'll give some thought to your to do list..
Hey, i saw Greys on Thursday, i likely. And McDreamy is just so.... delicious.

ok guys, see you tomorrow

Lola
xxxx

[little R]

Hey Lola....thanks a bunch...and thanks in advance for your thoughts concerning the To Do list I am looking forward to you inspiring me
So you're a certified McDreamy groupie.... hihihihihi... glad you like Grey's.... I can't wait until Monday now Welcome to McDreamy's fan club!

Steph alias Cowgirl, hope you are rocking on at your Grannie's party and displaying your brilliant multicoloured personality! You deserve some serious fun . Thinking about you and hoping your "carpe dieming".... rock on sista! I thought about you during my yoga session tonight.... my yoga instructor was emphasising living in the now, thoughtwatching and giving in.... hmm... she's really cool.

Walshy...hope you're having a great Saturday although your Saturday is already over now....

Jen love.... we need some news about the ever-so-exciting mini-break.... so are you all pampered ?


Signing off for tonight.... talk tomorrow later on in the day... with a bruised buttock

Much love to you all Octochicks!

Little R

[lolajones]

hey bers and haloidus

Well the bravado has left the building and i feel awful. keep crying and just want to be airlifted to an island or anaesthetised for a few weeks. Is a build up of everything i reckon, the failed FET, the letting everyone down, work being so incredibly busy, the exam, family stuff. Am just giving in to it today. This past year has been so hard. I figure its ok to feel sad today, me n dh been through a lot - we need a guardian angel or superhero. We just need a good bit of mothering n looking after.
I don't know where to start to make this better. Shes a Ladeh not working

Jen I dreamt about you last night and you got a positive! So get ready to celebrate amiga for I have the gift of prophecy! how was your lovely mini break? hope you're feeling bueno and pampered... not long now!!

Little R - how's your bottom? Yes, less ivf centred posts!! I agree with you - love our octoclub. How long have you been doing yoga? Am thinking of going back but am really out of shape. What books are on you list then?

Walsh - glad af finally arrived - red dawn! I am having the af from bloody hell - arrgghh. So that means you're on the road again - excited? I am jealous of your life down under, I would love to live in Sydney again. Friends of ours live in Elizabeth Bay and they've just bought an artists studio in Vincentia as a weekend place - other peoples lives are so shiny!! PS your virtual hug was bloody lovely!

Steph rainbow this seizing the day lark I'm finding pretty tricksy today but will keep on keepin' on. This exam biz is really getting in the way of Lola Reinvention 4: Return of the Spanky Bottom Shorty Shorts.

Am off to see Caetano Veloso tonight - perm haired bossa nova pixie - for 300 volts of latino corazon-a-rama. I see you baby.......

ok then buddolas, I'd better at least try and do some studying

take it easy, sneezeys

Lolastima
xxx

[little R]

My fav Viking Warrior...
I am really thinking of you and sending you the sun. I honestly think it is totally OK to feel sad and crappy. You certainly have had enough reason to feel this way....I say, give in to it..don't fight it... it's part of the process. You WILL feel better because you're our courageous Viking Warrior. You and DH have been through so much without even considering the FET etc.... you have so much on your plate...Grieving is a necessary process.....just let it happen.

I say we bring Sunman out of the closet and use him to laserbeam the cloudy and negative feelings away.... his power to evaporate the tears and fill our hearts with the warmth of knowing that it will all work out whether we are BFP or BFN....

I'm on Day 21 of my cycle and these are the emotional days for me when I feel the most vulnerable. I walked into the clinic with a heavy heart this morning...whilst I was waiting one of the nurses walked up to me and said "you look like you are here reluctantly". I just felt like crying, I still have a huge lump in my throat.... I keep thinking that it is because it is the time of the month and that once I get my AF I will definitely be ready to take on the world...but I am not sure. How is it possible to be tired of this IVF before it has even begun? I think the second time around is worse for me because I know what to expect...... and I am so petrified of it failing or worse that it works and then fails. I admire you Lola.... I am not sure I could emotionally deal with another hiccup.
Has anyone ever felt that you are fighting infertility via IVF as if it were a disease? Does that sound totally crazy... I feel that sometimes the injections are supposed to miraculously make me less baby-making challenged ...like an antidote to my infertility... I know I should stop rambling because it is not making any sense.

Anyway.... sigh.... bring on the second round, I say.
DH is away and I really rely on his encouraging aura

Lola, love.... sending you the strength to try and study in spite of all your tears....

Tomorrow is Grey's.... finally something worth getting up for only kidding. Steph will be glued to her screen tonight

In the book department, I have just finished reading a funny light novel called "A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian". My mother recommended it as my parents were living out there for over 9 years. It was an easy read and fairly entertaining. I have decided to put some French classics into my literary diet.... I don't enjoy reading in French as much... but feel I should make an effort from time to time....so bring on Camus, Gide, Molière, Racine..... Oh... read an extremely interesting novel the other day "We Need to Talk about Kevin".... my gosh...read it if you want to be completely put off parenting

Yoga..I haven't been doing it for very long...on and off for about 18months but I am fairly highly strung and it really does help me to relax and put things into perspective. I do it more for the relaxation aspect rather than to get into shape....

Jen - wish I could say that I dreamt of you too...nope, I dreamt of getting jailed for traffic fines (it does happen over here) and then all my teeth fell out (this like a recurring dream when I get nervous).... I am sure Freud with have something interesting to say about it all....not that you would be interested I am happy that Lola is having such great/positive dreams. So I am counting on you to make this a happy Easter month So when exactly do Pebbles and Bam Bam get to make their positive statement? Hope you are being treated like royalty (well, make that better than royalty )

Steph....you Dancing Queen.... so a weekend of fun for our fabulous Cowgirl? Getting yourself ready for Grey's tonight then

Walshy, how are you feeling lass?

Heaps of virtual hugs to my Octofriends...you all rock

Little R