Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[little R]

Yippee.... Nature Girl aka Cowgirl is back again
Hey Steph....wow bald eagle...pretty impressive. Saw one once when I was younger and cruising around the US with former boyfriend in tow Most beautiful bird... was not up-close-and-personal like you though.
You certainly have an exciting job where you can experience some pretty amazing adventures...lucky girl
So you sound pretty upbeat? Ready to take on the challenge of a kid's Bday party...you're like Lola... so brave. I couldn't face it.... I'm not masochistic enough
Yeah...only downregging and have some serious doubts... my DH is really relaxed... he is adamant..this time is our time. I will be honest and admit to being dead scared. To watch you, Lola and Jen... go through some really tough second rounds is a little un-nerving...
That sucks big time: Grey's a re-run..... I hit episode 6 of season 1 on Sunday --- check out my big smile
Yep, DH is still around... which is super dooper... he leaves in 2 days for another longish stint...

Jen, love... you are constantly in my thoughts.... hoping that despite your greatest fears, you don't know your body at all and this is just IVF giving you a run for your money I am hoping Sunday will be a great day... and you will have your much wanted, needed and deserved BFP news. You take care and try and put it out of your mind for about 5 seconds... forget loo-land and crawl onto the couch and watch some good ol' scandulous tv Get DH to get you some movies... it's the only thing that actually distracted me during 2ww. I couldn't even read.
Oh Jen.... I am having some serious doubts about my second IVF as I haven't seen my Octochicks with BFPs yet... I am not certain that I am very emotionally strong again. I won't be sitting around in my forties in this state...with DH we have decided on 3 IVFs and then we pull the plug. I don't want my infertility to define me... I want to be happy and carefree again and not obsessed with this desire.....
I am trying to muster up the necessary conviction to get on with this cycle I am doing pretty good, don't you think?
My AF is due on Sunday.... so we shall see what happens.

Lola, hiding in the library...whilst trying to uncover hidden Easter eggssss what's up Dr Jones? I have the soundtrack of Alias running through my head. Do you look like Jennifer Garner? Pff another star with a baby..... Hey I started watching another series the other day... Veronica Mars...it's not brilliant but entertaining... I mean it takes me off to La-La land

Walshy - gosh I would stay clear away from the "How yu doin" Steph Her nature-filled excursion has gone to her head and she is chatting up one of the Octochicks Only kidding. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

Love to all you Octobunnies....great to have you back Steph...

Little R

[little R]

Hey Dr Jones... looks like you are online???

Pity we can't chat

Love,

Little R

[lolajones]

Aloha amigas

Jen - as everyone says, its not over yet!!! We all go through hell, reading your post and then R's made me cry. Is SO UNFAIR. But not for you... for you a positive is not out of the question - I hope this works for you sweety. I understand your pain, I feel exactly like you. I'm also 37 soon. Don't feel bad about not seeing friends baby - its hard! Do whatever you want - you rule!

R - how's the rollercoaster? We are all brave on this here survivors life raft! As for your questions - no I will have neither title nor millions of squillions after the exam, have to do some kind of dissertation as well before consultanthood and the hint of a pay rise.

Steph I missed you! I would GLADLY swap my stupid job for yours! Good to see you've been getting down wit da animals, I imagine you like a modern take on Snow White, talking to the deer and little birds as you wash the dishes and sweep the floors - am I close?? Hmm? Sorry to hear about Greys disappointment and smutless evening.....

Walshy-oh! Come out to play!!

Well I went 'round friends to see the baby. Had a nice evening catching up with chat - I miss her at work! Her baby slept on me for about an hour and a half. Was cool. Today though am feeling mightily unhappy, empty. My dh feeling the same. This childlessness is a deep well of easy to reach pain and sadness. I would be about 26 weeks pregnant now if it hadn't been ectopic. I never usually think about that but I saw a post from Leigh, old octobud of ours, who got preg just before me and saw her ticker. Sometimes I just don't want to get up in the mornings. I try and be chipper but every day is like that since my negative. I always know how to fix things. I don't know how to fix this. I can't believe this is my life. Sorry to be negative - can't talk to my friends about this - don't want to anymore. I never wanted to be this person.

Doom and gloom!!! So, what have my cyber dudettes got planned for the holiday weekend? London weather is erse! I'm off to in-laws tomorrow - hoping the sun will put in an appearance and the easter bunny!!!! Choc up, cowboys!

OK well, I'd better try and study The library is closed so my books will be competing with the tv and my bed for attention.. I don't fancy their chances
I'll be popping in here regularlalalamente for octoluvs updates - keep on keepin' on!

Mucho love n thar
Lola
xxxx

[lolajones]

Hey R - we posted at same time!!! We all have oonagi!!!
How're you? It is hard starting again - but it will happen for you! Jen will get a positive and that will start the positive vibe for all of us. Its a worry that ivf takes over your life. Just have to make sure that we all do other stuff. Is very hard - I mean how can you think of anything else when you're in the middle of a cycle?? Impossible.
I'm sending you my residual positivity atoms - use them well, youngster!
L
x
PS Me and jennifer garner could be twins. In dreamworld - I love her!

[little R]

So exciting to have been posting at the same time as you Dr Jones....what an honour! It's hilarious when you step back and think that we are all in different countries and "meet" up on here
Technology rocks I say!

Thank you for your kind words, L....and your residual PMA. You should keep it.... I have yet to earn it.
I feel that I am struggling already and the marathon has yet to begin My DH keeps reminding me that I am to take it one day after the next.... so here I am...it's Friday and going to cook a nice dinner for DH and then plan out my day tomorrow
I know..I'm just a thrill freak
Good news though... renovations on our house are well underway and we may have new tenants. That would be a load off and some much-needed income

I know exactly where you are coming from L...I think you are so brave to go and visit your friend and her newborn. I couldn't see a baby let alone hold one after IVF 1....
You're my inspiration...

Wish I could go and have a cuppa and a chat with you all.

You take care Lola dear...enjoy your time away from the books

Much love... enjoy your weekend,

Little R

PS I'll check back later for news of our Jen

[little R]

Well my Octofriends... couldn't sleep this morning so decided to get up to see the sunrise over the Gulf...it's a spectacular view and after 2 years, it still amazes me...

No news from Jen...it's Saturday so only one more night for you, sweetie and then you will have a confirmed answer. It seems as if your 2ww has been incredibly long...AND I am not living it as you are Hang in there...there is light at the end of the tunnel, dearest Jen.

Lola, I hope you are enjoying your weekend with your in-laws and that they are treating you with the love that you deserve and bestowing many chocolate gifts upon you . What's on the menu? Easter egg hunt? Cadbury Creme Eggs (have a craving for those at the moment)? I trust that you have not taken your books with you and can really enjoy the moment... hugs to you my Jen-Garner-lookalike..I respect her WAA

Steph...so you across the Atlantic, big on Easter too? Any family traditions? You meeting up with your family again? How are you feeling? Are you going/ have you been to the Bday party? What's on your fun list for this weekend?

Walshy....trust you are okay and everything is going smoothly.... come hunt Easter eggs with us sista!

Lots of sunshine and hugs,

Little R

[little R]

Hello...is anyone out there?

Earth to Octofriends? Anyone? Anyone?

Anyone coming out to play?

Will check back much later then...

Love,

Little R

[lolajones]

Jemla - how're you doing? Hope all spotting has stopped and you feel more positive. Its hard I know but we've both seen many miracles on this site and so don't discount a bfp. I'm still betting it'll be good news tomorrow. Have you given in and done another hpt? Let us know how you're getting on sweety. And ps. if this doesn't turn out as we all want then you can join my waifs bandwagon of third time lucky thread

Little R - sunrise over the gulf... I'm so envious! dh and I got very drunk last night on cheap n classy Cava so I feel eugh today. Worth it though - another positive to being on the ivf hard shoulder
Off to the out laws this afternoon.......

Hope El Steph and Walsheroo are egged up and bueno

Hasta luego compadres

Lola
xxx

[Jen1d]

Hi girls
Well we are completely confused now. Ever since i have been spotting every 3-4 hours since Thursday we thought it was all over. Now we are so mixed up again as the bleeding has stopped. If this was my AF then its only lasted for 2days and i only bleed when i go to the loo the rest of the time there might be a spot but nothing else. My AF is usually bang on time and lasts for about 5 days, the 2nd and 3rd day are usually heavier but thats not arrived. Last cycle my AF arrived and stayed. So strange, we're praying for a miracle but i still know deep down its not going to happen.
I thought it might be because my medi was a higher dose this time but then i would have had more side affects too but didn't have any compared to last time. My AF symtoms have gone and only a couple of shooting pains in my tum but nothing much.
I feel like you did Lola, just want to do the bloody test now so i can move on and join you waifs thread, plus be able to sit on the loo in peace again.

We finally went out today to buy a pressie for our friends baby and have decided to visit them today. It was hard in the shop as we just wish it was for our baby. My gorgeous DH kept reminding me ours would be here one day soon and we can then enjoy all the shopping for him/her. Its better today that we visit when we're still not sure about the outcome as i couldn't deal with it tomorrow or in the following weeks. Will let you know how we get on.

Just wanted to say a huge thanks to all of you, you have been great and i coudn't ask for better friends to help support me. You all know exactly what i'm going through and its great to have people to chat with. I must say two of my friends from work and one in Surrey have been fantastic. They have never been through this and all have their own kids but are there to listen to my groans whenever i need them. Ok enough, i don't want you all getting to big for your boots.

Catch you later

Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Hey Jen - good to hear from you. I reckon its a bfp tomorrow for you !!!!
What time will you find out?? Please let us know know as soon as possible - my nails and nerves can't stand it! Good Luck Octobudola!
And good luck with friend visit - its tough but my girl can do it!

Little R - we posted at same time again.... we are on same octobud timetable.... synchronised. Have you started tucking in to easter supply yet?
Right, off to the laws. Man!

Love, Lola
xxxxx

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

Well just back from our baby visit. Everything went well and we're glad we went today but it only made us want one even more.

So far no bleeding again all day. This is the smallest AF in history of Jemla's life cycles, i hate my body, but then i always have so nothing new there then.
Anyway big D-Day tomorrow. We are all prepared for the let down but given i have stopped bleeding there is about 5% of us hoping for a miracle.
Will let you know in the moning.

Love Jen x

[Jen1d]

BFN just as we thought.

Is this every going to work? Am so confused as this cycle was so different from the first one and we had some positive signs. My body was playing games with my head. We feel so sad and unhappy. Is it too much to ask just for one baby?

Jen x

[little R]

Oh Jen..... well, you know how I feel ... I am so sorry. You don't deserve this... no one on this site does.
It's all unfair... I feel for you both and it's all down right rotten.
I am sending you all my share of virtual hugs today....and Mr Sunman to help evaporate your tears when you are ready. I hear your pain, frustration, anger and doubts....you are one very brave friend to have gone and seen your friend's little one....good for you.

I am so sorry, love!

Much love to you and your gorgeous DH....

Thinking of you and wishing the hurt away....

Your friend Little R

[little R]

Gosh... I wish we could have some good news
I thought "2006 was the year of the Octochicks"....

I need to be honest with you my Octochicks....I am feeling really crappy.... I am so sorry as Jen needs our support...

I am not feeling myself....I had a bit of a messy emotional evening yesterday where I lost it and got a touch hysterical. This was all brought on by something totally irrelevant (the new cleaning lady - DH wanted one to avoid me making any abrupt movements - breaking 2 items that were dear to me). Has this ever happened to you? Is it normal to feel this "down" during downregging? Maybe that is why they call it downregging? I feel slightly psychotic and it's as though my PMS is ten-fold. Anyone felt the same way? I keep wondering whether it is simply me and a deep and unsolved reaction to doing this second IVF or whether it is just the hormones?
DH was at home with me yesterday when the emotional dam broke and he actually asked whether we should be doing this second IVF. He said "you're not excited at the prospect that we could have a baby at the end of this"? Of course I am.... but look what we have to go through first. Please don't get me wrong... I am not fearful for my health, but am slightly worried about my mental state if it has the same outcome as the last IVF... I mean I am no glutton for punishment
There are no garantees and my Octochicks haven't had it easy.... Is it possible that I have stopped believing in the miracle of IVF???
I am so sorry to be blabbing on like this...especially after Jen's trauma. I mean I am so selfish... I just couldn't hold it in any longer.
I actually spoke to my yoga instructor today and she thinks the hormones are speaking for me... but let's face it... I am scared of being in that bottomless pit again and not being able to crawl out this time.

Any thoughts? Recommendations? Advice?

My DH said that I should give it some serious thought and he'll support me whatever decision I come to. I mean I have been downregging but could probably stop the treatment. I would hate that because I want this baby more than anything....but I am tired before I have even begun.

Please tell me that I am not alone and that you have had some of these thoughts....

I think I have gone a little crazy...and apologise for my ramblings and blatant outburst.

I need a friend.... DH is a beautiful person, but not obejctive at this point

I look forward to your pearls of wisdom.... or a kick up the behind if necessary

My apologies for being so selfish..I am just a little confused and lost at this point. I need your help...


Much love,

Little R

[Jen1d]

Oh Little R, we can blub away together
I feel the same at the moment. The longer this goes on the more depressed i get. I thought this time we would get there as the signs were all good but nope, not to be. I can handle the medi and even the injections but its the emotional trauma that goes with it that nobody who hasn't gone through this could ever understand. How much unhappiness and disappointment can we take. I have to keep telling myself that we will get our baby eventually, it just takes time but i am already 36 and hate that we're going to start getting desperate soon. Its just horrile and so unfair.
My friend offered to surrogate for me today, how unselfish is that, she is a true friend but i want to carry our baby myself, there is no reason why i can't its only my tubes that are blocked and as the Dr keeps telling me"we are only bypassing them". So why is is not bloody working.
Have been trawling the internet for answers and clinics today and found one in London with a 59% success rate. I lived there for a long time and moved to Scotland 5 years ago but still desperately miss London. God i wish i lived there now so i could go to that clinic. I am going to call them for some info, anythings better to try than throwing money down the drain at the hospital i am with now and they only have a 30% rate. The only thing i am unsure about is how i can have treatment in a clinic that is about 500 miles away? Would i have to live down there for 4-8 weeks while having the treatment and i have a full time job so that would be a problem. SO BLOODY UNFAIR AND A NIGHTMARE.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I'm in all day if you want a chat.

Love Jen