feel a bit fed up

caz1 · Post by **caz1** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 3:01 pm

sorry to post a down beat message - not sure where else to turn. Am ok really , in general, but for no particular reason feel a bit sad today. Have been ok for the past week - altho the week or so after our first failed ICSI (mid July) were SHIT - but now I feel slightly in limbo. Feel like ALL my friends are off successfully starting their families and I am just getting SO "left behind" I think is how I'd put it. Dunno why I feel a bit off today - maybe its because we had dinner with friends last night and I know that she been trying to get pg and she wasnt drinking so I guess its worked. God I'm a SHIT for letting her good luck get me down. Also am having lunch next week with a girl I work with who did IVF, successfully just before me and will now be nearly 4 months pg - am quite scared I might cry the minute I see her! Amazing that this INCREDIBLE miracle just seems to be happening so quickly and easily to EVERYONE around me and I just can even get near it. Have been trying to think alot about life AFTER IVF. Some days I'm better at it than others. Off the see doc for consultation tomorrow - we'll see what he suggests we do next. I think he'll recommend a donor IVF combined with ICSI with what few sperm they can get from my dh, so scared about what the latter entails but the alternative, never having children I think is unbearable Sorry to be SO self indulgent and feeling so sorry for myself! Will be better later. Will let you know how the doc goes tomorrw Love to all Cazx PS- JANICE - if by any chance you are reading this - I replied to your DI mail on the life after IVF thread- would love to chat about it with you anytime Cazx

SJ BROWN · Post by **SJ BROWN** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 3:13 pm

Sorry your feeling down. I assume everyone who posts on hear knows how you feel but if you read through some of the old threads it can help. So many people have posted feeling like you do at the mo & then a few posts later the same person posts with lots of positive thoughts. It helps just letting off steam for all to share & your in the right place. I know what you mean about being left behind etc. Life is so unfair. A cousin of mine got pregnant at 16(never worked etc & is a real lazy *****) her boy is 3 now & she has just had a baby girl(2 months old) She is always out drinking & smoking & recently baby has been in hossy for an internal bleed-really poorly. I have just found out that social services etc are involved & that baby has been physically abused. (do not know by who, even if not my cousin probably one of her mates-she leaves baby with anyone!!) this makes me so cross because there are so many of us who have everything to give & some that just dont deserve it...... Woops, started off trying to cheer you up & now Ive managed to have a groan too.... Oh well, never mind, it helps writing it all down. Chin up Im sure lots more +++++ve vibes will be floating your way Sarah xxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 3:18 pm

Hey Caz, you're not to worry about posting a downbeat message at all, I felt exactly the same when our ICSI failed. Suddenly everyone around you is pregnant and its really hard to take. I found myself not being as pleased as I should have been when I heard of other peoples pregnancies (my husbands two cousins both announced pregnancies just after our failure and I was sick of hearing about it) This feeling did not apply, I might add, to my successful IVF buddies cos I knew just what they'd been through - it's different. Caz, I dont have a miracle answer, just to say I genuinely thought that a positive result wouldnt happen for us and was prepared or at least was trying to prepare for giving up. Try to take your consultation tomorrow as a positive thing and push forward believing that it can work for you, cos it really can. Thinking about you & wishing you all the luck in the world. Come on Caz - you can do it, you've just got to find a little more (yet more!!) patience. I don't know where we get it all from do you?? Lots of Love Jo.xxxxxxxx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 5:43 pm

Caz - I thought you must have been feeling the need for some "buddy" comfort as I found your 2 posts on the other forum and then again here. I am guessing the consultation tomorrow has got you anxious, just attending the clinic kind of stirs everything up doesn't it? Plus you are trying to get your head around another cycle whilst working out the implications of donor sperm. It really is just such a short time since your last cycle ended, and as always at times like these it seems you are surrounded by people achieving the very thing you yearn for with all your heart - So when I put it like that is it any wonder you feel a bit down??? Its more surprising how incredibly well you are doing girl!!!! So hold on to that! I know I am NO shining example of how to pick yourself up - so I am not going to dole out advice (Pot-Kettle-BLACK!?) but I will say there really is no better place than here to share those fears and worries - belive me thats one thing I have learned!! Keep talking - we need you as you much as you need us! Good luck tomorrow - let us know how you get on. Lorraine xxxx

caz1 · Post by **caz1** » Wed Aug 06, 2003 7:30 am

thanks guys - you're so sweet What WOULD I do without you!! How you feeling Lorraine - any decision made about the future yetr - I guess as you say it IS so soon after our tmt. Jo- how you feeling? Any symptoms? Thanks so much for your msg. Anyone heard from Sharron - wonder how the weddings going?! Sarah - I would be feeling EXACTLY the same if someone as close to me was treating their child with such a lack of care. GRRRRRRRRRRRR. Lifes unfair isnt it?! Take care all Cazx

Bex · Post by **Bex** » Wed Aug 06, 2003 7:37 am

Caz, Just wanted to say hi and give my support. I know how you're feeling and how hard it is. I recently went out with an old workmate who was 8 months gone and i kept up a really brave face while out with her, asking all the right questions etc. . but the minute i dropped her off, i drove back to mine crying my eyes out. I've been to see her since she's had the baby and it was fine, although i did get a bit clucky again for a few days afterwards. I think it's the pregnancy which affects me more than the babies. Sarah, how awful for you to have to sit back and watch all this going on. My older brother & his girl friend have 3 kids and choose not to go to work, they then have the audacity to complain to me that they never get a moments peace !! I think i've gone on enough so i'll sign off now ! love Becky x

gem · Post by **gem** » Wed Aug 06, 2003 9:28 am

Hi Caz So sorry to hear your feeling down,its so hard to keep a smile on your face pretending that you feel ok. We had our follow up appointment and we've agreed to start FET In Oct hope your appointment goes ok. We feel better since we've come back off holiday we had a really good time I was ok I just got a bit down watching all the families having a good time wishing it was us! I know what you mean it seems everyone I know is getting pg,next fri I am going round to my friends for a baby shower she is due Sept 4th,she had no problem getting pg,I'm happy for her I just wish it was our turn. Sorry for rambling on,I just wanted to say keep in touch and I'm thinking about you Love Gem xx

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Wed Aug 06, 2003 4:21 pm

Dear Caz, Sorry to hear you're so down - it's normal though. We had 3 failed ICSI cycles and the 4th one finally worked, so don't give up just yet. I know how it feels to have everyone around getting pregnant - last year 6 close friends gave birth within the space of 5 months - it was awful and you always have to put on a brave face. Real friends will understand that you're upset - they won't mind if you burst in to tears in front of them (I used to). Also don't put yourself in to situations where there'll be loads of babies, pregnant women or people talking about them (e.g. BBQs) if possible. People who care about you will understand if you pull out of these things at the last minute and if they don't - tough. I know it sounds a bit unsociable, but why make yourself even more miserable by putting yourself in these situations? I found we've been really antisocial for the past year and a half - but hey, you've got to look after number one. Also, I found that counselling did help after treatment failure, and it should be offered for free by your clinic. You may found it helps. I do hope you begin to feel happier soon - and that you will achieve your dream in the not too distant future. Alison xx

caz1 · Post by **caz1** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 7:19 am

thankyou so much guys - you are so kind Alison - the coucelling is a really good Idea - my sister didnt have it after her failed ICSI and alwys says she wishes she had Take care Cazx

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