been for follow up consultation

caz1 · Post by **caz1** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 4:45 pm

Just to let you knwo - went for consultation after our 1st failed ICSI in July Doc said he felt it was a sperm quality issue (surprise!)....we only got 2 good embies from 12 eggs. He was pretty vague about what to do next but did say we should def try ICSI again He suggested that we do half DH sperm and half donor. But warned that the choice of donors is not good and that when the regulations change on DI (this year) the choice will get even smaller (he thinks) Nothing really came out that was new - except that he is now saying that Dhs sperm morphology is poor ( we had thought it was really just numbers that were the problem). This COULD potentially be a chromzone problem and so DH has had blood tests for that (get answer in 2 weeks). I guess if hes got a chromozone issue then theres really no point in us continuing with ICSI with dh sperm as we wouldnt want to pass anything on. I suppose..... Slightly perturbed that the clinic hadnt addressed this earlier really To be honest I feel a bit down and fed up - am just so TIRED of it all . Sound awful but I am. Think we will have a few months break and then decide what to do next. Also think I'm getting my af any minute so bit pre menstrual! I think DI is probably the most realistic way for us to have a baby - but I just dont know if I can cope with it really. I just want a grown up to make the decision for me!! BAsically I'd like someone else to take responsibility for the decision and just TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! O god maybe I should just resign myself to no babies and learn to be happy with that - am I just wasting my life worrying about soemthing I cant fix?? - AHHHHHHH!!!! Hope everyone else is more +ve than me. DH and I off to Norfolk this weekend - hopefully I'll come back more up beat! Cazx ps - reassure me...anyone else have random moments of total pessimism and gloom, where they just feel like giving up?!

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 5:46 pm

eeeerrrrrr Caz - I am currently wearing the pessimism and gloom T-Shirt as I speak to you!!! But you know all that already. You need comfort and calm so I will try to rise above that and find something positive to say to my friend...... You are a remarkable woman trying to resolve some of THE most difficult issues life can throw at you - be gentle with yourself (my current mantra!) give yourself time to consider these options and allow yourself the opportunity to grow comfortable with the choices given to you. Using Donor sperm is yet another concept you have to contemplate, like everything that went before it, you have to weigh it up, rationalise it and just sit with it for a while. I bet before you embarked upon ICSI you had look at it from all angles, and now all that science feels “natural” not remotely “weird” as you might once have thought - look how "comfortable" we all are with such invasive technology. Maybe soon you will feel the same about donor sperm, maybe you won’t – but the only way you will find out is by talking, talking, talking and TIME. Recently I had my follow up consultation (Bad Day thread) and Alison wisely made me realise that the consultation itself just stirs everything up - and the ground beneath you shifts once again. The boundaries of this technology with which you have grown accustomed have suddenly stretched a bit and now you need to "take that in" Give yourself a break girl! Keep in touch. Lots of love from Lorraine xxxxx Ps sorry about the over usage of the ""'s - vvvvv annoying!!!

fi · Post by fi » Thu Aug 07, 2003 9:08 pm

email me direct caz and i can give you the low down on the best places to go in norfolk!!!! are you going to north norfolk? sure thing to cheer you up

luv fi

fi · Post by fi » Thu Aug 07, 2003 9:11 pm

P.S hang in there honey!!

caz1 · Post by **caz1** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 7:02 am

guys you are SO cool. Thankyou! Fi - I will email you! Lorraine - thanks so much - you are the best. Allson is so right it does just stir everything up - its just shitty Anyway - had good sleep (first time in a week!) last night and feel much brighter this morning. Nothing , of course is clarified, but completely inexplicably I feel a bit better. Thanks ladies!! Again! Cazzx

Bex · Post by **Bex** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 7:36 am

Hi Caz, Just ask my other half about my changing of mind over treatment. when we first failed in Feb, i wanted to go again in 3 months time. By the time May came round all i wanted to do was lose weight and move house and never even think about treatment again. And now, we've just made an appointment to look at trying FET later this year !! Paul's great but he said he won't push me and he'll go with it when i'm ready but part of me wants him to drag me there screaming and kicking and just MAKE me do it !! sometimes i just want to be a kid myself again with none of this and mortgage and everything, being a grown-up sucks sometimes !! All the best with what you decide, love Becky xx