The 30-40 Group

[sml]

Hello ladies!

I emerged from my house for the first time today since starting bed-rest on Saturday and took a very slow walk to a nearby cafe for some air and some breakie. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, spring is definitely hovering in the air here in London today (as, alas, are a few dark clouds!).

Perhaps it's having spent the last few days at home, or its that I've been reading a Thomas Hardy novel set deep in Wessex, but the hustle and bustle of city life seems more pronounced to me right now. It's quite active in the area where I live and every car that zooms by, person that talks or coughs, door that slams, seems to affect me. As I was walking along and enjoying the magnolias in bloom, it occurred to me that some time in the country, with a bit of quiet, my do me some good. Food for thought for our next weekend away....

Lisa -- congratulations on sharing the news with all of your colleagues. What a wonderful, wonderful response!!! It must be amazing to feel the love from so many people you care about who are so genuinely thrilled for you and DH. Bask in the glow -- am sure your little beanie can feel the warmth and affection!

Lynne -- I am the biggest chicken when it comes to injections so I totally get your anxiousness about starting them. How is DH with such things? Mine can't stand getting shots or giving blood but totally rose to the occasion when it came time for my injections (he did look like he was about to faint when the nurse showed him the needle and how to do it at the hospital!). Something about adminstering the shots to someone else made it easier, I think, and he also felt like he was participating in the process more fully! Plus, it was nice to have a "routine" (the minute he got home from the office, right before dinner....)

That said, I did inject myself one time -- DH was held up at work and it was that all critical last injection before the Ovitrelle so I had no other choice. Have to say, it was not that bad after all. For me, the belly was the least painful. Best of luck!!!

Elly, Jan and Angela -- hope you are doing well!

Oh, and that "most anticipated baby since Jesus" comment came from New York Magazine. There's an article about how much paparazzi photos are worth these days and this one -- the first photo of Brangelina's lovechild, will be worth quite a mint! Let the lady deliver in peace, puhleeze!

Have a beautiful day everyone!

[sml]

Hello ladies --

Where are you??? Did everyone take my noise-complaint about city life to heart and decide to give me some "quiet time" on the thread?

Another glorious sunny day outside -- it is actually HOT and feels like summer. Took another short walk but fear I may have overexerted myself by carrying two big bundles of flowers and a grocery bag home. LIghter than my usual load but heavier than I think I should be carrying. Why oh why did I do that? Am now plopped on the bed and on-line keeping fingers crossed that I did not over-do it for the little embies. Eek.

I know, I know, calm down.

(Uh, oh, I seem to now be chatting to myself. Hmmmm....)

This morning I lashed out at DH for not cleaning up in the kitchen enough. He looked like a little puppy who had been scolded and I felt awful, awful (though in truth, this domestic stuff is an issue). The hormonal roller coaster has begun!

Y'all touch base now, you hear? The 2ww is a bit lonesome!

[LisaB75]

Hi sml - sorry we have been quiet. I don't know where everyone else is - but I have been busy here at work. I work in a construction equipment rental company and we are having an open house and silent auction tomorrow, so we have all been going crazy trying to get everything ready. Then I decided today that I was craving Mexican food for lunch and I of course ate way too much - so now I sit here fighting off heavy eyelids and heartburn. I hope the 2ww is treating you well. You sound like you are keeping it together. I am on the hormonal rollarcoaster too - I walked in to my house after work yesterday - dropped the mail on the floor by accident, then bumped my elbow when I was leaning down to pick it up. By now I was good and p*ssed off so I looked at my cat and yelled "What the f**k are you looking at?" Poor cat - lol!! It's funny when I think about it. I have had a much shorter fuse for a couple of weeks now!

Regarding city life and the country - I am more fond of the country myself. I grew up in a big city, and I commute to it every day for work. When I met my husband back in 1994- he introduced me to the country life and we bought a place out in the country on 5.5 acres back in 1998. I absolutely love it - the fresh air, animals, peace and quiet. It's great. At the same time - the city is close enough and I get my dose of it each day when I go to work - plus all of my family and friends live here. I guess I get the best of both worlds. If I had to choose one over the other - I'm country all the way!

I need to go now - need to see if someone here has a pillow - otherwise I may need to sneak away to my car for a quick nap

[lynne]

Hi all,
For some reason my emails have been going straight to trash as spam. Only noticed it by accident today. I ned to clean the computer I think.

I've had a couple of scary days as have been spotting a lot and we thought this round of ICSI would have to be delayed, but thankfully, I gave myself the first injection yesterday, so am really pleased.
SML DH is a wimp. He doesn't mind injections on himself, but when he tried to give me the meds it was a disaster. He went white, said "yeuch" and came nowhere near me. I think I am too indepenent anyway to rely on him for anything like that. But I only felt a bit queasy yesterday before I gave myself the shot and I have to say I feel really empowered. My fear of this whol process was SO huge I only consideredit as a last option when everything else had failed- including adoption. I never thought I'd manage it. So although the last time didn't work, I know what to expect now and am welcoming it all with open arms.
Also on the domestic front, my DH is hopeless as well. He cooks but he whinks that is the end of everything he has to do. I work twice as long as him and pay all the bills (as he is also hopeless with budgeting), buy his kids birthday presents, remember everything etc etc etc. All he does is cook. Guys hey?
Lisa, where you live sounds idyllic. I'd love to live in the countryside but I work from home a lot and it would really effect my business if we moved, so it would have to be somewhere really special. And at the minute there's no way we can afford it. This IVF money really mounts up doesn't it?
Angela, I went to the clinic yesterday thinking "yay, trashy magazines. I can read up". Thee Men's Health and Country Life. What type of stuff is that for an Infertility waiting room of mainly women? I read Men's Health. It is SO SEXIST. It's no wonder women get treated badly. This stuff is out there being peddled as harmless fun, but it is insidious! And the 'laddish culture' that the government condems seems to come directly from it's pages. They also said that THRUSH was a sexually transmitted disease. I couldn't believe my eyes.
So I am still an Angelina virgin I'm afraid.
Elly, how's it going? Have you sorted anything out about work and pay? I'd go to my union and see what thay say.

Well it's a beautiful day and I'm off to the garden centre. I'm sure it will be heaving.
Greetings to everyone else. Have a great weekend.

[sml]

Hello ladies,

LISAB75 -- hope the open house and auction were a huge success! Sounds like it must have been tons of work -- hope that you have some downtime this week to squeeze in a few naps (and perhaps make nice with your cat again -- LOL).

How are those cravings? Mexican sounds sooooo good right now. That's one type of food that is rare to find in the UK -- and certainly not the same caliber that we have back in the US. We have befriended an American couple who are our neighbors. The girlfriend is Chicana from Texas and I keep hoping she'll invite us over for some mole chicken....!

LYNNE -- Congratulations on starting your injections. I am VERY impressed and proud of you. I laughed so hard at the image of your DH squealing and squirming over the needle. It is amazing, isn't it, when men turn into these little boys....I hear you about the domestic division of labor. So unfair yet this seems so typical with so many couples I know, even those who have otherwise equal, modern relationships....sigh.

Men's Health, and GQ are so ridiculously sexist -- I hadn't realized either until I picked one up at the doctor's office a while back too. You poor thing -- your clinic's magazine selection is really lacking! I've now decided to take a pile of trashy women's mags to the clinic waiting room when I go in for my blood test....just to share the wealth! Next monday....fingers crossed.

Elly, any resolution with work?

Angela, how are you doing?

The 2ww is going okay. I had wicked insomnia on Friday night however -- was up until 4:30 AM!!!! A friend from the states had come over for dinner and though I love her dearly (we've been pals since we were 18), she is, shall we say, often very self-absorbed, and literally talked about herself for like 6 hours. I felt like she was just dumping her issues (boyfriend troubles, job dilemmas, etc.) all over the dinner table -- the minute she left DH and I were just exhausted, but then I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I am convinced I absorbed all her negative energy and it was just resonating throughout my body all night long. The next day I had to cancel my plans with her just to protect myself. I know that sounds awful, as she really is a dear old friend and I really do care for her alot, but I just couldn't handle another night.

She knows that I had a medical procedure recently and had to be on bed rest and take things easy but I did not tell her about all the IVF stuff only because she is someone who would badger me with questions and ask every little detail and then the whole experience would all be about her.... That said, she barely asked how I was feeling, or took into account that I might not be 100% right now. We spent a little more time together on Sunday, which was slightly better, but more of the same chatting on and on about her life, etc. (No questions really about me or DH -- how we liked living in England, our jobs, etc.) So exhausting. It so hard to know how to manage difficult friendships at this age. I don't not want to be friends but sometimes it feels like all give and no get, if you know what I mean.

Oooh, boy did that turn into a rant! So sorry ladies -- had not realized how upset I had been about it all. Enough.

Hope you all have beautiful days -- xx

[sml]

Hi ladies,

I had been having some spotting as of yesterday afternoon, but was trying ot keep my hopes up. But today it looks like full blown AF has arrived.

Totally gutted and yet feeling kind of numb. Probably because I had to give a lecture today (am a prof) -- and had to throw myself into the issues I was talking about. I met DH and some of his colleagues for dinner -- the champagne cocktail helped a little bit but I knolw I am devastated. Rationally, I have lots of potential plans for the future, but righ tnow I just feel numb.

[ahart]

SML - Don't give up...you're in my prayers...

[jan33]

Hi All...sorry to have dropped off for so long. It's been a very busy month and some sad news today.

Unfortunately, just today I have miscarried at 10 1/2 weeks. We are totally gutted, sad, frustrated...everything mixed together. We were so sure that this was going to be the one....

We will try again when cycles return to normal....for now, although I logically know that this happens quite often, is likely a 'sign' that something was wrong, etc--it still is so heartbreaking.

Sorry to be so down...I'm really not sure what to do with myself right now...

Just wanted to drop by and let you all know. Will touch base later on...

[sml]

Oh Jan, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I hope you are able to take some time to grieve and also to find the support that you and DH need during this difficult time. As you said, it is likely a sign that something was not quite right, though despite one's ability to intellectually understand the reasons, it is never easy, especially after 10 1/2 weeks. It was hard enough learning that my two embryos did not stay implanted after only 2 weeks of emotionally investing in them. The good thing is that you know you CAN get pregnant and the doctors will have something to work off of for next time.

Please take it very easy. You are in my thoughts, my dear.

[LisaB75]

Ladies - hello. Sorry I have not posted in awhile. I am getting ready to take a vacation so I will offline after tomorrow until May 30.

sml - I am so, so sorry it did not happen for you this time. I wish I had words that could make you feel better but I know nothing I can say will help. Just remember we are all here and you can vent, rant, all you want - whether it be about failed treatment, dh, inconsiderate friends - we all understand and we are all here for you. My heart aches for you.

jan - I cried when I read about your m/c. I live with the fear of m/c in my heart every day and when I read about it happening to you, I felt like it was happening to me. I wish I could give you a big hug. I cannot imagine the unbelievable heartbreak you must be feeling inside. You and dh take care of each other. Like sml said - the good news is that you CAN get pregnant, and chances are you will have success in future cycles.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Don't give up hope.

Lisa B

[Macca8]

Oh Jan,

I am so very sorry for you sweetheart. I can imagine your sadness and frustration. It's such a hard thing to happen to someone, I know I have had 1 natural miscarriage at 14 weeks and 2 IVF miscarriages at 8 & 5. What I can say is let this give you strength to carry on and believe that one day it will happen for you. I made sure that the experience gave me more strength and wouldn't allow it to weaken me. You will be a mum.

Love Lisa XXX

[ahart]

My prayers are with you as well, don't give up and trust in the LORD. Try to get some rest

[jan33]

To my "e-friends"...thanks so much for all your support. This was one of my first places to come when my heart was breaking...and I know why. Its amazing to me that I have found so much support here...but I have. And all of you wonderful, strong, caring women are so deserving of life's best...I wish it for each and every one of you.

It's been a hard week, but things are much better now. Emotions are settling down and body seems to be returning to somewhat normal. We will start again, maybe in June, but definitely in July. It's so ironic that infertility ends up being such an exercise in patience, and I am sooooo impatient!!

Enough about me....I've been reading through only a few of the recent posts, so forgive me if I miss you on the 'shout-outs'!

sml: thank you for your kind words, but how are you doing? I feel your heartbreak with AF starting. Your day will come. Will you cycle again in June?

LisaB: congrats on your little one and the heartbeat! It's a wonderful moment and I just know that you will continue on strong and healthy! Enjoy every minute!

Angela: what's up girl? How are things going with you?

And to everyone else, be positive, think happy thoughts and good things will come.

Take care.

[lynne]

Hi All,
Jan, how are you feeling? I was so, so sorry to hear your news. I know nothing I can say can make it any better. I am so sad for you.
SML sorry it was a BFN this time. How are you doing?

Sorry I've not posted for a while. I've been a little hectic. But things are setling down nicely. I have done hardly anything today. I went for a massage for the first time. The masseuse suggested reflexology (even though I have back ache almost constantly these days and that's really why I went, I reckon it's the drugs). But I have to say it was great. She knows nothing of IVF, but we chatted about it before hand and she said she'd pay special attention. At the end she asked "do you have trouble with you cocksix (coxix, cocsics? how do you spell it?) Unknown to her I fell about 3 years ago and damaged my cocsix and it's never been right. So I was quite impressed.
On Saturday I was baby sitting for DH's grandkids and his daughter had a trashy magazine. Hurrah, I thought. Time to catch up. To my dismay it was all about women who had died shortly after giving birth. I coudn't believe it. So I'm giving up on my quest to gain some street cred.

Anna, how are you doing?
Have a good week everyone.
Lynne