ASIAN GIRLS !!

tinaviju · Post by **tinaviju** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 5:00 am

Hey Sita,
Hope you're all patched up with dh.If not ,let it happen at its own pace ,don't rush it.It will be all right before you know it.I agree dh telling his mom your argument is very irritating.I guess he learnt his lesson after seeing your reaction and will think twice next time!My dh would tell his mom everything word to word even personal stuff and it was so irritating.Men are really from VENUS!

Now he has changed because of all the doses I gave him!

I have atleast 2-4 fights with dh per month mostly related to inlaws!I am the fight queen!I know it feels so horrible when you fight with the one you love,you have that sinking feeling in your heart and feel so angry,alone and low.

But the good news is that it's normal in a healthy relation ship

.My relationship with dh must be real healthy!

I see some of my friends here and think they look so happy,they have kids,nice inlaws,supportive hubbys ,they must never fight.But that's just what i see from the outside and really don't know anything in their personal lives.I just assume they are perfect.That's where I am wrong as no one is perfect.Fighting is normal.It's both of you dealing with your pain and frustration.It's better to fight and let it all out instead of keeping everything inside and feeling like a ballon about to burst

.And when you both make up you will feel stronger and closer than before.So don't worry.
Sita it is not the meds that are making you act like this.I have heard many girls say the meds are making them act mad and emotional.I think it is the all the stress of the ivf cycle that we are trying to deal with that makes us emotional.Though my hubby always tried to do his best in keeping all the stress low,I was like a ticking time bomb at times in my last cycle:xWe worry about the outcome and other stuff endlessly.Plus you have to deal with your family,inlaws and fathers loss.Your plate is full and spilling over.So you haven't not gone MAD,if that's what you were thinking.You are just dealing with everything happeniing in your life and that can be painful.Little by little it will be allright.All this will pass.A new day will come.I'm sure your dh must be feeling bad too and will make up soon.You will feel tons better when you have made up.
Soon you both will be proud parents of cute embies!You have lots of dreaming to do!So get ready for the rollercoaster with hubby..Does your MIL know you are doing this?I haven't begun my dreaming yet.I still have time till my transfer.
Take care Sita.Remember you are a strong and beautiful person.Don't think any less of yourself.You have taught me lot of lessons from the school of life and I am thankful for your friendship and everyone else's.When i have my next fight with dh,you have to lift me up from the dumps.Deal?Sending you many hugs,Love Tina

Chel · Post by **Chel** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:56 am

hi girls,
Oops! looks like i hav missed a lot.
Welcome raina

I have been busy with work as i had to make some major changes in staffing. My mother's visa prob is still pending and thats driving me crazy.
Went for the acu and almost cried of pain. Oh my its soo painful esp the hot lamp. I had to lie down for 1 hr and the last 15 min was torturous. Yoga class is doing ok but am stil having the low back pain.

Tina,
You hav a busy day ahead today right? Good you hav friends around who can distract you from this stressful stituation. So how is your exercise going? Hope you are all ready to start. I m waiting for AF to show up, only then i can start down reg. Take care of yourself, let us know how's your new job, ok?

Sita,
Sorry to know that you and DH quarrelled. I agree with tina that its normal for us to do this. She had said more than what i will say. I think the med will hav a role to play in our moods. I used to to very cranky and felt the same way as u when i was on med the first time. U wont believe if i tell u me and DH quarrelled more than 4 times since last week. First it was about house hold chores, i was so irritated when he pointed out that my study room is messy cos he cleans only his toilet and his study the rest of rooms and the kitchen are mine. I told him that it is very unfair that i have to cook as I have to eat healthy, travel 1 hr after work 2wice a wk for acu, suffer all the needles and pain, get irritated by his mom, handle a stressful job to save for ivf and walk up and down to the immigration office and indian embassy for my moms visa and my citizenship (i m changing my citizenship). I think handling so many things at one go really drove me nuts. I poured out everything to him one evening and he was very upset abt it. another day, we argued abt his mother's and didnt talk to each other for 2 days, on another occassion i was angry that he didnt accompany me to the acu when is on off. so many figts like this during the past week. I felt the same way as u and told me at one point that i want to stop this ivf and postpone it until i get enough support and help from him.

Things hav changed since then, he drove me to the acu last sunday and he is bringing me out to eat healthy freshly cooked food (a bit more ex that why he wants me to cook). I was so surprised he make fruit salads and fruit juices for yesterday. I m sure your DH is also stressed and the medication and all the emotions we are going thru contributes to the fights. Like tina said, it will pass in no time, so take care of your health and put your mil out of your mind as much as possible.

Did you and DH go for ivf counselling? is it part of the tmt there. Counselling is compulsory here in singapore and our appointment is on the 25 Apr. Hope everything is alright between the two of you by now. Please try and stay positive and keep yourself happy dear if not you cant give the tmt 100%. Try and avoid all that irritates you thats wat i m doing. I told DH I m not going to his mum' place everyweek after i start medicine cos I dont want to be sad for any reason.

raina,
sorry to hear abt the ect pregg. Its really great to hav PILs like yours. If you had conceived before means the chances of conceiving again is very high. Take care

tinaviju · Post by **tinaviju** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 3:11 pm

Hi girls,
I started my training for the job.Lots of things to learn,hope i won't mess up!Anyway Sita hope you're feeling tons better now.Like Chel said the meds must be making us a little more crankier.My case manager here told all the husbands during the ivf class(we have a class where they explain the whole ivf process and teach us to use the injections and meds) that wifes will be more emotional during this times and it is because of the meds,so be patient with them.I feel I become cranky at any time meds or no meds! It is not even related to my period like before period or after.Little things about inlaws can reallly tick me off irrespective of the timings in cycle or meds.!Maybe I should hang a "Beware of Me" sign on me! I was quite calm during my injection part of cycle as I was so super excited ! but as the pregnancy test date was nearing i started loosing it as i had all the af cramps and knwe the end was near.It was real difficult to know inside that it didn't work,and still caryy on with injections and meds.I was just an angry crybaby

at that time.So don't worry about all this.It is NORMAL!!!

All the women on this site will agree with this.Everyone will handle this differently but will feel the same emotions .
SoTake care,ByeTina

Chel · Post by **Chel** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:17 am

hi all,
hope everyone is having a great weekend.

I cant wait to start my tmt, time really moves very slowly.

Tina, i m sure you will do a great job at work and it wil keep you away from thinking of MIL, i refused to go to mil's place this weekend DH looks unhappy, lets see what happens ha ha!
I saw a thread in ivfconnections site looks like its u tina, are u the one started the thread "desis with bad mil" or something like that (pardon me if its not you). I used post in that site but was soo quiet there esp the singapore thread. I m also posting in a local site www.singaporemotherhood.com, i get to meet a lot of girls who are from my clinic. I dont reveal so much of myself in that site as its a local site, you can drop by if you hav the time, we hav a thread called iv/icsi/iui-relatives and friends.

Take care all

tinaviju · Post by **tinaviju** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:44 pm

Hi chel,
Yep that's me on the ivf connections site!Anything related to inlaws and I'll be there! I should have given a different name.I'm only worried if one day dh stumbles on a page i leave open by accident and reads all what i write!I'll be in hot water.It happened once few years back when i wrote an email to my close friend cribbing about inlaws and forgot to delete the draft which was in notepad on desktop.He read everything and to this day there are still repurcussion when he remembers that!
Chel time does drag in the begining ,but then slowly it starts rushing and excitement will also rise.Hope af comes sooon.Has your mom's visa cleared?Don't worry it will all happen.
Take care all,
Love Tina

Sita · Post by **Sita** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:09 pm

Hi Tina & Chel,

I have been reading your post and I just want to say that you guys are the best and that you are "amazing ". I calm down when I read your notes and am reasurred that I am not going crazy

Hope you are having a great weekend. Mine has been relaxing for a change.

Things with DH have improved and I have had a chat with him about how I felt when he got my MIL involved. I think he had a word with MIL as well and she has been very quiet this weekend. Normally she calls about 3 times each day and wants to speak to me as well. Thank God .. she is keeping her distance.

Thanks for all the advise and encouragement. It really helps.

When one thing improves, another gets worse. My week was really shitty. One of team members is creating a lot of problems for me and has had problems with me being her manager from day one (for the last 2 years). It has been so stressful, but I think I can get through this with the support of my boss and the HR department. I just feel that I don't need all this stress right now.

Tina - I agree. I think it may be best for you to use some other user names when you post to different sites esp. because there have been issues in the past. I am sure my DH will also be totally shocked

if he reads my posts as well.

Hope everything is going well with the job and studies. I am sure you will shine like a star. Just be confident my dear. Thanks for reassuring me that everything is "normal" with me . I was so confused

but feel better now. The acupuncture has also helped. I told my accupunturist about my stress at work and at home and he put some extra needs to calm me down.

How is your acupuncture sessions going Tina ?

Chel - I guess we are in the same boat as we both refused to visit our in laws this weekend. I think my DH is also relieved in a way. My Inlaws think that the world should revolve around them. Well, they should realise that we have life too and that we need time to relax and spend time with our DHs. Actually, we had registration anniversary this Friday (6years) so we are going out for dinner today.

Hope your mum's Visa is sorted out. My mother is just sorting out her visa and is now hoping to come just before the EC. Hope I don't get more stressed. This is the first time I am seeing her after my father's funeral.

Chel ,just hang in there, I am sure time will pass by quickly and before you know it your tmt will start. Until then, try and enjoy yourself as much as you can because once it starts it is going to be a rollercoaster ride.

Shall close now girls. Take care. Wishing you loads of love and PMA

.

Love and hugs,
Sita

Chel · Post by **Chel** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 2:50 pm

hi tina and sita,
AF came today so i'll call the clinic tomorrow think they'll ask me to come and collect the medicine. Finally i m starting.

tina,
I think you shld change ur userid in the forums if you think DH wont like it. My DH too wont like it if he sees but he roughly knows wat am i posting cos i always tell him abt it though not exactly.

sita,
I agree, there's aways one problem after another. Me too having some prob at work regards to two of my staff. I hav fired one of them two weeks ago and the other one is making my life 'hell' since then. If things go bad will hav to do the same to her. Hope i can find good replacement by then. I m going for the couselling tomorrow, wonder how its gonna be.

Happy anniversary sita!

ok girls, take care

Sita · Post by **Sita** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 10:50 pm

HI Chel & Tina,

Hope both of doing fine. I am ok and have been listening to religious songs and the "Gayathrie Manthram" in the mornings. This has helped me to calm down.

Chel,

Hope your conselling session went well. What kind of things do they talk about ? I have not been to one yet but will defintely like to go for a session.

What is AF ? Did you get your medicines yet ?

Hope you find a replacement soon. Yes, I have similar issues at work. Luckily I managed to calm myself down when I heard about all the malicious things one of my team members was doing aginist me. I was going to fire her but the procedures are so strict. I have now set up a meeting with HR tommorow and will take action with their support. Luckily lots of people know about the trouble this girl has been causing. Hopefully there should be a good result. She is bringing the morale of the whole department down. As they say there is "No gain without pain" so all of this is a real test for us I guess.

Tina,

How is work and studies ? I am sure you must be busy. Are you continuing with the acupuncture Tina ? Hope everything is going as planned.

On a another note, I saw on one of the threads that Cheese is good for us but my GP said that I should try and avoid cheese especially soft cheese while trying to get pregnant. Any thoughts girls ? I am confused

Shall close now. Until next time.

Love,
Sita

Chel · Post by **Chel** » Wed Apr 26, 2006 8:25 am

hi sita and tina
AF means mensus. The counselling went well. the counsellor discussed on how we feel abt having to go for ivf, whether we hav told our relatives and friends abt infertility or ivf, how are we coping financially, how are we working as a team (DH and me) and how prepared are we to face failure (should there be one). she spent more time discussing on friends and relatives, working as a team and handling failure as she might hav sensed we hav problem here. She advised us not to worry abt the relatives esp when they ask 'why no baby yet', she said they are so rude to ask such a question and so u dont have to give any explanation, if MIL ask u when r u gonna give me grandchild tell her i'll give u one when i hav one" thats all no more explanation. DH was quiet and smiling all the way thru the session i was the one doing all the talking. She told us that ivf is a project in life and DH is the boss and i m the employer. He will hav to oversee and plan the whole project with me while i carry it out. She said that the boss shld always b there for his employee watever she complains and help her thru the problems without critisism. She also said that the boss need not be with the employer all the time but hav to keep himself updated (cos i told her DH doesnt accompany me most of the times). She also added that the boss shld take full responsibility of the project and share the joy and failure with his employee. Hope I m not confusing u girls hee hee!

Surprisingly, after returning from counselling DH took all the ivf documents (which i had scattered all over my study table) and filed them neatly and came up with a timetable for me to take the medications. He even called me around 10 am to check if i hav taken the medications on time. Wow he is a better boss now.

bye bye take care u 2

Chel · Post by **Chel** » Wed Apr 26, 2006 8:28 am

oops! there's a mistake, DH boss and i m the employee (not employer)

tinaviju · Post by **tinaviju** » Sat Apr 29, 2006 7:13 pm

Hi girls,
My training is all done and I start my job on Monday.All the other people in training were just 16-22 year olds! I was feeling like a grand mother!Sita glad to hear that dh understood your feelings and things are okay.I know bad colleagues really add to stress. My last job had 2 girls who were like Mafia! They felt they were the queens of the dept .I guess i was too timid also(my fault),which they took advantage of.So good Sita you're dealing with this colleague instead of avoiding the situation.

Chel I really like the counselling you had there at your clinic ,especially the part of how dh had to be the caring boss at all times.It's good he heard it from someone else and not you.It will have more effect that way.When i did ivf in India,I had counselling but it was just an explanation of the ivf process and he must have said one line about not taking any stress.That was it.Here they don't have any counselling.My dh is very caring and supportive even through most of my mood swings.He says I only think of myself and not how he feels.That is true sometimes.When the ivf fails,i think only I failed,i took all that meds injection,surgery and didn't get pregnant,so it is my loss.I know he will be upset also,but tend to think of my pain more.I know that's bad.

Like I said earlier dh's younger sis had a baby girl and sometimes (when i am in a bad mood or having a bad day)just a small news about her baby can make me emotional and mental! This really bugs dh.He wonders why I just can't be happy for his sister.I really try hard for the jealous monster in me not to come out when i hear any of her baby news,but sometimes am just bad! So counselling is definietly great as we have to deal with so many other related issues other than not becoming pregnant.Sometimes i REALLY think i need to see a psychologist! We really need someone to talk to when going through all this and we need them to tell us that we are not going MAD!

I got a new accupuncturist.Much cheaper than the last one and speaks English way better,plus she stays walking distance from my place,so I am happy.sHE used a device on my ear to check if all my organs were functioning well.She said my digestive system is not good,my lungs have a mark on it,my heart has palpitations just to name a few of the bad news she gave me!Did anyone else have this tested on them?She said I have a nervous personlity which is true and how I must calm down.SHe gave me a back massage and it was real painful but my body felt very loose after that.Chel is your accu still painful?Is your doc good?wHAT happened about your mom's visa?Hope everything clears.When are you starting your meds?Did they give you a rough schedule of your cycle?

Sita how is your stimulation phase going? Have you started that yet?Belated Happy Anniversary.Today is my 5th Wedding anniversary.Dh had to go to work,Maybe we'll go out after he gets back.My period came yesterday.I have my next appt on Tuesday and after that i start with meds to thicken the uterus lining.I am begining to feel the rush of excitement again.Hope it won't end in af as usual.Let's see

Have a great weekend girls,Wishing you the best,Tina

Chel · Post by **Chel** » Mon May 01, 2006 2:01 am

hello girls,
Hows everyone doing? Hope all are enjoying the long weekend.

I have started down reg last week and will be starting lucrin (hormone suppression) on the 10th. I did not go for acu again, its soo painful and am scared to go. My diet hav improved a lot since dh is monitoring it however, having some digestion problem as there is a change in diet. My mom's visa is approved and i think she will be here in another 2 weeks.

Tina,

Yes the counselling was gd. Like u when i did my first cycle they also offered counselling but it was just a description of the tmt but this clinic is different. I know wat u mean by some1 telling that dh need to be caring, the counsellor also said that the wife suffers a lot of injections, medications and hormone effects which are all obvious but the dh had to suffer a lot of xxxxx which are present all over the tmt and is not visible and so asked me to remember he is the one who goes through more stress as he cant do much abt anything but watch it fail or succeed.

Dont feel bad abt the way you react to your sil's child's news. Its very normal for us to feel that way. I have been there many times. After all we are human beings and not angels right?

If you think u need to see a counsellor go ahead and see one. I was also thinking of going for counselling so that i can handle failure better this time and i was so happy that they provided the counselling in this clinic and i dont have to go anywhere else. Its ok to talk out our feelings to a professional who can help us to stay sane. BTW there are many books which helps us to manage this ivf emotionally.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO U, wow, u r married for 5 yrs only! me going to be 8 yrs

tinaviju · Post by **tinaviju** » Thu May 11, 2006 1:42 am

Hi Chel & Sita,
What's ahppening with both of you?Long time since we all were in touch.Sita how's your cycle going?I guess you must be close to ec or er or already done with it?? Chel what's stage are you at?Have both your moms landed at your homes?My Fet got cancelled because on the base line ultrasound before starting the cycle my estrogen was high.The lab is closed in June.So July is the next possible cycle date if ever. It's frustrating to wait again for 2-3 months after I somehow got rid of the past 3 months.But I guess it is all for the best. i am quite busy now with the new job and studies.Adding a FET in that would have been quite stressful.And because i am so busy i might not notice the 2-3 month wait.Infertility can really test your patience to the limits.Bye got to go,Dh is here.Take care all Love Tina

Chel · Post by **Chel** » Mon May 15, 2006 11:59 am

hi tina,
dont worry about the delay, as u said everything happens for a reason. Its now busy time for u so july wld be the best time. Now i m still in the supression stage my baseline scan is on 23rd May then doc will decide when to start stimm. Probably will go for ER and ET during the third week of June if all goes well. keeping evrything crossed to get enough eggs and embies.

sita,
How are u? didnt see u for very long. Are u ok dear? I think by now you would have done your ER right. Keep us posted.

Ok girls, if we lose touch u can always find me in the singapore thread i mentioned my name is "humble" there. take care all

Sita · Post by **Sita** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:09 pm

Hi Tina & Chel,

Sorry have not written for a long time.

Hope both of you are well.

I had my EC on the 19th of May and had 25 eggs. Out of these 16 fertilised but only eight divided withe 6-8 cells. So 8 embies are frozen.

On the day of the ET, I got OHSS and was vomitting continuously. I was admitted to hospital and was relased after 9 days. I am back at home now and resting before I go back to work on Monday.

My mother is here with me and it is a big relief. My DH and mother are looking after me well. I was disappointed that I could not have the transfer but I think it was the safest option. I am still recovering from Hyper stimulation (OHSS).

I went to see the doc today and she asked me to continue the all the medication for the OHSS for 2 weeks.

What is happening from your end ?

Chel, is you mum with you ? Hope all goes well with your cycle. I wish you all the very best. Try and relax as much as you can.

Tina, how is your job ? I can understand that you are juggling so many things. Take things at your body's pace. I am sure the wait will be worth it in the end.

This is the first time I am going to FET. Have you done any reserch on this ? I will appreciate your views..

Will love to hear from you.

Love,
Sita

ASIAN GIRLS !!

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