April/May Buddies??

LauraLou · Post by **LauraLou** » Mon Jun 19, 2006 11:54 pm

Jackie,

I am so, so sorry. I will be praying that everything works out, but if not, I know exactly how you feel. I think it would have been easier for me if I had gotten a BPN to begin with, rather than getting a BFP and then losing it.

It was so hard when AF actually came. I knew from my beta numbers that I'd lost the baby, but when it physically happened, I got really depressed. I felt so bad about myself, like I was a failure or a bad person. It has been two weeks and I am finally feeling better. I think my hormones were out of whack, in addition to feeling so disappointed and sad. Please know if you need to talk, I am here for you.

I have my review appointment on 7/7. I think DH and I have decided to do IUI with donor sperm. We can do 10 rounds of IUI for the same cost as one IVF/ICSI. Our odds are so much better. If we had unlimited funds, we would keep doing IVF, but at $12,000 a try, it simply isn't feasible.

Carolyn, glad you had such a nice vacation. I hope your lap does the trick and you will be having good news later this summer.

Best wishes!

Xrayem · Post by **Xrayem** » Tue Jun 20, 2006 8:33 am

Hi guys,

Just a quickie as its everyone I know's birthday today and I need to get on the phone soon!

Dania - I was relieved to hear that I wasn't the only one feeling like that. I just felt desperate.

Carolyn - I would tell your Mum. They are going to know somethings up as you say when you don't drink coffee, etc. I think people going through fert tmt underestimate other people, as I have told my family and close friends and as I work in a small group of medical proffesionals I have told anyone who has asked about all the time off and the ops.

I found it helped especially when I was asked to go back for the IUI again. I was a little upset (I got the call at work) and one of the doctors came in and saw and said that he just wanted me to know that I was very much loved at work and everyone was praying for me and would do whatever I needed them to do should I ask. Its no longer my horrible secret I have to struggle on with alone. The girls will give me a hug if I look like I need one and it makes things a little bit easier.

Blurrghhh! Somuch for a short one! Gotta go,
Em

jackoa21 · Post by **jackoa21** » Tue Jun 20, 2006 1:57 pm

Hello
Well ladies this is offically over. They did a scan today and they did not see anything and the blood levels actually started to drop so I will probably miscarry on my own. I will proably need to take a break for a while. I know what people say "at least I know I can get pregnant" yet I dont belive that makes any difference.. Laura like you said I dont think it was actually better to have gotten this and lost it...
take care ladies and I will probably still lurke (and most likely still post) but for now its too raw...

Love Jackie

vessi · Post by **vessi** » Tue Jun 20, 2006 3:51 pm

Jackie,

((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
it is the worst to have and then to lose it. I lost one ectopic baby and the pain is still here. it does get numb but we will always cary it with us.
My heart goes for you and your DH.
I feel so guilty now that I have two (I hope they both go to full term). I wish I could magically tuch all and spread the baby dust.
(((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

vessi

LauraLou · Post by **LauraLou** » Tue Jun 20, 2006 4:03 pm

Jackie,

I am so sorry. I know how much it hurts. To finally be pregnant but then to have that dream ripped away is absolutely devastating. Take all the time you need to grieve your loss.

If you need to talk, please know I am here.

Laura

Xrayem · Post by **Xrayem** » Wed Jun 21, 2006 7:43 am

I'm sorry Jackie, I wish there was something we could do.... We'll see you when you feel well enough to come back.

Take care,

Em

CarolynB · Post by **CarolynB** » Wed Jun 21, 2006 11:23 am

Dear Jackie

So very very sorry for you hun.

Can understand fully the need for you to step away and take some time out. Take time and give yourself time to grieve and then heal.

We will still be here if/when you feel the time is right to come back.

Thinking of you & sending you big hugs.
Love Carolyn xxxx

CarolynB · Post by **CarolynB** » Wed Jun 21, 2006 11:54 am

Dania - acu cutie did not tell me to do anything outside the sessions with hot water bottle. However sessions 3 & 4 in the run up to my AF, he did use a funny heater over my tummy whilst the needles were in. Session 5 yesterday. He was pleased that he had been able to make some changes to my AF and he is sure that he can do even more. The food is pretty boring but it does seem to be doing me good. People have said that I look really healthy and I can tell some of my clothes are starting to get a little baggy on me - that is after they got impossibly tight during tmt - we can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Em & Dania - thanks for the advice around who to tell. It is quite weird that I have felt able to tell some close friends but not my Mum & Dad. Guess it may just be as I have not seen them face-to-face and at the point that I thought that I might say something my Mum was having a cancer scare so I did not want to add to her burden. Good news is that was a false alarm. dh feels that I should tell my Mum. Think that I have in my mind to tell them

Em - you are doing better than me - I usually recall the birthdays about a week after they have happened

Hope that time is passing for you & you are tring to stay calm - soon be the end of the month

Laura - think that your plan sounds very wise - it is good that you feel a little better and that you are able to plan your next steps

Veronika - think that your review appointment is tomorrow - hope that goes well - letus know how you get on

I am on a good roll right now.

Think that I may have managed to get my lap paid from by healthcare at work. Could be almost all of the £2,000 so that has made me & dh very happy. I am being taken to Ladies Day at Royal Ascot tomorrow by a company who works with us so that should be cracking fun especially if the weather stays the same. Not sure how I am going to resist the champagne and stay on the water!???? Then going to my parents down in Devon from Fri -Sun so quite unlikely to post over the next few days. Mum's birthday is Friday and we are taking her and my Dad out for dinner on Sat evening which should be nice. Have not seen them since Jan so will be good to see them. Then off course we have the football to look forward to on Sunday!!!!

Sending big hugs to you all.
Carolyn

DaniaBB · Post by **DaniaBB** » Wed Jun 21, 2006 6:29 pm

Jackie,
I'm so sorry.
I'm sending you a great big hug.
We all understand- take the time you need to grieve and heal from all these emotions & come back when you feel up to it.

Take care,
Dania

DaniaBB · Post by **DaniaBB** » Wed Jun 21, 2006 6:42 pm

Laura- What you felt and dealt with must have been incredibly difficult. Its true that dealing with our emotions and after some time it does help the pain lessen- I don't think any loss completely leaves us. You do sound better and I think the decision you made is great. So let us know how your review appt. goes.

Em-That's wonderful that you colleagues at work are so understanding & sweet & give you hugs. You're lucky. How are you doing on your 2ww so far?

Carolyn- Good choice! I think you waited for the good time to tell your mum- wow a cancer scare that must have been difficult for you as well.I understand my mom had breast cancer and we are affected too. Since you're going to the Ladies Day- just one glass of champagne can't be bad- I think I would have one! Sounds like you weekend will be exciting too.Have fun!!! I'll be thinking of you on monday- all the best for the Lap.

I'll be going away this weekend too- a cousin is having a birthday party in the Laurentian Mountains at a cottage. So I thinkI might have on piece of cake and one drink afterall I haven't indulged in anything unhealthy since Sunday.MY AF still hasn't arrived- only some pink spotting- So I had to cancel the saline until next AF-Dr is on vacation. Hopefully acu will help reduce the dreadful fibroids.

Hugs to everyone!
Dania

Xrayem · Post by **Xrayem** » Thu Jun 22, 2006 8:25 am

Hi girls,

Carolyn - you must definately have one glass of champagne! It would be a crime against nature to not! I am going to have a glass tonight, even though I'm on my 2ww, but dh got the official letter of his promotion today and he got a whopping $10000 pay rise! I'm making us a candle lit dinner to celebrate.

Dania - I am lucky. But I think its mainly because I work in the medical field. My colleagues see infertilty on a regular basis and understand the stress of it all.

Kisses to all the mummy's in waiting!

Em

DaniaBB · Post by **DaniaBB** » Thu Jun 22, 2006 8:03 pm

Em,
YEAAAHHH that's wonderful Congrats!!!!! How sweet of you to prepare a romantic dinner, enjoy!

I guess being that your colleagues are familiar with all the challenges they can communicate better.

Well, have a great weekend.
Hugs,
Dania

Xrayem · Post by **Xrayem** » Sun Jun 25, 2006 8:08 am

Here's all the crazy things in my head right now.

It will be a BFP beacuse:

* I had 2 eggs and they had to do the IUI twice (on two days) and I made us do it naturally every waking second after the IUI (so full of wigglies! - is that TMI?)

* I haven't felt the need for a glass of wine at all. (last time I was a mess) and when I had a sip the other night of my fave white wine, it tasted awful.

* I have been craving red meat. We don't usually eat much and I went out and bought big steaks for tea. Also craving spinach. (???? an iron thing).

* I have been starving. Even after eating big steaks, went to bed with rumbling belly.

* I have been going to bed at 9:30 each night, exhausted. Even missing some of my fave shows on telly!

* I don't feel AF is coming.

* If I am pregnant, the baby(ies) will be born on around the 8th of March which is my wedding anniversary and the b'days of my Nanna and Pop (who have both passed away).

It could be a BFN beacuse:

* I don't have sore breasts or any other real pregnancy related symptoms.

* I had a BFN HPT.

* Things never usually come easy for me. Murphy's law - if I want it, I won't get it.

So. Am I a raving lunatic? Does everyone else analyse things like this?

Baby dust to all,
Em

CarolynB · Post by **CarolynB** » Sun Jun 25, 2006 9:44 pm

Em - I am not sure what to say.

I have only done the 2ww once and it is so hard to know whether the signs are all +ve or not. You read so much into absolutely everything. It is great if you feel that you do not have signs of AF. The HPT that you took sounds too early so I would ignore that. It sounds as if you are going to bed early and taking good care of yourself so you are giving yourself the best possible chance. It is good that you can come here and post and let us know what is going on. I guess that the real question is does it feel any different to last time???? I really hope so. Don't want you to leave us but do really really want this to work for you. I shall be thinking of you over the next 4 days. Murphy's Law was last time, not this time.

You and your dh must be thrilled with that sort of pay rise. That is a great promotion. I do hope that you both had a terrific candle light dinner together.

Dania - still no sign of AF. That is so annoying. I am doing a mad jig for you........................................................Hope that you had a lovely weekend away. How was it??

So based on the words from you, Em, & Dania. ....... I told my parents what is going on. They had no clue. They are pleased that we are trying (especially my Dad) as think that they thought that I might not want children as I have left it all rather late. My Mum was great. She watches too many programmes on subject and reads too much. Sure now that she will go into research overdraft to find out everything for me. She knew lots already about all the odds and the tmts. She is of course worried but I told her that would just stress me. It feels like some big weight (mainly of keeping a secret and pretending with them that everything is ok) has lifted of me now that they know. I think that this will help me as long as they do not expect daily updates.

We had a really lovely weekend with them. Weather nice. Really relaxing being by the seaside.

Also had such a terrific day at Ascot that did not even feel like a single drink. Backed 3 winners and 2 seconds so may be my luck is changing!! Hope that I did not use it all up.

Plus England somehow managed to get through to 8 of the World Cup. Em - you must be v excited about Australia!!!!

So been busy over the last 4 days that op has not really stressed me until I needed to pack this evening. The girls making me my own thread was so sweet.

Anyhow sure that it will be fine. If it hurts afterwards then I shall just have to get on with it.

Veronika - how was your review appointment? Hope that it went well.

Jackie - been thinking of you hun. Hope that you are looking after yourself. Really hope that you are sticking with us and not going to jump ship!?

Thinking of everyone. Hope that this week is a good one - especially for our Em

Love
Carolyn xxxxxxxxxx

JESS FITZ2 · Post by **JESS FITZ2** » Mon Jun 26, 2006 1:28 am

Hi Girls,
I was on here back in May but, had to cancel my Ivf cycle due to my uncle being sick in Florida. So I was very busy with that and didnt have much of a chance to post anymore.
I do remember some of you from May.
Carolyn- Very happy to see you back and ready to go again!

Vessi- I am so happy to see not only a BFP but, TWINS! How exciting!!

Jackie- So Sorry to read your sad news! Hang in there hun!

Well as for me I had my egg retrieval done on June 20th- 12 eggs 7 fertilized.
And Transfer was on June 23rd which we put (3) 6's back
So now I'm on my 2ww- July 5th is my Test day!

Well Im glad to be back and still seeing most of you here from May.

Take Care! JESS XXX

April/May Buddies??

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