April/May Buddies??

[jackoa21]

Laura
You are not feeling sorry for yourself you are just hopeful
I am the last person to take my own advice but I am happy to give it out.. You have been through so much and you are an amazing and strong woman.. Don't beat yourself up because you have hopes.. That is what gets us through.. I am like you and when I started reading your post I crossed everthing that you were going to say you got a BFP... Here is the thing though you will get that BFP.. I truly belive in my heart that you will.. I dont understand why we have to go through this but I thank God every day we have one another...

love and hugs
Jackie

[Xrayem]

Hey Guys,

Laura - Not sad at all. I would have done the same thing (except I wouldn't have had to go out to buy a HPT - I have a secret stash!) Oh, and I would have done it the day before AF was due.

Carolyn - I'm with you. I don't care where we go or what we're called. I'd also feel a little phony being on a aug/sept thread when I don't know when my tmt dates are yet. All I know is that I first cycled with you girls and I feel more at home here than any other thread I've visited. Hope your nephews do went ok...

Jackie - Yep, definatley doo it naturally while your waiting. I have always thought that is the cruelst thing to ask an infertile couple to do - use contraception! We haven't used it in 5 years, I'm not even sure how to put a condom on anymore!

Dania - hows you little angel doing?

Veronika - thanks for the PMA!

Well MIL has flown back to NZ and I was just relaxing on the couch last night when my sister in law (SIL) rang to say that she was 12weeks pregnant. There goes my relaxed, calm state! She made a big fuss about not upsetting me and at one point even sounded like she was crying. I know it must be hard for them (so happy for themselves and feeling shitty for me) and I tried really hard to be happy for them but I went to bed in the foulest mood. I vowed never to be a good person again.....it hasn't got me anywhere! Luckily I woke up this morning in a nicer mood.

I had my appointment with the doc today and he straight away pointed out that I was a very analitical type A personality. He said that I had a lot of negative energy because I was constantly analysing every step of our treatment (looking for signs, trying to get answers, etc). He said that the fact that I know the sucess rates for IUI's is weighing me down because my sub-conscious is reminding me that I have a better chance of failing.

He got me to relax and close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing. I felt very relaxed and loose. He just spoke to me and told me that I was going to be positive about everything from now on and allow things to happen without wanting to know why. I have to accept that its all beyond my control, and the doctor's and just let it go. I guess its what we've all been saying from the start...PMA!

I came away feeling very relaxed and can even look at my SIL's pregnancy very positively now. Who knows, perhaps the power of the mind can work wonders.

Will love you and leave you. DH is off to Darwin tomorrow for the rest of the week so I'll catch you all daily from now on.

Love Em

[jackoa21]

EM
I should go to your person (they sound amazing) I really really love the fact that you are full of PMA... Share the wealth

I have my second acc appointment on Thursday so I am excited to just relax and my mom comes to visit on Saturday (for an entire 10 days) I have not seen her since this all happened (she is across the country with my dad) so I am probably just going to cry for a majority of the time she will be here but I am so lucky to have her and that we are so close...

How are all are other ladies???

HAPPY MONDAY

love and HUGS

[CarolynB]

Hi Ladies

Wanted to post for Laura in particular before I leave work after a 13 hour shift!!!

Laura - I know that both my tubes are completely blocked up. But still when I am late every single month, I think maybe just maybe one of dh's managed to find a way through and it has actually happened. One of the reasons that I was scared of the op was the trying naturally month after month and getting more depressed as every month ticked past and I just got a month older. I really do know exactly how you feel. It is not sad at all. It is so natural as we all want this to happen so much. I am out of hpt's right now which I think is how it should stay for me if I can bear it.

Jackie - it is great that your Mum is coming to visit and that you are so close. I am sure that you will cry but I am sure that you will laugh too. When stupid things were being said yesterday at my nephew's 1 st burthday, I could feel my Mum looking out for me and steering the topics onto safer ground like Wimbledon and the football I felt so good that I had told her and that she was kind of on my side - normally I feel that you ladies are on my side and the rset of the world is against me & dh in our baby mad society Hope that acu on Thursday goes well - I am off to see the cutie tomorrow - had to wait 2 weeks post lap to go back. I am quite excited to hear what he has to say about the tubal surgery plan??? As well as feasting my eyes a little window shopping never did any harm did it!????

Ems - I really don't want to leave here until we can all post BFPs with Dania, Vessi, Cyot and Prissy and the others. Just not sure that I can invest the emotional energy into a whole new group and see people get a +ve on their first go around as we struggle along. I so want it to happen for each of us as we have been through so much together already. Yesterday was ok although my middle sister with her two kids (who does not know about my situation) managed to make a few cracking comments - like I was old enough to be Nadal's mother - sisterly love for you. Your dr sounds great if he managed to calm you down that much. There is sense in what was said too. I am major A type and I analysed absolutely everything in my cycle. I am not sure that it helps. It certainly is not like I can go with the flow. I am a major control freak as well - not a great combo. The acu has certainly helped me relax a little - that is why I figure that it must be a good thing for all of us

Dania - hope you and the little one are taking good care of yourselves. Sure that dh is doing lots of pampering of you. I think that you are wise to wait with friends until after the scan. I am sure that you are desperate to shout it from the roof tops. Bet you loved the football - what a game! And what a headbutt - proves that anyone can lose their rag under pressure

Veronika - I keep forgetting if you are getting the op before or after me. Please remind me again as I am being dense and forgetful. Have they given you much inffo about what we can/cannot do after the op? We can compare notes So 4 weeks today and the op will be done. Not so long to wait now and with the mad business at work, I am sure that next 3 weeks will fly by in a blur of late nights & worked weekends.

Anyway, I am shattered & it is only Monday so going to head home and hope to get there before dh goes to bed!

Take care all. I so want to come here even when I am really busy to hear your news and see how you are all doing. I am really not sure what I would do without you ladies.

Love to all.
Carolyn xxxxxxx

[jackoa21]

Hi laides
Just a quick note as I am running home for the night.. Carolyn hurry (but not too fast) so you can see your DH
also if you have a chance dont forget to ask your cutie about acc during the 2ww.

I am also out of HPT's and I think I will have to stay that way for now.. I was keeping them in business through my IUI's and I truly need to just steer clear.. The chance of anything happening is slim to none for now so I will just have to patiently wait for the next go....

Have any of you ladies heard of a way to boost the # of eggs.. From what I hear you have what you have and you can only help quality but I thought I would ask.. They are changing the prototcal on my next cycle (no birth control pill) but of course I am now worried I will get a cyst.. SO many things to worry about

Dania thinking of you and your little one....

Love and hugs to all...

[Xrayem]

Just a quickie from me too, as I am shattered! After spoke to you guys last night, DH just got home when the neighbours called to say that their 2 yr old had fallen and hit his head and was shaking, pale and vomitting! They rushed off to hospital and we went over and babysat their 8 month old, who was sleeping (they didn't want to wake her).

She did wake up later and DH was so sweet cooing to her in her crib until she went back to sleep. It just reminded me how much I want to give him our own child!

Alas he has gone away again and as I'm day11 and he's gone all week, there is no chance of a miracle natural pregnancy for us this month. AF is due on the 28th and then my IUI should be around the 10th Aug. If that fails, then IVF in september.

love to you all.
Em

[jackoa21]

Em
I am the same when I see my DH with babies.. It makes me melt.. It also reminds me of how much I want him to be a dad....

So I just need to vent.. I am close with my mom and dad (mom and I are friends and mother and daughter but none the less I am close with both) well last night my dad calls and says my grandmother (his mother) called him and told him I was "STILL" upset..
My grandmother is elderly and in a home and I try to call her every other day to check on her.. She does not live by me but I feel its important to keep up with her and let her know I am thinking of her.. I am not mad at her but I can not belive my dad asked why I was STILL upset.. Well I started to sob on the phone and said because after 1 & 1/2 years of trying and all the time and energy on IVF to succeed and than fail and now to be unsure if this was ever going to work again I still felt pretty crappy about the whole thing.. I am so frustrated and I wanted to yell at him.. He ended up trying to say he was sorry but I just don't get it.. He really did not understand why I was just not fine.. ugggg
ok thank you my lovely friends for letting me vent
love and hugs

[CarolynB]

Jackie - First I have to say that I did get to acu cutie but he was treble booked so he had to keep popping from me to the other ladies so I barely had time to tell him about the op and plan dates. I am so sorry that I did not ask him about the 2ww for you. I feel so bad. I go again in 2 weeks so promise I'll ask him then. Sorry to be so rubbish for you. I did hear him on the phone talking to a lady about acu on the day of her ET - have you heard of that to help the circulation??

Sorry also about your Dad. I am just not sure they know what to say or how we feel. My Dad was like congratulating me on the fact that I was trying. He had no clue re-drugs, injections or the fact that it might not work. It is hard but it is only really you guys and my Mum that seem to get it plus a small handful of close friends who have either been though it themselves or seen it first hand who really seem to get it. I am so sure that your dad did not mean to hurt you. Of course you still feel sad. We feel sad for what you went through and we have never even met you.

Ladies - I was nearly in tears (again) when I read what you wrote about your dhs with children/babies. I so felt it when I saw my dh with my 1 year old nephew making him laugh and with my 5 year old niece playing games in the garden. He was so great with then both. I was so like I need to give him a child and why cannot I manage that..............

Em - sorry that your dh is away this week - we are here for you

Veronika - where is my tubally challenged pal???

Laura & Dania - thinking of you both

Acu man right brought me down to earth re-op. He said that they often go to ivf direct as it is major surgery (4 weeks recovery if I am lucky) and that risks of an eptopic afterwards are high plus can send AF all over the place. JOY JOY However, that said, he still thought that I should give it a go and that he would work on cleaning up my system and helping me heal afterwards.

Better go as 10pm and dh waiting to communicate with me Jackie -sorry again that I did not ask your question for you. I am rubbish.

Nigh Night all
Carolyn xxxx

[jackoa21]

Carolyn
Please dont feel bad at all.. I have plenety of time to figure out what your acc cuties says.. No rush at all.. You are very sweet for being so worried about it.....

I had a long talk with my mom who said after we talked she had a little talk with my poor sweet Dad.. She did a lot of explaining and he ended up feeling really bad (which than I felt bad) vicious cycle.. Anyway all is good and it just seems sometimes we need our moms or friends to be mediators to explain this stuff...

Carolyn also I understand what your acc cutie said about the opp but I really think you DH have made this decision together and you made a sound decision. I know its hard but even as your acc cutie said give it a whirl and he can help afterwords...

take care ladies.. we are a quiet group

love and hugs
Jackie

[Xrayem]

Hi guys,

I had the same problem with my Mum and Dad, they kept saying "I don't know how you feel - I don't know how to help". So what I did was go onto a site run by ACCESS (aussie ivf site) and printed out three fact sheets. One was on Unexplained Infertility which outlined the tests that should be done and what options are available. The second was on IVF (what each stage is and how it can affect you) and the last was one called "How to help - for friends and relatives". It explains how helpless, lost, miserable and lonely we feel from time to time. It warns them from saying all the cliches we hate and what really grates. I thought it was fantastic!

Mum & Dad both read it this last weekend when they were up and I know they were thrilled to have it....finally a manual on how to behave around infertile daughters! They have taken it home so they can refer to it as I go through it.

I cant set up a link for you as you have to be a member to access the site I think (its www.access.org.au) but I'm sure you guys should have similar fact sheets through your own organisations.

Not sure if it'll help, but thought I'd share.
Em

[jackoa21]

Em
I think that is a wonderful idea.. I will check that out and print one for my parents.. You are right they probably just need a guide..

P.S. you are not at all infertilie.. You road to your little one (s) will be a little longer than most but it will happen
love and hugs
Jackie

[veronika]

Hello dear ladies,

I am so sorry about my not posting in the past days but I am completely overwhelmed with work, and although I must say: I am sick of it, it does make time pass more quickly..

I cannot believe that more than a month has passed since my BFN and that we are the April/May buddies. I guess for all of us right now it is hard to bear the waiting and it is time to start the next step of whatever we are doing to finally be mommies!!!

Carolyn,
my operation is on the 17th of July. I just today realized how soon that is because I went for pre-operation tests. They gave me pretty much zero information, but this is becuase my doctor is on vacation (the 17th is his first day back), and I only heard about the possibility of doing the op the day before he left. SO, I didn't yet have the time to ask my manymany questions. What your accu-cutie said about AF being out of control afterwards is annoying. They also told me that there would be a approximately 3 weeks recovery phase. Ahhh, I am so impatient. Isn't it so weird that after all the stress IVF brings I still feel like I would prefer to jump back to IVF as soon as possible. I think it is because it is so wonderfully technical, gives me a sense of control (which is rubbish, of course - WHAT CONTROL???). Still, I don't want this to sound like I am not thankful about the option of doing the operation first. Because I am. I am just scared of the monthly waiting and the imaginary pregnancy symptoms (had them all )

Jackie,
I think people who haven't gone through this experience of "infertility and IVF" (especially men!) can just not understand what it means for us. I can so see my dad ask the same thing, and on top of it all thinking that he is being sensitive because he talks to me about my problems. Ah. It's a great idea of Em to give those people who are close to me but do not know the experience this information leaflet... Usually just learning about the technical procedures helps others understand that this is not a walk in the park!!
I hope you are feeling better!

Em,
great idea about the infertility and IVF info. I will definetly open a few people's horizons with this
I can relate to what you said about wanting to make your DH a dad. I feel this so often as well, and it makes me feel so out of control and unworthy. BUT WE ARE NOT. AND WE WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN! The other day I was talking to somebody at work who also works as a midwife and we talked about infertility (she doesn't know about my problems). And she once said: "oh, today you can get pretty much every woman pregnant". She just said it withouth thinking much, but I appreciated the certainty with which she said it. I am making this my credo these days...

Laura and Dania,
I hope you are both doing well!


I would like to stay on this thread as well. I feel really conformtable here, like I have known you all for quite and this just feels like the place to be and stay until we all have our BFPs.

sending you all hugs from my desk...Veronika

[CarolynB]

Ladies

Em - what a great idea - saying about the leaflets made me think of a similar thing. When I was with my parents in late June when I told them about us trying for kids and the tests and ivf etc etc, my Mum and I were in a card shop. We spotted a book which was only like £4 - all you need to know about infertility. Only about 100 pages and fairly basic but figured that it might have some info in that I did not know about. I bought it & read it in a couple of days when I was back in London. But because I was with my Mum when I saw it, after I read it, I just mailed it to her. I thought that it might help her understand more about what it is like for me. I think that our families do want to understand and help but I just feel that the whole condition is ill understood for people who have not been there themselves.

Veronika - sorry that you are having a really hard time at work but your op is so soon. Cannot believe that a month has passed already since your BFN. It is now over 2 months since I got my BFN. Wow -the op is very soon for you - you will be able to tell me all about it!!!! Acu man told me 2-4 weeks to recover. No driving for 4 weeks. He did say that he could help with recovery - have you asked about having the acu support your recovery plus trying to re-balance AF afterwards? Let's do all we can to help get better fast. They told me 2-4 nights in hospital depending on how I do. My hospital gave me a leaflet - if there is anything else helpful in there then I will let you know. I am scared about the op and scared about afterwards but i am going to do everything and if this helps my/our chances that I am going to give it a go. They told me that you could start trying as soon as you felt up to it after the op - guess it depends on AF

Jackie - you are right dh & i have made up our mind but I do appreciate him being honest and realistic with me. Then at least I go in with my eyes open. Warned my dh that he would have lots of looking after me to do

Dania & Laura - thinking of you

So AF looks like arriving in the next day or two. Which is right on track for me so at least the lap does not seem to have messed it up for me despite the fact that I bleed for almost a week afterwards. I am on the herbal (flush away ) drinks again for the next few days. They are so yuck!!!!

Work pretty manic but as Veronika says, it does mean that you think about ivf/babies a little less.

WE ARE STAYING UNTIL VERONIKA, EM, LAURA, JACKIE and I EACH POST BFPs TO JOIN DANIA ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!!!! UNTIL THEN THE THREAD IS STILL VERY MUCH OPEN FOR BUSINESS

Love to you all.
Carolyn xxxxx

[jackoa21]

Carolyn and Veronika
I think it is so amazing that you two have eachother to learn more about this op through.. I think we are all very blessed to have eachother but I really think you guys will be able to give eachother additional information.. I can only imagine taking this step has to be hard but you are making a choice and you are taking the steps that will get you closer to having your little ones.. That has to make you feel very empowered..

Veronika I like your credo and I was just saying that to a friend today its not like the doctors have said "we can never get you pregnant" and I have also been thinking our doctors are in this to help us have children they are also doctors and will not just keep doing this for the sake of doing this SO I think we should just belive that our road may be a bit windy and longer than some but this will work and we ALL will reach our goals.. Till the last one is quoting her BFP we will be here together.. I love that idea.. I have loads of PMA today...

I hope you are all well..... For me just buying my time. Not much for now just accupuncture and possible AF (with PCOS it may or may not show up until my next round of IVF hopefully in September) so I am just doing accupuncture and Not smoking (yeah over 40 days) my hubby has quick out patient surgery tomorrow (if its not one thing with us its another) long story short he is the youngest person to have re-occuring blood clots so they put a filter in him well he must have been doing somehting crazy because the filter moved (dont ask me) and my mom is coming to visit on Saturday for 10 whole days.. Lots of retail therapy...so I will have to just live vicariously through you ladies until my next time comes.. And of course trying naturally in the mean time..

Em I found a site through my doc that explains IVF so I copied it and sent it to my dad.. I think it really will help.... GREAT IDEA

Laura and Dania how are you ladies doing?

love and hugs
off to make dinner
Jackie

[LauraLou]

Wow, I'm gone two days and look at all the posts I missed! Thank you all for your support. It really helped to read that I am not the only who spends a fortune on HPTs when you already know the result will be negative.

Jackie, I'm sorry about your Dad. I have had the same reaction from people. I try not to be overly sensitive but it still hurts.

I'm a nurse and usually I work with high risk obstetric patients but last night they sent me to the nursery. It was fun but sad at the same time. It was great to hold the newborns, feed them, bathe them, etc but it just reinforced how much I want one of my own. They are loud though! You wouldn't believe how much noise 25 babies in one room can make!

Carolyn and Veronika, I am hoping that your surgeries are a success and that you have a quick recovery time. It would be so wonderful if you both ended up with natural BFPs afterwards!

Em, I think I need to see your PMA guy. I felt more relaxed just reading about your session with him!

Best wishes!