Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[little R]

Octopals.... have got back from Switzerland and as I was telling Walshy just the other day via MSN chat (I wonder whether you received it?) that my computer wouldn't boot properly when I got back so have been without a computer for a couple of days. I have fixed it...hopefully permanently, but you never know with these temperamental things!

First things first... CONGRATS Jen on the house...fabulous news to read.... you must be so psyched...A NEW HOME!!!As the others Octos have mentioned: car, house and baby..it's all coming your way now my Octofriend You'll see. I know your op is only a few days away...thinking of you!

Camilla.....thinking about you too and wondering whether our first true Octobaby is a boy or a girl I bet you're up to your eyeballs in nurturing...how lovely

Steph, sounds like your holidays were excellent.... and so what's the status on the boy vs girl issue... when is that coming? Glad you're back to being your usual yoga girl... would be weird if you weren't your normal elastic self I watch Grey's on Mondays and think of you

Walshy... so how are you feeling? Things moving forward even if slowly...you must be pretty excited. I am crossing my fingers that your AF will appear IMMEDIATELY... I don't know how you do it..I would be so annoyed with my body for not producing the wicked witch! YOu're so patient!

Lola... hope you've been having a fabulous rest in France and now feel like taking on the world

My news... in brief as not to bore you... the break in CH was not much of a break .... we were working on a house we have just acquired. Moving, tidying out and evacuating a lot of stuff... we had the usual family obligations to tend to at the same time and therefore on our "off" moments we were running around like headless chickens.
Rare were the nights we spend consecutively in the same place. Then we had to tend to some emotional issues.... my mother-in-law having a bit of a break-down, my father-in-law's little plane (being piloted by someone else) crashed into the lake, my mother's car breaking down...it really seemed like one thing after another
Basically... it was a little nightmarish and very tiring and I was actually glad to return home to rest. I tried to eat sensibly and to rest (didn't get much of it though). I was taking my meds whilst away and came back for the scan. Not brilliant news... the scan states that my endometrium is no where near ready for transfer so I am continuing the meds. I am really disappointed but not really surprised by the outcome. I feel really guilty... I don't think that the meds are doing the jobs and add the last couple of hectic weeks to the equation and naturally the result was not a good one.
Anyway, I am going back for a scan day after tomorrow, the 15th and we will see what will happen...whether the whole thing gets cancelled or not, I guess
Not sure what to think but feel angry...angry at myself for going back to CH and not resting, angry that all my friends have kids, angry at seeing babies everywhere I look...


THE list:
Jen- Tubal Op- Aug 16, then cycle
Walsher- still waiting for AF then cycle a go-go! on to blast..
Loolers- surgery, Octo-cycle
Littles- FET cycle started! Scan: day 14 to check endometrium
Steph- Scan Aug 21, due date- Jan 9.
Camilla- shall pop any second now.


I really hope you're all doing well and that you all have smiles on your faces...

Much love,

Littles

[Jen1d]

Hang in there Littles, its never over until confirmed by the Doc.
I know its there is so much anger and frustration inside you but you have the same change of a BFP as anyone else so don't give up yet. Remember PMA all the way. Its hard but we have to hold on to it.
So i order you to chill out and try to relax.

I have not had time to think about my op, which is just what i planned. Its amazing how taking time out from ivf does make you feel better and ready to tackle the next hurdle head on. My friends in London have even said i sound more like myself since we have had a few months away from ivf and they saw that over the phone

So the packing continues. Only got the kitchen to do and thats it---my middle name is organise---just hoping everything goes through ok, should sign the missives this week.

Ok will catch up tomorrow and we are away to meet my mum and buy a suite.

Am thinking of you all, come back for a chat soon, i miss your company.

Littles, you better be chilling

Love Jen xx

[little R]

Jen dearest, thank you so much for the encouragement....you certainly sound upbeat It looks like the move is taking your mind off everything... let's face it, it's one of the most stressful things around, moving! Glad that you have taken a break... I may take a break too after the FET if cancelled.... going to see what tomorrow brings!

Going to kick my feet up and read and watch tv Man, do I have a difficult life

Hope all you Octopals are fine....keep wondering about Camilla and her little one.... what's it going to be ?

Love to you all....will log on tomorrow with news...positive or negative...

Littles

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hi Fancies!
Do you ever have one of those days where you wish you could lay on the couch and do nothing all day and it really irritates you that you have to go to work... well, this is my day. I am very annoyed that I have to be at work and I am super annoyed that I have a yoga class to teach tonight and I will not get home until about 8:30pm- which is a long day when you leave in the morning at 6:15am.... anyhow--- rumpus grumpus! that is me today.

I think I did it to myself though. I ran around all weekend. Saturday I did the Farmers Market thing then had a wedding until late- plus a 2 hour drive home. Yesterday I cleaned, "gardened", laundried all day. Nonstop.. what a waste of a weekend. Aren't weekends for lounging?? hmmm, sign me up for a spa trip! Ok, manic Monday rant over.

Littles- so glad to see you back sweetums. I think you have the right idea, rest, rest, rest. Although I don't think you can blame yourself for your endometrium .... I ran around like mad fool the month I got preggers. So, no blame game sweets. Not your fault. Besides my fingers, legs and arms are still crossed this cycle is a go-go for my sugar pie.

Jens- Gettin ready for the big move..... and keeping herself crazy busy.. thatta girl. Your surgery is so close. Will be thinkin of you noodler. After surgery, rest and on your way to BFP... coming together!

Walshy- PLaying the waiting game.. I definitely think a jig is in order.. but what kind am not sure- tango, hip-hop, swing..... dirty dancin'? Hmm, pick you poison and go for it. We need the jig expert Loolers here to help you out and serenade you....

Lo-la-la-la... please come back with your wit. Demetrio is back on the cheesy fries... Poor Demmy and his puppy dog eyes.. has decided to take up residence in the magi-bubble with poor deflated life raft. Isn't it time to resurrect that thang?

Camilla- must be in babyland? But what flavor??????

Girls- since you asked, a reminder for the nutters. My scan is on the 21st for baby kind, bets are being placed now. 1 week left. (as seen below in THE list)

THE list:
Jen- Tubal Op- Aug 16, then cycle
Walsher- still waiting for AF then cycle a go-go! on to blast..
Loolers- surgery, Octo-cycle
Littles- FET cycle started! Scan: day 14 to check endometrium
Steph- Scan Aug 21, due date- Jan 9.
Camilla- shall pop any second now.

Shake your tail feathers!
Steph

[Jen1d]

Oh girls what a day.

House - Solicitors fed up with them all. We had to change the date of moving from Sep 15th to Sep 1st as the people in the house we are buying wanted to move out earlier. So we organised our move for the 1st and luckily our buyers agreed to move in earlier. Now the solicitor says the date has now been put to the 8th Sep. So i have just had a major our of control moment on the phone to the solicitor as they never informed us of this and now expect us to change everything again. Have told him to get it sorted and we are sticking to the 1st Sep, won't hear until tomorrow and feel so stressed out. Don't want to lose the house because of a week but would have to change our buyers again, our hols, removal vans etc----not bloody doing it---so there. Will keep you updated, didnt know moving house was so difficult.

Mini - Stupid rev counter is not working. This is about the third time it has been in the garage. They are now grovelling and have offered us a cheque for £300, having that thank you---now get the problem sorted or else

Thanks for the rant girls, one thing after the other at the moment. Oh i'm having an op tomorrow so much going on i don't have time to think about it. Have packed my little bag but hopefully they wont keep me in for the night. Have to be in the ward at 08.30 then meant to be home for teatime Got a letter saying i will be discussing my options with the Consultant before going to surgery. Basically i have to sign a form and they will just do what they think is best anyway. Will let you know the outcome.

Littles - Hope your ok and things are running smoothly for you, cycling all the way. Rest button.

Walshy - Any show from The Evil yet?

Camilla - I know you will be so busy with another little one but dont leave is guessing a minute longer. Escape from the bottles and get typing all your news.

Steph - I'm wondering what your bump is like. I'm thinking you are small and petite and thin given all the yoga and exercise you do, so i'm thinking it's a boy Roll on the 21st

Loops - Hope your ok? Any news about your op yet? I know you need some time away from this ivf but i hope your reading all our news from afar. Come back soon, your missed.

Ok hunnies, will not be around for a couple of days but will write as soon as i can about the op. PLEASE GOD JUST LET THIS WORK

P.S. Bought my Emla cream for the op tomorrow , hate that needle in my hand---Loops would be so proud

Love Jen x

[lolajones]

Aloha!

Am back from franclandia and rarrrrring to go.
This only a v quickie to say GOOD LUCK JEMLA!!! Enjoy the anaesthetic and awake a tubelsss/tubeligated new woman goddess of fertility!!!!

I'll post properly a bit later, just didn't want Jem to miss good luck wishes

laters ma taters

lola
xxxxxxx

[little R]

Jen, dearest.---- everything crossed you for...house and op.

Fingers crossed that the sollictor will sort it all out and you will have a GREAT day tomorrow...with all the positive news on the homefront and the op-front.

I am sending you heaps of PMA and hoping it will all go smoothly and you will be ready and fit as a fiddle for the BIG 3.....

Hang in there sweetie....

Much love to you Octobunny of ours

Littles

[Jen1d]

Loopy, yyyiiiiiipppppppppppeeeeeeeeeee glad your back.

Thanks girls for my good luck wishes. Have made a decision to have my tubes clamped but i'm sure the Doc will whip the left one out. Oh well, will have to go along with what they think is best, just don't want any horrid tubal syndrome.

Catch you all soon

Love Jen x

[Inhale, Exhale]

LUVS TO MY BUGS JEN!!!!

Fantastico surgery for you.... everything crossed for success and hottie surgeon!!

Steph

[Jen1d]

hi all this is jens husband letting you know that jens surgery went ok
she is staying in hospital overnight due to her op being later than planned.
she said that she will speak to you all tommorow when she comes home.
hope you are all ok take care steve (jens other half)

[little R]

Thank you Steve....really sweet of you to post the good news!

Jen needs to rest up....give her our love...

Hugs to you

Little R

[little R]

Dearest Octofriends....

Please forgive me..I am miserable and this will be a quickie as I don't want to poison the atmosphere.

I spent most of yesterday crying.... the only thing that has resulted from it: a splitting headache I really, after all these years, should know better.

I think I have hit rock bottom....I can't take this anymore..

All was well on my last scan...and the ET was scheduled for Tuesday. Then I started feeling very itchy and sore down there.... basically have a whopping yeast infection and the cervix was bleeding... so my cycle has been cancelled. The irony... is that my increased levels of estrogen (due to the meds) have probably caused it. Pfff... I can't believe it!

I am feeling very sorry for myself at the moment and am having trouble with all the emotions ranging from anger to sorrow.
I am so tired of having to deal with this cr_p.... I want my life back...
I have got to the point where I have had enough and I want control of my life... this has been "ruling" me for nearly 5 years and I can't take it anymore. It's destroying me...

DH is coming home today and I need to have THE talk... everything is put into question... I mean what am I doing here in Dubai: nothing? I had a super job before I moved here and friends...I have nothing at the moment. I love my DH so very much.... but have lost my identity with the move here....
I need to make some decisions....need to make some commitments to myself and stick to them...

Anyway...in the coming days, I will be around but I may not be online for a little while later as I may go off somewhere to think about all of this and to re-group!

PLEASE know that I am thinking about all of you...and will check in to read your news if I can....

Much love to you...and thank you for the constant support you have given me for nearly a year
I am eternally grateful

You're the best my Octofriends!

Little R

[Walshy]

Hi Ladies,

I tried to get on yesturday to wish Jen all the best for her operation but I was a bit late.......

Anywhooo Jen I hope your feeling better babe and log on and let us know what your up to and what they ended up doing to your tubes. Thanks Steve for logging on your behalf. Do you still chat with my DH? He hasn;t mentioned it in ages or has it died down???

I was going to say that the 16th was a good day for us as AF finally arrived but then I read poor Littles post. Little R I am so sorry that your cycle was cancelled. I hope that your talk with your DH went well and that you have had somr time to re-assess where you are at and where to go from here. I can only imgaine how your feeling athe mometn hitting rock bottom. I am sending you an extra big hug and hope to soon catch you on MSN so that we can chat....we keep missing each other. I understand the ruling your lofe for five years as it has been nearly 6 years in March next year for my DH and I. That is why this is our last 4months of it. I don't want to go on like this anymore.

Lola girl it was great to get a post from you raring to go for your next cylce....

Steph 4 days until we find out the flavour of your little one yay some good news to help us through.. I think you deserve those days where you just laze around and yes I think weekends are made for lounging especially Sundays getting the paper a latte and heading to the beach to sit on the grass and lase in the sun.

Any news from Camilla yet.

WEll as i said AF arrived with a vengence....It is awful won't go into details but I am constanly looking for toilets as soon as I go anywhere.. So I have offically started round 3...The injections are fine it is like riding a bike.... I am excited to be starting again and finally getting on with it so I either know I am going to be a parent or not....

Take care ladies Walshy xxxxxx

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hi My Girls... especially the one that needs a big hug... Little Sweets.

Littles- I am so very mad, sad for you. I know how it feels to be ready for a cycle and have it cancelled. But it is especially painful when it is something so trivial- not lining, eggs, etc.... but to have it cancelled for an infection is just the craps. The big question is always- why doesn't it ever work out? Take time to be pissed... but remember.... And I hope this isn't the wrong advice from the wrong girl time (as it seems I was the only one who ever mentioned the option in our group).... but I will tell you what got me through IVF...
When I went through it I couldn't stand th big question mark- will I ever be a mom? (as walshy said in her last post, she just wants to know) Well, I had that question answered already... yes, i was always going to be a mom. I knew I may not give birth to the baby, but I knew I would get there.. Whether it was IVF, donor eggs, surrogate or adoption.. I knew that I would be a mom. Of course, you always have the question of when, but it seems easier to say when than if...
I can't even imagine what you girls are going through that have tried for 5-6 years. I tried for 3 and I knew that if this last IVF cycle failed I was going to adopt. I knew that I was dangling from the end of my rope. I already had the adoption meeting scheduled.
I don't know if this is an option for you, but I just don't want you to give up on something you want so badly and would be incredible at.. being a mom.
Only you can decide when you have gone through IVF long enough. I hope you are able to find the answers you are looking for and have peace with it. We luvs ya!

Walshy- hmmm, gettin jiggy with it worked heh? Which jig did you choose? I bet the dirty dancing.. a little one on one with Demetrio? Shh, Lola may be lurking... Congrats on cycle a go-go! Poms and granny style spankys are on and ready! Give me a B- F- P!!! Louder!! Your plan of lounging Sundays on the beach sounds terrific.. except the nearest beach to me is 4 hour drive... plus believe it or not, I am not a sunshine girl (unless it's 60F) .. I know weird considering my chosen profession that takes me outdoors and often...

Loolers- you promised you would come back for proper post- I am holding you to it.. get that peachy bottom back here right now.. the group needs ya sweetcakes! Plus we miss you and need an update!

Jen- thinkin of you. restin away, healing for mommy away time! Give DH a big group hug from us for postin yesterday! He is giving Demetrio a run for his money!

Camilla- BOY or GIRL?? I demand to know!

As for me.. I am off to collect plant samples.. I Know I am a star!

High Kicks
Steph

[Jen1d]

Hi honey i'm home

Oh my poor Littles, can't begin to think how you are hurting. Take time for yourself and think about what you want. Have lots of hugs and chat to us anytime, we're always here for you.

Walshy - Great to here AF finally appeared so its full steam ahead for you to a bfp. Everything is crossed.

Thanks girls for all my good wishes they really mean alot to me. I kept thinking of you all last night and couldn't wait to get back and tell you the news.

All went well with the op after chatting to the Doc, bursting into tears then chatting to the consultant and bursting into tears we eventually came to a decision and i signed the consent forms. Basically i told them i just want them to do whatever is best so i can be a Mum. They were brilliant but the nurses were dragons making me get out of bed half asleep and plonking me in the shower.
Anyway the left tube was full of fluid so was removed and the right tube had some in it and was going the same way so that was also removed. I feel happy with the decision as if i had them clamped i would have had to go in again for another op. There is no evedence to say everyone suffers from Post Tubal Syndrome and given i don't really have side effects with the ivf drugs thats a good sign i will be ok.
As the op didnt start until after lunchtime they kept me in all night. A pregnant nurse was on the ward helping me and a pregnant gymslip kid in the bed across from me who kept going out for cigarettes, which annoyed me.
Anyway i am having trouble walking about and feel very tender but the Consultant said she has done the op the best she can, taking the tube out as close to the uterus as poss so my chances of an ectopic preg are much smaller now than before. The tubes were not attached to the ovaries, which is great and she feels i am still young haha. Was shocked to hear this but she informs me i still have a good few years to try. She said my eggs are not the best for a person my age but i get good quality eggs so have plenty of time. The good news is that i can start again on my October AF, which should be around the 8th instead of November so i'm well chuffed with that. Will be an Octo Bud again and maybe cycling with Loops
The only thing i wasn't prepared for was how emotional i would feel. I have always known my tubes are too damaged to concieve naturally but having them taking out has been like going through all that pain again. I feel a since of loss and am grieving that i can never get pregnant like everyone else. Sad but will get throuth this. The Consultant says my chances of ivf working are better now the Hydro has been removed

Ok am going to rest now. Take care and a big massive hug is being sen to Little R. Am thinking of you babe

Love Jen x