April/May Buddies??

[CarolynB]

Dear Em

Woke up thinking of you and knew that because of the time difference that when I logged on first thing that your news would probably be here. Just saw your sad news on your own test thread so posted there first.

You should not feel like you let anybody down at all. You gave it your very best shot. You did the 3rd iui that your dh wanted you to do. You should feel very proud. You have kept your spirits up throughout.

You show how strong you are by dealing with this as well as the day that you have had on top of it all. I cannot believe how you were able to cope but you did.

We just all want it to work so much for all of us as this really sucks for all of us. Nobody should have to go through this shit.

HPTs should be banned. They are evil...............

Have a glass of wine or a bottle. Let the tears flow. Be kind to yourself and your dh over the weekend.

I am glad that you did not cancel the ivf appointment so the good news is that you do have a plan to get your little one. That will give you time to get into good shape. We can help you with your questions too.

We are all here for you hun. We are all here for each other.

Sending huge hugs over the water.
Lots of Love Carolyn xxxx

[DaniaBB]

Hi Em,

I woke up thinking of you and wanted to check b4 I left for school.
I was so sad to read about your news. All of us here were keeping our fingers crossed and were hopeful for you. Those HPT tests are FULL OF CRAP!!!

You are incredible- to deal with your feelings and at the same time to have a situation with a patient like that. As Carolyn mentionned- crack open a bottle of wine with your DH after work tonight and take the time to deal with this mountain of feelings. You did a great thing by going to your IVF appt. this week- you have a great plan to follow for next month.

I'm sending you a great BIG HUG!

Carolyn- Sounds like you are doing wonderfully!!! Yeah!

Jackie- The Robbie Williams song from my Best Friend's Wedding- I know now who you both we talking about. They don't play his music much on Canadian radio stations.

Lauralou- How amazing..VEGAS!!! Have a great trip. It's a great city- enjoy visiting all the Casinos. The NY,NY one even has a rollercoaster!

I have to get dressed and leave-it's 7:10!
Hugs,
Dania

[Xrayem]

Hi guys,

It's now 10:15pm and my friend and her DH have just left. We work together and she saw the day I had and just rocked up at my front door with Pizzas and the ingredients to make champagne cocktails. So a couple bubby's later and I have finally come down and feel a little teary.

Thank you all so much for being here. I can't say that enough. Even though I don't know what you all look like and probably never will meet you, I think of you as my confidant's (said with a french accent). I am sad. Sad that all chances of a natural pregnancy has slipped away from me. Sad that there is no reason for all of this. And sad that even all the horrors of IVF might not let me have my dream.

When I started IUI's, I thought that success was only a matter of time, but with each failure I get more and more aware that I might be one of those women who never knows what it feels like to hold her own child.

My Mum and Dad are coming up tomorrow to be with me. I rang and left a message with them to say the cycle had failed and Mum rang and left a message saying that she was so sorry and if she could take it all away from me she would....it broke my heart.

Love em

[jackoa21]

Oh Em
I am so sorry to read your news. You are such an amazingly strong woman and you WILL have your dream. I know that I can not make it any better and I can not make you any promises but truly in my heart I belive that you will have your dream. I don't understand why any of this happens or we have to go through this but I belive in the end we will be able to look back and remember all we prayers and tears were worth it (as we are holding our sweet little ones)
I am glad your mom and dad are coming to be with you. On the last IUI I did I cried and took time for myself and than I put my plan into action for what I was going to do next. Do the same honey.. Drink some wine cry with your DH and mom and dad. Keeping in mind that in a few months you will be past this part and on to being a mommy..

love to you
Jackie

[CarolynB]

Dear Em

I was just in tears reading your post. It is so weird to feel so much for people that you have never even met. It is too heartbreakingly unfair.....

It is good that you had some bubbles. I hope that they mean that you get some sleep and not too much of a sore head tomorrow am.

I am so very glad that you Mum is coming up to see you tomorrow that will help a great deal I am sure. Other than you ladies, I sometimes feel that she (and dh) is the only one who really has a clue how hard this truely is. I am so glad that you & the others persuaded me to tell her.

I know that it is so hard to be +ve right now but I was thinking that you still have time & age on your side at just 30. Also I know that ivf is not like baby dancing but you will still be using your eggs and your dh's sperm so any baby will still be very much yours. I just view it as them helping ensure that all the bits get together in the right way. ivf was not easy but it was not unbearable especially when you have all the support on here. The odds of ivf working at your age are pretty darn good - honest. There are lots of ladies on here who had no success with iuis and then did with ivf - you only have to look at the tickers to see it can happen.

We will help you all we possibly can. I don't want any of us not to get our dream................

Sleep well.
Love Carolyn xxxx

[veronika]

Dear sweet Em,

I am very sorry. I don't even know what to write. Because your feelings are so similar to mine, and sometimes I don't know what to say to myself anymore.
Maybe it is the best to stop thinking of being a mom, because this is what hurts me most. I don't give up, and keep on trying, but I ban the thought of how wonderful it would be to be a mom out of my head. And IVF will certainly help you with this. It's so technical. I wouldn't go as far as to say that it is fun, but I was happily excited throughout every step of the cycle. And even though I thought I would never be able to cope with a BFN, I did cope, and now there are new plans ahead of me.
It is good to know that you have your DH, and parents and your dog with you now. You're still young Em. There's plenty of years ahead of you to try every possible thing to get pregnant. So many "miracle pregnancies" happen out there. It will be your turn too!

----
No news from me. Although AF isn't here yet. But I feel no hint of a sign of pregnancy in my body. Everything is as perfectly normal as it could be and I am pretty sure not to be pregnant. I think my cycle might still be confused after the surgery. It is weird, I am not capable of doing a HPT, though. I HATE them, I HATE sitting there and feeling the ugly nasty hope rise up my breast while waiting for three or whatever minutes. It is always in these three minutes that it is not possible to fool myself anymore. I can no longer pretend that whatever outcome it will be, I will be ok, that I don't really believe in it anyway etc. So I just wait.

I am very happy to have you ladies on this thread! This does make us so much stronger!

Love, Vero

[jackoa21]

Good morning ladies,
I need to make this short (as I am going to get the puppy) but I wanted to pop in and check on everyone. Em I hope your mom and dad are with you. Lean on them and cry with them and know that we are here for whatever you need.

Vero
Honey I am sorry you are so down right now. I think the biggest crapiest part of all of this is our emotions. Like you said if we could take our emotions out than we would not have the pain or disapointment. A couple of weeks ago (during the whole bloating thing) I did an HPT (just to check) I must have cried for hours. I kept thinking "what if and maybe" I got really upset and walked away feeling very down and that the one short BFP is the only one I ever would get.. BUT there is a reason I am saying all this. I came on here and talked to you ( I dont think I mentioned the BFP becaues it was really dumb for me to even take it) but you were all (as always) here for me. You did not make promises my next go would work but you all promised to care for me and to help me through and thats what you have done..
I love you all and I am thankful for you all every day
Love
Jackie

[veronika]

Jackie,

it is so true and so touching what you wrote.
Thank you for being there and understanding!

AF just arrived... I am trying to just let it happen withought feeling too much.

Much Love from me, Veronika

[Xrayem]

Veronika,

I'm so sorry AF arrived. Thank you so much for what you wrote. It is wonderful that we all know each other so well by now that reading what you all write is like reading my own thoughts. I guess one small positive that we can get out of this experience is that we have all found each other and can relate regardless of our postal address.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if in 10 years time we could all meet up, with our large, happy families and laugh over a glass of bubbly at what we all went through.

Take good care of yourselves, my sweet friends and know that you are well-loved.

Em

[CarolynB]

Oh Vero

I am so very very sorry that AF came for you. I was so hoping that she would stay away and the surgery would have done the trick for you with the lap. Why is this so hard? I so feel for you as I keep wondering whether the surgery will have done any good for both of us....................I so hope so.

I know that I am probably being a nag but when you are done with your PhD then you must really try to get to see the acu that helped Dania and see whether they can help you as well. It must be worth a shot. And I am sure that it might help if you are trying naturally or doing an iui or even ivf again.

I hope that AF is not too rough on you. I am sorry but I am not sure what else to say to help.

Sending you big big hugs. Thinking of you hun.
Love Carolyn xxx
--------------------------------------

Em - really hope that having your parents there is helping you through this rough period. You are right that it is the saving grace of this whole business that we found each other - otherwise I think that I would go insane - no, I would have gone insane already. It also means that I don't talk about it all the time with my dh which helps him as he says that he can only talk about it so much.........

Jackie - did you get a puppy yesterday? Hope that will put a smile on your face.

Laura - Hope that you are having an absolute ball in Vegas and that luck is on your side so

Dania - Hope all is well for our Mum to be

I am not full of PMA at all I'm afraid. I have not taken any painkillers since Thursday pm but that has made me feel like I have gone backwards in terms of the pain - I know that it is not logical, it is just the pain was being masked before by the drugs. Dh and I had lots of chores to do yesterday that I cannot do myself as cannot drive for at least another 10 days which is pretty frustrating. Silly stuff like getting a tax disc and a parking permit....plus regular stuff like the weekly shop. So we were out and about from first thing through til about 3pm - we got everything pretty much sorted. But of course I was shattered and so sore yesterday evening. All I could do was lie on the couch holding my tummy. No baby dancing which I am sure must also be frustrating for my dh now. I am just getting chewed off that my body is not yet better. I am starting to question whether the op will work at all or whether I should just have done another round of ivf. Or if I had know how hard it would be to recover whether I would not have gone for the op either. Questions without answers?

Anyway, don't want to rain down more sadness on our thread. I am going to take it much much easier today. Just lounging around in my pjs. Watch some tv and take it really easy to see whether that will help me feel better. It has to feel better soon - right - 3 weeks tomorrow...!!!??? And to be fair to my consultant, he told me 4 weeks minimum off work to recover and that is what it seems like it will take me - I am just trying to think that I am superwoman!!!

Hope that you are all having a nice weekend.
Lots of Love
Carolyn xxxx

[jackoa21]

Vero
I am so sorry that AF showed up. She can be such a evil Bi**h. How are you feeling honey. I hope she leaves quickly.

Em
I think meeting with the hubby's and babies in a couple of years is a great idea...I love your ticker its so pretty.

Carolyn
You still absolutly amaze me. You beat yourself up becuase you are taking longer than you think you should take to heal. You have already done so much more and exceeded all of the doc's expectation. I know that does not help and I know you want to be doing more and more. I still feel that you cant push this healing time and once its done the opp was a great idea (for you and Vero) I have to belive that both of you will be posting your natural BFP's. I think there is a reason we are all still here together. Most groups would have just spread out but we are here. Loving and caring and thinking about one another. That is because we will be here until we all get the BFP we deserve.

So the puppy was really cute and we put down money. We did not take him home because since we are going to DH's brothers wedding in Canada in early September she felt he is too little to board so we are going to let him stay with her and his brothers until we get back. He is so loveable and sweet I was so happy to have him to love on. It looks like we will get back from the wedding and get the puppy and than do the IVF....all in mid to late September...I am nervous and scared but I hope the accupuncture has been helping.. hint hint hint Vero Once your PHd is all done I hope you are able to go.. I think it ill help with stress and energy levels..

Laura honey I hope you are getting all your fun in and getting all the stress relif so you are ready to go when you come home..

Dania
I hope you and your little ones are feeling good and just enjoying your time.

Love and hugs to all
Jackie

[veronika]

Hello dear friends,

Carolyn,

you are so funny. What did your consultant say: minimun four weeks - and here you are after three of them expecting your body to do the job I'd do the exact same thing. I am sure it's good to down the painkillers, because then you will get the rest you need as soon as you feel that something hurts. AND FOR SURE, knowing you, everything will be healed enough to be back to normal within the next week!
I think your surgery was definetly worth being done. Here's my rational: It gives you the option of trying naturally a bit (which is nice too - after yesterdays short phase of sadness I am already looking forward to next time...), and - for myself I consider that even more important - it gives the possibility of doing IUI! You did one IVF and you leared so many things there: you had great eggs, many of them fertilized, the embryos developed just fine, you could even freeze some. So the tricky thing seems to have been implantation. And with IUI you can do - I don't even know how many - for the same price in so much less time. Giving implantation a much greater chance to happen! So for your special case, IUI is really a powerful thing to do.
This is what I tell myself, and it does give me hope and PMA...

And thank you for nagging with the accu. I need you girls to nag, because I am so stuck in my work routine that sometimes I just don't feel how quickly time passes...Biut I certainly will make my first appointment as soon as everything is officially handed in.

Em,
I would love us all to meet in 10 years from now. It is such a happy thought.
I hope you are having a nice and peaceful time with your family right now and are back with IVF-hope on Monday!

Jackie,
YES, you have a puppy, well soon you will have the little sunshine with you. I am sure it's a good idea to start IVF with the little fellow around, he will take your thoughts of IVF and keep you busy and entertained
And thank you for accu-hinting too!!

Laura,
I hope you are having a blast, maybe you won tons of money..

Dania,
hope you and little one are doing fine.

Sending you all my love,

Vero

[veronika]

argh, I double posted

[CarolynB]

Ladies

Of course you are right and I am being totally unreasonable & unrealistic!!!! I just needed a bit of sense talked into me. I now have a chance to try naturally which was not even there before.

Vero - Thanks for your words of wisdom. You are right now I am off the painkillers at least I am listening better to my body. Only a week to go!! It is great to hear that you are already looking forward rather than back. Are you going to do another natural cycle or will you now try an iui? Guess that it depends on how mad busy you are with work, study and $ too. Thanks for your words of encouragement. Acu cutie also thinks that issue for me was implantation. And my body was so crazy after all the drugs - it is no wonder that they did not want to stay!!! My consultant is not at all keen on doing iui for me. Think that it is because of my age and the risk of eptopic. So my next option would be back to ivf. Do you think that I should push him on iui??? You could always make the acu appointment now for after the end of the month when you will have handed in your thesis - that would save waiting after you finish as they are bound to have a waiting list

Jackie - I am so pleased that you chose a puppy. Sure that even I could cope with a cute puppy rather than a larger dog You have a good plan. I am sure that you'll have a good time in Canada at the wedding. Then you can collect your puppy and care for him. Then before you know it then you'll be running with your cycle. Could end up with you, Laura and Em all cycling around a similar time. My cutie claims that he increased % chance by 15% through acu. Sure that this is going to help you manage your stress levels as well as supporting you physically.

Em - Hope that you are taking good care of yourself and enjoyed having your parents with you. Have they gone back now that the weekend is over? I love the fact that you changed your ticker already. Looking forward rather than backwards is so much more positive. Made me think that I need to get rid of my post op counter & try to look forward. Not sure what to count down to.................I guess the end of my first natural cycle? Are you going to try acupuncture to support your ivf cycle? Certainly worth considering

Laura - we want to hear all about Vegas when you are back!!!! And how much money you have won

Dania - what news of your little one hun?

It is a Bank Holiday here so I am going to see a very good friend (probably my best friend) for lunch today. She was the one who got me started on the acu as she read an article about it helping the day after my BFN. She knows about the op so knows that I will have to take it very easy so no over doing it as instructed by all of you.

Em - you inspired me. Time for a new ticker for me too. Have updated my ticker so that it counts down to the end of my 1st natural cycle rather than counting post-op which was getting dull.

Thinking of you.

Love to you all.
Carolyn xxx

[Xrayem]

Lovely Ticker Carolyn! It helps to have little goals along the way. As far as IUI Vs Natural Vs IVF, IUI should increase your chances over a natural cycle but as your Doc says will increase the risk of ectopic. But IVF would beat either IUI or natural hands down...but as it doesn't utilise your tubes, I'm not sure how your success rates would change from your last IVF cycle. Perhaps you could try naturally with Clomid to increase your egg production? I don't know.

Jackie - what are you going to call your puppy? Darcy-dog is named after Mr Darcy from Pride and Predjudice. He's tall dark and hansome just like his name sake.

Veronika - Are you doing IUi's? When do you get started?

No news from me except I finally decided to get on the scales to see what damage the Clomid has done. I have gained 8 kilograms (thats 17.6 pounds, I think) in 2 months. Its disgusting. If thats what Clomid does to me, God help me when I get started on the Puregon! Here's what I'll be doing....Synarel nasal spray 4 x a day then Puregon injected 1 x a day. I have an underactive thyroid so it doesn't take much for me to have a blow out.

em