can't seem to be happy! anyone else?

[cbaker111]

Hi -
I got my BFP on Tuesday and feel more anxious and apprehensive that I did before getting the BFP! I wish that I could relax and enjoy it but all I can seem to think about is that I might miscarry. Last year I miscarried after getting pregnant naturally and I am also 41 so that may have something to do with it. This time, at 11 days post-transfer my beta was 107 and Friday, 14 days post-transfer they re-did it and it was 355 and from what I have been reading on-line that is good. I am trying to find a balance between obsessive worrying and assuming that I will have a little one in 9 months, thereby leaving myself open to extreme disappointment. Anyone else struggle with this? Any words of wisdom??
Claudia

[PebblesUK]

Congratulations Claudia,

IVF is a rollercoaster of emotions, unfortunately it doesn't stop when we get that BFP!!

What you are feeling is completely normal, especially as you've already had a miscarriage before. The best thing for you and your baby (and probably dh too) is to try and relax and enjoy your pregnancy. We have to accept that our homones are all over the place, even more so than a natural pregnancy because of all the meds we are still taking so our symptoms are even worse!

Best of luck to you, your numbers look great by the way

All the best

Jo
xxxx

[michelleb]

Hello...

Just wanted to tell you that I am feeling the same way! I had my BFP on 8/23 (9dpt). Level was great....8/25 level doubled....now I am constantly analyzing everything I feel. I too have miscarried before and I was having AF like cramping today. I wanted to cry all day because I just knew things weren't right. My RE has assured me that it is my body adjusting to the pregnancy..and as long as I don't have spotting.... I need to be postive. To me , that is easier said than done. After 1 miscarrage, 1 ectopic, 1 IVF, 1 FET....I tend to keep looking over my shoulder for something to happen. I am going to try and take it easy the rest of the night...let's keep each other ...my next HCG test is 9/1...then my scan is 9/11.

[rouge]

Hi Claudia,
i know exactly how u feel... I was like that too... it's hard not to worry, but what I tried to tell myself was that worrying doesn't help anything. And if anything, the stress from worrying is worse for the pregnancy and baby... so, take it easy ok?

All the best!

[Mel_P]

Just wanted to congratulate you and I have no words of wisdom sorry, only that I totally understand how you feel. I have never miscarried but have never been pregnant despite trying for over 6 years. I always imagined it would be pure relief and joy if and when it ever happened, and then was schocked when I got the BFP to find the first 8 weeks were filled with so much anxiety and worry that I hardly felt I could enjoy it! I think everything you feel is totally normal. Trust in your body and that the time is right for you this time. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy. Big congratulations to you again
mel

[Rittie2000]

Hi Claudia,

Just wanted to send my love and support. I got my BFP a few days before you on 18th August and since I haven't been feeling much physically, I am having a hard time believing I am pregnant. I did start to worry about things since I don't feel much. But I've decided that thats a waste of emotional energy and I am better off doing positive things like going for walks, going for lunches and not think about it.

Best of luck darling and pray that we both carry healthy babies to full term

Rittie

[cbaker111]

Thanks for all your replies and it is good to know that I am not alone with this. I am trying to focus on positive things and keep busy. I too imagined only joy so am a bit surprised at how anxious and worried and unable to enjoy it I am. I have been having cramps too, Michelle, which is not helping my worry level at all and I too feel like crying everytime I feel a twinge. My RE also told me that cramping "can" be normal especially since I have fluid buildup in my abdomen as I have moderate OHSS but that if it is accompanied by spotting it is a bad sign. I'm not spotting but don't see how I could with all the progeterone they have me on! I am touching my boobs every fifteen minutes it seems to make sure that they are still sore. I don't have another beta until the HCG scan on the 6th - yikes - i don't know how I am going to make it! Rittie, when are your scans and betas sceduled for?
Claudia

[Rittie2000]

Caludia sweetie. The road is long so please pull yourself together. Imagine how strong your body is as it needs to be strong for the baby. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it but since going for daily long (slow) walks I feel the core of my body getting stronger. Thats what I focus on and I hope you can keep your mind on how WELL your body is doing nourishing the baby instead of going crazy with worry.

I'll be having my scan on 11th September. DO let me know how you get on with your scan.

Lots of love
Rittie

[Myriah]

Claudia,

I felt cramps everyday up to a week ago. It seems that when I hit the 5 week mark the cramps faded, which made me happy. I think cramps without bleeding is normal. Remember a lot is going on in there.

I have struggled a lot with obsessing, worrying and just waiting for everything to go wrong. I think most of my concern comes from my past IVF experience and the years of trying without success.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. IVF is a big roller coaster.

Try to keep yourself busy.

Good luck!

Myriah

[cbaker111]

Thanks again for all the support. I didn't cramp today and am really working on not worrying so felt a bit better emotionally. But, in compensation, my boobs aren't as sore today as they were yesterday so now I have that to worry about ! How is everyone else doing?
Claudia

[michelleb]

Claudia,

OK...so I realize that writing on these message boards is my way of venting all emotions. My family is a very big support group for me, along with friends, but somehow, it feels even more comforting hearing and writing here with my fellow "fertility" friends

I went for my level on 8/30 (a couple of days earlier than planned) I was still continuing to cramp, and I insisted that I find out or else I was going to go crazy! MY RE is 3hrs away from where we live, so I did the lab in my own city. My aunt works at the medical center, so she helped me through my moment of "insanity". I knew there was no way for me to go home and wait for the news, so she let me campout in her office for 1 1/2 hours to hear from the lab. I know I seem completely crazy, and I have tried to relax, but I just needed some reassurance. I know that whatever is going to happen is out of my control. Good or bad.

So, the lab called and we went to get my level. You know it is so funny how we are so in tune with our numbers/levels/everything technical. Things some women never have to worry/or fret about.

Anyway, the lab ladies have seen me a lot over the past three years. Lots of times I go to them for lab to save money in gas to my RE. When I turned the corner, I saw a familiar "lab lady" face, and she handed me my results. I was expecting @ 3000 because my level on 8/25 was 489. It read 5139! I was so happy, it was the first time I truly cried since my BFP. I think it was my confirmation I needed.

Now, I am not saying I have completely put away my 'worry box" because if I did that would be untrue. I have spoken to my RE several times because of spotting. Although it was very light......I freaked! She assured me if I was in complete panic, they would get me in for scan this weekend. I am trying to be strong for me and my baby/babies. I know stress does not help either them nor I. I am not in a dilema. Can I wait until Sept. 11th for my scan? After ectopic/miscarriage I don't know if I can. Please give me some helpful...truthful advice.

Michelle

5 wks 2 days

[cbaker111]

Hi to all -
I had the scan today and they found the heartbeat and it was 124 bpm, which, from what I have read, is normal! I can't really believe it and still feel very nervous, but this is one big hurdle. It didn't help that the MD doing the ultrasound said about three times that because of my age, my risk of miscarriage was still elevated and that I have a 1/80 chance of a chromsomal abnormality (also because of my age). But I am going to try really hard to enjoy this moment!
Michelle, did you decide if you can wait until the 11th? With your HCG levels so high, I bet you have nothing to worry about. What great news about such a dramatic rise. They wouldn't do another HCG on me for some reason. Let us know what you decide and how it goes!
Claudia

[Rittie2000]

Congratulations Claudia. Very happy for you. I too have news. Went for scan yesterday and they found 2 x heartbeats. Yup, two. We are totally in shock and blown over.

Lots of love
Rittie

[michelleb]

Yeah ladies....well I didn't wait. They let me come in on 9/5 to do a scan. It is 2 1/2 hours from where I live and the drive was awful. I just kept wondering if everything was going to be ok. We got into the doctor...and within 30 seconds he told me there were two babies...both with yolk sacs. Because I was only 5 weeks 6 days...he said we would not be hearing heartbeats until 6.5 weeks or so. I was so excited. I am still cramping a little with some spotting. Mostly dark. (Sorry about the info.) We just can't believe there are two.!!!! They didn't do an HCG level. I will go back on 9/18 for my next scan.....I feel so much better!

[Zed2003]

Hi Claudia,

Your feelings are perfectly normal - and understandable.... Don't worry (pardon the pun!) but there's always something to fret about - just think how you'll feel when your babe is a teenager Cramping is so normal - just think of what is happening in there

It's only natural to analyse everything and I have to honestly say it never truly goes away... All I can say is enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Michelle and Rittie - good news!

Take care all
Zoe