The Over 40 Crowd

[Kookstersmoma]

Thanks you are all so kind.
Still bleeding, spoke to Dr who said to increase the cyclogest to x3. Dr says to come tomorrow for preg test 2 days early.
Have been on bedrest since day of ET so I certainly haven't exerted myself.
Will see what happens tomorrow and try to stay positive until then.
All the best.
Kim

[charlton]

Hi There everyone,

I am new to this site and so please bear with me.

I am starting the journey of IVF and really scared. I cant sleep feel a wreck and feel that I am going mad.

I am 40 and was told a few months ago that I had a 1% chance of having my own baby. I was devasted obviously I had a FSH of between 14-19 and was told that I had gone into pre menopause- my god didnt think that happened for another ten years but it has. I was told by my specialist over the phone I may add that IVF wasnt an option so I went for a seconf opinion and now I am having 1 try at IVF. I am so worried about everything my age will it work if it does will everything be normal feel crazy right now and so if there is anyone out there that has felt the same way I would love to talk.

Charlton

XXX

[BevT]

Hi Charlton and welcome.

I was unfortunately told the same thing after naturally conceiving several times, which resulted in missed miscarriages and our darling daughter being born still three years ago. I was 43 at the time. We went for IVF thinking that it would be the solution to our problems as having nearly gone full term with our daughter, I needed to get pregnant again quickly (each previous pg was 18 months or more apart). I had one cycle with my own eggs which I did not respond well to, so it was converted to IUI and failed. I begged them to give me another cycle with higher dosage of drugs, they agreed, but said it would be the absolute last cycle they were prepared to do, and recommended that I go on the waiting list for donor eggs. I did not want to accept this, but went on the list anyway as we were told it was 12 - 18 months long. The second cycle I managed to produce 3 eggs which were mature, only 2 fertilized and again the cycle failed. I waited and waited for the donor list to get smaller but we never seemed to get to the top of the list. After 18 months of waiting I started to explore going abroad for donor egg treatment, we feel very lucky as our first DE cycle was successful and I am now nearly 17 weeks pregnant.

I really do hope that your cycle will be successful, the specialists over here in the UK always seem to be over cautious and predict very low success rates, but there are women on these boards that have managed to conceive through IVF and naturally, over the age of 40.

Good luck with your treatment, when will you be starting? Try not to be scared, the process is not too difficult from a physical point of view, but it does play havoc with your emotions and mental state. Try and stay calm, not get too stressed (easier said than done I'm afraid) as this will have an effect on how well your treatment works.

You will get lots of positive support and help from the women on these boards. Take care,
Bev xxx

[teachertam]

Charlton:

Welcome to our over 40 site. I am 42 and pregnant with our first child. We were in the process of trying a frozen egg cycle, when I conceived naturally. DH and I think it is a true miracle. Please don't give up. IVF is not too bad. I did 2 IVF cycles and 2 IUI cycles. You get used to the shots after awhile. You can always try donor eggs, as there have been several ladies on this site that are currently pregnant with donor eggs.

Take care all,
Tammy

[charlton]

Hi Tammy & Bev,

Thank you so much for your reply it is so helpful.

Well I am into my second week on the pill so go for first scan on the 19th September.

I am usually such a strong woman but my thoughts are starting to destroy my spirit, I ask all the questions, is there a reason for this will everything be normal I feel guilty for my thoughts and wish they would go away.

My husband has 3 children of his own from a previous marriage all grown up now and so he is feeling abit lost for me right now but being fantastic.

When I saw the first specialist who told me the news over the phone he made me feel like it was fashionable to have a baby- if I have ever come close to driving to a hospital and swinging for a surgeon this was it, did it never occur to him that I wanted to give a baby a good start in this awful world and that took years of hard work- maybe if my doctor had informed me to go for FSH tests I wouldnt be here now.

I wonder if I am forcing gods will with this and maybe its meant to be this way thats what scares me the most, what if something goes wrong- I know I am becoming paranoid here but all this paperwork I just am so confused- do I freeze what is genetic testing anyway must keep life going as normal as I can and do the sunday lunch- us women our incredable creatures dont you think.

Thank you for reading my garble but remember I am going slightly mad, I am sure that future messages will be more lighthearted.

Chalton
XXX

[charlton]

By the way what is DH

Charlton

[charlton]

Hi bev,

Just wanted to tell you that you are so strong it must of been so hard for you and I wish you every good wish in the world- there are so many women with so many stories thank god for this site .

Charlton
XXX

[erjumper]

Charlton, Welcome to the over 40's. Don't be too hard on yourself about the way you're feeling. I felt such a wide range of emotions I thought i was losing my mind. Don't mean to scare you but just to prepare you but the emotional thing will get worse when you start the hormone injections. Just accept it as completely normal and prepare your DH (darling husband) for what is to come. I've had 1 IUI and 6 cycles of IVF which resulted in 4 pregnancies which were all lost. One was even with donor eggs. No one has a clue why it happened but anyway, my poor hubby watched me go from yelling at him for not taking out the garbage to crying because i was upset that i had yelled at him over something so stupid. After our first cycle he learned not to take it personally and just let it go. The shots are a piece of cake, don't worry about those. The ultrasounds are also nothing to worry about. Egg retieval you go to sleep for and I was very tender afterward but they say that was because I have alot of endo and adhesions from previous surgies and they retrieved high numbers of eggs each time so there was alot of needle punctures and manipulation. Transfer is simple. The WORST part of the whole thing is the 2ww (2 week wait) Waiting to get that result is absolutely the worst thing ever. Don't worry, we're all here who know exactly how you feel and we'll be here for you through the whole thing. Take a deep breath and know you're not alone!
Hugs,
Lisa

[charlton]

Thank you for being so sweet I am crying right now but not because I am sad but because at least I know I am not going completely mad. Better prepare the DH for the worst if I am feeling like this before the nasal and injections eh, even the dog is avoiding me !!

Well I had been told that the 2 week wait is the worst, I am so worried though about there being anything wrong with the baby with me being 40, I know this is natural but just cant seem to get it out of my mind.

I am not so sure of all the abreviations so where are you at the moment?

They have told me because I have high FSH that I have only 1 go at this with my own eggs- I have 4 in one ovary and 1 in the other, I was feeling ok about being 40 last december but now I feel like an old hag ready for the scrap heap, well I surpose you have to have a sense of humour to get through this eh.

Thank you for taking the time it has really helped me.

Charlton
XXXXX

[AMck]

Hi Ladies , happy Monday. Hope everyone OK.

Welcome Charlton. Wishing you lots of luck with your tmt (Treatment) My advice would be to just take one step at a time. The IVF process can be daunting but this site is a fantastic source of support and information. Any questions just ask, there is usually someone here who can help or lend a sympathetic ear. I am 43 and pg with donor eggs. My numerous attempts at IVF failed for some reason, we baffled the drs as my FSH was 6 and all seemed in good working order! Anyway if you are considering going abroad for egg donor and need some support let me know, I'll be happy to help. Maybe you won't need to go down that route Good luck

PS there is a list of abbreviations at the top of the forum. It's a sticky post and may help you break the code!

Kim, thinking of you. How are you today?

Tammy, sorry to see you aren't feeling too good. Hope flu has passed and you are feeling better. x

Bev, how are the headaches? Did the Dr say anything about them? Hope they have eased off and you are feeling better soon. x

As for me ...I am exactly 10 weeks today! I will ring the clinic later this week to book my 12 week scan. How does the time manage to drag so slowly?I truly believe that this is worse than the 2ww!! Still feeling fine though, a little tired, but I think that's got more to do with going back to work after a 6 week break than anything else.

Hugs to Kat, Alette, Victoria and Yasmina
Bye for now
Anna

[charlton]

Hi Anna,

Thank you for your time, yes it does help to use this site as I feel very alone at the moment.

My husband had a 3rd child who is now 14 and hasnt seen since he was 7 and now he has entered his life again, I feel very guilty that I just think this isnt a good time for this to happen and as most women I am just getting on with it.

I am going to speak to my doctors today as I am not slepping or eating very well and wondering if this is not a good time for me to start IVF being so stressed, but as my clock is ticking I dont have time on my hands.

Right now I feel like running away to somewhere no one can find me but I know that this is just a bit of depression and that I just have to face my fears. I am so frightened of anything being wrong with the baby , if I dont do this will I regret it my god pass me the bottle of Gin eh!!!!!

I see that it is very rare for someone to be successful on their 1st IVF so many woman have had 5/6 attempts. I have been told that I can only have 1 attempt because my FSH is so high, then my options would be donor eggs or adoption.

I am struggling with donor eggs I dont think I can not be the real mother and know my husband is the real father, adoption is an option.

I beat myself up about loosing babies in my 20's and think is this payback time, I really am going mad- my husband said to me this morning that he thinks I should call the nutter doctor which of course made me laugh thankfully so not mad enough yet.

All these decisions, when your older I think we know too much and this makes it worse oh to be young and niave and just getting on with it eh.

All my Love everyone

Charlton
XXX

[Kat]

Hi all
Charlton - welcome - Just to say I struggled for a long time with the thought of donor eggs but when I was pg (sadly only for a short time) it was my baby and DH's baby and no one else's. Anna I am sure feels similar. People said to me (on this site, what would I do without it?!) the donor didn't do it to want it to be their baby, they did it to help you get your dream and it was like them giving blood - if you give blood you don't want to keep in touch with the recipient afterwards.
Does that make any sense? I thought about adoption but for me that is definitely someone else's baby and that's what I have difficulty getting my head round. Still, we're all different and what is right for me is not necessarily right for anyone else.

I heard sad news about someone I know that was pg, no heartbeat at 12 wk scan, just goes to show that even a seemingly quick & easy natural conception has its problems, we just don't get to hear about it, we only get to hear the success stories and think it's always like that for other people. Having said that I still mutter '*****' under my breath at pg women I see in the street or the supermarket and I sometimes I really do feel hate towards them. Is that bad of me? Maybe it will pass with time. There was a pg girl in my aerobics class last week and everyone was fussing and looking at her tiny bump. I sat in my car afterwards and cried and cried.

Still, good news is that my Dad has had his op and is on the road to recovery. I get to visit him tonight for the first time. Not sure I am looking forward to seeing him covered in tubes and stuff but so thankful he is OK obviously.

Anyway, must go now, too many people arriving at work. Love to everyone and speak soon

Lots of love
Kat xx

[AMck]

Hi Ladies, hope everyone OK today.

Kat, good news about your dad. Hope is is soon up and about. You are right about the feeling of the baby being your own even if it is a donor egg. It doesn't really cross my mind now. DP is the father and this little beanie is our baby.

Charlton, hang in there. Sending you some extra strong PMA. Keep positive and imagine holding your baby in your arms. You WILL get there!

Bev, how are you? Hope all is OK. Are you starting to show now?

As for me the waiting continues......I tried to book a 12 week scan but the clinic is so busy I have to wait until week 13!! AAARRRGGGHHH!! Another week of not telling anyone. My scan is booked for 2nd October, wish me luck

Hugs to all here
PMA all round
Anna x

[DebraP]

Just popping in to say Hi and see how you're all doing. Lovely to see so many of you doing so well.

Charlton, Lisa's comment that emotionally things only get more difficult once tmt has started was spot on. The meds can make keeping things sane much more difficult. If you're already stressed and not sleeping I'd strongly suggest you find a way of learning to relax that won't conflict with treatment. You could ask your clinic what they recommend but also trying to find an acupunturist with experience of treating women undergoing fertility treatment (and there's a growing number of them around) might help you relax. Not sure if there's a new book being recommended on here but look on Amazon at Zita West's books on preparing for fertility treatment and pregnancy. It might help to feel you're doing all that you can now, before the shots start.

You can't do anything about the 40+ thing except worry about it if and when you need to, not now. My DF is very good at reminding me 'don't borrow trouble' as I'm a great pre-worrier too.

My life is slowly moving on. I'm seriously hampered by all my pg friends now popping out their sons (no girls yet) left, right and centre. This year there have been 8 and I'm tired of it now. The person I thought I'd share pregnancies with is now 32 weeks and I know this baby will be the hardest for me. I've dated her baby throughout with 'well she was 2 weeks behind me....'. I've been working fulltime in my new job for 6 weeks and it's a huge challenge and a great distraction. The language thing gets me every single day and don't get me started about using Norwegian on the phone...ugh! In a week I'll finally start talking to someone about how to handle my anger and pent up emotions. I think it will be painful intially but very necessary.

Good luck. I'm a very rare visitor now, for obvious reasons, but I wish you all well.
Debra

[erjumper]

Kat,
Glad to hear your father is past his surgery now and on the road to recovery. My dad's last living sibling died last week and it's got me realizing his time is coming soon and I can't bear it. I know how much you must have been worrying.
Anna,
That sucks that you have to wait an extra week for your US. Hope Oct. 2 comes quick for you. Let us know ASAP.
I agree with everyone about the donor egg thing as well. I too was pregnant with donor eggs AND donor sperm and it never crossed my mind that it was OUR baby. Unfortunately I lost that baby like all the others but I loved it no less.
Hugs,
Lisa