IVF and working how to deal with employers

[Fed7281]

Hi Again,

I am just full of questions today. I have to tell my job what is going on with my infertility and I am nervous as the people that I report to do not believe in putting your family or your health first. For example I had to have surgery a few weeks ago and I gave a months noticed that i would be out for two weeks and from that point on I received attitude and was ignored. I am wonder how to explain this to them in the most detailed way and how to maintain my cool when the ridicule begins. Also, how do you deal with keeping a job and all these appointments????

[Emma27]

Luckily my centre opens really early in the morning so that you can go for bloods etc before work.

I have a really understanding boss so she is the only one who knows that i am having treatment at work, however you may need a bit of flexibility within the treatment cycle with starting later etc and then a week or so annual leave after ET.

If they are being funny with you, you are entitled to take 6 weeks sick leave whilst having IVF (my GP told me this as i was concerned about the work thing).

You quest for a family is far more important than your employers making you feel bad. At the end of the day it is a job and you are more important!!

[Xrayem]

Hi fed,

I was terrified of how my boss would react as she is a bit of a task-master, but knew I had to tell her. Shecompletely suprised me! She has been so supportive and I think that she appreciates that I have been upfront with her. I outlined what the treatment involved and assured her I would do everything in my power yo not let it interfere too much with my work. I also told her that I would only know what day my procedures would be the day before as the blood tests indicate hormone levels. She has been great! She insists that I take it as sick leave, too, so that I have loads of annual leave upmy sleeve for when I get pregnant.

Good luck with your boss.....just be honest and upfront, you'll be appreciated for it.

Em

[Welshgirl38]

I havent told my boss about the treatment - for the simple reason, when i did mention that we was thinking about having treatment last year, she was 'off' with me, informing me that she only employed me as i had said in my interview that i didnt want any more children (this was a while ago) yeah like, im gonna go into an interview and state that im going to have IVF treatment and take ur company for all the sick i can get and maternity leave!!!
I was really quite taken aback by this, as she was trying to work out when my treatment would be, when i would be off work and that if it worked when i would be off for maternity leave - which would have been around her busiest time of the year (opps! lol) I do understand that she runs her business from her home and is a small company - but - her response has led me to 'hide' everything that i am going thru from her. This has been diffucult at times, and should this work for us (Fingers crossed for us on Friday!) - i cant wait untill after my 12 weeks is up to hell her politely

'Oh by the way' lol

Also, i didnt know we were entitled to 6 weeks off sick for IVF treatment, i could have really done with some of that - but as u say - i also would have had to 'come clean'

Good Luck in telling ur employers

Becky Xx

[Ems1971]

I work for the NHS so in a way they HAVE to be understanding when it comes to matters like this. They have been really supportive of me - I had to have 6 weeks off work for a Laparatomy operation in May/June and when I came back to work I went straight to my Occupational Health department who said I was to put myself first when going for IVF. I did take annual leave for the week of my EC/ET and am now able to work half days during my 2ww (again, using annual leave) and have booked the week after the test off as we're going away but I did this through my own choice as I had already had a large chunk of sick leave and didn't really want to take more time off at this stage (I've only been with my current Trust since January). I have only told the 3 secretaries I work with as I had to dash off for scans and things, and my Manager, but they have all been great.
To be honest, I wouldn't care if they hadn't been - this is after all the most important thing in my life and I will be selfish and put myself and my DH before my job.
Good luck.
Emma xxx

[januska]

Well I guess I have two stories:
First in my OLD job where I've been for 9 years I was completely honest with them and it ended up in them finding the simplest mistake in order to get me sacked!!!
So now in my second job it's just a temp position and as such I do not get any paid time off work - but never mind I completely agree IVF is THE most important thing in my life so I will take time off work regardless. I am not planning to tell anybody here though

All the best to everybody!

Januska
xxxx

[nictor]

Hi,hows evryone, I didnt tell my employers the 1st time i did ivf,but in the last 10 months ive done 2 fresh and a FET cycle so they know,but for the most part i tried to take it as annual leave,altough ive had few weeks on sick , when i went back this time my bosses were very very off with me and i found myself telling them that i wouldnt need anymore time off as i wasnt doing ivf again,when all the time it was a blatant bloody lie as i knew we were going again,im due to start down regging 2nd oct,so when it somes to er and et and i usually take the 2ww off,my doc will sign me off with something totalyy unrelated,and altough i feel bad bout this,i just feel what im trying to do is life changing,and its only a job...

Take care and i hope you all get the results we wish for..Nicola..xx

[CarolynB]

Well I did not tell my boss about my 1st cycle at all. He is a nice bloke but I was also concerned that I would have the entire office knowing my personal business. Could not bare all the looks to see whether I was happy or sad. I was busy but did a juggling act but it was stressful at times which is not good for a successful tmt

I stopped drinking (pre-cycle) and ever since which caused everyone to speculate which was bad enough. I was lucky that clinic was open v early so could get bloods/scans done before I even needed to be at work without attracting any comment at all. Took mix of sick leave and holiday to cover EC and ET. Dh would go and get all my meds as he runs a small business and swa this as something that he could do to help. If people asked at work when I was at the clinic/hospital then I said it was ladies stuff - that makes most blokes run a mile.

I am a sabbatical right now to try to reduce my stress and give me a better chance. Sure everyone thinks that it is to get pregnant. But because I have never told them then they cannot say anything to me.

Have told a couple of people but because they are friends rather than work collegues.

I can see pros if you do tell and boss is supportive. One less thing to worry about. However, I worry that some people will not have a clue what we go through and it may get awkward.

Guess it is another one where we have to do what feels right for us.

Good luck to everyone with tmt.
Lots of Luck
Carolyn

[wannababy1229]

I did my 1st cycle while on summer vacation (I work in a school). I'll be starting my 2nd cycle hopefully at the end of October. I would like to tell my boss, but I know of another coworker who went throught IVF my boss told all of her business "by accident". I don't trust that my info will be kept confidential.

[angelamw]

Hi everyone

We have not told our boss as we work for a committee who are very old fashioned and I think would use this as an excuse to sack us. All of our appointments were early morning so not a problem. We took a weeks annual leave for EC and ET and go back to work today. I work with DH and there is only one other member of full time staff, and she is off until saturday so DH will just do the brunt of the work, particularily the heavy stuff and I will just do the light stuff. I am not looking forward to going back though. I only just found out you could have 6 weeks off. The problem with that is that we live on the work premises so if I was off for 6 weeks I would be flat bound and that would drive me nuts.

Good luck everyone
Angela

[lara312]

Hi i have been straight with my employers from the 1st cycle of which i used holidays and went on the sick they were great that time .I have worked for them for 12 yrs so they know that i'm not taking time off for the fun of it this 2nd cycle we were on hoilday for the down regging and some of the hospitals appt but the week i went back to work i had a migraine ( which i suffer from) and went on the sick from that week and am still on it has my dr was not ready to sign me off after the mc so i will be going back on monday i'm not sure what kind of reception i will get after 6 wks on the sick but to be honest i dont really care . I will tell them that we are hopefully going to do fet in november or december depending when i feel ready and they can like it or lump it but will be taking a weeks hoilday .
Rachel x x

[Welshgirl38]

Im just home from work, and my boss - who i work with in the same office, so spend time every day with (as u know - she doesnt know im having this treatment) was at the hosptial yesterday afternoon, getting a coli fitted!!!
She proceeded to tell me every little detail, about why she wanted one fitted, that she would hang herself from the tree if she got pregnant again - now that her kids are older she wouldnt want to start from scratch, nappy changing yuk! Its just not her no more bla bla bla - arghhh!

I had to sit there and listen to all the pro's of her having this done, while im 2 days away from my test date - it was horrible, i so wanted to tell her to shut up, but i couldnt cos she doesnt know. Ive cried all afternoon, how i stopped myself from blurting in front of her i dont know!

Life is so unfair !!!!

Becky Xxx

[KF'06]

I'm friends with the office manager, so she knows everything. She is understandig even though not excited because of her own experience with chlomid long time ago. She got cancer. I'm sure she got it not because of the chlomid itself, it just probably triggered it. I also had to tell the owner of the company because he definitely will have some questions regarding my morning doctor's visits. Honestly, even though they seem supportive, I understand that as an employer you wouldn't be very happy that your employee will be missing a lot of time and will have hormone craziness, not to mention possible pregnancy. I really wish I didn't have to tell anyone at work.

[KF'06]

Welshgirl38, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. If she only new! Can you imagine how stupid she will feel if she finds out later?

[Welshgirl38]

She's not gonna get to find out:

Sadley my AF arrived this morning, i feel like my heart has stopped - its funny isnt it how the world just carries n as normal, people doing the same things as they did yesterday and the day b4, i dont think i will ever be the same again.

I dont know how im supposto feel - i dont think im angry - im sad that my two wee ones never got the chance to say 'hello' they were loved so much already .....