Hi... New comer here

[libra]

Hi Everyone
This is my first time on this site. It has taken me a long time to decide if i ever wanted to join something like this. I have been bottling things up for a long time. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 years now. Thinking at first that it will happen naturally I avoided seeing a gyn for a year. Finally doing so, she put me on clomid and pre-natal vitamins for a year and nothing. Finally she recommended me to gyn/fertility specialist. We have 4-6 artifically insemination procedures and unfortunately none were successful. My doctors then recommends doing IVF. Making a long story short. 2 IVFs later, 1 frozen cycle later all failures. The doctor would tell me the failed cycle is unexplained. Boy do i hate that word: "UNEXPLAINED". Can someone tell me why doctors say that? They tell me that there is nothing wrong with me and then recommends doing a laproscopy. Has anyone done this before? After trying one more [this is my 3rd time] IVF cycle in June we finally got wonderful news. We were pregnant and we were having a BOY! We were so happy. Words couldn't express how happy we were. Unfortunately, at 9 weeks, the worse has happened. At six weeks, the doctor wasn't able to find our baby's heartbeat and told us that it was not developing. At 9 weeks, still not hearing a heartbeat and not developing, dr told me that this was a failed pregnancy and I would eventually miscarry. He had recommended doing an D&C (July 24th). We were so devasted. Did I do the right thing? Should i have waited a little bit longer? Its been 1 1/2 months since that day. Still trying to cope with it. Yesterday, we get news that my sister-in-law is pregnant. Its was an accident she says. It was your brother's fault she tells me. I was devasted! I was crying and depressed all day yesterday. I am really happy for them, i truly am but it hurts so much knowing that she didn't even have to try and that it was an accident and we have been trying for 4 years! Is this normal to feel this way. Or am i being selfish?

I am so sorry to be writing so much. I never thought i would be writing so much.

Thanks for listening.

[AuntyPebbles]

Hi libra, im so pleased you took the plunge and decided to post you have come to a great place there are some truly wondeful women on this board .. i want to say i admire your stength you have been through so much already, your right unexplained is not a diagnosis it doesnt help at all and certainly doesnt make it any easier... but your not alone.
as for questioning your decision i truly think you made the right one, thats always going to be hard on you but please try not to doubt what you did if you had carried on it would have been so much harder on your mind and body im so sorry it was something you had to go through ... i think its crazy the way some people pregnancy "just happens" and for us its so much harder its sometimes hard to believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel ...its also confusing to be really happy for others and guilty about being so sad for yourself but its not wrong your reaction is very understandable ....

i hope we can help you through this next fase in whatever you decide to do..you never have to appologise for anything you write..welcome here..

hugs Debz

[Ghost]

No heartbeat at 9 weeks is conclusive in anybody's book. You did the right thing.

Regarding your brother's pregnancy, I'm sure you'll be happy for them as they would be for you. You'll have a niece or nephew next Spring. Your reaction is natural, but don't blame yourself. The fact is most IVF cycles fail, and IUI is even lower in success. That's true for everyone, it's not about you, and none of this is your fault.

[Xrayem]

HI Libra,

Welcome to the boards. You have been through such a rough time and I envy how strong you have been. But now you have found us and the support here us phenomonal. I also was nervous about these sites, but I am so glad I have these women, they have made everything so much easier.

Reading your story was like reading my own. I am also 30 and my DH is 35. We have been ttc for 5 years. We have also the horror diagnosis of "Unexplained" and I hate it! I am actually jealous of the girls who know that they have PCOS, etc because at least they KNOW what to be angry at.

The unexplained diagnosis is what you get when the docs have done every test under the sun and you keep passing with flying colours. They scratch their heads and shrug and slap you with that label. Its not fair and so frustrating.

I had a lap as part of investigations before I started treatment and it was clear. It's not too bad....you'll be a little sore for a few days. They'll squirt dye through your tubes to check that they are patent and look for any obvious reasons. It will possibly give you some answers and take away that unexplained label.

As for having the d&c, you did the right thing. There should have been a heartbeat at 6-7 weeks. But you should be proud of yourselves...you've fallen pregnant once, there is no reason why you won't again.

I have had 3 IUI's and all have failed. I start my first IVF cycle in 9 days. Very nervous but excited because once they put thoses embryos in me, it will be the closest to being pregnant that I have ever been!

I also have a preg sis-in-law. She can be quite smug, even though she knows what we are going through. Sometimes you have to cut yourself off from people who are negative....all you emotional energy needs to be focused on your treatment.

I wish you the best of luck and look forward to seeing your posts.

Em

[Claire]

Hi Libra,
I just want to echo what the other girls have already said and welcome you to the site.
I'm sure you will find it really helpful and at times, it will probably help you keep sane!!
You have been through so much already, it's certainly a rollercoaster.
I also had a miscarriage at seven weeks last year.
It's the worst experience ever and I know it's very early days for you, but things will get better.
And yes it is hard to hear of someone elses pregnancy. I'm finding harder than ever before to feel genuine happiness for other couples. And I hate myself for it.
In fact when I hear about it, it shocks me into remembering that natural conception is the 'normal' part. You start to think that everyone has to battle for it like we do. But that's simply not the case
Anyway, I want to wish you loads of luck. Keep in touch.
claire x