-ve number 5.............

Karen W · Post by **Karen W** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 1:54 pm

Hi All, Yes it is the same old story for us and have had the 5th -ve result on the 4th blasto transfer so as you can imagine feeling like s**t. Dh has taken it particularly badly, and is being very pesamistic. He feels that the reason I/we need further tests means there is so much wrong it will never happen. Last september things seemed so +ve. We had 9 go to blastos. Now everything is doom and gloom. We only have 1 left and as he says, we know where the money is going for the next few months. It feels at the moment that if we can't make implantation with blastos what it the point in carrying on. Plus another of his good friend's wife has had a baby, and she was someone who said she couldn't imagine having children. He is 34 and I am knocking on the door of 33. Most of our good friends have children, and life really seems pointless today. I am sure things will look better tomorrow, and we will get back on that rollercoaster, but just need to go away and lick our wounds today. Good luck to everyone else Speak to you soon. Love Karen xx P.S Still have sore boobs and no AF pains, so don't know when AF is even going to arrive. It took 3/4 days last time which is just great. They are sending me some mycrogynon so at least we shouldn't have to wait 8 weeks for the next AF. Dr might also put me on metformin - I love to take all my drugs!! [Edited by Karen W on 25-Sep-03 07:00]

Nikola · Post by **Nikola** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 2:16 pm

Dear Karen I'm so very sorry for you both. Its so tragic and life can be so unfair. I know you know, it so difficult for us to say the right words to you right now, but I am thinking of you and I do understand how you are feeling. Please don't give up, you are both still very young and your turn will come - just look at Di! Lots of love to you both nikola.xxx

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 3:05 pm

Dear Karen I know exactly how you feel as I have had 5 negatives too. It is very hard. And in my experience you feel numb and empty and it is difficult to know where to turn. Take heart Karen, some people just take longer than others. The fact you are getting such good embryos must be a very good sign. As Nikola has said you are also still very young. As you know only to well these next few days will be hard but somehow we get the strength to carry on and move on with our lives even though it seems impossible at times I am sure your DH will feel better about things in a day or two. The main thing is to be strong together, then you will be able to move forward and make the right decisions. You mentioned further tests. Are you going to start on them shortly? Hopefully they will hold the key. Keep strong and keep positive and please keep in touch. Love Gracexxx

SBROWN · Post by **SBROWN** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 3:24 pm

Oh Karen I am so sorry, I was really hoping it would be your turn. Theres not anything I can say that will make you feel better Try and stay strong, sending you lots of love & I really hope your husband is ok... Sarah xx

hayley · Post by **hayley** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 3:44 pm

ah karen life can be such a b*t*h!!! i am so sorry to hear your news and im sure nothing i can say will help you at the mo, but i do believe that 'ONE DAY' we will get our wee miracle it just for some reason we have been choosen to wait. please dont worry about your age- my aunt who is 42 has just given birth to her first baby so you've plenty of time. take time out with dh and totally spoil yourself- you deserve it. love hayley

val · Post by **val** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 3:58 pm

Karen, I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you this time. 33 is still considered quite young in IVF, please don't let your age get you down. The fact that you are still so young is a great thing. Take it slow and easy, you and your dh need to enjoy spending time together as much as possible until you get on that next rollercoaster. Take care of yourself, Val

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 5:05 pm

karen what can I say. life is a *****.We will get there i'm sure of that. I have to go friday as they want more blood so I can finish the trial. It is the last place I want to go.If you ever want to meet face to face as I know how you feel, we can. I know all you want to do is scream and wonder why me... thinking of you both, july ann.

Wibbs · Post by **Wibbs** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 5:23 pm

Karen...sorry to hear it was a -v, as everyone has already said you are still young..which at this present moment makes no difference to how you are feeling. Have a LARGE GLASS of wine with DH and a good cry..(as I am at this Mo writing this) well not the wine unfortunatly. Go for a long walk and clear your heads. You still have each other. Take care and I will be watching out for your future postings and ++ve. Love Wibbs XXXX

Di · Post by Di » Thu Sep 25, 2003 6:24 pm

Hi Karen, what can I say except that I'm so sorry to hear your news! Please don't give up hope though - although I know exactly where you are coming from - I've wanted to give up afetr ever failure. I'd definetly seriously consider more tests though as that is what we have done and it showed up a few problems which they've obviously been able to rectify!! AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR AGE - I'M 37 - not that that info is for public knowledge - if anyone asks I'm really 21! Take care, Di

JackieT · Post by **JackieT** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 7:14 pm

hi karen so sorry to hear your news, you and DH must be feeling like s**t, no wise words to say to you to make you feel better, just try not to lose heart. you are still young {i am 40}. not that that makes any difference to your pain. take care love jackieT xx

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 8:41 pm

Karen I was sorry to read your news, I know it makes it all the more difficult with so many +ves around, there's so many questions and it is all so unfair. Take some time out and look after yourself and DH Lots of love Kat xx

Kate W · Post by **Kate W** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 11:12 pm

Karen I am so sorry to hear your news. It is so hard to know what to say to offer comfort that doesn't sound like a cliche. Be kind to yourself and please do not worry about your age. As we know from the boards, this has been successful for so many people older than that. Take care of yourself. I am thinking of you and your DH Love Kate W

Karen W · Post by **Karen W** » Fri Sep 26, 2003 10:56 am

Hi all, Thank you for all your kind words. It does help to know there are people out there who understand how I feel. Am feeling a bit better today, despite almost no sleep!! Have had some reflexology which has helped me chill a bit. DH is still very down as he has had no sleep either, and I have told him to have some reflexology, I might just book it for him then he has no excuse as he is poo pooing the whole idea. I have some immunological test to have with Prof Reagan on 9th October, so maybe something will come of that. Anyway, thank you once again. July Ann, it would be good to meet up and put a face to a name when we both feel up to it. Off to try and have a snooze now. Love Karen xx

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Fri Sep 26, 2003 10:44 pm

Hi Karen - we've not spoken before as I'm "lurking" but not posting much as not sure when I'll be cycling again. But as a 5 time "failure" too I guess I know a bit about how you feel. Last time too we got 9 to blasto (having had poor embryos before) and thought, "this is it, here we go", but sadly it was not to be (low +ve), and unfortunatley have subsequently had FET (had to thaw 5 blastos to get that far) which was negative too. However hard we try to be positive the fact is that life really can be a ***** and so completely unfair. We deserve the happiness of a family that "everyone else" seems to have so easily (although one thing about this site makes me realise that however tough I feel I've had it, someone else has had even more to deal with). I've been there with the "what's the point of life", and you can find a point but its so hard. You've been here before and you know that day by day it will get a bit easier, and you'll start thinking about next time. Its so hard too to support your partner in this, but I'm sure having been through so much you'll manage somehow to support each other and move through. I do truely believe that couples who deal with the sort of s#it that we have to cope with through all that we go through do develop a certain special something which means that, whatever it is that life will have in store for us, we'll manage and deal with it and make the best of things. But you do sometimes wonder why the hell we can't be given the breaks that others seem to get and have that little miracle that we all deserve. Anyway, enough rambling from me. Just wanted to say I can empathise completely and I'm thinking of you and sending you the strength to get through this nightmare time. Much love Alison x

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