As you may or may not know we got a BFN last week following our 1st attempt at IVF.
Last week I was ok, we went away for a week to try and help get over the disappointment, but now I am back to reality and back to work I am finding it difficult.
My two close friends have new babies, most of my friends have children, and I feel that I am going to have no friends left whom I will have anything in common with.
I know it was only our 1st try, and we will try again as soon as we can, but I am feeling all sorts of emotions. I am upset and angry that it happens to other people so easily, and nearly 5 years on and after 4 surgeries and lots of pain we are no closer to having that family we so want.
Sorry to go on.
Ems x
Feeling blue...
Feeling blue...
ME 38 DH 32
Severe Endo
1st IVF Sept 06 - BFN
2nd IVF Jan 07 - BFP! Ruby May born 24.10.07
3rd IVF March 10 - BFP on 30.3.10! Iris Josephine born 1.12.10
Our family is complete
Severe Endo
1st IVF Sept 06 - BFN
2nd IVF Jan 07 - BFP! Ruby May born 24.10.07
3rd IVF March 10 - BFP on 30.3.10! Iris Josephine born 1.12.10
Our family is complete
Hi Ems,
Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear about your BFN. I did my first ICSI in July and got a BFN so I know how crushed you must be right now.
Before we started tmt, I said that we would go on holiday pretty much straight away if we got a negative result (I guess this gave me something to look forward to if we got a BFN). When I got my BFN I was gutted but carried on regardless and booked my holiday & went out & bought new holiday clothes, etc.
We went on holiday and had a brilliant time.
Like you, I think it all hit me when we got home and I had to go back to work, etc. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
Everywhere I looked, there were pregnant women and new babies. All of our friends had either given birth, were trying for a baby or pregnant and I really couldn't cope with it.
Nearly 3 months on and I'm about to do a FET (Thursday actually!!). Again, if this doesn't work, I'm buggering off to Dublin for a few days to console myself in copious amounts of guiness!! This won't change the fact that I'm not pregnant, but I think we need to focus on something else once in a while.
I feel better now and you will soon too. Don't put yourself in situations you aren't comfortable with (like babies parties, etc). I did that once or twice after my BFN and the only person that left in floods of tears was me. In the end, I had to be strong with myself, my DH and my family/friends and graciously bow out of things that I wasn't going to be able to cope with.
You have to believe that you will achieve your dream of having a baby one day. I am just starting to think that way now. I WILL have a baby one day. There are no ifs or buts. It WILL happen. It will happen for you too.
Take care and look after yourself. We are all here if you need us.
Lots of love, Corinna xx
Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear about your BFN. I did my first ICSI in July and got a BFN so I know how crushed you must be right now.
Before we started tmt, I said that we would go on holiday pretty much straight away if we got a negative result (I guess this gave me something to look forward to if we got a BFN). When I got my BFN I was gutted but carried on regardless and booked my holiday & went out & bought new holiday clothes, etc.
We went on holiday and had a brilliant time.
Like you, I think it all hit me when we got home and I had to go back to work, etc. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
Everywhere I looked, there were pregnant women and new babies. All of our friends had either given birth, were trying for a baby or pregnant and I really couldn't cope with it.
Nearly 3 months on and I'm about to do a FET (Thursday actually!!). Again, if this doesn't work, I'm buggering off to Dublin for a few days to console myself in copious amounts of guiness!! This won't change the fact that I'm not pregnant, but I think we need to focus on something else once in a while.
I feel better now and you will soon too. Don't put yourself in situations you aren't comfortable with (like babies parties, etc). I did that once or twice after my BFN and the only person that left in floods of tears was me. In the end, I had to be strong with myself, my DH and my family/friends and graciously bow out of things that I wasn't going to be able to cope with.
You have to believe that you will achieve your dream of having a baby one day. I am just starting to think that way now. I WILL have a baby one day. There are no ifs or buts. It WILL happen. It will happen for you too.
Take care and look after yourself. We are all here if you need us.
Lots of love, Corinna xx
Me31.DH39.DD14 (natural conception with college BF)
No tubes (2 Ectopics in 2000 with ex)
DH non obstructive azoospermia.
ICSI July 06-BFN
FET Sept 06-BFN
ICSI with donor sperm Aug 07-BF?????
No tubes (2 Ectopics in 2000 with ex)
DH non obstructive azoospermia.
ICSI July 06-BFN
FET Sept 06-BFN
ICSI with donor sperm Aug 07-BF?????
Ems - i totally know how u feel m8! Being cycle buddies we went though it at the same time and i'm still finding it hard 2!
I work in a bank and people in my branch r lovely and know what was happening but somehow every1 (from all other branches) have found out why i was off and keep tactlessly coming up to me and asking me how i got on!...
..I don't even know these people - all i want to do is burst into tears and tell them to go away!
My SIL had her baby 2 days after our BFP and everywhere i go there r preggers women and some of them look about 15 years old and its so infuriating!!
Ems, u will do it again soon and it will work i promise u. Its so hard i too have had 3 ops which haven't worked and the failed IVF just put the icing on the cake! I'm confident we'll both b getting preggers on our 2nd go!!!
U know where i am if u wanna talk m8!
LOL Vickie x x x
I work in a bank and people in my branch r lovely and know what was happening but somehow every1 (from all other branches) have found out why i was off and keep tactlessly coming up to me and asking me how i got on!...
..I don't even know these people - all i want to do is burst into tears and tell them to go away!
My SIL had her baby 2 days after our BFP and everywhere i go there r preggers women and some of them look about 15 years old and its so infuriating!!
Ems, u will do it again soon and it will work i promise u. Its so hard i too have had 3 ops which haven't worked and the failed IVF just put the icing on the cake! I'm confident we'll both b getting preggers on our 2nd go!!!
U know where i am if u wanna talk m8!
LOL Vickie x x x
Me-25,DH25
3x IVF - BFN
IVF NO 4 - Finally BFP!! Elliot Michael born 20.08.08, love him to bits x x x
3x IVF - BFN
IVF NO 4 - Finally BFP!! Elliot Michael born 20.08.08, love him to bits x x x
-
Welshgirl38
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 1653
- Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:46 pm
Hey Ems,
Only now i saw ur posting.
Im so sorry ur feeling like this, i know how hard it can be getting that BFN. I dont think it is as hard for me as it is for a lot of u women, hence i already have children - but that doesnt mean i dont feel the same emotions as you do when it doesnt work for us.
I carried on comming in and reading about everybodys BFP's - on one hand i was so pleased for them, intensley happy for them, but gutted for myself - i was so gutted for u & Vickie hun, honestly i so wanted it to work for u both - after all - the 3 of us were cycle buddies, we could get thru anything together.
DH and i dont even know where wea re going from here - i so want to go ahead and try again, but he is dubious after seeing the effect the BFN had on me - yes he was upset, but i think he was more concerned about the effect it was having/still having on me. He doesnt want me to go thru that loss again.
As for work, i had booked off Friday (15th test date as u know!) but my AF arrived on Thursday morning - i had to go into work where no one knows we were having treatment, and try to carry on as normal. My boss had proceeded to tell me how she had a coil fitted cos she would hang herself from the nearest tree should she become pg again - i had to sit and listen to it - i dont know how i got home in one piece that day - i dont know how i got thru that day, but i did, im still here, bruised - but still standing!
Im glad u and Vickie are fighting strong for ur dreams, it WILL happen for u both - IT WILL I really feel for u hun - if u need to talk/vent/cry/laff u know where i am, and u know my email address.
Take Care All ......
Becky Xx
Only now i saw ur posting.
Im so sorry ur feeling like this, i know how hard it can be getting that BFN. I dont think it is as hard for me as it is for a lot of u women, hence i already have children - but that doesnt mean i dont feel the same emotions as you do when it doesnt work for us.
I carried on comming in and reading about everybodys BFP's - on one hand i was so pleased for them, intensley happy for them, but gutted for myself - i was so gutted for u & Vickie hun, honestly i so wanted it to work for u both - after all - the 3 of us were cycle buddies, we could get thru anything together.
DH and i dont even know where wea re going from here - i so want to go ahead and try again, but he is dubious after seeing the effect the BFN had on me - yes he was upset, but i think he was more concerned about the effect it was having/still having on me. He doesnt want me to go thru that loss again.
As for work, i had booked off Friday (15th test date as u know!) but my AF arrived on Thursday morning - i had to go into work where no one knows we were having treatment, and try to carry on as normal. My boss had proceeded to tell me how she had a coil fitted cos she would hang herself from the nearest tree should she become pg again - i had to sit and listen to it - i dont know how i got home in one piece that day - i dont know how i got thru that day, but i did, im still here, bruised - but still standing!
Im glad u and Vickie are fighting strong for ur dreams, it WILL happen for u both - IT WILL
I really feel for u hun - if u need to talk/vent/cry/laff u know where i am, and u know my email address.Take Care All ......
Becky Xx
1 IVF=BFN 2 IVF=BFN 3 IVF=BFP
m/c @ 8 wks 
4 IVF=BFNWe must now let go of the life we had planned, to live the life waiting for us..
Adoption course starts March 19th
Ems - hang on in there honey. When we did IUI last year I was absolutley gutted that it didn't work for some reason with everthing that we had been through I just assumed that with a litle help from the experts we would be proud parents! Of course it didn't work and I came crashing down to earth, everywhere I looked people were pregnant, 2 of my friends gave birth within weeks of our bfn and I just felt it was so unfair. I am a good person, I hadn;t done anything wrong so why wasn't it happening to me??I was off work for over 2 months cos I just couldn't cope, I couldn't cope with going out and seeing pregnant people and babies, I couldn't cope with people saying so and so is pregnant, I was just a blubbering mess and I also couldn't cope with the pitying look in people's eyes. I also found it really hard when people (who were only trying to be nice) would say don't worry if only you could relax and be positive it will happen, I know someone who had been trying for years and as soon as they stopped they caught etc. etc. I felt like screaming at them that I didn't care about anyone else!!!!!! It has taken me a long time to get over it and to be where I am now, I have had counselling and now feel more able to cope.
You have to have faith that one day you will be proud parents however long it takes you will get your dream. the heartache you are feeling now will all be worth it when you are holding that bundle of joy in your arms.
Keeping smiling and hang on in there, you can do it
Take care
Hxx
You have to have faith that one day you will be proud parents however long it takes you will get your dream. the heartache you are feeling now will all be worth it when you are holding that bundle of joy in your arms.
Keeping smiling and hang on in there, you can do it
Take care
Hxx
Me 33
IUI Nov 05 - BFN
IVF Aug 06 - BFN
FET - Jan 07 - BFP!!!!!!
Scan - 08.03.07
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20718;19/st/20071024/k/7fb4/preg.png[/img]
IUI Nov 05 - BFN
IVF Aug 06 - BFN
FET - Jan 07 - BFP!!!!!!
Scan - 08.03.07
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20718;19/st/20071024/k/7fb4/preg.png[/img]
Hello
I just want to say I understand how you feel and can't agree more with what Corinna said.......don't put yourself in situations you are uncomfortable with.........she is so right! This is all so hard to go through and so many of us think we need put on a brave face for the world, well we don't! I got to a point where if I didn't want to socialise then I just didn't. If I felt like sitting at home and avoiding the world, then I did. its the only thing that kept me sane. I was doing okay until my 2 closest friends told me they were pregnant within a week of each other. One of them who I used to see nearly every day (who had also been trying for 3 years) dropped me when she got pregnant because I wasn't part of the pregnant club. It was so terrible I felt like I would go mad. needless to say I am no longer friends with her.
The hard thing is, people are not always understanding so you need to protect yourself from this.
I found what also helped in the end was finding a really good acupuntrrist who was also like a counsellor and I just started to feel more like it was going to happen. And then it did.
I honestly never saw myself pregnant, I was sure it wouldn't happen. I know its easy for me to say it will happen for you but I truly believe unless they have found something which will prevent you ever getting pregnant, there is hope. Its just a matter of when.
Until then, look after yourself, lean on your dh...............and one day when you are parents you will appreciate it soooo much more than those who get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
love terri
I just want to say I understand how you feel and can't agree more with what Corinna said.......don't put yourself in situations you are uncomfortable with.........she is so right! This is all so hard to go through and so many of us think we need put on a brave face for the world, well we don't! I got to a point where if I didn't want to socialise then I just didn't. If I felt like sitting at home and avoiding the world, then I did. its the only thing that kept me sane. I was doing okay until my 2 closest friends told me they were pregnant within a week of each other. One of them who I used to see nearly every day (who had also been trying for 3 years) dropped me when she got pregnant because I wasn't part of the pregnant club. It was so terrible I felt like I would go mad. needless to say I am no longer friends with her.
The hard thing is, people are not always understanding so you need to protect yourself from this.
I found what also helped in the end was finding a really good acupuntrrist who was also like a counsellor and I just started to feel more like it was going to happen. And then it did.
I honestly never saw myself pregnant, I was sure it wouldn't happen. I know its easy for me to say it will happen for you but I truly believe unless they have found something which will prevent you ever getting pregnant, there is hope. Its just a matter of when.
Until then, look after yourself, lean on your dh...............and one day when you are parents you will appreciate it soooo much more than those who get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
love terri
PCOS
TTC 2.5 years
BFP April 2006
TTC 2.5 years
BFP April 2006