Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[lolajones]

Buenos dias!

Walsheroo - I have spent the last 24 hours wondering what BD means... in medical world it means twice a day but surely not???? I await your explanation with wrinkled forehead... Glad the numbers are on the rise, all will be revealed on scan numero uno - man! Imagine if it's twins!! Fantastic! I only just realised that you are almost 10 years younger than me - no wonder I have so much trouble with the cartwheels and spanky pants compared with you n Steph. I am going to follow in your high heeled footsteps and do everything different this time. When I did cycle 1 I was really motivated and went the Zita way mostly, for my FET I really couldn't be arsed, wish I'd never had that cycle - waste of time, hated and begrudged every minute of it. This FET going to be different - scouts honour. I also looked on Google earth for Stephs knickers but could only see R's huge cocktail umbrella somewhere in South Africa. Enjoy your long weekend lovely.

Jemla - Today is the day!!! Woo hoooo!!!! I hope you have started positive thinking and visualisations??? Hope you have a room picked out in your new house for a nursery???? We'll be here supporting you every day. So I guess your query suppressed scan is on the 16th October? Don't know about you but it feels such a long time since I did this. Been good to have the break.

Stephanwych - how was the dinner? Did you whip up a feast? Glad to see you have considered a more demure spanky cheering outfit to accommodate your bump - very lady like

Littles?? camilla???

I'm knacked today - been up all night with tummy ache following uber cheese and chocolate fest with dh. As soon as the last square of choc was in my mouth I started to regret my gluttony, eugh. Why? Anyway, am in very lar di dah mood today and plan to spring clean our gormy flat. Mucho crap everywhere, me n dh very neglectful recently. Need a cleaner. Or a little spring-cleaning pixie.

Right - off to uncupboard the cupboards - will update you if i find Dream Pixie Friend

Onwards muchachos!!!

Love, Lola
xxxxxx
The List

Jen- Deregging - ?Supressed scan 2 weeks
Walsher- BFP!!! Scan 11/10/06
Loolers- Big 3 ?31/10/06
Littles - on hols - back 25th Sept
Steph- Octo Babe girl due date- 9th Jan
Camilla- Octo babe Annabel arrived on 9th Aug.

[Walshy]

Hello,

I love three day weekends... I have spent today lazing on the lounge watching the fourth season of scrubs that I brought on DVD....

Ms Lola BD is babydancing aka sex in nomral terms......Yep my secrets out we did it during the 2ww and have done it since. My clinic actually advised us to go back to normal which meant having sex so we did.. Sick of putting my life on hold and so was DH so we thought damn it we are going to live life from now on... Let us know how your accupuncture goes and let me know what you think. I go back this week for the first time since in 2 weeks had to take a break but can't wait.

Jen it is good to have you back. Your moving sounds like what DH and I went through moving into our unit. We had to send back our blinds, bedroom suite and dishwasher because they all had something wrong with them. When it pours it rains. How is your cycle going? Is it like getting back on the bike. I have everything crossed for you that this is the one for you. We will be here during your 2ww so place all your worried on this board and forget them and think positive my friend.

Ms Steph - I hope your day at work goes quick and that your weekend was a good one. I have Grays tonight. What season are you up to and what episode? We will have to have a chat about where we are up to Chris O'Donnell has just come into ours.

Hi to Camilla and LIttles hope to have you chatting to us soon....

Well this pregnancy thing is a breeze I have extremely veiny tender breasts and they have gone up a cup size already (DH is in his glory he is hoping i get up to DD or even E me on the other hand am not looking for that) but other than that it is all good... I am looking forward to the 11th when we see how many banking on the numbers I still think it is one but I am a happy camper. I peed on a stick today and finally got 2 big fat lines so it is more real. Still in denial a bit though.

Cheers, Walshy

The List

Jen- Deregging - ?Supressed scan 2 weeks
Walsher- BFP!!! Scan 11/10/06
Loolers- Big 3 ?31/10/06
Littles - on hols - back 25th Sept
Steph- Octo Babe girl due date- 9th Jan
Camilla- Octo babe Annabel arrived on 9th Aug.

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hi My Luv Bunnies! HAPPY OCTOBER ANNIVERSARY GIRLS!!!!!

It is good to be back to some wonderful news... hoorah for increasing numbers Walshy! still rollin with the homeys! Thatta cat girl! I am so excited for you, I think I peed a little.. Glad that preggers is agreeing with you, don't be shocked if one day you wake up nauseaus and exhausted... of course you will love every minute of it! I never peed on a stick with this pregnancy as found out during ultrasound for cycle.. think I should just so I know what it looks like? i have never seen a positive! oohhhh, you have met Finn... it only keeps getting better and better and better from there..ENJOY!! I am on season three, episode three. Probably 7 or so episodes ahead of you...

Speaking of excitement... jens the next on board with cycle starting! I believe this is our time girls.. all Octo's will have success. we deserve it just for stickin together through the past year... Loolers is next!

Loolers--- getting ready for cycle 3... you sound like you are ready to open a can of whoop a**! Attitude is everything.. and it makes Demetrio all tingly and excited! Me a little bit too. You had to mention chocolate and cheese... yummy! my two favorites.. now I must go find some! I also have been cleaning out the crap... spare bedroom is officially emptied. I made hubby get rid of so much stuff.. he is a hoarder.. I am a throw it outer. if you need one in the future, buy a new and better one.

Hi Camilla and Littles- missin ya sigh....

As for me.. bedroom is cleaned out and the nursery painting has begun! I actually feel like it is happening now.. and it only took 6 months and 2 weeks for me to believe it! By the by.. part of the cleaning was of sexy panties.. hubby was very disheartened to see them go for now... i think I saw a tear. I can't believe you haven't been able to find me and my panties... the east coast has been overcast since I put them on! and again I say... I am not a skinny minny, never have been, never will be....

So excited I just can't hide it,
Steph

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

Well I have been fine so far on my medi. Seems strange the first couple of times i went through ivf everyone was concerned but this time it feels different and more like routine. This is making me a bit low, like i feel it might not work again. Will have to pull myself out of this one and get some PMA

Have to admit i had a small cry tonight. Just feel so excited for Steph and Walshy but also want this so badly for me and the others. Sometimes its hard and stressful with all this pressure of wanting a baby. Its so unfair we are having to struggle through all this. Just cant see this every working for me and feel a bit neg this time. Sorry i shouldnt say the nasty N word but just feeling a bit worried it doesnt work and just dreading the last week, it scares the shit out of me as i know whats coming now. I hate the feeling like the dreaded AF is coming, scared to go to the loo, terrified of every twinge and having to take the test. Wish i could hibernate for the last week.

Anyway have two days off so will try to pull myself together. Sorry to put a downer on the week.

Love to you all and thanks for listening

Jen x

[rparsons]

hello ladies

I have a question. I am on day 5 of stims and can already feel l my ovaries. Is this normal? I don't remember from last time, (2 yrs ago). I go in tommorrow morning for my first US since starting stims and CAN"T wait to see what's going on in there.

[lolajones]

Hey there Jen. Sorry you're feeling low but to be honest is to expected after all you've been through and now the evil hormones skidding about your (bootilcious) body. Doing another cycle focuses you on all that has gone before. But, it will happen! Think of all the positive things -
1) you no longer have satanic, toxic anti-stick fluid emitting fallops,
2) your clinic know exactly what regimen to put you on to get best response without hyperstim
3) you are a pro (not in the turning tricks sense) and know all the good things to do, (drink lots of milk and water and your supps and acu etc etc)
Think positive - thats an order!!! We're all cheering you on!

Steph I too am a thrower outer but i have been cast a spell upon by hoarder husband and hence we live in a tip. Not anymore! I am on a mssion of biblical proportions to clear it all out. Still no luck on Google Earth but did see Walshers huge grin glinting in the Sydney sunshine...

Walsheroo! Still beaming? Sunk in yet? It didn't sink in for me about 10 days. Its all so exciting.

Well, I'm off for my acupuncture tomorrow. I'm all shaved and ready to be sticked - woo hoooo!!!! I'm feeling a bit manic. I got completely sucked in today at this beauty place and ended up spending my ivf drug money on muchos lovely skin products. I am now very shiny and clean. Oh, and broke, ha harrr. I'm worth it, isn't that what they say?

Anyhoo, off to refine my pores

Keep on keepin on my ladies
Love, Lola
xxxxxxx

[Jen1d]

Thanks Loops
Am off to my bed for some rest, i feel so tired today.
Just one question. I only take folic acid and although i have read about the Zita's magic potion of drugs there are too many to choose from. My hosp tell me to take the folic acid and that it. Do you think there is any other vits i should take?
thanks gang

rparsons - yep its normal. Everone is different and no cycle is the same but to feel things is always a good sign. Try going to the other October Buddy thread they are all going through cycles now and you can maybe compare notes.

Jen x

[Walshy]

Oh ladies I am so sad.............I got my periods today...........
I had cramping yesterday and I kept thinking that it was the embies snuggling in even more but today I realised those pains were exactly like period pains and when I got home from work and went to the toilet there it was not brown but red blood with clots so I know it is all over.

I have spent the whole afternoon crying and to make matters worse now I have to phone my family and tell them that we are not going to be parents.

I keep apologising to my DH for losing the baby which makes him cry and then me cry and it continues around the circle....

I am so upset and devastated...........
I can't help but think did I do something wrong? Why did they reject my uterus.

Ladies I don't know how I am going to go on with this. It is so hard and so sad. This is so much harder than getting a negative after the 2ww. Hoe did you ladies who have been here deal with this?

I thought all our bad luck was over obvioulsy not.

Take care, Walshy

[Smita]

walshy,
I'm devastated for you..
I've been following your happy news..is there any chance its just some sub-chorionic bleeding?(bleeding around the uterus)Did you see your doctor again- please do get it checked up.I will pray for you.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs,
smita

[lolajones]

Oh walshy lovely girl I am so sorry. I can't beleive that this has happened I am so p*ssed off! You have been through so much! Its so unfair! I hate this awful painful ivf game.
Firstly - you did nothing wrong! You were perfect.
It is so hard - when I got the ectopic I didn't know how I was ever going to stop the numbing pain and I had so much anger. But you get through it love. Day by day. me and DH went to the ivf unit counsellor and that was helpful. I was also really careful with myself - lots of treats, surround yourself with people who love you. Telling people who knew is very hard and I cried every time.
We are here for you! Steph and R both had this happen and look! Steph is up the duff! And I know you don't want to hear this now but you got pregnant! It worked! And it will work again! And you're young! You will be a parent.

Keep checking in sweetie - we can help you through this.

Love, Lola xxxxxxx

Octos! I can't believe this. I am just so furious.
ill write later
Lola
x

[Walshy]

Thanks Smita and Lola but i just want to crawl into a hole and die........

I am in so much pain at the moment that I just don't know how I am going to get out of it.

I am going through cycles where I am sad, angry, sad, disappointed, sad, defeated and sad again. My Dh has turned to alcohol and cigarettes (he quit smoking 18 months ago) and I have resorted to crap KFc and chocolate (I hate never eat KFC because it is bad for you).

My beautiful DH rang the family and told them because I just couldn't do it and I sms'ed my close friends.

I don't know if I want to do anymore IVF this was suppose to be the last cycle and we have no frosties left so I have to do a full cycle again if we want to.

Will go back to the clinic tomorrow but I know it is over a (sorry tmi) I have been passing a hell of alot of clots. This is the first time ever that I have been pregnant and now that is gone. To make it worse I have the worst pains/cramping to remind me that I am no longer pregnant.

Ok time to go to bed and cry I feel so deflated. Walshy

[little R]

Dearest Walshy...I just got your e-mail... I have replied to it but maybe you will log on here first. I trust at the moment you are resting, well at least trying to.
You're probably wishing you will wake up and this nightmare will be over.

I don't know what to say, my poor Octobuddy....it sucks AND majorly.. there is nothing to add!
Like Lola, I am really angry...angry for your loss...
I am writing this and the tears are pouring down my face because I can remember how you feel...I went numb and felt like something had broken inside....something irreparable.
There is nothing I can say to comfort you.
However, experience has shown that the pain will subdue over time...you never forget but it does lessen.

I am sending you all my PMA and heaps of sunny sunny kisses... to you and your DH.

Please take care and remember it is not your fault (you have gone above and beyond what most have when it comes to trying to conceive)....

You know where to find me if you want to chat...

MUCH love always,

Littles

[little R]

My dearest Octopals....it's been a while.

Please know that I have not forgotten you...I think of each and every one of you every day... it's just that I needed/still need a break.

I have just started a rather intensive online course and given that I haven't used my brain in over 3 years, well, it's a little fried at the end of the day.
I am having trouble keeping up with the material....and concentrating...and am spending enormous amounts of time in front of the screen. I have square eyes
I am glad to report that after 3 years...well, I am finally doing something for myself and it feels great.
I can't say I am happy as the sadness and emptiness I feel shadow me wherever I decide to go or whatever I do...if that makes any sense...but I feel more in control and am making a difference to my life.

On a brighter note...I had great holidays in ZA with the exception of having terrible acute diarrhea (sorry TMI ) It was awful for 5 days but didn't prevented me from doing what I wanted to do...I just had to lie down a lot of the time! I will send you pics Lola...just haven't got around to doing it... to Jen too if she's interested ? And anyone else for that matter... you just need to send me your emails.

As far as I am concerned this holiday has been one of the finest that DH and I have had….But let’s put it into context: we have only had 3 (including our wonderful honeymoon) real holidays since we met over 7 years ago. This naturally excludes all of the 24-48 hrs globetrotting I have done as a “pilot’s wife”….as that doesn’t count
No, let’s be totally honest…our 9-day stint in Southern Africa doesn’t even qualify as a holiday, but more of an exhausting road trip as we covered 3,000km in a record-breaking 8 days!
We moved at the speed of light and were up at dawn every day….no kidding!

......


Lola....thank you for your message...really touched me...I'll be sending you those pics very soon..once I get my head out of the books. Sorry...when exactly are you starting the Big 3?

Jen...can't believe it is Round 3 already.... wow... don't get your hopes down... we're all here to support you. Sorry, I have been such a bad friend to you... Third time lucky right! How's the house? Still madly in love with every inch of it?

Steph... January..it's right around the corner... time flies... another Octobaby. She sounds like she's getting a great nursery!

Camilla.... sounds like Annabel is growing and growing...and you still manage to post from time to time...how's the sleep depravation ?

Walshy.... warmest hugs and love ...so sad for you my friend.

I won't be starting treatment in December...as I haven't been well on and off for a little while now...I think maybe January will be our month. We shall see!

Well, I'll be on and off this thing...but remember, it doesn't mean that I am not thinking about you.

MUCH love to my Octopals.... we've know each other for nearly a year!!!

Littles

[Inhale, Exhale]

A sad, sad day...

Walshy... I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now and your loss. I don't want to say all the things that people said to me, that don't make you feel better, but know that I know exactly what you are going through and anything you are feeling we have been there and will listen and try to talk you through.
I know that this will sound really horrible right now, but Lola is right. The good news is that you got pregnant. You are able to get pregnant and now your body knows how to.. I truly believe that I never would have gotten pregnant if I hadn't done so through IVF first.. I think it showed my body what to do, so to speak.
In time, this will make you feel better, for now though all you can do is grieve for the baby you lost. go through the anger (i was big on the anger) and the sadness that will come in waves. I took to throwing things at one point.. all the pregnancy books, name books, stuffed animals that people got us when we told them the news. My hubby actually went around and gathered everything up after I threw them and hid them.. although I know he felt like throwing them to.
I also remember crying hysterically and apologizing to my husband that I couldn't give us children.. I knew that in my head that I had no reason to apologize, but in my heart it had to be said. He assured me, as I am sure your DH did, that it wasn't my fault.. I didn't do anything wrong.. and I am here to tell you... NEITHER DID YOU!
Something else that I did, and don't recommend... I went back to work the next day. I went on with life.. after all .. I was only pregnant for a week and a half.. nobody should be that upset about that right? Wrong.... I lost a baby, a baby that took years of trying to get. A baby that gave me hope the second I got a BFP and my hope was taken away. Everything you are feeling about not being able to do this again.. I felt that too.. hopeless. I felt that way when I had the miscarriage, I felt that way when neither embryo survived the thaw and I felt that way when my cycle was cancelled because my period was a mess.... Give yourself time to grieve before you make decisions.. you will get stronger again. But for now, let other people do it for you and DH. ... go to bed and cry... I wish we could all be there to climb in and cry with you.

Sending luv
Steph

[Inhale, Exhale]

Girls....

I am so MAD and SAD for our Walshy... WHY, WHY, WHY? does this keep happening to us...

I feel like punching things and crying at the same time.

Littles and Lola... Doesn't this take you right back to when it happened to you.. the memories are vivid and haunting. We never forget, do we...


This day sucks
Steph