April/May Buddies??

[LauraLou]

Jackie, you need to get a ticker so we can keep track of how far along you are. Is it 7 or 8 weeks now?

Carolyn, I hope things are better with you and DH. Please let us know how you are doing.

Em, I think you are starting your stims tomorrow. What are you taking, Follistim, Gonal F, Menopur? I hope you grow lots of big beautiful follies.

Veronika, how are you doing? When are you thinking of doing another cycle of IVF or have you decided to keep trying naturally for awhile?

My doctor has me test 14 days post EC, so my official test date is Monday. Last time I tested positive on a HPT 3 days before the official test date, which would be this Friday. I have my 3 pack of the early response HPTs, the same ones I used last time.

DH and I talked a little last night. We agreed that if this time doesn't work, we aren't going to do IVF again. It is too hard on my body and my emotions. I just can't face doing this again. We will go forward with plan B, which is donor sperm IUI or adoption. But hopefully my miracle will happen and my 3 little embies will surprise everyone.

I have jury duty tomorrow and lunch with a friend on Thursday, which should help pass the time. I'm off this week, which gives me too much time to think and worry.

[CarolynB]

Laura, Jackie

Thank you for being so kind and supportive for me. It does help to know that it is not just me and dh who have such terrible rows. You are right. I am sure that they just view it differently to us and just cannot feel the same stuff that we all feel. My dh is also quite laid back and calm about everything so I think that some of it is just his personality.

Laura - you are so right. If we were closer together, we could all see each other and have a massive group hug and then shed loads and loads of tears

Anyway, dh and I are treading really carefully with each other right now. I think that he is worried that I shall have another melt down. We really only baby danced once just before ovulation so kind of feel that this month is almost a write off. I am far less focused on the count down to AF than I was last month.

Given that I cannot get into see my consultant until right near the end of this month I am also worried that if they put me on the long Day 2 protocol again that I may not have chance to cycle again pre-Xmas. May be if I can persuade my consultant to let me start on Day 21 then I would be able to do a cycle pre-Xmas I think just???

Laura - It is good that your dh and you have talked things through but I so hope that this will not be required for you. Every cycle is different so please don't fret just as pains have been different this time to last time. I so hope that your little fighters are going to come through for you hun. Hope that jury duty can take your mind off the waiting and that you have a lovely lunch with your friend on Thursday. Good to pass the days as you say. We are all willing you over the finish line hun

Em - Have you started the stimmies now? You must let us know how you are getting on?

Jackie - A ticker would be great so we can all see how you are getting on with your little bump?

Vero & Dania - Thinking of you both

Thank you so much for being there for me. I do feel a little better today. Yesterday, I just stayed in bed all day as I just felt torn apart and completely broken.

Love to you all.
Carolyn xxx

[jackoa21]

Hello laides

Laura its good that you are off for a couple of days but I know it makes your mind just wander. Its good that you are keeping busy.. Like all of this I think its great that you have a plan B but you wont need it this time honey.. Your little embies are hanging around this time.. So are you doing the home test on Friday? OOOOOH this is going to be so exciting.. I am offically 8 weeks (and 2 days) I finally made a ticker since I have decided to just try to stop being so scared and just be happy so I made a ticker..

Carolyn
Oh its so good you are feeling a bit better with DH.. I agree with you and Laura I wish we could all just meet up and give eachother the big hugs when we need them. You probably needed some time to just rest yesterday. For the only one baby dancing it only takes the one time so keep up the PMA honey.. How are your temps going? Is it pretty easy? I use to do it and I found after I got the habit it was easy to do.. Can you phone and ask to start on day 21 just so you know now if that is a possiblity? I bet having the plan more set will make you feel better.

Dania how are you and your sweet little bump?

Love and hugs
jackie

Vero how are you honey? How often are you doing acc? Are you temping also (like Carolyn) thinking of you honey

Em
So when do you start the stimms.. OOOH its getting so close now......You will be on your way soon...

[Xrayem]

Hi there Gorgeous girls!

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and the stimms are making me feel GREAT! After 2 weeks of the blues and paranoia (?sp) I am so pleased to feel like my old self again.

I had my first shot of Puregon this morning and it wasn't that bad. It stung more about 5 mins after the jab. Dh did very well and I am proud of him....he doesn't like needles.

I had a scan today (unofficial) just to see what was there and we counted 8 follicles on one ovary and 6 on the other. It was only a rough look and they were all still very small. But I will be pleased if they all make it.

Carolyn - reading your post about your fight was like reading the script from our row. I too slept in the spare room. I accused DH of having an affair, even, because he was too tired to baby-dance. He said that we were doing IVF, so we didn't need to baby-dance this month. I was absolutely shattered. Whatever happened to making love for the pure fun of it?

Anyway, I feel for you, sweetie. Our DH's are a different breed aren't they? I keep thinking that my DH doesn't care about having a family because he is always so composed and positive while I scream and cry. But I think its just they don't know how to deal with the stress and they bury it until it explodes in an ugly fight with you. Remember its good to let these things vent and he does love you. Hug for you!

Laura - I'm sorry that you are thinking of making this your last cycle. Have you any embies frozen for a FET? Well, lets pray that you don't need to think about it and you get your BFP on Monday.

Jackie - I love your ticker. Well done you for relaxing. I guess you have to reach a point where you say whatever happens will happen, and feel truly blessed to have your miracle.

Hi Vero and Dania.

Hugs Em

[LauraLou]

Just my luck, they called my name this morning and I have to go back to the courthouse tomorrow to be interviewed as a potential juror. Maybe it's good, as it will keep my mind off worrying and obsessing about every little cramp and twinge.

Of course, I could tell them that I've been taking massive doses of fertility hormones for the last month and that should scare the judge into letting me go!

Em, I'm so glad you are feeling better on the stims. It is amazing how much influence hormones have on our moods.

Jackie, I love your ticker!

Veronika and Carolyn, I hope you are both doing well.

[LauraLou]

As I am the queen of HPTs, having spent hundreds of dollars on them over the last few years, I broke down even earlier this time and did a HPT this morning. I had planned to wait until tomorrow which was when I tested last time, but I was nauseous yesterday morning and again today.

I got a very faint positive! Okay, I have to stand on the toliet and squint at it in the sunlight, but there is definitely a very faint line. This is the same type of faint line I got 3 days pre-test day last cycle. I am 4 days pre-test date today.

I know its not from the hcg shot because, being the queen of HPTs, I always do one a couple days after the transfer to make sure I get a negative. That way I know any positive is not a result of the shot.

I could be hallucinating, always a possibility, but I am feeling hopeful for the first time since the transfer. I am not going to tell DH unless I get a line that you can really see, as I doubt DH will stand on the toliet and squint! I don't want to get too excited yet, but I am feeling hopeful for the 1st time since the transfer.

Have to leave for jury duty, but wanted to let everyone know.

Laura

[jackoa21]

Em
Hi honey how exciting with all your follies.. You are responding so well and you are in such a good mood (even with the stimms) i cried at the drop of a hat but I am a sappy pants girl anyway.. When is your next offical scan? I bet you will have loads of healthy eggies...

Laura
Whoooooo You must be so excited a positive is a positive.. We are all so excited for you.... Oh honey this is going to be your time and you will get your offical BFP soon... So did they call you for duty? You are right at least it would keep you busy.. Just remember the twinges and cramps are a good sign.. Babies growing....

love to you all and I hope you are all doing well
Jackie

[veronika]

Dear ladies!

I had a few busy days, but today I am off work and can finally take the time to read all the posts.

LauraLou,
a faint positive line sounds so wonderful. You had to give those little ones a chance, they probably fooled you a tiny bit and turned into the most beautiful embryos the minute they got to be where they belonged! I am so happy to hear your news. I can understand that you are being very cautious with your feelings and not telling DH. But soon you won't have to stand on the toilet and squint anymore.

Em,
you're on the stims-high. I felt exactly like that while stimming. It was just so wonderful to know those eggies were growing and growing. I hope that is what happens to yours right now. We want to hear of you having lots of big follies! You go girl!

Jackie and Dania,
I hope you ladies and your little beanies are doing very very well!

Carolyn,
how are you and DH doing? I so hope that everything is back to being normal and not too careful anymore. You will get out of all this stronger, that's for sure. I guess it is almost impossible for men to understand what exactly we are going through and that this is not just a wish that's not coming true but a whole life and our understanding of being a women
that is being challenged.
If ever the natural way doesn't work now you will be back to IVF really soon!

For me, I am glad that right now I feel like it's possible to live a normal life. We'll definetly try natural baby dancing for a while. I don't know why I can cope with the thought so well right now, maybe it's because I have just started acupuncture and know that this might change everything. So I am willing to give it a fair chance. If nothing happens within the next few months we'll try IUI. And if that shouldn't work I'll definetly go back to IVF. But right now, really, I feel like once more trying everything I can. After handing in my thesis I have realized how bloody stressed I had been in the past years, with the thesis, moving to Canada, building a new home etc. I feel like IVF was the climax of all this stress and uncertainty and now I can finally calm down. And maybe my body can only now get ready to become pregnant. That's what I hope!

Sending you all tons of hugs, Vero

[CarolynB]

Hi Ladies

Laura - Wow Wow Wow. You are testing so early and get even a hint of a line. That must be a great sign for you. They never give false +ves, only ever hear of false -ves. I am surprised that you can control your excitement and not tell your dh especially if you feel sick too. Sure that the line will get stronger as the days go by. How fantastic for you hun. As you are testing so early and picking up the hcg in you then may be more than 1 decided to stay Hope that the jury duty helps a little to take your mind off things - at least for a few second everyday

Em - so glad that you are doing better now that you are on the stimmies. Sounds like you have a great number of follies already and that they just need to grow and you are going to be in terrific shape for EC. Are you feeling bloated at all? My tummy just got so large that I had to buy a bigger size of trousers after a week of stimmies!!!

Vero - You are sounding very positive about things which is great. You sound like you are putting in place all the pieces to get pregnant. You and I sound like we both had masses of stress when we did our 1st cycle. May be in hindsight, it was not the best time for me to try to cycle. Right after a Year End of 24 X 7 working for three months. Now we are both getting ourselves into much better shape. Even if we end up going through ivf again then sure that we must both have a better shot than before. After Laura and Em get their BFPs - it will be just you and me to bring up the rear!!!!

Jackie - love the ticker. Well done on making it up. You ought to be feeling a little bit more relaxed now that you have been released to regular care. I am doing the temps. As you say, you just get used to doing it when you wake before doing anything else. Only issue is that I have had a cold/flu over the last week - just around ovulation so not sure whether that elevated my temperature a day or two early. Well it is staying around 0.5 above my temp at the start of the month so clearly the progesterone effect has kicked in now. Hard to tell exactly which day I ovulated. May be next month will make it clearer for me!? Afraid that the clinic will not even consider me until the consultant decides the protocol so don't think that I can do anything until I see him on 31st. I may call his office next week just to enquire about a cancellation. You never know!!??

Dania - Hope that you & the bump are doing really well

I am ok. I guess the storm just passes and we pick up the pieces and carry on. Dh would rather not discuss and forget that it happened at all. I don't feel on top of the world but I certainly feel a lot better than I did on Monday. I guess life just carries on. We are away tomorrow evening with some friends. We own a small share in a race horse and are going to visit the yard where it is trained on Saturday morning. It is a long way out of town so have booked us a little quaint place to stay overnight. May be this will help us. Think that I'd feel better if I could shake my cold too.

Love to you all. Laura - I am so (quietly) excited for you hun.

Carolyn xxx

[LauraLou]

I escaped from jury duty! It was a theft case and they asked if anyone had been a victum of theft. I raised my hand and they excused me. I guess they think I'm still holding a grudge after someone stole my boombox from my dorm room 18 yrs ago!

I have been sitting here looking at my HPT. It is faint but definitely there. I am encouraged that I am getting the same faint line 1 day earlier than last time. I hope that may mean a strong bfp. From what I've seen on this board, people with a beta greater than 100 do best. It is those, like me, who had betas in the 70's and 80's that seem most likely to m/c.

Carolyn, don't say twins too loudly, my DH might here you. I've never mentioned the high rate of twins with IVF to him. The poor guy has enough stress dealing with me.

I can't wait for today to pass. I want to see if my line gets darker tomorrow morning.

[LauraLou]

It got darker! You can actually see the second line today without squinting and holding it at an angle, so I called DH and hold him. He was shocked as we both thought this cycle was a disaster.

We are trying not to get too excited until after the first two betas. Last time first beta was low [78] and my second beta didn't double [120], which is when we knew there might be a problem.

I must say though that I am pretty optimistic. Looking back at my old posts, the results on my HPT are about two days ahead of last time, so surely that must be a good sign that the hcg level is higher.

I am working tonight, Sat and Sun nights, so I won't have much time to post. But I will definitely let you know what my beta is on Monday.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

P.S. Just wanted to update my post, implantation bleeding started today! Wow, I can't believe this really seems to have worked. Trying not to get too excited but can't help myself.

[jackoa21]

Hello ladies

Laura Honey that is wonderful news.. You should be so happy and positive now you are right just look at how quickly it got darker.. What happened with Jury duty? Did they call you? I can not wait for you to officallly test.. This is it you did it

Vero you sound so calm and happy. I think you are right and you have been through so much over the past few years that your body could not have been ready.. Now you have things settled and you have your plan set out I bet you wont even need the IVF.

Carolyn
I am sorry you still have your cold but how exciting that you own part of a race horse. What is its name? Do you get to see it often? The weekend away sounds really nice too and give you and DH some time to just focus on other things.. I think calling the doctor is a good idea becuase you never know they get cancelleations all the time.. Can he work out the protocal without seeing you or is that something he wants to meet with you? Maybe you could meet over the phone?

Em
How are you doing honey any more impromtu scans? How are you feeling

Dania honey thinking of you

For me nothing new.. Still pulling type twinges and my next scan is October 19th so that will be good to see the beannie again
Love and hugs
Jackie

[DaniaBB]

Lauralou-I was sad to read that you had such difficult day at the ET, sweetie. I too believe that the quality of the embies doesn’t determine if they will stick or not. Nature is not perfect, we don’t know for sure but there are probably tons of embies who make it. My Dr. refused to let us do another IVF if I didn’t get operated for my fibroid- he said our success rate was too low to make it worth while for him to do IVF. Nature proved him wrong. I know its not the same situation but you just never know what God has in store for those little embies .I’m sending you a BIG HUG and praying for your little embies.
OMG, when I got to your post of your HPT I was really excited for you. Keep rubbing your belly and telling your embies to grow strong and healthy!!! Keep us posted!!

Em-It’s a really hard challenge to got through for both you and your DH- my DH and I fought as well- actually on the very first down of down reg. Nerves and anxiety do that- after that big fight we got stronger for each other- I’m glad to see that you are united again. All this experience will make your relationship even stronger then you might have imagined. Now that you are on the stimms- its true all the hormones do make you feel positive and that you are growing strong eggies!!!

Jackie- Your ticker is so cute. That’s great you have your first appt. soon. The pulling cramps usually happened when I was sitting down mostly in the first 3 mths. That’s probably why you’re not noticing them when you are busy. Actually, we haven’t bought a lot yet- just a few books I found on sale. My friend gave me a few things and we started to look at a catalog for the registry. As for the theme of the nursery I’m mulling over a few ideas Baseball teddy bears if its a boy and maybe a flower garden if its a girl. On the 16th we might find out what sex it is. Hope fully. How about you? Have you been planning anything.

Carolyn- Oh sweetie- it helps a lot to have a good cry- you have been so tough and strong you need let it out eventually. It makes you regain your strength. As for your DH- mine was the same when I completely broke down –I spent a whole day crying and he just baffled at how much it was affecting me, it made him realize the importance it had in my heart. He expressed his feelings through anger and withdrawal (doing work onthe house for hours).They don’t process there emotions like we do, they want to be so strong for us and it makes us feel like they don’t want a family as much as we do.Your DH loves you very much, everything will fall into place. We are here for you when you need to vent and deal with this pain. Sending you a BIG hug!!

I think your body is starting to relax, like Vero, leaving your job and focusing on things you love to do will so wonders to lower your stress levels. As for the ovu- I tracked mine and followed a computer software and I wasn’t always certain it was correct. I was stressed and would wake up in the middle of the night and I read that changes the results of the temp if you haven’t slept three hours in a row b4 morning.It helps guide you but its not perfectly precise. Sounds exciting that you own a share in a race horse.
I’m sure you little get away will be good for you and DH. Hope you have a great time.

Veronika- I thinking you are right, after all the stress that you have been through- your body is starting to relax and acu will definitely help. It helped me have deeper sleep and emotionally I felt like I was doing something good for myself. The acu usually aks how your emotions are and they place needles in the specific places you need.

As for me, its Thanksgiving weekend in Canada so yesterday I was cooking most of the day(preparing sweet potato and squash soup). Our immediate family is coming over for supper tonight so I have to get that good old turkey in the oven now and prepare more food. My bump is growing- but I have been getting some strong ligament pains (enough to make me stop moving) its usually when I get up from sitting or when we take walks after supper- DH worries and wants me to call the DR. all the time. I’ve read its normal and the DR. confirmed it too. I guess our past struggles are always in the back of our minds. One funny thing I have to share with you- in the past week I keep having dreams related to sex.Could it be the hormones?

Hugs to everyone!!!
Dania

[LauraLou]

Dania, it's great to hear from you. I'm glad your pregnancy is going so well. You are now more than half way to your due date! I am so excited for you!

I am driving myself nuts! I can't sleep more than a couple of hours. Since I am working three 12 hour night shifts in a row, it isn't good! I should be asleep right now, but here I am.

I want this pregnancy to work so badly, I am making myself miserable. If I could just sleep for 8 hours, I think I'd be okay. I have some drugs I use when I can't sleep, but can't take them now.

If I make it through the next week, I am going to be a very happy camper!

[Xrayem]

Hi guys,

Laura - I TOLD YOU SO!!!!! I had to say it! I just knew that you had a little fighter! I am so pleased for you. I can't wait to come online tomorrow and read the official BFP post from you. Well done for you - it has been a big struggle but worth it!

Carolyn - I'm glad things have calmed down with you and DH. I'm with the others - how exciting that you have a race-horse! Whats its name? I think that he/she definately qualifies as your pet and is more than welcome to join Darcy and Graham as the run through the fields chasing rabbits (just tell your horse that the rabbit stole its carrot)!!! Sad, aren't I?

Vero - I think that you will be amazed at the difference in your body now that you have removed a lot of your stresses. I am holding out hope that you get your miracle BFP soon.

Jackie and Dania - How are your bumps coming along?

Well, I think that I am feeling a little bloated but I'm may be imagining it. I am very tired. I had another sneaky peek on friday but it was really quick so I didn't count them. The biggest one was 12.5mm which I guess is ok for 3 days post stimming.

I have been a little paranoid that I haven't been sniffing my synarel properly or DH hasn't been injecting the right way but I know that its just silly. I will be very relieved when I have the offficial scan tomorrow.

Have a good sunday,
Em