Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[little R]

You're so right, Steph....

I feel miserable today.... so sad for Walshy...so sad for us all who've had to go through this and all the deceptions that followed...

YES, it's brought those feelings of emptiness and helplessness right back...
They lessen but there are still there..my heart still cries.

In fact, I cried a lot today...so much for studying... just couldn't get my mind to rest upon the books...it kept wandering off to that place where Walshy is, knowing the pain, the physical heartache that she is feeling right now.

It's too much....

Am so sad,

Love to you all....to you all you survivors, special kisses to our friend downunder!

Littles

[Jen1d]

So sad for our Walshy

Oh i'm so sad and devastated for you. I couldnt believe it when i logged on. I yelled with shock that my dh came upstairs to read what was going on.
You know we are always here for you anytime.
I'm just so angry and upset. Your in my thoughts.
Huge hugs are flying over from Scotland for you.

Love Jen x

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hello My Girls...

Just checking for Walshy... Thinking of you constantly.....

I am out of the office tommorrow, so you will not hear from me.. but don't doubt that I am sending hugs to the entire group as everyone needs a little lovin.

Jen- do not let this deflate your attitude toward your cycle.. we are all still here to cheer you on and believe in those sticky beans for you! It can happen!


Steph

[lolajones]

Steph it really does bring it all back.

walsher take stephs advice and have a bit of time off work. I had to because of the operation when I had the ectopic but even when I went back to work a week later it was very hard. Take your time my love. But believe this - it will get better. And we're all here for you sweetie

I'll check in tomorrow

lola
xxxxx

[Walshy]

Hi Ladies - Thanks for your support it is so appreciated. I can't see an end of the tunnel but I will take your word for it and know that it will come. I know it is early days.

Well i have just had the last 24 hours from hell...

I ended up in hospital last night as I was bleeding so heavily and the clots were the size of my palm. Didn't get home until around 3am and couldn't sleep because I keep thinking of how I have let down myself and my Dh.
To make matters worse I am still in a fair amount of pain to keep remidng me that it has failed and in some sadistic way I think that I deserve the pain.

I just got back from my ultrasound and there is no sac there so i have definately suffered a miscarriage and due to heaviness of the bleeding there is not alot of lining left so I don't have to go in and have a D&C. Had to sit in the waiting room full of excited parents to be with their large bumps with me & DH sitting there looking like death warmed up.

I am so tired and my eyes are all puffy and I don't quite feel like myself. I will log on again to let you know how we are doing. Sorry to put a damper on the Octodudes but I am just not in a good place right now. Cheers, Walshy

We need a group hug....You ladies know exactly what I am feeling I wish we all lived in the same country so I could call you and have a chat as no-one else seems to know what I am going through or how I feel.

P.S Jen please think positive because the big man upstairs can't be that cruel to not give you a BFP I am thinking of you and hope that this is the one for you.

[Jen1d]

Thinking about you all night Walshy

Just feel so sad for you, will catch up later and have a chat.

Thanks for you encouragement but its you we are all worried about. Take care and rest

Love Jen x

[angellica]

Glad I found this!I am 26yo and am infertile due to having a salpingectomy (both fallopian tubes removed when I was 19) I have had 1 benign tumour removed from my R ovary, 2 cyst removal operations, and laser ablation to endometrium with adhesiolysis..
I have just started my 3rd cycle, first injection today...and to be brutally honest I am dreading it! (Had very bad side effects previously) This time is very different from the last 2 as I am doing egg share, which I am really excited about! What an amazing gift, I believe what you give out you get back so I thought why not... This cycle is an ICSI with assisted hatching, I had ICSI with the second cycle, but it is the first with assisted hatching...has anybody got any advice too share, or good news stories?

Good luck to everyone, stay positive (says she who teaches PMA! and is dreading this!! )
Angellica x

[rparsons]

Just saw the news Walshy. SOOOO SORRY!! There really is nothing left for me to say that these wonderful ladies havn't already said.

You WILL get through this. I know how you feel about no one understanding. It took a long time for me to slowly find people that I can just vent to around here. You do have this board though. This is a great place for support and to vent when you need to just "get it off your chest"

Please don't let anyone tell you that you are crazy for being so upset because you weren't that far along. You have every right to feel all of the feelings your feeling. This is something you have dreamed of and lost.

Thinking of you and I am so so sorry. You will get through this and pick your feet up, eventually, and "do it again" Like they said in the prev post. Maybe your body knows what to do now.

[angellica]

I was sad when I wrote my post earlier, I actually wrote it without reading any of the others and have now had a chance to read the last few......and now I am even sadder...Walshy I was banging on about my own probs asking for advice and there was you going through hell.....I am so sorry for your loss, I know until now I was not even aware of any of you people but your friends are right, you must stay positive, I have lit a little candle in my healing centre for you and my thoughts are with you and your dh at this trying time, you have just experienced my worst nightmare a very cruel twist to an already tough emotional rollercoaster.....keep smiling and I genuinelly do hope you eventually receive what you are both longing for........stay strong xx

[lolajones]

Hey Walsheroo, how're you doing lovely? You have not let yourself down! Karma has let YOU down. Hope you're getting lots of duvet time and sleep. How's your dh?
As for the group hug - we'll organise a cyber one, designate a time and we'll ESP it over to you - KaBAM! Let us know if you feel it.

Check in soon sweetie

Love, Lola
xxxxx

Jemlar di dah - stay positive now chica! I am sending cool calming dereg-flavoured vibes up north

Steph, Littles, Cam - Oi oi! pop in dolls.

[Walshy]

Hi Ladies,

Just a quick note to let you know that I am going to go away for a while to think and process what has happened. I won't have internet access so I won't be able to post. I have taken annual leave from work (from your advice) and will hopefully be able to let this bad dream go and move onto the next chapter.

Thanks for all your support ladies you truly have been wonderful.

I am feeling a bit better today only cried a little bit as opposed to all day. I am still in a bit of pain but hopefully that will go soon.

Ms Jen good luck with your injections.

Take care and I will post when I get back, Walshy

[Jen1d]

Hi girls

Well its a sad week in Octoland. Just wish there was something more i could do to help you Walshy. I agree it would be so much better if we could all pop round to your house for a chat and a hug Anyway i think your doing the best thing taking time off your work. Go and relax and spend time with your dh. I know its easy for me to say bu as hard as it is now, time does heal. You are going through all the emotions and stages of a bereavement but after this episode you will get straonger and find the strengh to try again, which WILL take you to another BFP. Will be thinking of you even though your having some time out

Littles- It great to hear from you. So glad you are enjoying your time away from this fertility hell. Its amazing how hols heal lots of problems eh. So what you studying, tell all. Oh ye and now my computers working i will send that photo.

Loops - How you feeling about your Big 3 just around the corner? I am full of such mixed emotions but terrified about the 2ww. I feel a good one coming on for you though.

Camilla and Steph - Still in heaven with all your good news? Throw some of these positive vibes out our way. Hope you both still hurting from crossing everything for us.

Well i had a hellish day yesterday. Headache and so snappy. Spent the day with my dh shopping for the house then went to Carnoustie to watch the Dunhill Links Golf. Started to rain and i was cold and miserable so we left. Poor dh, i never usually get grumpy with the drugs but i just wanted home to be warm. Once i explained i was worried incase i got a cold for my EC etc then he was straight to the car evil eh.
So back to work today with medi in my bag and have to try and escape from the devil children to take it. Oh the fun and games of residential care.

Ok have a good day girls

Love Jen x

[Inhale, Exhale]

Mornin Noodles...

Walshy... I know you are away for a little... but thinkin of you lots, luvey bunny. I think a trip away is a great idea.. give you and DH a chance to be with and help each other, without all outside wordly stuff. One thing that someone did say to me that made me feel better was my mother-in-law (the nice one, not evil monster one) said... don't for one second think that this means you don't deserve it.... So, I say to you sweetums... you deserve this! you will get it! will be thinkin of you while away... don't stay gone for too long.. we will miss you.

Jens sunshine... oh, how your little snaps make me laugh.. don't you just luv those hormones and drugs! My husband has always let me know when I was raging mones with a little kitty sound.. tss, tsss... and make a claw with his hand... of course it usually makes me more mad that he points out I am being a nasty-nasty, but sometimes it makes me laugh... I guess he figures it is worth the risk on the off chance I will laugh about it! Good luck with secret drug missions.... need a blue wig and sexy Vaughn sidekick! Cheerin for Jens and cycle-adoo! shakin my groove thang... yeah, yeah...

Loo-la-la-la.... Hi puddin pop! Hows my sexy peach? mmmmm... hope that you are gearing up for the tres... What are you doing to prepare? Sex, drugs and rock n roll? Have you been occupying the magi bubble at night... I think it is important.

Littles- hey bugs! i am glad to see you back round.. but quite crappy it was for sucha horrible reason. I also demand details... whats the topic of brain expansion.. following Loolers into medicine? or following a cooler chic into the great outdoors?? (just joshin Loolers, we all know you are the homecoming queen of the Tuberland)

As for me.. just truckin along... have started crocheting again.. I know, you are now picturing me in 50's dress with pearls sitting properly in a chair with needle in hand and pink baby booties... well, not so much. Picture me in the stretchiest pants on the planet (afterall they have to cover big panties) on the couch with chocolate wrappers thrown about, Greys on the tube and making mint green and white blanket. Crocheting and watching smut.. doesn't get any better than that.. my split personalities luv the combination!

Luvs on the Rugs,
Steph

The List

Jen- Deregging - ?Supressed scan 2 weeks
Walsher- time to heal...
Loolers- Big 3 ?31/10/06
Littles - Brainiac mission
Steph- Octo Babe girl due date- 9th Jan
Camilla- Octo babe Annabel arrived on 9th Aug.

Angellica- you may want to try the other October site for this year.. we are a group of misfits left over from last years October group. This years October site will be cycling with you.. we are a hodgepodge!

[angellica]

I am so Blonde.....just realised this is an OCT '05!!! sorry for intruding on your thread!!! But good luck anyway ladies I truly wish you all the best in the world, may you all be blessed with BFP's xx

[Jen1d]

Hi Buds

Well its true, all cycles are different. I keep getting headaches nearly everyday and feel a tantrum coming on as i cant stand them aaaarrrhhh.
Anyway everything else is fine so far although i'm feeling a bit sorry for myself this week. Dont have a minute to think what with work, organising the house, cleaning out the boxes in the garage and now my sister in law etc are visiting at the weekend. I feel i need to slow down a bit and try to rest.

Anyway am off to do another dreaded sleepover tonight and if its anything like yesterdays shift it should be fun. Didn't get home until about 1am as two of the yp came home drunk (13yrs) and one had been punches so i spent the rest of the night in A & E. Its so embarassing as they think your their parent and let them get in this state . At the first oportunity i explain i'm a carer--shame eh.

Am thinking of you all especially Walshy, hope your pampering yourself.

Love you and leave you. Have a good weekend

Love Jen x